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Some things.. such as weapons hadn't been used in full .. instead hand to hand fighting was the main force which was used. These skills.. they where constantly perfected, among even races which where spiritual hand to hand had always been a means of fighting which was practiced seriously. From the thoughts.. from the world.. from martial artists and their immense will to figure out how to be the perfect martial artist.. is what eventually in a remote corner of the demon world gave birth under the dead burnt out sun in the sub-pocket of the demon outlands, to a new individual. An individual who's very existance was based on the way of the fist, which had been the tool in which he had been conceived by. The new-Born who's body was the size of a full grown man had been assaulted in his first moments by the trembling pressure of the information which came from every martial artist of the time.. the knowledge of hand to hand combat.. the discipline, every bit of it had been thrust into his mind. Such was the magnitude of the information that it drove the young demon to the brink of insanity, where he was forced to bend over on his hands and knee's while a demon had come across the lad. A cannibalistic demon which sparked off the beginning of what would end up being an intense blood bath. That demon had walked up ..trying to figure out what had been wrong. it even had asked..
"..Oi whats Wro-.. huh?" in concern.. but having snuck up on the new demon? The unstable demon who had no name had jerked his arm out in speeds that had been clear and slow to him, but like lightning to the other, punching a hole through the demon with enough force to generate a shockwave inside the demons body, which then had blown up. The intense need to protect ones self, coupled with the magnitude of his instability had pretty much left the rest of the males mind blank. Instead of stopping the davana had spun on instinct eyes dead as a doornail while his foot drove into the side of the flying head sending it hurling into the sky. Blood splattering over the bronzed skin of his body, his eyes shifting as he used what seemed to be a 6th sense of the location around him.. to move to the side, bursting up and forward, a trail of dust following him while his palm was flat and moving forward striking another demon on the side of the jaw.. causing the head to spin around and snap leaving the demon slouched on the ground while he had walked forward, his arms shaking as he was trying to deal with all the force.. all that force.
The insanity in his mind on that day of his conception many years ago had been great his sense of self was forced to the back burner, and he sat there within the low burning red light, blood covering his body as he looked from his left hand to his right hand. This was.. something which indicated he didn't know what had transpired.. but he also didn't have the mental sanity left to let the realization sink in. Instead.. he had grasped his sides and shook there, trembling while he brought his forhead against the ground repeatedly, his mind lost as the demons freinds had come over the encroaching bank. His mind.. and body reacting as he had smashed into them as well, killing them ripping them limb from limb, while he couldn't help but forcibly try to keep himself under check.. the information that still flooded in causing him to feel both fear.. and the inability to control himself. But he didn't feel remorse.. instead he had on that day kept moving forward, injuries sliding on his body.. pain shooting through him. Though his fists didn't dull. No instead.. the war he fought was one that was hard.. to even understand even as a new davana.. the war was something that was.. truly.. immense.
The Eradicators War: Some time later.. that day.
"..Did you indeed kill every one of those demons? ANSWER cretin" bellowed a man..a large demon who was adorned with many skulls.. who had come to the sight.. of seeing his advisors slaughtered beaten and humiliated while a simple brown skinned demon sat there.. obviously covered in blood banging his head on the ground. In response.. his veins bulged and on his roar he had called the demons , he had been considered a diety.. like figure.. but that was because his own domain was one of the many pocket dimensions in the demon world's outlands. Which had been why, at the beck and call of the master of the domain demons had appeared from every crevice.. rising up and appearing in numbers that far out-weighed millions.. Instead the sky and the land was covered in a thick sea of demon. Which was why as the Leading Demon had looked forward.. grinning he had been sure in his numbers.. and jerked his hand down, causing each demon to charge.. a battle cry expanding out of the populace of demons, which had all converged on the lone davana who had been lost smashing his head on the ground.. but then.. as they charged something happened the demon began moving. "...Cretin... worms.. dare call me that name".. The words had been soft but, as they where uttered Blackheart had spun bringing his right foot up smashing into the chin of a demon, left leg then jerking from the ground rotating around that leg smashing into another demon. He didn't react on thoughts.. instead as he landed his hands jerking palming a demon, punching anothers skull in, as he'd hook his hand around the demons neck throwing the demon into other brethren of its? Black heart hadn't.. even been thinking.
His feet seemed to shift, leaning criss crossing, dancing as he kept weaving through crowds, his quick movements smashing demons in the face.. while then after taking out a vast majority.. he would have been punched hard in the gut sending him flying backwards into the ground which would crater as hundreds of demons jumped on his body all at once, their mouths working as blood leaked on the ground. Everything seemed like it was over as the mass didn't move for abit and then thefake diety demon would grin..
"..This is what you get for apposing me.. cry in despair as you go into hell.. " The demon who was in charged said grinning as he had seen that the demons had been doing their work. but then his eyes widened."..My god.."
The lump of demons began to move, as blood sprayed everywhere, flying from the demons, crashing as the bodies began being shot from the pile up at random, each one having holes or bones sticking out of odd angles. The likes of Blackheart standing up albiet covered in many wounds, unable to even look the leader in the eye while he had felt the closeness of death, his mouth parting.. as there was a voice in his head. He didn't know but he was regaining his senses, war had seemed to be the antidote to the madness which was riding his brain like a bad hang-over. So as blackheart had jerked forward his speed increased.. his strength increased, his movements becoming like lightning. In fact as he zigged through the crowd, he'd keep switching from foot work to hand stands, alternating between his feet and his fists. Smashing into and crushing demons on the fly. For every 4 that wounded him, he killed around another thousand more. The pain was immense and he couldn't even stop and take a rest.. If he rested he knew.. somehow from the information he had.. from his davana hood that he would be killed.
As he moved dodging those claws, blades, beams and outstretched embraces of the angel known as death, he couldn't hesitate he didn't think about how much something hurt. All he did was dodged, even as he ducked and got cut badly in the shoulder, or even when he had to flip land foot first on a blade and kick a demons head off? This notion which was a part of his knowledge as a martial artist was what allowed him to keep going which was why as sweat dripped down his face he had slid under another demon his fist jerking forward smashing into the demons stomach sending him down on on his knee's while his legs jerked up clamping the demons neck then snapping it. His eyes widening though as he felt a demon grasp his legs looking up to see the likes of that stupid demonic fake deity's grin as the demon had thrown blackheart up into the air, where he flipped end over end and then crashed into the ground. His eyes narrowing while he spat up blood, forcing himself to roll to the side, narrowly missing a demons pounce, rolling and springing off his back then punching that demon in the head killing it while he had ducked down under another demons lunge, smashing his fist into that demon in an upper-cut sending them flipping end over end.
His gaze only then narrowed again, his body jerking forward as he had brought his fist into the likes of more demons, continuing this until there where only two demons left, even though one was covered in blood, aka blackheart.. and the other was that immensley powerful lord of the pocket-dimension, a forgotten warrior or king of some location. Although as black heart looked up he would have spat blood to the side.. and exhaled.
-Survival Of The Fittest: Blue is the NPC, Gray is blackheart.
"..You did well, but now your here.. fighting me.. and yet.. " The leader of the sub dimension had begun to say, his eyes narrowing looking at the stranger.. who was weak and who was injured bleeding intensly.. and even who's energy seemed to be sub-par at best.. It was laughable to the demon lord.. or self proclaimed demon lord that this individual thought he could survive killing his men.. or challenging him. In his mind? There was honestly no need for two alpha individuals, instead it was time to end this farce before things got out of hand.. and? With that in mind the old demon had raised his hand up, bringing into existance a huge battle axe, made of blood energy, and what looked like the bones of his older victims who he fought to gain such a power in the first place. It gave off a deathly glow while the lords eyes narrowed.. a grin on his face.. and he couldn't help but think "..Its but.. a little fledgling.. he was strong but now he's injured.. this should be easy.. ill add him to my collection!" The demon thought as he would have jerked his axe down springing forward, quite lithe for his age and bulk the demon lord quickly had appeared above his prey which was obviously the likes of the poor indiviual newcomer demon.
Without waiting he'd bellow out as his hands jerked down the weapon of war a deep wicked toothy grin on his face. "..YOU ARE TOO WEAK TO CONTINUE" and then looked down with the intention of cutting the other demons head off, some drool coming from his lips as he was hungry.. but he also was enjoying this, showing his superiority over other demons was something that was all in a days work. It wasn't that he felt that it was nice to pick on the weak. instead he loved to see despair and know he was the strongest. He felt he was the strongest man out there.. although this was because he didn't know he was in a pocket dimension. But for this reason the demon allowed his huge war-axe to come in for a killing blow, his feet pounding into the ground, his eyes narrowing into pin-pricks . Although like any seasoned warrior.. he was ready to dodge, to counter at a moments notice.. which was shown as he already was moving with his swing, making it so he could avoid at a seconds notice.
All in all, the demon was confident this wouldn't be much trouble.. the opponent was scrawny.. a green horn and already injured and tired from fighting every last demon he had in the domain.. Even though he knew it was a heavy price.. he felt that it was needed. Fighting wasn't about strength or power.. it was intimidation, numbers and strategy.The one who used his head was the one who won. The demon had proven this philosophy many times.. and he was about to prove it again, which was why he licked his lips.. prepared for a new feast.
"..You have no Honor" Blackheart had said, his mouth parting as blood ran from his arms, his dead legs getting a surge of energy, which he had thought was beyond him. Instead of being cleaved in two? The young davana's fist had jerked forward smashing into the side of the weapon allowing it to be knocked to the side, off balancing the other demon, his fist jerking forward and his body sliding under the weapons reach aiming to smash his fist into the demons mid section, and end this with one blow. He already knew by the injuries.. and how his body was like lead.. this wouldn't be long.. Instead.. he would have pushed himself.. using his new found power.. to try to push past the barrier of pain which he was being swamped by. His fist making a short.. compound uppercut, while he felt the bruising on his soft flesh of his knuckles from hitting the weapon. Yet.. his siteless eyes had narrowed.. the seas of white focusing on the supposed lord, wanting nothing more then to bring that fist into his face and break him. But still.. the young davana knew he was at a disadvantage.
Which was why as his body shifted he would have punched hard and then skid around crisscrossing, then dismounting in a flip and landing some several yards back, the ground cracking below his feet while he slid his legs wide apart, hands dropping into a fighting stance. Though he didn't even know where the knowledge for these stances where coming from, his long black hair covered in sweat, his fists tightening till some blood came from his palms. He couldn't help but give a slight young arrogant ass grin to the older demon now, his body trembling but still he held the illusion that nothing was happening.. He kept telling himself that he wasn't in pain.. there was also this voice in the back of his head telling him that if he kept going things would end up working out. Though.. he still had no clue in hell where this voice was coming from either. The only thing he could do was cautiously wait.. his muscles clenching and unclenching to re-establish circulation. thoughts racing through his mind his head, as he was trying to figure out how not to die after coming so long.. and all he had come up with? Was a lunge using his force in a suddent spurt to run towards the apparent demon deity. his Fist jerking forward with enough force to break the sound barrier.
Adrenaline was his friend. he could see everything.. and wondered dismaly if everything looked so clear before or not. That if this was only a sign that he was going to end up dying pre-maturely.. Or maybe that this was a sign that things wouldn't end with his life being gone. He didn't know but he continued moving forward until he was in the range of the demon lord, his fist jerking up and he was focused in nothing more then socking the demon lord beating him to a pulp that was his desire.. which was why he endured all the pain and forced himself on further. Forcing himself to fight with the tenacity to keep going, to keep moving and to keep fighting. He had these strange.. feelings that this demon.. was not worth letting live.. that some feeling in his chest had caused his blood to boil.. and he got the message.. take this bitch down. That was the message. So as his heart kept pounding.. he got up close in personal.
"..Wait.. how is he still What!?!?!" The demon lord had said, his eyes narrowing into pinpricks as he had looked down, seeing the other demon having avoided and knocked his weapon to the side, which had smashed into the ground, his gaze shifting and moving up as he then using his rippling muscles pulled the blade from the ground seeing the other demon who had retreated.. his mouth spitting up some blood from the force of the punch he had been hit with. Then his eyes narrowed, seeing that smug grin.. that smirk had made him angry for some reason.. he just wanted to kill this kid before things got any worse.. Which was why then as he brought his axe horizontally across he had released a huge plume of energy in the form of gale force winds which would expand outwards the raw energy destroying the ground in a mile radius around at least, His grin sickening and wide as he watched and hoped that he had killed the little idiot.
"..HAHAHA.. you JUST RAN INTO YOUR OWN DEATH.." The lord said as he began cackling and snickering his body shifting down as he had already put his axe up now, his eyes shifting around to see just how long it would take for him to fix the mess that he had just created. . .He felt he had just finished the fight.. no being had survived that before.. not even in his old days which had been when there had been opposition in the sub dimension he lived in. He had quickly crushed any of that kind of resistance.. leading to his long 4,000 year rule to the current date. Which was why he just let ego role out.. a deep smirk and chuckle leaving his lips as the tornado expanded exploding like an energy bomb, cratering the mile radius it had hit. His own feet skidding back as he would have whistled.. and thought.. something like.. "..That takes care of that.. good riddance.." Only after that had he turned his back and began to walk off towards the town he had built deep in the sub-dimension.
"..Serves him right.. trying to fight me.. a lord.. someone who rules everything that he see's.. [in the pocket dimension] his mouth parting as he kept laughing his body bending back as his hands had wrapped around his stomach, that manic laughter being of a man who thought he had just won.. or rather felt the battle was over.. and again he had proven that he was the strongest. That anyone else.. was just inferior and needed to be treated like mongrels.. Yet.. there was still an uneasy feeling in his gut that made him stop laughing.. his eyes.. shifting at the ground as he slowly said.. [i]"Maybe im getting too old for this.. i should retire" Leaving his back wide open.
"..Damn- shit what is this force" Blackheart said as he had skidded backwards.. his eyes watering as he then had begun to zig zag, the wind smashing into him causing bruise after bruise.. which hurt like hell.. but he still didn't really understand himself he just felt that he needed to keep going, that if he didn't he would loose some part of himself.. or betray something about himself. Hence why though as he pushed into the storm he would have skidded and then launched off his rear foot bursting through the storm ,his hand clenching and jerking forward as he had closed the gap the explosion burning the back of his foot. His veins where bulging as he couldn't even contain the anger he felt.. nor did he even know anger was something that felt like this.. Instead?.. Heh had just roared, his fist jerking into the middle of the demon lords back, his eyes narrowing as he stamped his rear foot on the ground adding force as he jerked his whole torso into it.
".Fly you mother fucker" was what he would say, black hearts eyes narrowing even more as he grinned in pure manic rage, his fist connecting solidily hopefully, as he continued to hold his ground, his body quivering before he had then lowered his hands onto his knee's fighting to keep himself standing, a deep exhale leaving his mouth.. while he spat up more blood.. which would have hit the ground as the area his foot had landed on? Well it had broken apart, clearly showing the amount of force which had been behind that single foot. But it was also apparent.. as blackheart cursed mentally trying to keep himself on the conscious side of things. A deep grunting sound leaving his lips while he hadn't even given much thought to what was going on in his muscles or how torn up they where.. Instead? He was listening to that psychotic voice in the back of his head which had gotten stronger.. which goaded him to keep himself upright keep himself fighting, the urge to just splay himself out on the ground.
Although .. he did hope that the punch had killed the demon lord.. if it even hit because.. he felt that his body was very close to its limits.. He didn't like the fact.. but it was true.. he could feel it in his bones.. he could feel the tired leaden feeling of his bones as he fought to keep himself standing.. and it was nothing more then his own pure will.. probably which had been keeping himself standing upright at this point.. He'd exhale.. once more.. and spit up more blood, and then he'd sprint forward if the punch had landed, ready to bring in more punches, to damage the individual as fast as he could before things where going to go south. That was what he wanted to do.. which is why he picked up speed, ignoring the ripping sound in his legs as he did so, kicking from the ground straight into the air, left fist jerking back as his gritted teeth had blood running down them some.
"..FUCKING DIE" was what the enraged blackheart bellowed his fist jerking down if the enemy had been sent flying, smashing it directly into the sorry bastards face, his foot following afterwards with an overhead axe kick, his feet jerking in time hopefully getting out another 50 kicks of crater inducing force before his hands clamped together and he'd slam his interlinked fists down on the center of the demons gut. causing a shockwave which would kick up the dust in the ground, and cause if all hit, for the demon to SMASH into the ground with enough force to create a huge few mile wide crater. while he'd let out a deep breath.. hopefully.. hopefully having just ended this all.
Joined : 2012-11-22 Posts : 961 Karma : 1 Age : 22 Location : convict island aka Australia
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Subject Post 5Subject: Re: Blackheart Gremory: The davana of Bare Hand Combat [APPROVED, 0-3+] Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:29 am
Appropriate Age [X]
Appearance Present [X]
Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
10 sentences for personality [X]
History is of appropriate length [X]
Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]
Mental Deduction: N/A
Pain Endurance: N/A
alright so to start off here im just going to say this app has so many no's that im going to straight deny it due to multiple concerns about things with it in fact im going to link the entirety of problems in the first post alone.
So first off im going to address this shifter form armor stuff
"As every moment the armor is on or the user is in shifter state 90% of the users energy is being sapped and stored within the armor for the time its released, it should be noted this "Energy" cannot be tampered with, accessed or stolen in any way shape or form, which also means of course that blackheart himself is unable to access any of it either. "
"This means that he weighs around 100 tons give or take, just from the added weight of the armor that the male wears at every second of the day, atleast when he is in his shifter state."
this to me is a no, considering energy is the basis of pre much errything, the fact hes hauling around an armor of monsterous levels with no energy means he must be some what pure will and would be dead after walking 2 feet, having enough energy to just walk around and then having this ontop of him would crush him, as without energy being tough means jack shit ever seen a person so tiered they can barley walk do workouts? no because its basically impossible regardless of how determined they are.
Next for the true appearance stuff.
"has been unburdened of an extreme amount of weight, which would of course free up the muscles, allowing for a wider range of motion, a greater speed and generally allowing for stamina to be greatly increased. As such movements including afterimages, and even speeds which can cause sudden shockwaves to compound from his streamlined and certainly quick footed form are not all that uncommon from the Davana Of Bare Hand Combat. In fact, his speed is comparable to a semi-speed specialized user, someone who is greatly gifted in that feild. Some of it being latent untapped raw potential. And some of it being that moving at even adept speeds in his shifter state requires extreme speed, stamina and more so explosive power to retain that consistancy over extended durations of time. So his slow-ness is merely because he is often training using that rediculously heavy armor to push himself."
this right here is a double entendre you say hes only a semi skilled and has slowness and then all of a sudden say hes unbelievable and able to cause sonic booms? i dun think so. not to mention you state this is raw potential.... what does this mean? if its potential it means its a thing that's not yet fully developed ... yet your saying it is out right beyond immense? next id probably say that i feel really uncomfartable with such high speed, yes his muscles would develop hugely under the weight but you also have to think hes so use to slow speeds that such unleashed ability hed probably end up falling head over heels under the pure levels he could reach so id say sure it could be immense but itd be better if he was less speed focused and more defense strength orientated with basic speed.
Next i wanna talk about this armor as well as your veil thing
first: This means that he weighs around 100 tons give or take, just from the added weight of the armor that the male wears at every second of the day, at least when he is in his shifter state.
100 Tons in the equivalent of a commercial airplane two story buildings way half of this, the pure fact is that this would honestly crush pretty much anyone without any sort of problem, therefore walking round hitting people with this is like an instant death machine to people with less than amazing defense and im uncomfortable with that considering honestly its like saying hes automatically on par with some of the monstrous strength guys.
Taking his armor off is equivalent to someone releasing into a psuedo bankai state, which is why while his spiritual energy is diminished when the armor is on, however when it is off, that energy comes surging through every orfice of the body, comparable to a visible fog which expands and contracts just over the vicinity of the skin, given that he is still a demon, and an old one at that, a very old one. Hence why of course this energy needs to be regulated and needs to be controlled. And this isn't by any degree the full brunt, given the way of use, his energy naturally is boiling at the seems at all moments, the aura or suffocating pressure about him being just the run off, what his body is naturally leaking out. Which is something heightened because his own body has especially large reserves, ones which allow of course for the amount of stamina and the powered force of attacks in use to be utilized accurately. However still much of the energy even in his true demon state is something which is internalized. Which is why this isn't comparable to a final release. At best this is equivalent to someone releasing into bankai in energy terms.
This to me explains in no part how hed regain any of the lost energy from the draining sure it would stop the leeching but it could in theory do nothing in the way of re adding to it. And because of that saying that it suddenly equals out to a bankai equivalent level is ridiculous and not even some of our 0-2 tiers could do something like that with all their energy being expended or even without it being expended its like saying hes the equivalent of bankai just straight up something that is honestly a no.
now for this physicality thing
"Strength And Body Physique: Being the Danava Of Bare Hand combat, without the encumberment of the armor, he tends to have a deceptively skinny physique which is then backed up by hard steel like bands of toned muscles, given the danava of bare-hand combat isn't over poweringly strong, in fact his strength is above par, but thats about it. Its the combination of his movements and his superior tension of his muscles when they become contracted and hard which gives him that force. The trick is that his super-charged muscles are able to become extremely hard when they are flexed, the tightening of his core much like a martial artist, or a boxer. Naturally though since he embodies bare handed combat, the hardness of his toned muscles are also pretty intense. Given his muscles when hard can be used to visibly deflect attacks from lower tiers.. to a point, cutting attacks possibly only doing bruising damage. So.. yes he has intense muscle mass in his body , but it isn't just the muscle mass.
However in terms of raw strength, he could using his force take out multiple city blocks, or maybe make a mile or two wide crater. But it isn't particularly unless he actually needs to use this strength that it can be used for better or greater feats. Instead though its also because of his origin power that his strength is intens. Given his base strength is barely up to what his strength becomes thanks to his origin power. "
Now why would he be skinny? this guy is carrying around intense levels of weight yet he is skinny... why? there is literally no explanation here? and yet again you have numerous double entendres saying "he isn't overpoweringly strong, in fact his strength is above par, but thats about it." then going on to say he can "using his force take out multiple city blocks, or maybe make a mile or two wide crater." this is completely ridiculous not to mention something like city blocks being just ripped apart is immense, honestly its like your making out that this char is a grand master in strength from the get go despite being say only a master ... what if he were a GM? he could rip apart the universe? this needs to be fixed incredibly so.
Next up this open a lot of concerns among not only myself but also other staff.
knowledge Of [ALMOST] All Martial Arts: BlackHeart being the Danava of Bare Hand Combat possesses extensive knowledge of virtually all forms of hand to hand fighting styles. This is shown because he is rarely suprised outwardly or mentally when fighting other hand to hand opponents. the speed of execution may suprise him, or the quickness but never the technique itself. This is partially because he is the concept of Bare Hand Combat, martial arts the knowledge of these things, everything concerning combat without weapons of any sort he knows of them kind of like how someone who for example was a danava of war can potentially know about whats going on in a battlefield without being in it. BlackHeart possesses that but instead its that he knows when individuals are creating new martial arts, he learns the style and as they are being created. Which is why if the martial art style is older then him he may not know it, or if somehow he overlooks a style he might not know it. Meaning there Are exceptions like everything else, but for the most part being he was created from the strong thoughts of all martial artists from a long time ago? He has had the pleasure of learning and being able to learn styles while they are being created from mundanes, or learn styles if he see's them more then 2 or 3 times.. with some proficiency. Which is how he again in battle displays this personality wise, because in terms of hand to hand combat, again he is rarely suprised.
now this has a lot of no written over it your saying that pretty much he just automatically knows every style ever to exist? thats problematic in the way he can in theory replicate every given thing ever without any work, sure a reference to someone doing something like this is the danava of war but 1. war only knows when war is going on he isn't instantly learning everything they're doing and 2 in War's case it's not that he knows when a battle is going on, is more or less he's the cause of it. so id much prefer if this is removed.
so onto the origin and its abilities
"meaning essentially you can use a move three times on him if he doesn't know it and it is hand to hand oriented. However if you use that move on him a fourth time? He will memorize it and it will remain a part of him for the rest of his life."
This right here is going in the nope pile mainly because your saying essentially you could completely copy a technique that someone else has created no permission needed no worries about it you just memorize said things easy done? sure 4 times makes it easier and id probably let this slide more if this app didn't have so many problems already but since it does im not to be very honest comfortable with this one.
now the abilities
"which are not amazing in terms of fighters who are specialized. But his Origin Grants Him what is known as a Trandescended Sensory, which elevates his sense of "Space" a loose term for the ability to conceive fighters and individual's presence even when they Are out of sight in a certain radius. In his case, this translates to a space in which he can sense even the smallest shift of the air, the simplest shift in demeanor, or the electrical pulse sent from someones muscle as it shifts."
Not going to lie im getting sick of these double entendres, either he is good at this like the power shows or he isn't simple facts stick to them.
"he generally can supress the pain from virtually any injury. For example you would strike every single nerve in his body at once, and he could potentially be able to ignore the pain, not because he's impossible to deal with, nor because he has no nerves. Its because pain and martial arts go hand in hand, fighting with your bare hands is something that requires a great deal of pain tolerance and skill to even do. Essentially meaning that he himself while he takes on opponents, is also used to dealing with the hellish amount of pain which goes with it. So he is known for having resilient pain endurance which is something that shouldn't be overlooked. "
this ... this is simply like your saying all of a sudden "PAIN GM FTW" those sorts of injuries to just suppress and ignore is ridiculous even by standards of a martial artist, hes endured shit sure but to just say he can ignore pre much any injury you throw at him and keep going no worries i don't like in the slightest
"it can cause buildings to crumble and it can also be mistaken for minor earthquakes. If used in conjunction with Internal Demonic Ki? He has the potential to ruin and change landscapes causing small towns or large towns to crush apart. However because his body is not about speed or strength, he doesn't have ungodly strength, in fact his strenght would pale when compared to someone who was soley talented in strength itself. So his strength is trained to the point that it needs to be at, not at the point that would be considered the "Absolute Max" seeing as there is no real need for perfect strength when the focus of ones talents is not on overpowering but combining his body perfectly to be used on the field of battle. "
this is contradictory to what you said earlier again, and not to mention you give no reason how this move raises his strength just lol it does? i don't think so. Not to mention the fact you've also stated he can level landscapes and rip shit apart like a friking monster its a no destroying something so massive is a huge feat and just erasing towns and shit is something even people like radioactive couldn't just do out of pure nowhere with a flick of his wrist.
"So if he absolutely needed to moving in one direct direction he could possibly go from russia to chile in around 2 hours. given he can move very very quickly, however he isn't focusing solely on speed. It instead is that his speed is focused to the level it needs to be at for him to utilize his fighting skills and combat effectively."
yet again same problem as the strength it needs some reasoning how, and not to mention you seem to go from hes okay to hes fucking great yet again just please for the love of god level it out make it huge or minor please.
"His muscles may not look perfectly toned, however each one of them is conditioned to the point its like flexible armor"
this one doesnt matter that much but honestly you say earlier he is perfect tones and shit and now he isnt ...... it just feels like your forgetting what your descriptions of the char are?
"This ki, travels through his bloodstream and through the cells in his body, regulating and regenerating his body as it is attacked. "
so now he has regeneration this needs more fleshing out because the wordings all wrong as your pre much saying he has a pre great regen ability all regeners on site have some downfalls and problems associated with it this if its that (it may just be wrong wording) needs something alot more of a flaw than it has.
now these physical abilities firstly you seem to be going in good direction but then it goes completely overboard to point just making it ridiculous one such example being below
" It is usually accompanied by a sonic boom due to the impact speed exceeding the speed of sound. Which will deal further concussive damage. "
this ability seemed to be going so well and then all of a sudden you put it can exceed the speed of sound, do you know how fast the speed of sound is? your saying his attack reaches mach speeds no problem .... you do realize the problem here right?
"used to generate crates equivalent to those from meteors."
This one right here is yet again quite obvious a no the fact it is making a meteor crater? that's beyond normal and beyond anything we can simply just shrug off as a "not overpoweringly strong, in fact his strength is above par, but that's about it."person just doing regardless of limits to it.
Another example here is
"Or it could cause possible death for normal individuals because it could cause the entire torso to dislodge, if nothing more then because of the speed that the user would have impacted the ground at."
this is an obvious no, just killing people with impact of speed is unbelievable, and this is a person you said earlier was only okay at speed remove this bit and the ideal of the move is fine but you seem to go from having a good thing to changing the entire abilities thing from its a good technique to its fucking amazing and will end you ....... that's not really how it works to be honest.
Okay so thats the entire first post that needs immense fixing ill say to ya right now all of this needs fixing and im not going to even look at the rest until its fixed, feel free to try and fix it all but until the point of change for it all .... i hate to say this but im throwing it in denied apps im sorry it feels shitty to do as this is my first but i cant accept this
Joined : 2011-08-07 Posts : 1673 Karma : 11 Age : 24 Location : Cookie Jar
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Subject Post 8Subject: Re: Blackheart Gremory: The davana of Bare Hand Combat [APPROVED, 0-3+] Fri Nov 07, 2014 10:15 am
Since Lio's fine with it and gave his approval, and after looking a few things out on the app and i don't feel like much of a problem, i'll give my 2nd approval since as Kyle said above about 'partial approval', and since shiz told me that lio intended to push up his tier a little bit, i'll just boost it up to 0-4+ for my 2nd approval as a mod. If there's any questions, hit me up and i'll deal with it.
After a proper discussion with lio, i was informed that he said nothing of sort about boosting tier and whatsoever, so i'll drop the tier back to 0-4 instead of 0-4+.