Rikiri Kensei [wip]

Thu May 21, 2015 1:23 pm

[I R A M A S H A]

|B|A|S|I|C|I|N|F|O|
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Name: Rikiri Kensei
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Appearance:https://2img.net/h/i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb87/Andevault/sasori_zpshqmxb6uy.jpg
Branch/Position:I'd like to apply for the position of "Heir to the Medical Unit Leader" eventually

Race: Nature

|P|E|R|S|O|N|A|L|I|T|Y|
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Personality:
Rikiri is pretty laid back, he doesnt like conflict and generally tries to avoid it if possible. Would rather just lay around watching the clouds instead of work. Loyal and will do anything for his friends. Extremely intelligent but this leads to him being overly cocky at times. Only known fear is of heights and death.

|B|A|C|K|G|R|O|U|N|D|
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Background:
Rikiri doesnt remember his childhood before the age of 7. Growing up in the world alone he wandered around not sure of his place in the world. At age 13 he realized he wasnt like normal humans. He bled blue, his skin was always cold, and he noticed change in the temperature when he got irritated.
Around the the age of 17 his powers really started to form. He could control ice, and freeze things at will. While many kids his age would be abusing these powers, Rikiri rarely used them. Since most of his day to day was just laying around he never really had a need to. When he needed money, he'd find odd jobs here and there to get him by money wise.
Now at age 20 he has learned to master most of his basic abilities. He learned that he can freeze his wounds to stop the bleeding, which also led to the formation of his Seishin Buki.

|S|E|I|S|H|I|N|B|U|K|I|
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Seishin Buki Name: "Shi no shimo" (Frost of Death)

Seishin Buki Appearance: http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs6/i/2005/067/b/b/Xanix_Arm_Blades_by_Nek0gami.jpg
Rikiri slices his forearms and freezes his blood in the shape arm blades. Only consists of the first two forms.

Seishin Buki Abilities:
Rikiri's Seishin Buki has two forms depending how he freezes the ice. The first form is a shield. The ice is harder than form 2, and he uses it to block or sometimes break objects. The second form is offensive. He freezes his blood into a blade using it to attack. He is able to unfreeze part of his blood slightly in a throwing motion to throw shards of ice at the opponent at a medium range. Usually he uses the same form on both arms, but sometimes will use the first form on his left and second from on his right if the enemy has a very strong attack.

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Powers:
Rikiri Controls Ice. He can freeze and thaw water/ice instantly by changing the temperature around him. He uses his immense speed in cooperation with his Seishin Buki in order to attack his enemies. Since he is mainly a close range fighter, he learned to unfreeze part of his blood slightly in a throwing motion to throw shards of ice at the opponent at a medium range. This does moderate damage but is enough to distract his opponent and give him time to close in for the kill.

Chaos Moves: Chaos Burst, Chaos Deflect

|F|O|R|M|S|
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Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Appearance:
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs20/i/2007/279/c/8/Water_Spirit_by_Violet_Hydra.jpg
Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Abilities:
Same abilites as original, except speed increases greatly. Lowers temperature so enemies are slower. In dire situations blood leaves body temporarily and freezes, forming spears that attack on will. Seishin Buki gains increased range

Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Appearance:
http://coolvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Portrait-Stjepan-Sejic-The-Ice-Giant-Cometh.jpg

Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Abilities:
The temperature drops tremendously around Rikiri upon activation. The weather changes and rain starts to fall from the sky. He can freeze the rain to pierce the enemies, or use the rain to form different sort of ice weapons (spears, waves, etc)

|C|L|A|S|S||
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Class Title:
The Fozen Prodigy
Class Traits:
Strong against water types as he can freeze their attacks.
Able to heal his and others wounds through use of ice.
Able to control the temperature in a small radius around him.
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Skills:

(DO NOT FILL THIS OUT UNTIL TIER IS GIVEN!)

General Skills

Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Will Skills

Willpower/Determination: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Racial Skills

Chaos Energy Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Chaos Warp: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Chaos Fighting Style: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Gem Creation: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Fri May 22, 2015 12:52 pm

«-PREPARE TO BE REVIEWED-»

« Application Checklist »

• Let's Get Down To Business •

Name [X]
Appropriate Age [X]
Gender [X]
Appearance Present [X]
Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
10 sentences for personality [O]
History is of appropriate length [O]
Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [O]
RP Sample is 10 sentences [O]

« The Willsheet Checklist »

• And Comments/Fixes •

Willpower/Determination: Master
Mental Deduction: Advanced
Pain Endurance: Master
Focus: Advanced

Comments/Notes: Alright, I'm going to be giving a few things you should do in order to patch this up and bring it to par.

"Rikiri is pretty laid back, he doesnt like conflict and generally tries to avoid it if possible. Would rather just lay around watching the clouds instead of work. Loyal and will do anything for his friends. Extremely intelligent but this leads to him being overly cocky at times. Only known fear is of heights and death. "

You should re-work this personality and expand it. When you say he is pretty laid back, how is he laid back? What kind of actions in his character indicate that?

"Loyal and will do anything for his friends"

What are examples of that? Why does he want to do that?

" Extremely intelligent but this leads to him being overly cocky at times. "

How is he extremely intelligent? What illustrations of his intelligence are there? Emotional intelligence, memory recollection, social intelligence, analytical skills or what? And how is he cocky? Give examples of that to.

"Only known fear is of heights and death. "

Everything has a reason, and so to does his fears. Why does he fear those two things and how did it come to be?

You should also aim to have five full paragraph sentences for your history. There are a few things you can expand on since background is how the character came to be, how their personality was forged, what hardships they endured and other various training. Go into deeper detail with that.

So, with your history, a few potential things to go deeper into are:

- Writing about how he gained control of his basic abilities.
- Writing what it was like to grow up without your memories.
- Showing illustrations of just how different he was from others.
- How did he react to this change
- What were his odd jobs like?
- Why was he so reserved with his powers?
- Where is he at in the current age?

"Rikiri Controls Ice. He can freeze and thaw water/ice instantly by changing the temperature around him. "

I wouldn't say instantly, but I'd re-word it to saying the process can be underdone in a quick manner of time.

"Chaos Moves: Chaos Burst, Chaos Deflect"

You should write more about his Chaos Burst and Chaos Deflect. How are they unique and tailored to this character?

"Angelic Release/Demonic Release/Hybrid Stage One Abilities:
Same abilites as original, except speed increases greatly. Lowers temperature so enemies are slower."

How much does his speed increase by? How does he slow down the enemies? What is the process behind all of this and the logic?

"Awakened Divinity State/Hell Evolution State/Hybrid Stage Two Abilities:
The temperature drops tremendously around Rikiri upon activation. The weather changes and rain starts to fall from the sky. He can freeze the rain to pierce the enemies, or use the rain to form different sort of ice weapons (spears, waves, etc) "

You should cover more potential areas with his abilities in this release stage to at least cover five full paragraph's.

"Class Title:
The Fozen Prodigy
Class Traits:
Strong against water types as he can freeze their attacks.
Able to heal his and others wounds through use of ice.
Able to control the temperature in a small radius around him."

Got a typo on the class title.

As for everything else? You can write a bit more. How strong he is against water attacks? What are illustrations of this process? And why is he strong?

How does his healing process work? Is there any sacrifice to it? Where did he learn it?

Explain the process of him being able to manipulate the temperature and how big that radius is in meters.

Lastly, be sure to add in a role play sample. We ask this of new RPers to Platinum Hearts so we can gauge where their level of RP is at.

So, for now, those are all the changes I'll ask. Post back in this thread when you've made them.
Tier: N/A

Wed May 27, 2015 2:17 am

Moving to pending due to User making no post about the character. Lemme know if you change anything in a weeks time or itll be moved to wip.

Thu Jun 11, 2015 2:25 pm

Rikiri Kensei [wip] Image8717_zpsrh1btrb8

✧ CHARACTER IS NOW BEING MOVED✦

Since the person in question has not responded to the moderator reviewing this thread, I'm going to go ahead and move this into WIP. Whenever you get around to fixing it, make a post in this thread letting us know and we'll review the character when you've made the corrections.

Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:49 pm

Yo. What's up man? What's goin on with the app? Lemme know in a week please.

Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:39 am

«I'M ARCHIVING THIS CHARACTER NOW»

Alright, since there has been no reply to this character, I'm going ahead and moving it into archives. If you want it unarchived, just message me here:

https://www.platinumhearts.net/t7253-thefrost-s-communication-thread

Rikiri Kensei [wip]

Rikiri Kensei [wip]

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Re: Rikiri Kensei [wip]