How to start... a question many ask themselves throughout a normal day.
Through the years and my time here, I have been banned a grand total of four to six times. I have caused endless headache, heartache and annoyance, be it intentional or not. In my search for a place I could fit in, I found not a single place and never considered I may have been the problem. A temper befitting a demon. Hate filled as Satan, in his quest to endlessly defy and insult his creator even. Rage uncontrolled, actions taken without thinking, moments in time where my actions were with good intent, but went awry.
Such is life in the...! Ah.. fuck it.
I cannot possibly make up for the foul actions committed by my person. I have been haunted with regret, mentally begging for the forgiveness of those I've wronged. This, is more than likely asking far too much of those here during my times of ruin. I tried to change, but clearly not enough. I blamed others. My family, all of you, school, teachers, friends... always an excuse.
Have I changed now? Somewhat. Unbelievable to be sure, but none the less I have made progress. I have lied, and slandered you in front of your eyes. I have portrayed myself as people I believed to be likeable, all while forgetting the common rule of being yourself. I sit here, twiddling my thumbs and writing what I believe needs to be said.
The list of foolish behavior is a long one, and I cannot write it all down. I'm sure, Frost and others could tell you anyway. I'm not a liar. One of my main flaws I've completely pulled back on. I may not have the memory I wish I did, but learning to not speak instead of opening my mouth is a tough one. Nay, it is a progressive state. Steeling myself, has done nothing. Letting people in, has done wonders for me.
I have memories of things that have happened, and I dare not go into them all, as some were even evasive of others with their permission.
However, Aivee has not a single apology from me due to her blasphemous lying and behavior towards everyone. One shouldn't expect forgiveness, when they have lied to another's face endlessly. Much like I earnestly do not believe this will be forgiven. Am I asking for another chance? Nay, I merely ask for forgiveness for the past.
A foolish past plague with idiocy. A past that does indeed bother and haunt me. I know not what else to say here. Perhaps I am out of my mind to even bother with this, but none the less, I believe this formal apology letter to be appropriate.
Mr. Kaiba... er Kanda.