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 Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval

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jetray78
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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval   Fri Jun 13, 2014 5:31 pm

[I R A M A S H A]



|B|A|S|I|C|I|N|F|O|
________________________________________________

Name: Kumo Aruji Iramasha
Age: 570( Look 17)
Gender: Male
Appearance: http://www.elfpack.com/stuff/anime_boy_fav6.jpg?jpg=y
Branch/Position: Hybrid

Race: Hybrid

|P|E|R|S|O|N|A|L|I|T|Y|
________________________________________________

Personality: Calm,nice,simple, and cares about all Iramasha. Kumo has a liking for old ways and old things, but likes modern things also. Aruji can sometimes be a little bit laid back and playful, but when things get serious he will be just like the others attitude. If a death has happened or his family or friends have died, he would be the first one to get all sad and shed tears. Aruji gets very angry when someone is pissing him off or caused deaths.

Aruji dislikes deaths, Sorta dislikes Demon Iramasha, and hates hollows to the core. He likes music, singing, air, clouds, any type of weather, loves the night and day, loves dreams, loves moving and movement, likes woman, likes young people,likes flying and heights, and likes to see different types of powers and abilities. Aruji is the type of person to observe his enemy's and even his allies every move and style and just everything they do. He is very watchful of his surroundings and has a very small sleeping period.

Aruji does not love nor dislike training, but he does it out of habit sometimes. For example, in his sleep he would be doing push
ups or even taking a jog, he even dreams about training sometimes. This is a habit because of what happened in his young days, that still is in him till this day. Aruji is the best person to have as a friend, he cares about his friends like his own blood and quite funny.


He will do his best to help you at all times needed, and even sacrifice his own life to keep you alive. Friendship is very important to Aruji and he would never safe his own life instead of saving his friends. Aruji likes adventure and challenges, but tries not to rush when doing adventures and challenges.

|B|A|C|K|G|R|O|U|N|D|
________________________________________________

Background: Birth: Kumo was born around the same time the Quincy and Shinigami war happened. His mother died after his birth, and his father took care of him,his sister, and his brother. The father hated Kumo for killing his wife, and punished him by forcing him to train and do all the work around the house. This only happened when he was able to actually walk and speak; that time was at the age of 3. Kumo thought that this was normal, and that every kid had to go through.

Kumo worked fast and very hard everyday, and his father didn't care how hard he trained. Years went by and something changed for this family, Kumo had turned 30 and ran away from the house with his sister and brother. This happened because his father was killed in battle with a hollow that he had fought on Earth.

The people he was with was able to survive and come back and tell what happened, but Kumo didn't like. Kumo was furious and so was his sister named Kuni Iramasha, and his brother named Gan Iramasha. Although his sister and brother never played with Kumo or ever had a true conversation with him, they were like Kumo's followers till the end. They never trained like Kumo or have never worked as hard as Kumo, and out of all of them Kumo is the saddest and maddest. They could not understand, how he could not understand that he was being punished for something he didn't do.

Now living somewhere else, the sister takes action and goes to Kumo, who is sitting on a chair in the backyard watching the weather. The sister walked through the sheet attached to the top of entrance way of the backyard. Now, in the backyard with her brother, she crouches down and plays with the grass on the ground before saying "Brother, why do you think our father made you train everyday?" Kumo turned around and looked at her with his eyes wide as a owl's eye " I do not know, maybe he wanted me to become as strong as him." he replied.

The sister got the answer she needed and stood up, and walked out of the backyard. Kumo looked confused and got up from his chair,and started to train. After that day, Kumo left the house and went to some hangout place. Kumo got instantly kicked in the face as he tried to walk into the hangout. Kumo was pissed and had no idea what was happening, he got up from the ground and was instantly punched right in the jaw.

Kumo became enraged and tried to get right back up, but as he opened his eyes he was able to see a strong looking soul. The soul spit on him and pounded his foot into Kumo's stomach, Kumo grabbed the last kick towards his stomach and screamed very loud. A lightning bolt struck down into the soul, and the soul almost turned to ashes. The lightning bolt only sliced off his arm, but the attacks didn't stop. A cloud appeared above the soul's head and hail started to shoot down on him. Kumo got up and was shocked at what was happening, he tried to calm down and stop the hail.

The hail and the cloud stopped,and the soul was hurt really badly. Kumo ran away to his house with his eyes wide as a owl's. In the house he quickly went into the backyard and started to train, but his training was different he felt a a energy within him that he never felt before. After that, everything was cool until just a few years later a new enemy has showed up. Kumo was woke from his sleep, and walked to his backyard area, but something was strange to him.

Kumo did not see his sister nor his brother in the house, and started to look for some note explaining where they are at. He found the note on the backyard sheet, and it read "Kumo we are going to the be one of the few to fight this new enemy that has rose." Kumo was ok with this situation and went back to bed. A few day later, a letter was on the mat to the front door of the house. Kumo awoke like casual and went to see if his sister and brother was back. Kumo was a little bit shaken because they were not home yet, but he just thought of it a if the battle was a long one. Kump saw a envelope in front of the front door in his house. He walked over and picked it up, and opened it. He unfolded the letter,and saw the unbelievable.

His eyes grew large, and his whole body started to flow with Chaos Energy. He started to scream and yell so loud, and his eyes started to tear up. He was enraged at himself, and decided to leave his house and go live in a cave somewhere. Kumo spent the longest time of his life in that cave training harder and faster than he had ever did, he learned more about his Iramasha abilities and started to gain a few abilities. Kumo learned his First and second transformation from sheer training,he gained few chaos moves, and even created him a new fighting style.

He learned about the power he gained from that time when he fought that soul, and learned how to control it more. Kumo became at peace and learned more about himself then he ever has. Kumo gained better senses, speed, strength, a large amount of Chaos energy, and powers. He did this through sheer training and meditation for many years. Before leaving the cave, a ball that was black and white appeared before in front of Kumo as he was meditating. Kumo liked the ball and had no idea what it was, but he accepted it and then it formed into something amazing. After that day, Kumo left his cave and finally began his journey as a Hybrid of Weather.

|S|E|I|S|H|I|N|B|U|K|I|
________________________________________________


Seishin Buki Name: None yet.

Seishin Buki Appearance: Black and White gauntlets with little yellow cirlces at tip of gauntlet gloves.

Seishin Buki Abilities: Kumo's Buki has the power to bind things with the tip of his fingers, the binding strength depend on how much of energy Kumo uses, and to bind things he would have to touch them with one of his finger tips and focus.. This ability is not known to Kumo yet, but will be learned later on. A better explanation would be that, he strikes certain points on body with his finger tip and binds that area.

The energy you will see is yellow points on the body that he struck. To bind these points he need to be able to focus and concentrate. As he learns about his Buki, he will be able to not just binds certain points on body, but maybe even bind inanimate things. The more things he binds the more energy he uses to hold the binds. The less binds he use, the less energy he has to use.

|P|O|W|E|R|S|
________________________________________________

Powers: Weather manipulation: Kumo can sense, create, shape and manipulate weather, ie. the meteorological patterns, creating rain, wind, hail, lightning, snow, sleet, fog and temperature changes. He has not mastered the ability,but he is great at it.This includes the ability to generate various natural phenomena or control the intensity of the weather in highly concentrated. (inside room)


Kumo can not use all types of weather at same time, and Requires an atmosphere as a medium i.e. air and space. Stuff like Tornadoes,Hurricanes,desert storms, and just any of those extremely powerful things are not capable of Kumo right now. So the attacks that can destroy city's or towns are not available to Kumo yet.

Lightning Bolt: Kumo creates a lightning bolt in his hand and throw it at his opponents. Lightning bolt is shot from the sky into his hand.

Rainy and Misty day: Kumo spreads mist throughout the area and pulls a cloud into the mist where his enemy is, and the cloud releases rain sickles that are frozen and sharp.

Lightning Armor: Kumo can form armor around their body or a shape it from electricity for protection and physical boost, most commonly including raising their speed to inhuman levels.

Flight: Kumo can fly because of his power of Weather manipulation. He can fly at the same speed as if he were on the ground running.

Hand to Hand skill: Kumo's hard training made him a great Hand to Hand user. Kumo is unbelievably skilled in his form of fighting. Kumo can be exceptionally proficient in the fighting traditions of a variety of cultures.

Enhanced Speed: Kumo gained his fast speed as a child, but in that cave he gained the ability to move at the speed of sound. At full speed Kumo will have a strained body.

Enhanced Reflexes: Kumo has drastically enhanced reaction speed, allowing them to dodge bullets, catch flies in mid-air, dodge and maneuver around complex attacks, catch falling objects, block detriments and react instantaneously to what others take more time to react to.

Super Endurance: Kumo can operate on a low power setting, allowing him to operate for an extended amount of time. He can hold their breath for longer periods of time and remain calm through stressful or painful situations, tolerate extreme hunger, unbearable thirst, and strong urges to sleep.


Enhanced Awareness :Kumo has an increased sense of awareness, often to the extent that few, if any, little details miss their notice. Meditation is how Kumo gained a enhanced awareness, and he is able to call out illusion because of this.

Chaos Moves: Chaos Blast,Chaos Warp,Chaos Burst, and Chaos Barrier.

|F|O|R|M|S|
________________________________________________

Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Appearance: Kumo gain a halo upon their head and one black huge wing on their right.

Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Abilities: Kumo's weather manipulation attacks become both Divine and Satanic.



Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Appearance:
Kumo's hair becomes black and white and he gains a white wing and a black wing.

Kumo's head forms horns on his head and a halo. His eyes turn reptile like and are black and white. On his nose forms a black line and his lips turn black.

Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Abilities:
In this state Kumo's weather manipulation can now infuse into him. He can become apart of the weather. Meaning he can do what he used to do but with more control and can change parts of his body into the elements of weather.


Custom Form Appearance (If you have unlocked at least Angel or Demon Form's or have reached 2-3 tier, your character has the ability to create their own unique form. Be sure to tell us how they look in this form)

Custom Form Abilities: (List any special abilities, techniques or upgrades they get in this form)
|C|L|A|S|S||
________________________________________________

Class Title: Hybrid of Weather
Class Traits: Resilience to Weather: Kumo has a resilience to powers of a Weather nature.

Weather Clear: Kumo can see perfectly in all of his elements, even the ones meant to not be able to see in.

|E|X|T|R|A|I|N|F|O|
________________________________________________

Skills:

(DO NOT FILL THIS OUT UNTIL TIER IS GIVEN!)

General Skills
  • Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Racial Skills
  • Chaos Energy Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Chaos Warp: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Chaos Fighting Style: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Gem Creation: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


|R|O|L|E|P|L|A|Y|S|A|MP|L|E|
________________________________________________

Roleplay Sample: Kumo wandered around this place with huge trees with thick brown bark. The branches were huge and long, but the place was kinda foggy. There were no leafs at all on the tree nor was their grass on the ground. The place felt spooky and dead. The place was cold and too foggy for Kumo and he started to shake.

Kumo saw no animal life nor any type of animated life. All he saw were a bunch of trees. Kumo turned around and his eyes grew large. A huge spider that was bigger and taller than him with its 20 eyes stared at Kumo. Kumo was so scared, he didn't know what to do, but he clinched his fist and attempted to punch the spider in the one of it's eyes. The spider was so hairy and black, the legs were so long and thin.

The fist went right through it, and then it disappeared. Kumo put on his derp face look, and all of a sudden everything was gone. Kumo had woken from his dream,, and quickly jumped out of his bed. He had no clothes on at all, and went to the bathroom. As he opened the door to his bathroom, he saw a huge spider!!!
Kumo just derped face and closed the bathroom door,and left the house.
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Hayuko
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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval   Sun Jun 15, 2014 10:58 pm

Application Checklist
  • Name [x]
  • Appropriate Age [x]
  • Gender [x]
  • Appearance Present [x]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [x]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [-]
  • 10 sentences for personality [x]
  • History is of appropriate length [x]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [o]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [o]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [x]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[x]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [x]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [x]

  • Tier: Its gonna be a while before we get here bud


Notes: First there are a few grammatical errors we can shore up here and there, but there are several problems with your character and we'll go through them now

@jetray78 wrote:
Personality: Calm,nice,simple, and cares about all Iramasha. Kumo has a liking for old ways and old things, but likes modern things also. Aruji can sometimes be a little bit laid back and playful, but when things get serious he will be just like the others attitude. If a death has happened or his family or friends have died, he would be the first one to get all sad and shed tears. Aruji gets very angry when someone is pissing him off or caused deaths.

Aruji dislikes deaths, Sorta dislikes Demon Iramasha, and hates hollows to the core. He likes music, singing, air, clouds, any type of weather, loves the night and day, loves dreams, loves moving and movement, likes woman, likes young people,likes flying and heights, and likes to see different types of powers and abilities. Aruji is the type of person to observe his enemy's and even his allies every move and style and just everything they do. He is very watchful of his surroundings and has a very small sleeping period.

Aruji does not love nor dislike training, but he does it out of habit sometimes. For example, in his sleep he would be doing push ups or even taking a jog, he even dreams about training sometimes. This is a habit because of what happened in his young days, that still is in him till this day. Aruji is the best person to have as a friend, he cares about his friends like his own blood and quite funny.

He will do his best to help you at all times needed, and even sacrifice his own life to keep you alive. Friendship is very important to Aruji and he would never safe his own life instead of saving his friends. Aruji likes adventure and challenges, but tries not to rush when doing adventures and challenges.

Okay first issue i see here, he cares all about iramasha but he dislikes the demon iramasha. That's contradictory and can't happen. He either loves all of his family or he doesn't. He can't say he loves them all and not love all of them you know?

Second part, he trains in his sleep? When does he rest? He can't do that as eventually his body would self destruct. It's kind of like weight lifting. Lift too much without eating and your muscles will actually shrink.


@jetray78 wrote:
Kumo learned his First and second transformation from sheer training,he gained few chaos moves, and even created him a new fighting style.

He learned about the power he gained from that time when he fought that soul, and learned how to control it more. Kumo became at peace and learned more about himself then he ever has. Kumo gained better senses, speed, strength, a large amount of Chaos energy, and powers. He did this through sheer training and meditation for many years. Before leaving the cave, a ball that was black and white appeared before in front of Kumo as he was meditating. Kumo liked the ball and had no idea what it was, but he accepted it and then it formed into something amazing. After that day, Kumo left his cave and finally began his journey as a Hybrid of Weather.

To start with you won't be so powerful, instead you’re going to have to work your way up to your transformations. Through role playing, training and simply working your way up the ladder that way.


Quote :
Seishin Buki Name: None yet.

Seishin Buki Appearance: Black and White gauntlets with little yellow cirlces at tip of gauntlet gloves.

Seishin Buki Abilities: Kumo's Buki has the power to bind things with the tip of his fingers, the binding strength depend on how much of energy Kumo uses, and to bind things he would have to touch them with one of his finger tips and focus.. This ability is not known to Kumo yet, but will be learned later on. A better explanation would be that, he strikes certain points on body with his finger tip and binds that area.
The energy you will see is yellow points on the body that he struck. To bind these points he need to be able to focus and concentrate. As he learns about his Buki, he will be able to not just binds certain points on body, but maybe even bind inanimate things. The more things he binds the more energy he uses to hold the binds. The less binds he use, the less energy he has to use.

Unfortunately, this is lacking details. Like just how much is “more energy” how much is “less energy” Does it tire him, how much does it take out of his tank? What’s the limit to what he can bind, can he bind an airplane soaring through the sky, can he only bind a squirrel; can he bind someone as strong as him? Can he move when he’s binding someone? Binding someone is a very strong skill, and should have some similarly strong drawbacks.

Also you are unable to have a seishen buki, as you require your first transformation; which you’re going to have to work up to. This part of the buki is going to need a lot of work, as it needs more details to its application.


Quote :
Powers: Weather manipulation: Kumo can sense, create, shape and manipulate weather, ie. the meteorological patterns, creating rain, wind, hail, lightning, snow, sleet, fog and temperature changes. He has not mastered the ability,but he is great at it.This includes the ability to generate various natural phenomena or control the intensity of the weather in highly concentrated. (inside room)

No, no, no. The ability to manipulate the weather is VERY powerful, and I don’t say this lightly. In fact your going to have to limit yourself to 1-4 elements; even the best among the best in this site can use 5 to 6 at best. If you want to use this weather manipulation power your going to have to start with one to three elements id say, whether it be fire; water; thunder etc. You cannot have more than four to start, even if you don’t use them at the same time.

Quote :
Lightning Bolt: Kumo creates a lightning bolt in his hand and throw it at his opponents. Lightning bolt is shot from the sky into his hand.

Rainy and Misty day: Kumo spreads mist throughout the area and pulls a cloud into the mist where his enemy is, and the cloud releases rain sickles that are frozen and sharp.

Lightning Armor: Kumo can form armor around their body or a shape it from electricity for protection and physical boost, most commonly including raising their speed to inhuman levels.

Flight: Kumo can fly because of his power of Weather manipulation. He can fly at the same speed as if he were on the ground running.

You’re going to have to decide on the elements you are going to use, and develop your powers around it. Whether it be through special moves like the cero to an arrancar or what have you. These powers are also lacking in detail and we’ll have to work to get them right! Know that each attack has to have some sort of drawback, no one is unbeatable! Also hold in mind that your character to start isn’t going to be at the same level as a captain or vice-captain. Your going to have to work your way up to that sort of power level.

Quote :
Hand to Hand skill: Kumo's hard training made him a great Hand to Hand user. Kumo is unbelievably skilled in his form of fighting. Kumo can be exceptionally proficient in the fighting traditions of a variety of cultures.

Which fighting cultures, can he do taekwando; does he street brawl? What sort of moves from each culture does he know, which is he weak against or hasn’t mastered? It’s all very general. I suggest sticking to one martial art and learning the inner workings off one art before saying you know multiple ones.

Quote :
Enhanced Speed: Kumo gained his fast speed as a child, but in that cave he gained the ability to move at the speed of sound. At full speed Kumo will have a strained body.

The speed of sound is very fast my friend, too fast for now.

Quote :
Enhanced Reflexes: Kumo has drastically enhanced reaction speed, allowing them to dodge bullets, catch flies in mid-air, dodge and maneuver around complex attacks, catch falling objects, block detriments and react instantaneously to what others take more time to react to.

Super Endurance: Kumo can operate on a low power setting, allowing him to operate for an extended amount of time. He can hold their breath for longer periods of time and remain calm through stressful or painful situations, tolerate extreme hunger, unbearable thirst, and strong urges to sleep.

Enhanced Awareness :Kumo has an increased sense of awareness, often to the extent that few, if any, little details miss their notice. Meditation is how Kumo gained a enhanced awareness, and he is able to call out illusion because of this.

This is all too vague; more awareness to what? People in the area? Spirits? How can he dispel an illusion; how does he notice he’s in one. It’s all well when you can say he notices, but how does he notice? In fact if someone was much stronger than him the illusion may very well kill him. What can’t he notice?

Note that all these enhancements will be relative to your skill sheet which will be assigned when your tier is given. Therefore you won't be able to have the reflexes of a captain if your tier is of a soldier, but your reactions will be slightly better than those at your level understand?

@jetray78 wrote:
Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Appearance: Kumo gain a halo upon their head and one black huge wing on their right.

Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Abilities: Kumo's weather manipulation attacks become both Divine and Satanic.



Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Appearance:
Kumo's hair becomes black and white and he gains a white wing and a black wing.

Kumo's head forms horns on his head and a halo. His eyes turn reptile like and are black and white. On his nose forms a black line and his lips turn black.

Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Abilities:
In this state Kumo's weather manipulation can now infuse into him. He can become apart of the weather. Meaning he can do what he used to do but with more control and can change parts of his body into the elements of weather.

Unfortunately you won’t have access to these forms. You’re going to have to start from a weaker position and work your way into these forms through role playing on the site! Also unfortunately these forms lack detail in their description and power and you’ll have to develop a new one when you eventually reach this state of power!


Quote :
Class Title: Hybrid of Weather
Class Traits: Resilience to Weather: Kumo has a resilience to powers of a Weather nature.

Weather Clear: Kumo can see perfectly in all of his elements, even the ones meant to not be able to see in.

Unfortunately your first class trait is just undoable; it’s a no-no. You can’t have a resilience to every element, in fact having resilience to one element is already tough enough. How are you resilient? Think about it, what makes your character resilient? You reduce electricity by using rubber, so how is your skin going to be resilient against an impaling piece of hail? How is it going to be resilient to a shock of lightning? Did you train everyday by getting shocked by lightning so if you get shocked again it'll hurt slightly less? etc.

If it’s raining and you’re heavily surrounded by rain, how can you see through it. If your blinded by lightning how can you see through it? It’s impossible to not have your vision impaired one way or another; and you never described how you would be able to see through all these forms of weather. It's not that it's wrong, but it needs more detail

The Final Verdict: Denied


But that doesn’t mean we can’t fix your character to be approved! Although it’s going to take a lot of work and possibly multiple tries. May I suggest looking at other iramashas(ones that are at the three to five tier) to see how they created theirs? My best suggestion to someone brand new to the site, is to start with something more canon like a shinigami or an arrancar; as it’s very hard to start with a custom race like the iramasha.

If you insist on creating this iramasha instead, I’ll first suggest looking at the nature iramasha class; as you seem very elemental focused. (Of course completely optional) And then my last suggestion would be to look through all aspects of the iramasha here: http://www.platinumhearts.net/t5674-iramasha-general#32994
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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval   Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:43 pm

^ the above check is voided due to it being incorrect, their are issues with the app but less then the check above points out according to what i have read at this point,

The issues that do need to be fixed are that the powers need to be expanded in detail
Also the power set for the powers is fine, controlling weather is not an issue, Since that is one power in itself, even if it creates wind, fire, ice, X number of elements, tho be aware that your usage in those elements will not be a strong as a user who specializes in those elements, you manipulate the weather to gain access to them, not control the element itself, if you have the ability to control these elements state how as your power isn't to control them but to use them

all your abilities that state enhanced are basically a boost for your character and the general speed will be determined by tier and your skill sheet, such as your enhanced endurance, reflexes, speed.

the forms you get access to will be determined by your tier and the checker, also fix the personailty issues stated before.

Quote :
Class Title: Hybrid of Weather
Class Traits: Resilience to Weather: Kumo has a resilience to powers of a Weather nature.

Weather Clear: Kumo can see perfectly in all of his elements, even the ones meant to not be able to see in.
[/quote]

this needs more detail like the rest of your abilties how does it work, what counts as a weather nature? what if water is heated durring battle to create steam and causing a heavy fog in battle does it count? why or why not,

once this is fixed up, hayuko will check this apponce again

for now this app is pending until the changes are made, no checklist posted due to just being a fix up of above
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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval   Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:02 am


«MOVING THIS THREAD ELSEWHERE»

Well, what do we have here? Based on the fact that this has been in here for 10+ days and this user is banned, I am going to go ahead and place this app into archives in order to save up space in the Pending Board Section. Good riddance to this guy.


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