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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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THEFROST
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Demon Azure Gems [DONE] Empty Re: Demon Azure Gems [DONE]

Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:29 pm

«CHECKING THIS ENTIRE THING FOR YA»

Alright, where should I begin with this one? I suppose I'll start with the quoted subject below and we'll go from there.

Blue Gem (Chaos Azure Gem): The Blue Azure Gem of Chaos; This blue ancient gem gives the ancient demon powers for chaos nature. The chaos power of nature which the user can use nature energies to control plants and water. The Azure gem have a power of nature elemental almost having control of mother nature's powers. The user with the gem has control even create types of nature attacks like sharp leaf attacks, vine slashes, and water attacks with the chaos nature power.

In order to have it make more sense to me, I'd just say that the demon energy harvested in the gem allows the user to manipulate nature elements in the environment them. By influencing them with this force, they can control the plant life around them for the following effects that the Chaos Azure Gem have. Since, as it stands now, I have no idea how just chaos itself ties into that.

Multi-Water Shot: An ranged triple shot or flurry of the elemental water blasts all at once. The attack itself feels like an arrancar cero's shot but the user must be holding the gem within their hand or the attack. An user can fire about 4 or 5 water chaos shots from the gem.

I don't have a real problem with this. However, at the end, you state the user can only shot them off 4 to 5 times. Does this mean they can perform four to five water shots in a single post? Or are you talking about over a duration of the thread? Perhaps the gems themselves are only good for 4 to 5 shots for it's lifespan? It's these questions that make me say you should expand that and clarify more.

Vine Slash: Two green energy whips that attack the enemy's hands however their not deadly. The attack disables an enemy weapon's attack weakening an enemy' sword powers about 15% of their power is drained from the slash.

So you say that disable an enemy's weapon with a single slashes, but how? You just say they are drained, but I don't see the mechanics as to how. What about if it encounters something like a Zanpakutō? I don't see that zapping a good deal of it's power as those are more more difficult weapons to break down for an absorption process. Therefore, I'd suggest you compromise a way for this to work or remove it.

Razor Leaf Tornado: An trap attack which traps an enemy within an wind tornado yet the enemy is attacked within the tornado. Tiny sharp leaves come within the tornado and attack this enemy's body ravaging in a deadly pattern. However, The attack itself can blocked or dodged depending on the enemy's power. The tornado attack last for just one post.

I don't have much of a problem with this, I'd just specify how large the tornado in question is when you go to make the edits in this equipment. Is it a mini tornado? The size of a town? Or what? Please clear that up for me.

Wind Blast: An wind concentrated elemental blast that has the same strength of Hadō #33. The user clenches the gem within his hand thus the power of wind element infuses itself within the user's hand. Then the attack can be fired

You should probably reword it to where the power of wind infuses itself into the user's hand and then an explosion of gust can be fired that is similar to Hadō #33.

Mother Nature's Healing: The energy of chaos gem can actually take power from the power of nature by taking certain particles from plant and tree life. This process draws nature power and thus the gem glows once the power is taken. From the power, Chaos Gem can heal only about 45% of their power. Yet it can heal others by only 25% of their power.

This is fine and good, but how often can it be used in a thread? Does it have an infinite usage? Can it only be used a few times per thread? Is there a cooldown limit in between usages? Please state some of those things when you fix this.

Nature's Gift: But holding the chaos gem, The user can completely repair weapons and items with the power of nature's energy. This ability can be used once every three weeks.

So can you describe this process in more detail? What does the energy do to put the weapons back to it's original state? Do they put it back together piece by piece, or is it something along the lines of restoring the sharpness of the weapon? I'd put at least five sentences in this whole to make it stand up.

Brimstone Bomb: An flame bomb that can destroy an city leaving a immense cloud of smoke from it destruction in it wake. This is also called the armageddon buster this powerful bomb can blocked or dodged depending on the enemy strength or power. But even if the enemy' blocked it the attack itself is still going to self destruct and the opponent will feel the fullforce of the attack.

I'd most likely say that this attack would suck up all of the energy away from the gem and leave it null for the thread if it's destroying cities.

Brimstone Chains of Doom: The Demonic Chains of Molten lava; This is a defensive ability which is known block attacks. It starts with the user put the gem on the ground and then the gem spins around the user. The process sprouts off chains of molten lava from the ground blocking anything it comes into contact with. It can be used one time. The user will have to wait seven days before using the defensive ability again.

I'd probably state that this ability has a 90% chance of blocking out the attack, but not an absolute. This is to avoid breaking our "No Absolutes" rule. I have no real problems with it outside of that since it can only be used once per thread.

As for the burn damage? The same thing applies. Just mention there is a high probability of that damage killing or inflicting pain on them, but not absolute.

Green Gem (Razor Azure Gem): The Green Gem of Razor; This green ancient gem gives the ancient demon powers for chaos poison and necromancy. The chaos power of poison which the user can use poison gem energies to control poison and necromancy. The Razor gem have a power of pure poison elemental almost having control of poison powers. The user with the gem has control even create types of poison attacks like chaos poison attacks, poison slashes, and perhaps necromancy summoning with the chaos poison power.

Can you define poison powers? I need to understand just exactly WHAT KIND of poison it is. Is it poison which induces automatic death? If so, I can't allow that. Is it a poison that steadily drains the user of energy or power? That's more passable if worded correctly. These are the sorts of things I need to know. You can't just go around slinging the word "poison" and not go into definition about what kind, it's effects and so forth./

The same thing applies to the whole Necromancy business. How much energy does it to take to make the corpses of the dead summon? How many times can this be done? Is there any strain on the gem when this occurs? What's it cooldown? How long does it's effects last? C'mon man, you gotta give me more than this.

Temporary Regeneration: The power of healing to regenerate a lost limb. With the gem's power the user regenerate one lost body part.

Is this infinite? How many times can it occur? Does it take energy away from the gem? I need to understand these three questions.

Poison Blast: An poison concentrated elemental gem blast that has the same strength of Hadō #33. The user clenches the gem within his hand thus the power of poison element gem infuses itself within the user's hand. Then the attack can be fired.

So when the poison attack hits them, what exactly is hitting them? An energy attack? A blob of poison? Explain that. Also, describe what the effects are when this poison hits them. Are they gonna lose strength? Take damage? Or what?

Rock Power: A person strength and defense will be boosted to an advanced state for two posts. Their attacks can be changed into something stronger or enhance with a version like to the affinity of hell technique which can last for three posts. But the user can develop an temporary headache once it finished.

Is there any cooldown for this technique? I'd make one for this. It seems like the sort of boost that would have a two to three post cooldown before being used again. Also state how much energy it takes from the gem or user when you make the corrections.

Black Gem (Apocalypse Azure Gem): The Black Gem of Apocalypse; This pitch black ancient gem gives the ancient demon powers for chaos mind. The chaos power of mind which the user can use mind gem energies to control mind and soul. The Apocalypse gem have a power of soul elemental almost having control of thunder powers. The user with the gem has control even create types of mind attacks like chaos mind attacks, telepathic slashes, and perhaps mind bolt storms with the chaos mind power.

I don't have a problem with telekinetic things on site, being that my characters like Shadin have them. However, I draw the line at reading into IC characters mind. Therefore, you cannot control the mind or soul of actual character. I don't care if they are cannon fodder like droves of powerless humans, hollow's, demon's and etc; but I won't have actual characters harmed by it. So I'd either remove it or leave it to cannon fodder.

So that means this

Telepathy Reading: The user depending on the concentration will be able to look through and person's thoughts without being detected or sense. This power can last for four posts. This may giver a user to chance to find out critical information

Is not allowed at all. I'd probably remove it unless it deals with strictly powerless characters; and not IC Powerless character. Just cannon fodder.

True Illusion Creator: The gem has the power to create an invisible suit making the user invisible to radar and anything for three posts max yet after that the user will be seen.

This one needs to be heavily expanded. How does it make them invincible? Is it through magic? Why does this magic work the way it does? And to be more precise, what senses does it effect? I'd probably say it has a high probability of being undetected, but not absolute. I'd also say that this should be something with a 1-2 usage cap per thread.

Telepathy Bomb: This is a form of an telepathy attack. As a standard mind telepathy bomb, it consists of firing a powerful blast of concentrated spiritual mind energy at the target. Once this telepathy bomb hits it can create an explosion fo 25 mile radius.

When it comes to the last part of this, with the 25 mile radius? Yeah, that should drain them or the gem there. That's a pretty heavy attack for equipment and should be taxed accordingly with a one or two post usage in a thread. I'd also state if there is any strain on them using this technique.

Apocalypse Gem Hidden Abilities
Unknown [But it has an unknown ability.....If used]

That's not allowed. If it has a hidden ability, you'd need to state it or you cannot pull it from nowhere in a thread.

With all of that said, you'll need to make these changes before I'm able to give an approval for this Demon Azure Gem. Therefore, I'll be placing this into WIP Equipment until you make a second posting stating that you have indeed made all of the corrections I have asked you to make on this thing.


Demon Azure Gems [DONE] WVMWLOu

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THEFROST
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Demon Azure Gems [DONE] Empty Re: Demon Azure Gems [DONE]

Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:50 pm

«CHECKING THIS ENTIRE THING FOR YA»

Alright, everything seems to be coming together. However, there are still a few things that need fixing for me.

Brimstone Bomb: An flame buster bomb that can be used to completely burn a person or even a house to the ground in mere hours from the burning power. When the attack is fired, the gem summons a massive flame ball and fires when it hits it created a massive big time explosion. The secondary effects are a little painful to the enemy, It leaves choke filled cloud of smoke to confuses the enemy's senses to almost to blind the enemy for a while. It had a drawback upon creation of the ball if it destroyed then the user will have to wait 2 posts to create another one. But even if the enemy' blocked it the attack itself is still going to self destruct yet it won't be damaging like the full attack. Enemies would feel 75% of the attack because of lava combination of the bomb's power.

Since this is just a piece of equipment, I'd prefer if the cooldown period was six post and is only able to be used three times per thread. Along with that, when you say "Enemies would feel 75% of the attack", I'd say something along these lines: "There is a high probability the enemies would at least feel 75% of the attack" to avoid miswording. If those corrections are made, I wouldn't having this section of the gem.

Telepathy Reading: The user depending on the concentration will be able to look through and person's thoughts without being detected or sense. This power can last for four posts. This may giver a user to chance to find out critical information. The major & powerful drawback of the attack is that it can be used against strictly powerless characters. It a demonic curse that was placed upon the demonic apocalypse gem.

On second thought, I think I'll just have you remove that power for now. It just leaves an uneasy feeling in my gut and I'd prefer it removed. Sorry about that.

If these corrections are made, I'll go ahead and approve the gems.



Demon Azure Gems [DONE] WVMWLOu

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THEFROST
THEFROST
Head Admin
Head Admin
OTY

Joined : 2010-06-03
Posts : 19172
Age : 31
Location : Purgatory

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon Azure Gems [DONE] Left_bar_bleue99999/99999Demon Azure Gems [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (99999/99999)
Tiers:
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Demon Azure Gems [DONE] Empty Re: Demon Azure Gems [DONE]

Tue Jan 28, 2014 8:15 pm


「CLEARING OUT THIS 」
M'kay, you are all good to go now. With everything cleared out with the corrections I asked, I'll be moving this to approved equipment after I put this post up. All you need to do now is post up the locations following this post as well.


Demon Azure Gems [DONE] WVMWLOu
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