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Mirja nodded and shrugged her latex-covered shoulders, smiling to Tsubasa. He was a nice guy, a guy that didn't drive her instincts to tear his guts out and strangle him with them. It was nice not to feel that desire. And she reminded him of someone when he was younger as well. "So, you've been around a lot. You know Oni-chan, Ibiki, right? What does she like? Aside from alcohol. I already have that one covered. What else does she like? Food, Entertainment, clothes, I dunno, weapons? Anything that I can do to impress her?" Mirja asked. Clearly, there was someone she cared about, but it seemed as if she didn't include Ibiki in the 'people you care about' thing. Maybe because she thought Ibiki didn't need anything Mirja could give?
Then he offered something direct. Which was right up Mirja's alley. Punch it till it fell over and stopped moving. Sure, she was technically a highly skilled martial artist with enough styles and techniques to fill four separate classes a week, but she never went too fancy. It was always basic stuff, most of the time at least. So she faced him head and and would evolve, adapt to his speed until it was her speed, because that was how she rolled.
Taking her stance, she decided to use a new technique on him, and fell forward, seemingly about to smack into the floor. But while she was falling, she saw him put his sword away, and signal for a stop. Suddenly she panicked. Was it a trick? Was it something else? Was she going, was she stopping, was The Tundra economically viable in the current Vastime situation, would she lose it now she had a spat with Hayden, would she even be allowed back in?! And it was now, that she realized a flaw in her Falling Wolf Punch technique.
Don't get distracted.
One inglorious faceplant later, Mirja stood up, wiped the dust from herself, and smiled sheepishly. "So, what's this super ultra important stopping concept you want to teach me?" she seemed a little sour that he had suddenly just stopped, but still, she was a nice girl, most of the time.
Control. That one word immediately had her hackles up and her beautiful silver iris/pupil'd eyes shrinking. It was a topic that was not very good for her. She wanted to just walk away. Or run. Or throw a smoke bomb and flee while everyone was distracted. But Tsubasa would have a reason for this, she knew he would. So she gathered her wits, her courage, and her zeal, and nodded, looking to the dummy. Knowing that it was against Mirja, there had to be something about this dummy that was special, something that prevented it from getting broken. So Mirja walked over to it, and prodded it roughly, feeling the return jab and knowing that it was all Mirror of Yata style. Bloody thing. And Tsubasa hadn't said anything about how to hit it, hadn't said anything about anything except control. And did that mean he knew she had a tick that buggered her on that point?
Maybe it was a test. A test to see if she could think of a way to get rid of the dummy without punching it. So she nodded, and walked up to it, picking it up off the ground, and then launching it off towards the horizon. Job Done. "There. I have finished your dummy. What is next, that isn't control" She said, her smile betraying the scar on her heart as she said the word. She could still feel the way that boy crumpled beneath her fists. Still feel the breaking of bone, rupturing of organs, still hear the cries of surprise and alarm, hear his pained gurgle as he choked on his own blood. It wasn't something she was ever going to get away from, even when she had so much more that was so much worse to stress over, she still couldn't get away from that day.
Mirja looked to Tsubasa, and couldn't feel his pain. She only knew she had a family because everyone had a family, she had to have come from somewhere. But that is all she knew. Unknown, if it was a good family, a bad family, a small family, or a huge family. She then felt the dummy hit something, but she hadn't launched it hard enough for it to have sufficient velocity to do more than irritate her. "I've never had a family. I woke up in Shin'o Academy some two hundred years ago with a nasty scar on my forehead, and that is my earliest memory. I often thing it would be better to know they are all dead than to be trapped in ever-lasting despair over their fate. It's also why I was so worried about joining your family. I had lost one, so I don't have the best track record. I didn't want to lose you as well"
She looked out to the horizon, and then to her latex covered fist. The red colour suited what she had done with them. "I never wanted to kill anyone. Despite the torture that Caanan put me through, I didn't even want to kill him in the end. At the beginning, I was full of piss and vinegar, they had turned me into a monster for their own amusement, and so it was turned on them in the end. But when I regained my cognitive capabilities, every person I killed weighed on me terribly. The blood was always there on my hands. I went through all manner of scraps and scourers trying to get it off, even tried a cheese grater at one point. Ripping off the skin and the blood with it. I couldn't get rid of it. The kid and Caanan's thugs were the same. Neither were a threat to me, not really. And yet I killed them" she clenched her hands together, tight enough to shatter the bones of a person if she held their hands, and cried softly.
"I can't let go of my strength. I have to keep it under control, at all times. One slip up, and somebody dies"
Mirja's heart was thumping in her chest so hard she felt something was going to break. It was like she had used her Heart's Kiai but without the accompanying rush of power, or indeed actual reason to use it. Tsubasa spoke about his past, about how he had killed so many people to protect his clan. But that was fine, to Mirja. Killing to protect another, wasn't as bad as killing because you wanted to kill their boss. "Nobody died clean. There is so much blood on these claws, and yet...Ibiki just took me in her arms, and hugged me tightly, and told me that it would be all right. I want to be with her because I can't think of any other way to express my gratitude to her for how she treated me that day, I can't equate thanks to anything but sex. I'm a broken woman who's best off just dying, and starting again" she exclaimed, shaking her head.
"But, far too determined, and driven to do that. I can't risk getting into a body that can't reach such elative levels of speed. So I stick it out. As for the control, I don't know. I'm scared. There is so much about me that I used to be scared about. My power, my mind, my Bankai, my stupidly high cravings for women in the bedroom. Most of it I have managed to conquer, but my power still looms. It's been so long, it would be like a badly healed bone. I would have to break my control entirely and then refix it from ground up. And breaking the control now could be a catastrophe. You'll protect them from me, right? I can recover from pretty much anything that doesn't kill me outright, so don't be gentle. It will be your downfall"
He was prepared for her. This was good. Mirja was not going to lose another person to this. She would fight Tsubasa, and then probably die. Or some miracle would happen and she would actually be able to control all this now. Maybe she was scared of something that just wasn't going to happen in the end. She was mature, she could control it, right? Probably not, but it was always best to do it in a controlled situation with someone who wouldn't hesitate to bring her down and would actually be able to bring her down.
He drew his swords and readied himself, so Mirja went into the mindscape, and found the leash that was her control. She needed it, and so had never touched it before, but now was the time to do exactly the opposite. Mirja clenched the leash in her hand, and snapped it, feeling sickened by what had just happened, but knowing that she needed to do it. There would be no progress beyond this point without it. And so, her body was freed from it's own restraints, and the world trembled with every step. Or rather, the ground trembled. Without any degree of control, even her footsteps where enough to shake the very earth. Between her weight and the sheer power that was within her muscles, such a thing was not unexpected, after all.
She didn't rush him, didn't charge in fists swinging and voice screaming battle cries. She just walked towards him slowly. She'd never released herself like this before, and so she had no idea what could happen, what was going to happen. Tsubasa had proven himself a very potent combatant, but right now Mirja was dangerous on a level she had never been before, and so there was doubt in Mirja's mind about what was going to happen. "I'm sorry, for this" Mirja said, as she came into range and then threw a punch at his chest. She wasn't going fancy, or even fully in the fight, mentally. She was absent, as if she didn't want to be here for this.