Kumo Aruji Iramasha waiting for aprroval

• Name [x]
  
• Appropriate Age [x]
  
• Gender [x]
  
• Appearance Present [x]
  
• Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [x]
  
• Appearance is Not Claimed [-]
  
• 10 sentences for personality [x]
  
• History is of appropriate length [x]
  
• Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [o]
  
• Powers are described reasonably enough [o]
  
• Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [x]
  
• Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[x]
  
• RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [x]
  
• RP Sample is 10 sentences [x]
  
  
• Tier: Its gonna be a while before we get here bud
  

Notes: First there are a few grammatical errors we can shore up here and there, but there are several problems with your character and we'll go through them now

@jetray78 wrote:

Personality: Calm,nice,simple, and cares about all Iramasha. Kumo has a liking for old ways and old things, but likes modern things also. Aruji can sometimes be a little bit laid back and playful, but when things get serious he will be just like the others attitude. If a death has happened or his family or friends have died, he would be the first one to get all sad and shed tears. Aruji gets very angry when someone is pissing him off or caused deaths.

Aruji dislikes deaths, Sorta dislikes Demon Iramasha, and hates hollows to the core. He likes music, singing, air, clouds, any type of weather, loves the night and day, loves dreams, loves moving and movement, likes woman, likes young people,likes flying and heights, and likes to see different types of powers and abilities. Aruji is the type of person to observe his enemy's and even his allies every move and style and just everything they do. He is very watchful of his surroundings and has a very small sleeping period.

Aruji does not love nor dislike training, but he does it out of habit sometimes. For example, in his sleep he would be doing push ups or even taking a jog, he even dreams about training sometimes. This is a habit because of what happened in his young days, that still is in him till this day. Aruji is the best person to have as a friend, he cares about his friends like his own blood and quite funny.

He will do his best to help you at all times needed, and even sacrifice his own life to keep you alive. Friendship is very important to Aruji and he would never safe his own life instead of saving his friends. Aruji likes adventure and challenges, but tries not to rush when doing adventures and challenges.

Okay first issue i see here, he cares all about iramasha but he dislikes the demon iramasha. That's contradictory and can't happen. He either loves all of his family or he doesn't. He can't say he loves them all and not love all of them you know?

Second part, he trains in his sleep? When does he rest? He can't do that as eventually his body would self destruct. It's kind of like weight lifting. Lift too much without eating and your muscles will actually shrink.

@jetray78 wrote:

Kumo learned his First and second transformation from sheer training,he gained few chaos moves, and even created him a new fighting style.

He learned about the power he gained from that time when he fought that soul, and learned how to control it more. Kumo became at peace and learned more about himself then he ever has. Kumo gained better senses, speed, strength, a large amount of Chaos energy, and powers. He did this through sheer training and meditation for many years. Before leaving the cave, a ball that was black and white appeared before in front of Kumo as he was meditating. Kumo liked the ball and had no idea what it was, but he accepted it and then it formed into something amazing. After that day, Kumo left his cave and finally began his journey as a Hybrid of Weather.

To start with you won't be so powerful, instead you’re going to have to work your way up to your transformations. Through role playing, training and simply working your way up the ladder that way.

Quote :

Seishin Buki Name: None yet.

Seishin Buki Appearance: Black and White gauntlets with little yellow cirlces at tip of gauntlet gloves.

Seishin Buki Abilities: Kumo's Buki has the power to bind things with the tip of his fingers, the binding strength depend on how much of energy Kumo uses, and to bind things he would have to touch them with one of his finger tips and focus.. This ability is not known to Kumo yet, but will be learned later on. A better explanation would be that, he strikes certain points on body with his finger tip and binds that area.
The energy you will see is yellow points on the body that he struck. To bind these points he need to be able to focus and concentrate. As he learns about his Buki, he will be able to not just binds certain points on body, but maybe even bind inanimate things. The more things he binds the more energy he uses to hold the binds. The less binds he use, the less energy he has to use.

Unfortunately, this is lacking details. Like just how much is “more energy” how much is “less energy” Does it tire him, how much does it take out of his tank? What’s the limit to what he can bind, can he bind an airplane soaring through the sky, can he only bind a squirrel; can he bind someone as strong as him? Can he move when he’s binding someone? Binding someone is a very strong skill, and should have some similarly strong drawbacks.

Also you are unable to have a seishen buki, as you require your first transformation; which you’re going to have to work up to. This part of the buki is going to need a lot of work, as it needs more details to its application.

Quote :

Powers: Weather manipulation: Kumo can sense, create, shape and manipulate weather, ie. the meteorological patterns, creating rain, wind, hail, lightning, snow, sleet, fog and temperature changes. He has not mastered the ability,but he is great at it.This includes the ability to generate various natural phenomena or control the intensity of the weather in highly concentrated. (inside room)

No, no, no. The ability to manipulate the weather is VERY powerful, and I don’t say this lightly. In fact your going to have to limit yourself to 1-4 elements; even the best among the best in this site can use 5 to 6 at best. If you want to use this weather manipulation power your going to have to start with one to three elements id say, whether it be fire; water; thunder etc. You cannot have more than four to start, even if you don’t use them at the same time.

Quote :

Lightning Bolt: Kumo creates a lightning bolt in his hand and throw it at his opponents. Lightning bolt is shot from the sky into his hand.

Rainy and Misty day: Kumo spreads mist throughout the area and pulls a cloud into the mist where his enemy is, and the cloud releases rain sickles that are frozen and sharp.

Lightning Armor: Kumo can form armor around their body or a shape it from electricity for protection and physical boost, most commonly including raising their speed to inhuman levels.

Flight: Kumo can fly because of his power of Weather manipulation. He can fly at the same speed as if he were on the ground running.

You’re going to have to decide on the elements you are going to use, and develop your powers around it. Whether it be through special moves like the cero to an arrancar or what have you. These powers are also lacking in detail and we’ll have to work to get them right! Know that each attack has to have some sort of drawback, no one is unbeatable! Also hold in mind that your character to start isn’t going to be at the same level as a captain or vice-captain. Your going to have to work your way up to that sort of power level.

Quote :

Hand to Hand skill: Kumo's hard training made him a great Hand to Hand user. Kumo is unbelievably skilled in his form of fighting. Kumo can be exceptionally proficient in the fighting traditions of a variety of cultures.

Which fighting cultures, can he do taekwando; does he street brawl? What sort of moves from each culture does he know, which is he weak against or hasn’t mastered? It’s all very general. I suggest sticking to one martial art and learning the inner workings off one art before saying you know multiple ones.

Quote :

Enhanced Speed: Kumo gained his fast speed as a child, but in that cave he gained the ability to move at the speed of sound. At full speed Kumo will have a strained body.

The speed of sound is very fast my friend, too fast for now.

Quote :

Enhanced Reflexes: Kumo has drastically enhanced reaction speed, allowing them to dodge bullets, catch flies in mid-air, dodge and maneuver around complex attacks, catch falling objects, block detriments and react instantaneously to what others take more time to react to.

Super Endurance: Kumo can operate on a low power setting, allowing him to operate for an extended amount of time. He can hold their breath for longer periods of time and remain calm through stressful or painful situations, tolerate extreme hunger, unbearable thirst, and strong urges to sleep.

Enhanced Awareness :Kumo has an increased sense of awareness, often to the extent that few, if any, little details miss their notice. Meditation is how Kumo gained a enhanced awareness, and he is able to call out illusion because of this.

This is all too vague; more awareness to what? People in the area? Spirits? How can he dispel an illusion; how does he notice he’s in one. It’s all well when you can say he notices, but how does he notice? In fact if someone was much stronger than him the illusion may very well kill him. What can’t he notice?

Note that all these enhancements will be relative to your skill sheet which will be assigned when your tier is given. Therefore you won't be able to have the reflexes of a captain if your tier is of a soldier, but your reactions will be slightly better than those at your level understand?

@jetray78 wrote:

Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Appearance: Kumo gain a halo upon their head and one black huge wing on their right.

Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Abilities: Kumo's weather manipulation attacks become both Divine and Satanic.



Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Appearance:
Kumo's hair becomes black and white and he gains a white wing and a black wing.

Kumo's head forms horns on his head and a halo. His eyes turn reptile like and are black and white. On his nose forms a black line and his lips turn black.

Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Abilities:
In this state Kumo's weather manipulation can now infuse into him. He can become apart of the weather. Meaning he can do what he used to do but with more control and can change parts of his body into the elements of weather.

Unfortunately you won’t have access to these forms. You’re going to have to start from a weaker position and work your way into these forms through role playing on the site! Also unfortunately these forms lack detail in their description and power and you’ll have to develop a new one when you eventually reach this state of power!

Quote :

Class Title: Hybrid of Weather
Class Traits: Resilience to Weather: Kumo has a resilience to powers of a Weather nature.

Weather Clear: Kumo can see perfectly in all of his elements, even the ones meant to not be able to see in.

Unfortunately your first class trait is just undoable; it’s a no-no. You can’t have a resilience to every element, in fact having resilience to one element is already tough enough. How are you resilient? Think about it, what makes your character resilient? You reduce electricity by using rubber, so how is your skin going to be resilient against an impaling piece of hail? How is it going to be resilient to a shock of lightning? Did you train everyday by getting shocked by lightning so if you get shocked again it'll hurt slightly less? etc.

If it’s raining and you’re heavily surrounded by rain, how can you see through it. If your blinded by lightning how can you see through it? It’s impossible to not have your vision impaired one way or another; and you never described how you would be able to see through all these forms of weather. It's not that it's wrong, but it needs more detail

The Final Verdict: Denied

But that doesn’t mean we can’t fix your character to be approved! Although it’s going to take a lot of work and possibly multiple tries. May I suggest looking at other iramashas(ones that are at the three to five tier) to see how they created theirs? My best suggestion to someone brand new to the site, is to start with something more canon like a shinigami or an arrancar; as it’s very hard to start with a custom race like the iramasha.

If you insist on creating this iramasha instead, I’ll first suggest looking at the nature iramasha class; as you seem very elemental focused. (Of course completely optional) And then my last suggestion would be to look through all aspects of the iramasha here: http://www.platinumhearts.net/t5674-iramasha-general#32994

^ the above check is voided due to it being incorrect, their are issues with the app but less then the check above points out according to what i have read at this point,

The issues that do need to be fixed are that the powers need to be expanded in detail
Also the power set for the powers is fine, controlling weather is not an issue, Since that is one power in itself, even if it creates wind, fire, ice, X number of elements, tho be aware that your usage in those elements will not be a strong as a user who specializes in those elements, you manipulate the weather to gain access to them, not control the element itself, if you have the ability to control these elements state how as your power isn't to control them but to use them

all your abilities that state enhanced are basically a boost for your character and the general speed will be determined by tier and your skill sheet, such as your enhanced endurance, reflexes, speed.

the forms you get access to will be determined by your tier and the checker, also fix the personailty issues stated before.

Quote :
Class Title: Hybrid of Weather
Class Traits: Resilience to Weather: Kumo has a resilience to powers of a Weather nature.

Weather Clear: Kumo can see perfectly in all of his elements, even the ones meant to not be able to see in.
[/quote]

this needs more detail like the rest of your abilties how does it work, what counts as a weather nature? what if water is heated durring battle to create steam and causing a heavy fog in battle does it count? why or why not,

once this is fixed up, hayuko will check this apponce again

for now this app is pending until the changes are made, no checklist posted due to just being a fix up of above