My first and foremost major concern is the fact that this app seems more or less a Game of Thrones character, but sorta rewritten. I don't know if this was intentional, but I'd suggest fixing some stuff and toning it down, because of plagiarism concerns and such. As a secondary note, it also looks like a poorly made OC for a Game of Thrones universe.. which will not really fit without some heavy rewrites. Other then that here are some things you can do:Personality:
Your personality is short three sentences; we require a minimum of 10 for a personality. So expanding that would be well worthwhile! (As a note, As a Lannister. doesn't count as a sentence. Mighta been a punctuation mistake though!)History:
Your history is much too short; I'd say at least two paragraphs, one of life before death and one of life after death. The rest is mentioned a bit earlier in my check so that would be really nice to do too. You might want to rewrite it m'dear.Shikai/Bankai:
I'm not sure if you've read the rules, but shinigami are not allowed to start with Shikai without staff permission, and Bankai requires admin permission. But, if you meant to cross those out and just forgot to finish the code, it would be [*/strike] without the *. But if you want permission for Shikai, feel free to direct the request at me via pm.Skill Sheets:
You don't fill out your skills sheets until you're approved; we have a topic with instructions for filling them out once approved Here
. Staff does your will skill sheet for you though.RP Sample:
I'm afraid that unless you can source the site/post where the sample takes place, we can't really accept it. Because for all we know, you took a screenshot of some random person; so if you can provide a source, it will be completely fine then. ^^
Well If you have issues, problems or concerns, feel free to reply or to pm me!