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 Final Form Perfected Bankai/Shikai

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MorpheusDavol
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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Final Form Perfected Bankai/Shikai   Fri Oct 07, 2016 12:44 pm



» Name Of Character: Desmond Hayden
» Link To Character: http://www.platinumhearts.net/t15133-desmond-hayden-2016-revamp-approved-0-3

» Upgrading:

Zanpakutō Perfected Form



Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: 1546



- Reiatsu Color: Maroon/Bronze

- Zanpakutô Spirit Name: Vovin’ Ol Iaiadix (Enochnian for Dragon of Honour.)

- Zanpakutô Spirit Appearance: Vovin when taking a first glance could be described as a living symbol of power, from the way the spirit manages to command a presence of respect to simply staring down at whoever so graces it’s presence. The once impressive dragon has been reduced in size taking on now the form of a human male that stands roughly the same height as Hayden. Vovin now wears a more intricate royal armor than before, with a longsword attached to his hip.

Spoiler:
 

- Inner World: The world the spirit lives within is a large but very broad mountain peak that extends just above the clouds. In the center of the large mountain peak lays a castle that the dragon is usually in the courtyard of or in front of. It’s large brown and grey concrete walls extending even further into the air, it would be considered impressive even for it’s size.

- Sealed Zanpakutô Apperance : Iaiadix usually looks like a normal Zanpakutō when placed within the sheath but when drawn it takes on the form of a greatsword. The cross shaped guard is thicker than most blades of it’s caliber, taking on a more practical or knightly approach in combat. The long blade seems to specialise in cutting and swift motions due to the thinness of it. Overall it is a fine blade, not the typical Zanpakutō.

Spoiler:
 
- Sealed Zanpakutô Abilities:

Storm Manipulation: The first and foremost ability is storm manipulation, by simply summoning or having his Zanpakutō his storm abilities are amplified allowing him to create, control, negate, enhance, and embody storms. Hayden can even negate other people storms and to slightly weaker enemies manage to even steal their own storms away from them. He can even control said storm to the point it looks like has become a raw embodiment of the storm, using it in offensive and defensive capabilities such as forcing the fighter either away from Hayden or making it difficult to stay in prolonged combat due to well lightning strikes and the reduced lighting from the clouds. It should be noted this ability does not place the storm on his skin but he can lower its elevation to ground level.

Plasma Edge: The moment Hayden’s Zanpakutō is removed from it’s sheathe the edge glows white. It provides a minor distraction when fighting which makes the hard to predict certain strikes but can easily be picked up on by the experienced fighter by the second or third strike. But this is not the primary function of this ability it simply happens to be a side effect, what is really happening is coating the edge of the blade is microthin weaves of lightning running along the edge so small and infused it happens to create a Plasma like effect which stays at a toasted 2,500 fahrenheit enough to simply burn/cut through most normal materials. When things come into close proximity of the frontal edge of the blade they may very well end up combusting into flames or simply disintegrating from the heat emitted. Thankfully, Hayden can choose to turn this effect off but he usually leaves it on with his reasoning being if he intends draw his blade he should be ready to kill.

One Hell of a Shock: When Hayden first started practicing and using his Zanpakutō he used to have the ability of being able to taser someone if they touched the blade. While admittedly a weak power in the beginning as he grew stronger so did the amps he could produce from someone touching his blade. It’s key difference and feature between plasma edge is that it does not require direct contact with the front of blade moreso that they simply touch the Zanpakutō in any capacity they will receive an ample amount of electricity course through their body enough to temporarily daze someone of advance durability and potentially cripple those of weaker pain endurance or durability. Prolonged contact or multiple shocks can disable a person or limb, it must come in contact with flesh.

Someone grasping for whatever reason his blade or hilt during a post will send a large shock through their body making them feel numb and whatever body part they used to grab would have second degree burns. If multiple strikes of contact (more than three) are made consecutively on a limb that limb will be rendered immobile for a single post. If they are touched in the head with the blade or receive enough cuts with the Zanpakutō they will experience dizziness, numbness, and a loss of motor function up to three posts at the severest level. However, if they recieve constant strikes to the head they could potentially suffer unintended side-effects that would be associated with electroshock therapy- or simply fry to death whichever comes first in a life or death scenario.


- Release: “Iaiadix Coraxo Ior!” (Honour Thunderous Roar)




- Shikai Abilities:

Naneel:- Rather than a flat modifier temporary modifier to his skills this ability upon entering shikai activates, seeing as Hayden’s Zanpakutō has merged with his death matter he will see an increased potency in any energy attacks connected directly to his Zanpakutō and Death matter. With the synchronization of his powers this effect now applies to any attack launched from this state be it energy or otherwise, meaning a Cero that might only normally only destroy a section of a town could cause said town to be leveled with the same energy consumption. While this is a true nod to the level of power Hayden possesses he needs to be careful to not over use his energy or needlessly waste it, as the true usefulness of this ability comes from how it can prolong a fight and his own endurance by reducing the cost of energy to perform attacks while maintaining the same power.

The Strength of the Storm:. When Hayden lifts his Zanpakutō up and he focuses on merging with the energy in the air, from the subtle hints of rishi in the air to the earth beneath he draws upon all to create his storm. Around his blade people will see what looks to be a blackened cloud forming with streaks of steady lightning running through it, his Zanpakutō lifted in the air before slashed towards the ground with the cloud exploding outwards. The storm spreads throughout the area on the ground burning and glassing over much of it as it expands to the size of a city block before settling in. While this storm is active Hayden will be like a fish in water, able to maneuver effortlessly and shift the tide of battle in an instant from controlling the aspects of the battlefield from this ever changing storm. Unlike simply manifested storms from his earlier power this storm is specifically geared towards rapid change and destruction either used to control a battle or throw off opponents be them defensive or offensive, aggressive or evasive. If the storm is left undisturbed by outside influences the storm can last up to six posts with a three post cooldown.

Separation of Creation:- Hayden Shikai combines all aspects of his personality and powers to create someone able to stand for what he believes in. Sometimes you are faced with opposition that requires a bit more than the simply sword or energy attack to take them down, so he learned to focus his power to create a technique to handle those problems. The ‘Separation of Creation’ is Hayden combining his physical strength, his willpower, and finally the three powers that rest inside of him from his Zanpakutō, Vastimian, and Death Matter nature. What happens is his Zanpakutō radiates heat and energy, before releasing a cool atmosphere around it which is the death matter merging with his energies and his own willpower stabilizing the explosive energy. When this technique is activated anything Hayden manages to cut or slice is temporarily removed from the cycle of life and death; what does this mean? Well in short they are destroyed. For the post he attacks in, the area (the immediate wound and a few inches around)o he pierces will become a dull grey color and exhibit excruciating pain upon the victim as their physical body and ethereal body is being slowly broken away for up to the next two posts before returning to normal; yet any part of them completely erased will stay that way and while it will heal at a snail pace for those higher on the regeneration scale. This ability is obviously on the higher end of Hayden’s abilities and while he can choose to initiate this at the beginning of a fight it will severely limit all his other abilities while activated, at least cutting their power in half and up to seventy five percent limiting him to swordsmanship honestly; and if he chooses not to activate this upon entering into shikai he must use a post to activate this ability before using it- as it is a togglable ability . This is his ace card for his Shikai, while powerful it can be improved upon something which is showcased in his perfected or final form bankai as others call it.

Semper Invictus Armatus: The resolved armor has evolved. That is the simplest way to put it, from its first incarnation which took his utter focus to use and at the time was rather powerful. But it has since outgrown that former purpose, now Hayden requires much more out of it with his own shift in purpose and strength. The first and foremost thing that has improved is the damage in which this armor can receive, along with what it can defend with. This armor was once able to stand a singular large scale nuclear blast with Hayden somewhat alright, nowadays this armor can withstand the force of multiple nuclear level attacks with ease; augmenting his defenses to that of someone who can content with some of the strongest fighters in the world; such as Radioactive among others. When this armor receives damage a special process ensues in which the force and energy transferred into the armor from the attack is broken down, taking energy from the armor in the process, and protects Hayden while also keeping his stamina and personal energy reserves replenished. The important part of this is the attack makes contact with the armor, for instance if Hayden erected a barrier in front of him he would not receive the benefits of the armor being hit- as well if he loses a complete piece of armor and he is attacked there he receives normal damage as if he was unarmored. Now, the second ability Hayden has gained from his armor developed rather later just as his ‘Separation of Creation’ manifested in his need of ways to counteract much stronger beings. This ability is simply referred to a ‘Constanity’ which in short while Hayden in is this armor he is anchored to ‘creation’ and this universe. If someone had an ability to remove someone existence or attack that existence in any capacity he would have a way to both physically and ethereal defend against it. That’s not to say he cannot die but he simply cannot be wiped or destroyed from existence; what some way refer to as true death granting him a small edge on quincies and those who seek to bring that fate upon him. The final function of this armor is the offensive function, releasing the mental restrictions of the mind to allow Hayden to fully utilize his strength and speed to drastic portions; it should be noted that while he can make much more powerful strikes and punch harder this will gradually wear his body down. Especially if he is not taking the time to allow his body to rest or adjust; if an opportunity is afforded.

Shikai:
 


- Bankai Abilities:

Catastrophic Reiatsu Surge:- Hayden learned to control his energy so when he released his Bankai the energy would flood inward and be self contained providing the perks of this massive energy boost which could bring him from near death and exhaustion to almost peak fighting condition as a much needed second wind. However, in the event Hayden needs to clear some space or simply just doesn’t care when he release his bankai this energy will flood outward the force exerting on everything and everyone around; while he is still retaining the energy he is not suppressing the raw might of it which has some drastic side-effects. Anyone within three hundred meters will feel this force upon them and if they are not above his level they may very well be forced to their knees. Anyone not zero tier has the very high chance serious injury and permanent injury, if there is obstruction the damage is reduced. Needless to the reactive mixture of energies being released tend to be heavier than normal; thus creating the effect above.

Wrath of the Storm Bringer: An upgraded variant of ‘The Strength of the Storm’. Unlike the strength of the storm this focuses on compressing all the energy around Hayden, that raging storm acting as a sort of constant source of energy for him to draw from and use. However, when used in conjunction with it’s sister ability it can dramatically boost Hayden fighting capabilities to the point of masking his energy, allowing him to make full powered attacks with little to no charge up due to the constant source of energy around him. Finally, the spectacular ending to the ability is homage to some of Haydn's early abilities which to be blank is a massive energy attack. Hayden gathers the storm encasing his body into his blade, his Zanpakutō becoming blackened with lighting coursing over it dramatically before it in swirls his arm as he- with one slash he releases the energy in a cacophonous boom- which is the sonic boom from the speed of which the attack will travel. The swirling mass of Death Matter, Reiatsu, and lighting will become a vortex before converging forming a type of cone with the tip pointed towards the target. Upon striking the target the energy will spin rapidly as if trying to go through them, as it will most obstacles in it’s path, and explode violently with enough force to level a city the size of modern day New York or London condensed into the size of a city block. Once this ability is used it will have a four post cool down; as well as triggering the cool downs for Wrath of the storm Bringer and The Strength of the Storm.

Super Shinigami:Upon entering into his Bankai each racial skill increases by one tier to the next level, while this seems a big jump one must remember that Hayden’s bankai is specifically designed to augment his physical capabilities first and foremost; so with the extreme energy boost he receives it allows for his body to compete at a much higher level. However it must be noted that this form cannot move masters to Grand Masters; the only time this would be applicable is if Hayden focused his entire buff to one mastered skill I.e Zanjutsu so he could compete at half a grandmaster level for Zanjutsu and have all his other skill remain the same. This buff will only last for seven posts with a eight post cool down.

Destruction of Creation: This is the final perfected form of ‘Separation of Creation’ and it is by far the most singularly powerful tool Hayden has in his arsenal in terms of effects and the aftermath. It follows all the same rules and laws of it’s downgraded version with the penalty to energy attacks and such. But the main purpose and meat of this ability is when struck by Hayden’s blade, whatever is attack doesn’t simply die, separate, or fade away- it is utterly destroyed and removed from this universe. When this blade cuts into a being, item, or attack it simply destroys its essence from the fabric of this universe; while seemingly useless at times the effects on the world of an ability like this are drastic. This technique has the potential to effect being such as ‘Death’, ‘The Truth’, ‘Deveta’, and The Soul King; but not just harm or even kill them. They are utterly removed from this world, timeline, and existence permanently. Wounds inflicted by this sort of attack require extensive care and treatment of the highest caliber healers with time round the clock care, even Hayden’s own regeneration would not be able to counteract this sort of ability. However, the effects of this on Hayden can be rather deadly in themselves. When Hayden is activating this ability he is toying with the laws of the universe, combining elements of death and life he normally should not tamper with. This severely drains Hayden’s own energy sources and all additional energy he could draw from. Once Hayden deactivates this power he will not be able to use it for the next thirteen posts.It will severely limit all his other abilities while activated, at least cutting their power in half and up to seventy five percent limiting him to swordsmanship honestly, just like it's predecessor.

The first five posts he will see a decrease in overall energy and stamina by 10%
The next five he will see a decrease of 30%
For the next five posts he will see a decrease of 60%
And if he exceeds this he will see a decrease of 99% of his overall energy for the remainder of the thread.

This is the epicenter of Hayden’s abilities, his final resort should a threat ever arise that cannot be counteracted through traditional means of norms. This is why I am placing the restriction as an event/death only ability.

My Last Stand; Armor of Death: Finally, the last tool in Hayden’s bankai arsenal is both the representation of his stalwart defense of his people and unyielding nature towards and obstacle. This armor acts similar to that of his shikai armor with all the bells and whistles of course, including the massive defensive buff to place him on par with the highest of caliber fighters if not exceeding some in his own right. Yet this armor has a few more capabilities beyond that of protection, instead of passively waiting for substances to absorb into its fold increasing the user energy, it actively will convert everything around it to death matter which will form a orb around Hayden. Within this 20 by 20 meter radius of Hayden everything is either death matter or some other subset of his powers; meaning no oxygen or atmosphere exist within it which isn’t a problem to Hayden due to his abilities allowing him to breath with death matter. Once something enters into this ‘bubble’ they will automatically be attacked from both the outside and their inside if there are any exposed parts of their body. Needless to say, it’s a painful process and it can be fought off with someone’s own energy it is extremely hard to deal with when Hayden is bearing down with his full force, having to deal with his onslaught of attacks and anything else that might happen.

Bankai:
 




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» Why: Long overdo rehaul of his bankai and shikai to fit someone of his caliber. I honestly feel like the amount of time and effort placed into Hayden and the work he is doing in the world would qualify him something of this magnitude of power especially considering the people Hayden has fought against and with.

» Extra: Let’s go. Atlas out.



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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Final Form Perfected Bankai/Shikai   Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:50 am

[adm]Got a few things for you, since you got off Discord.[/adm]
Storm Manipulation
Quote :
Over The years of using his storm Zanpakutō Hayden has managed to add and amplify his current abilities, as would come with mastering his own Zanpakutō spirit and abilities.

Useless fluff, get rid of it. Doesn't describe the ability whatsoever.

Quote :
He can even control said storm to the point it looks like has become a raw embodiment of the storm, using the storm as a second layer over his skin as both a defense and offensive advantage.

[s]Storm manipulation needs to be worked on. I can't imagine having a storm being used as armor. You just gonna rain lightning and thunder all over the place? Or is it just clouds that dense up onto his body and when they are struck lightning emits and thunder pushes the attack back?[/s]

Delete it.

Plasma Edge


Quote :
The moment Hayden’s Zanpakutō is removed from it’s sheathe the edge glows an almost blinding white, one which looked directly at for short periods of time can cause severe eye damage as just a side effect.

How severe is this eye damage? I understand it's just a side effect, but it needs to be listed if its part of the blade. Overall, I think this part is overly not needed and puts him at too far of an advantage. If the light is that bright to where someone can't look at his blade while he is fighting then he wins the fight, everytime. Especially if it takes a short amount of time. The effect is blinding, if it is able to create eye damage looking at it indirectly would also result in some sort of obstruction to vision.

Get rid of it or make something else that could possibly work. Too op, even though it's a "Side effect" it's more op than anything else in this sealed state, I believe. It turns the tide of the fight just by going into pulling out his sword and keeping his opponent from properly reading his moves without harming themselves. Hope that makes sense to you.

Quote :
infused it happens to create a Plasma like effect which stays at a toasted 1,000,000 fahrenheit enough to simply burn/cut through most normal materials.

2,500. The sun is almost 10,000 degrees at the surface. Getting close to it would incinerate a living being or combust an object. 2,500 is more than enough than what you are asking for. A quarter of the sun's surface temperature is a good way to describe it too. 1,000,000 would set the entire world on fire and it's just distasteful overall. This is also not enough to cut through a Zanpakutō or any other weapon without reasonable cause, keep that in mind.

Quote :
One Hell of a Shock: When Hayden first started practicing and using his Zanpakutō he used to have the ability of being able to taser someone if they touched the blade. While admittedly a weak power in the beginning as he grew stronger so did the amps he could produce from someone touching his blade. It’s key difference and feature between plasma edge is that it does not require direct contact with the front of blade moreso that they simply touch the Zanpakutō in any capacity they will receive an ample amount of electricity course through their body enough to temporarily daze someone of advance durability and potentially cripple those of weaker pain endurance or durability. Prolonged contact or multiple shocks can disable a person or limb varying from post to post.

This needs to be limited to only upon hitting flesh. If his sword was to collide with another Zanpakutō it should not electrocute the user because they are blocking an attack. That leaves them only to dodge his attacks and would make for a rather stale thread, imo. Limit this. I trust you're not going to just love tap people with this ability if they are extremely weak, don't abuse this.

I'd like for this to have an example attached to it for the disabling/dazing/crippling effects it has. I'm not really grasping what warrants the duration or the amount of damage here, I'm sure others won't either until it's too late. So elaborate on that.


Sealed state as a whole


This is a really cool line up, imo. The only thing that I have to say about all of this is be careful how you write this. Use these powers very carefully. I would even take into consideration having all of these abilities be active abilities and not passive. I don't think entering every fight with a 2,000 degree lightsaber is very tasteful, personally. Then again, there is a bunch of stuff here that I don't find tasteful and people still do it. So there is that. lol

Nonetheless, I like what I see. I just need to see it dulled down a bit and explained a bit more as I stated above.







Nanell


Quote :
This ability was once an application of Hayden basic attack power, but as his body progressed and he learned the inner workings of Shikai this ability gradually changed into something else entirely.

More useless fluff, avoid using things like this in abilities. It doesn't describe it whatsoever.

I allow the rest of this. Again, proceed with caution. Use creativity when you're writing with these abilities. I can't stress this enough.

The Strength of the Storm


Quote :
Desmond has been using lightning for a really long time, like a really long time. In that time he’s learn to understand and respect the forces he call upon realizing the strength he harnesses is so much more than destruction.

Fluff. Reword it so that it ties into the next sentence.

Quote :
When Hayden lifts his Zanpakutō up and he focuses on merging with the energy in the air, from the subtle hints of reiryoku in the air to the earth beneath he draws upon all to create his storm.

Reiryoku isn't just found in the air. It's an entity within a being.

Other than that this is fine.

Separation of Creation

Sounds op just from the name, lol. Anyway...

Quote :
nd if he chooses not to activate this upon entering shikai he post use a post to activate this ability before using it.

Read this and fix it, please. Idk what you're saying. lol

For the most part this ability is good. However, I need to know when he stabs someone does the entire body part become decayed or whatever? Or is it just the immediate wound. Need more information on these effects.

I'll allow it once that is embellished on.

Semper Invictus Armatus


You'll need to reword this because I didn't allow the storm armor from his sealed state.

Is this armor weightless? Or is he surrendering some amount of speed for the weight. I see no boosts in strength listed for this shikai so if it is heavier he will not be traveling as fast as he once was.

Quote :
t. That’s not to say he cannot die but he simply cannot be wiped or destroyed from existence

Same thing. Figure out how to word this better because dying and being wiped from existence is the same thing.


Shikai as a whole


Again, it's a good concept here. It's just really strong. I encourage you once more to not abuse what is being allowed.

Also below the shikai appearance put "See Semper Incitus Armatus" so that people can link the two together.






Catastrophic Reiatsu Surge


Quote :
When Hayden first learned his Bankai he had a hard time controlling the massive amount of energy he would receive, the torrential flow of energy proved to be a nuisance and deadly which made it impractical at times. Yet as Hayden grew as a shinigami and warrior he learned to control his energy so when he released his Bankai the energy would flood inward and be self contained providing the perks of this massive energy boost which could bring him from near death and exhaustion to almost peak fighting condition as a much needed second wind.

First sentence is fluff, second sentence is a huge run on sentence that is more or less fluff for the earlier half of it. Doesn't describe the ability until the second half of the second sentence. You should know what I am asking here.

Quote :
Anyone not zero tier has the very high chance of death, serious injury, and permanent injury. Needless to the reactive mixture of energies being released tend to be heavier than normal; thus creating the effect above.

No. No death or permanent injury will be auto hit from this ability. Serious injury is ok, obstructions between the targets and him should be able to prevent them from taking damage, also.

Wrath of the Storm Bringer


Quote :
that raging storm acting as a sort of constant source of energy for him to draw from and use... allowing him to make full powered attacks with little to no charge up due to the constant source of energy around him.

As stated earlier, reiryoku comes from beings not the air. This can't happen in that case. His own power should be more than enough to retain his energy throughout the duration of a fight.

Super Shinigami


Quote :
It would only make sense the perfected transformation of a bankai somehow increase the racial abilities of said person; at least when comparing to Hayden.

Delete, fluff.

Quote :
the only time this would be applicable is if Hayden focused his entire buff to one mastered skill I.e Zanjutsu so he could compete at a grandmaster level for Zanjutsu and have all his other skill remain the same.

Nope. Grandmaster will not be achieved through an ability. He may move up half a tier if his skill is Master.

Destruction of Creation


Ok yeah, another op name. XD

Quote :
. It follows all the same rules and laws of it’s downgraded version with the penalty to energy attacks and such.

Reiterate these rules and laws in this ability also.

Quote :
This is the final perfected form of ‘Separation of Creation’ and it is by far the most singularly powerful tool Hayden has in his arsenal in terms of effects and the aftermath. It follows all the same rules and laws of it’s downgraded version with the penalty to energy attacks and such. But the main purpose and meat of this ability is when struck by Hayden’s blade, whatever is attack doesn’t simply die, separate, or fade away- it is utterly destroyed and removed from this universe. When this blade cuts into a being, item, or attack it simply destroys its essence from the fabric of this universe; while seemingly useless at times the effects on the world of an ability like this are drastic. This technique has the potential to effect being such as ‘Death’, ‘The Truth’, ‘Deveta’, and The Soul King; but not just harm or even kill them. They are utterly removed from this world, timeline, and existence permanently. Wounds inflicted by this sort of attack require extensive care and treatment of the highest caliber healers with time round the clock care, even Hayden’s own regeneration would not be able to counteract this sort of ability. However, the effects of this on Hayden can be rather deadly in themselves. When Hayden is activating this ability he is toying with the laws of the universe, combining elements of death and life he normally should not tamper with. This severely drains Hayden’s own energy sources and all additional energy he could draw from. Once Hayden deactivates this power he will not be able to use it for the next thirteen posts.

This ability may be used 3 times in Hayden's life before he kills himself with his own ability. This is the only way that I will allow this.

This will be tracked by posting the thread it has happened in into his app after the thread has completed. If the thread is abandoned because of activity(Not ragequit and the character still ends up dying) then it will not count.


THAT'S IT, I'M DONE WITH THIS REVIEW. FIX THESE THINGS AND THEN GET BACK WITH ME AND I'LL LOOK IT OVER ONCE MORE.


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CPKallday
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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Final Form Perfected Bankai/Shikai   Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:41 pm

APPROVED


[adm]ALRIGHT.

I'M ALLOWING THE SKILL DESTRUCTION OF CREATION FOR EVENT/DEATH THREAD CASE ONLY.
GL HITTING ANYTHING WHEN THIS ABILITY IS ACTIVE, LUL

In any case, this ability will require threads it is used in to be placed beneath the power. This power is limited to 3 uses, but can have a tick removed from it with a tier upgrade. Tiers beyond 0-2 (0-2+,0-2++, etc) will also remove ticks. Thus he will be able to use the ability 6 times in his entire life span as a 0-2++. Assuming, he one day gets there.

Make sure you add this link to your character's app as per usual.[/adm]

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