Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Raiki
Raiki
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November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 32

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Seras Belmont Left_bar_bleue0/0Seras Belmont Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
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Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Tue Jan 15, 2013 12:17 pm
I shall be checking this app shortly.


Seras Belmont XmGUKMS
Anonymous
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Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Tue Jan 22, 2013 3:43 pm
Seras Belmont Tumblr_mgr5unyPGf1r2ehayo1_500


Moved to Pending board!
Please do your edits there, thank you!

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

Raiki
Raiki
Moderator
November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 32

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Seras Belmont Left_bar_bleue0/0Seras Belmont Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:42 pm
Sorry for the delay. I Shall have the check list up shortly. You have some problems


Seras Belmont XmGUKMS
Raiki
Raiki
Moderator
November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 32

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Seras Belmont Left_bar_bleue0/0Seras Belmont Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:32 pm
Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination:
  • Mental Deduction:
  • Pain Endurance:
  • Focus:


Comments/Notes:
» Unique Abilities: Immense Spiritual Power: After the relentless beatings of high class demons, deadly trainings and deadly missions from both the dark lords and the charred council. Xanatos earned the title of war berserker but throughtout missions. His spiritual power is immensely high. Being of two known demon war berserkers created from a powerful warlock Salos. Being one of Salos's children granted him a power of a great demon but he doesn't brag about he wear skeleton shoulder like armor to cover up his real power. By right, Xanatos killed many demon warriors using his strength alone and was granted power through every of his deadly missions. It was said Xanatos maybe stronger then a shinigami squad captain from his many battles.

This can be re worded, as it makes the term deadly redundant, and remember unlike darksiders, demons here don;'t have a Charred council. Overall just fix the wording issue in this part. And give a better example of spiritual power, since higher than a captain is also being overused lately.

Augmented Demon Strength: Xanatos had proven time and time that he was a strong demon warrior really he used his strength to survive this long down in hell. He can upturn huge portions of rock floor with a single strike at the ground with his hand within his true form. In his human shifter state his strength is decrease well split in half to throw people off and then when the time unleash his true strength on an enemy. Xanatos is one was strongest demons ever created within Hell an example of his strength. He could kill a hollow with his bare hands or a single strike of his claw hand that how strong the demon is. The increasement of strong muscle came tournaments of death and killing other demons for amusement.

Again fix the wording, as it basically makes no sense, a good use of wording would of been to explain what his highest limit is, then give a good example of how strong it is when he impacts something, since enhanced strength is very common on here as well

Demonic Combatant: During his dark years, Xanatos was told to fight using his full contact in battle thought the demon butchers trained him. Using his fists when beating down an enemy. In addition to having powerful kicks and punches, Xanatos has also shown proficiency in counterattacks, takedowns, and body locks.

Another case of wording, you can expand on this and give better examples. And say he prefers counter strikes, and since there are over thousand of styles to use. Pick one, use the wiki, or ask Me or kendall in xat about hand to hand styles that can fit this character.

Flying: Xanatos has the ability of flying to different places whenever he wants do so. A demon needs to fly or super jump and with his new power can travel anywhere he wants. He used his power also when he in different states too. Xanatos is really something of super jumper travelling to different points of the world reach amazing airtime of trying to dodge a great attack or leaping to building.


What? it states flying, yet you akin it more to a very good jump ability, another case of wording and flow.

Demonic Healing: The Grimorum Arcanorum taught him of fast demon healing skills with the book destroyed the knowledge was passed into his brain. Demons will come from his very blood rehealing bruises, cuts wounds, damaged limbs etc. But this power is very limited because the book was destroyed so the ability won't last forever really this ability can use seven times. Because his blood will get signs of fatigue and sluggish causing him to faint. Xanatos can only use this about ten times because everyone it hurts it skin was he's healing

Re word this, and explain how on earth he able to use this, as getting knowledge from book to the brain is near impossible.

Fireball Blast: A ball of fire energy blast. A medium strong attack if Kaleb wants to catch people off guard. This has the same strength like an arrancar's cero. It be charged into stronger fireball attack but it can dodged or blocked however.

Again wording, and a mention of a character that isn't him.

Immense Demon Strength: Upon the death of the dragon emperors, Xanatos took the dragon's lord emperor infused that power into his true berserker form. Now Dark Xanatos actually has the unholy strength of true war berserker. His strength is 250% stronger then his original form. Upon earning this unholy strength he trained constantly within volcanoes, mountain tops and even within the demon to heighten his demon strength. He shown his opponents no mercy on the battlefield as well fighting with pure unholy rage. Unlike his brother, Dark Xanatos is a true demon war berserker. He's able to stand up and fight against shinigami's captain, espadas, Arrancar and powerful race warriors.

again wording and better examples! and 250% is VERY HIGH example lets say in terms of stats his damage output is 230 a very good number in a RPG... do that increase your doing 57500 Stats which is VERY Upper.

Augmented Speed: Unlike his normal form, Dark Xanatos's speed in his dark form is greatly augmented. A dark demon system was placed in his chest and legs providing an enhanced level dose of adrealine. The Reaper demon is able to keep up with powerful energy speed made even counter attack at much faster speed. He able to run up a Kidō like Hadō #1-50 and slap it right back in the shinigami's face the same with an arrancar's cero attack. Dark Xanatos maybe able to catch up right in front an enemy and attack actually surprising the enemy.

Wording AGAIN. give a better example, as your MAJORLY under powering high class chars now.

OVERALL re write all the powers, give better examples, stop copying pasta from your other apps, it's getting old, and from wiki's as well, use your own WORDING. And use a spell check once in a while.
Tier:


Seras Belmont XmGUKMS
Anonymous
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Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:17 am
Seras Belmont Tumblr_mhwi4wAJBp1remefro1_500_zps06dbdd4f

This has been in pending for over 10 days!
You can find this in WIP, just post when you've editted!
Anonymous
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Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Sun Mar 03, 2013 7:43 am
Seras Belmont Tumblr_mj0bs9LxoN1r11qslo1_500_zpsce01b42f
This is a little bit too old dear!
It was moved into old wip! You can still edit/post in it, just let us know with This thread when you're done!
lionus
lionus
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Joined : 2012-11-22
Posts : 984
Age : 28
Location : convict island aka Australia

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Seras Belmont Left_bar_bleue10/100Seras Belmont Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
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Seras Belmont Empty Re: Seras Belmont

Wed Feb 18, 2015 9:18 am
Seras Belmont Tumblr_niy64mOPBJ1tga1sco1_500

Archiving this as apart of my clean up of Old Wip

If you wish for this to be moved back to old wip please feel free to post within this thread

Staff Help Thread



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