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 My first character

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Joined : 2013-09-06
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Subject Post 1PostSubject: My first character   Fri Sep 06, 2013 8:42 pm

» Name: Benjamin Precisely
» Titles: Timber Bowl Martial Arts champ and Kaijudo master nickname: Ben
» Age: 22
» Gender: Male
» Affiliation/Rank: Trains with a group on Wednesdays and Fridays but is mainly alone. Worked as a construction worker and carried steel beams to different areas of the construction site.

» Appearance Description: Benjamin is 6'3 and has a short flat top. His arms are muscular but his torso is athletic. He had legs which showed signs of him riding a lot on his twenty one speed dual suspension red/white mountain bike. Which he rode to and from work which is like Seattle to Everett and back. No commuting. The hair on his body is Dirty Dish Brown and Benjamin has Dark brown eyes.His eyes shows wisdom and knowledge beyond his years He now has The body of a Black Widow attached to his lower area and his now one big nervous system to him and his brain. He's Caucasian. His natural body hair is smooth to the touch but his upper black Widow is smooth and slippery. However his underside is fine flat hair line. The Legs are really hairy on the Spider legs. He is a modest person and likes to dress decent clothing so he's got a scuba divers watch on his right wrist. He is wearing regular oval rim glasses. He likes using the Bow staff so any weapon that used the bow staff he was practicing in. He's referred to by his friends as Broski.

» Appearance Picture: N/A
Looked but there never is one of a male Sure Plenty of female versions but I didn't find Any guys.

» Personality: Benjamin is a kind and caring soul. He cares about others and can't stand seeing others in pain,hurting, or depression. He is there for those who need someone to listen to, or reach out for support. If they need a friend he'll be the first one to usually take the initiative and reach out a hand of friendship. He is a trustworthy person and a dependable character. He is quick and easy person to become friends with. Those who make him lose his trust usually have a long time before he's willing to try trusting them again. He's very affectionate towards those who he becomes friends or is related to and isn't afraid to stand up for what's right, even if it means getting hurt. He's one who will treat others with respect and expect to be treated also with respect. He is a gentleman towards others and using vulgar language is almost always below him, he will ignore it most of the time.Wants to help out where he can and make lives better for those who need it.

» Likes: Watching movies/Anime/magna. Surfing the web.Helping others who really needs it with things. Hanging out with friends and family. Improving the lifestyles for those in need.

» Dislikes: Seeing others in pain/ suffering or depression. Not being able to help others out when they need help and he can't do anything about it. Seeing little ones out on the street who are homeless and in need of clothing or something to eat. Eating frog legs, worms,any type of pet which would be a food type in another continent.

Weaknesses: He has a weak stomach still and can't stand the sight of someone getting sick or smelling the vomit. Hasn't smelled a dead body either at the current moment and hopefully he never will.

» Background: Benjamin grew up in New York City and at the of twelve he had to move with his parents to Brooklyn where he lived till the day he was warped into a unnatural version of himself. Benjamin had just gone done training Karate with the rest of the Tik Wan Doe group up on 4th. Ave and Silver Street in a moderate size building in the next town. It was late out and one must always be wary of his surroundings. Benjamin was on his way to his Dark Blue 1970 Chevy Camaro as he was passing a businessman who was in a brown business suit and appeared to be of Asian origin. Suddenly a arm came from behind him stopping him and in the next second before he could react a white cloth came over his mouth and nose making him struggle for air. After three seconds he was out.

RP Sample : Benjamin began waking up. The first thing Benjamin noticed upon waking was that he was elevated about two to three stories up. The room below looked like the NASA missions control, but in a large rectangular room with the machines in a wide arc. There was four big electric balls shooting electricity between them in different patterns. Benjamin. soon became aware that he was now bare chested, and in arm shackles as he looked up to see them. As he looked down his face went into complete an utter shock. His lower have was missing. Where his legs once was; was that of a Black widow attached to his body. His eyes try to take in the rest of his body and was still startled by what had happened. He saw the body of the spider was a Big Black widow attached to his lower spine. He tried to move and the spider's legs moved. He began sweating on his forehead and checking out the rest of his body seeing what had become of him. His reproductives felt like they were still there but he couldn't be sure on that.

» Natural Attributes: Is a great cook, and very friendly. Great listener and supporter to others. Caring,compassionate,loving. Gentleman.Funny, and great with kids.

» Racial Powers: He has his Karate and Kaijudo he was doing as his form of defense and martial arts.

» Evolution Powers: Everything a Black Widow and Tarantula spider can do, and his lifting weight now Quadrupled what he can lift or carried compared to before which was only doubled before as a human. He has a easier time doing things since his threads are really strong and he can use his strength to help others. His healing ability was really great before, but once transformed it up'ed from very good to only needing a day on most things to heal.All his senses are five fold in senses of the normal human before the transformation now its ten fold. He can climb walls just like a spider does naturally.

Last edited by Black_Cat0001 on Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: My first character   Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:01 pm

1. You need far more content in your background, at least 3 paragraphs. In addition, your background doesn't actually tell us anything of your character's origin or where these things happened, so please correct them.

2. Please make an example of how long it takes him to repair something like a broken and missing limb.

3. Please mention that he does not have the Black Widow's poison, as poison's are typically not first application content here. Once he has some experience, you may attempt an upgrade for him for it.

4. You may want to add another paragraph to his Appearance as you do not have a picture.

5. Your RP Sample should also be two-three paragraphs longer.

Those are just what our site requires in bare-minimum, able to be reviewed on our site checklist. Thank you for your first attempt, you will certainly be able to build up on it from here and when you are done get a staff member to review it.


Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: My first character   Thu Nov 07, 2013 1:25 pm

Aivee Clean-Up Time!
This member has left the site or is inactive! Therefore, I am placing this into archives! Don't worry, if you want it back, simply post Here!

a beckoned run away leisure

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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: My first character   

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My first character
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