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Well, she wasn't exactly sure she wanted to be here. It was super awkward, and generally, Mirja would just avoid the situation entirely and just punch anyone who tried to do anything about it. But, this was new Mirja. She was going about things the wrong way, and now needed to learn the right way. And so, needed to tell people what they couldn't see because if she didn't they would just keep assuming. And that would lead to mess and then people would get hurt, and despondency, and badly flavored tea would be rife in the world.
So she had to do it. For the sake of tea! Knowing how badly it had gone last time she was dressed up, Mirja was not wearing anything this time. Aside from her bodysuit, but that was something she always wore. Mostly because she couldn't get out of it more than anything. She thought about her uniform, but that would probably just be seen as cohesion or pressure, she wanted to come here as Mirja, not affiliated with anything. She wanted to come in her Maid's uniform, but that would probably be seen as not taking the situation seriously.
So, she took a deep breath, and then knocked. Her new control allowed her to make a good, solid knock, without putting a hole in the door this time. It was kind of amazing to be honest. Mirja had spent her entire life being scared of the power she had and thus having limited control over it, only ever really able to make it go up. But now, she was in control, and could do things, like not crush cups, not break doors, and not accidentallymurderpeoplebecauseshewasacrazywolflikethat. Even though it was long before wolfhood was even a concept in Mirja's mind.
The door felt solid, very much so, in fact. If she were less in a serious situation, she'd take that as a challenge and go break it. She was highly confident in her ability to break things. But this was srs beeznezz, so she had to focus on Hayden. Who was looking intimidatingly normal as he stood up there in his shirt. Mirja felt like she should have worn something over her Latex bodysuit, because now she felt all exposed. She stepped forward, and then swished her tail nervously, trying to find out how to say this. Eventually, she decided to go how she did with Ibiki, and just tell the truth.
"No" It was short, sweet, and simple. Got to the crux of the matter. "What you said, didn't make an impact. Not even a dent. Probably not the best thing to say but I never liked lying. And, this may seem to be going off topic completely and I'm probably going to ramble a lot, but you need to hear this, so I will talk and then you can tell me to go, or just you know, kill me. Either works, really" She told him, looking about the room and then picking the absolute dead center to stand in. She was strange, like that.
"So, a Shinigami has recently woken from his coma. Called Tsubasa, a name I have heard a few times and associated with a dead guy, so was kind of surprising when I followed his monstrous output and found him. I can see how someone like him became the Head Captain. He took one look at me and saw right through the exterior I have put up over my life time, and knew that I was fundamentally broken. Without saying a word, he knew how I would act around him. It was kind of off-putting, actually. I'm not used to being so easily read. But, he didn't seem to stand for the concept of just letting me be, because it is to much work to try for something that might not happen. So, he told me that he was going to teach me the one thing I have been running from for hundreds of years. He was going to teach me, Control" she looked to her fist, and smiled softly. "I'm glad of it now, but then, I was terrified"
"See, to me, Control isn't something to be scared of, but why I need it, is. I was taken into the Academy, after being rescued from something nobody will ever tell me about, and eventually I got into my first hakuda class and they put me against a kid. He was full of vim and vigor. He'd passed the exams, and was on his way to becoming a noble Shinigami. How the kids back home would envy him when he came out with his Zanpaktou and Shihakusho. But first, he was sparring with this little waif of a girl. Slender, almost scrawny, short, and far to beautiful to have ever had any trouble with life, there was no way he was going to have anything amounting to a problem with this girl.
Unfortunately, I kind of liked fighting. Caught a taste for it fending off some bullies in my neighborhood, and since then I became the Pink Protector. Because, my hair was pink, back then. Amazing, I know, but still. I was better than him. By a considerable margin as well, even if he hadn't underestimated me and not even put up a guard, I would have put him on his ass. But that hurt, the way he just brushed me off, it hurt. So I decided to teach him a lesson, not to judge by the cover. I moved in and then came up from below him, threw my whole body into a hell of an uppercut. I was a strong girl then, and I knew he was going to feel this. It took him off his feet, and then he slammed onto the mat, and there was me grinning like an idiot. Because, well, he wasn't going to be underestimating anyone when he got up.
Only problem was, he wasn't getting back up. The teacher went over to him, and.....i'd killed him. His head went back so fast, and so hard, his spine snapped in two, and the shock of it killed him outright. Dead before he hit the ground. Poor kid never felt a thing, but he was dead. And, I had killed him" She wiped away the tears from her eyes, and looked up to Hayden. "The rest, is history, but....I never left that room. Not mentally. I was chained down by the memory that my strength was dangerous, that it was only good for killing people who did not deserve to die. I grew up, I matured, but my mentality, never followed suit. I never learned, I never grew, I stayed a kid who didn't understand the concepts that so many others took for granted.
Tsubasa, he freed me, he took me out of that mental pit and showed me that I needed to move on from it. That it wasn't exclusively my fault. The kid should not have underestimated someone who managed to get into the Academy. The teachers were away that I had a unique biology and should have warned the class about it before putting me in a combat situation. I should have been examined to make sure I wasn't a thread before being accepted into the Academy. There was so much more than me at fault. People look at me, and they see a mature adult, and they treat me like a mature adult, and the expect to be treated equally by that mature adult. But I'm not. I was just a scared kid, still trapped in the past, huddled into a corner, crying and praying for a savior. Tsubasa didn't exactly have a white horse, and he could have been a little more gentle about it, but he rescued me from there.
And that, is who burst into your office, so full of naivety and swagger. I never joined the Soul Reapers, I was born into them. My first ever memory is waking up in the 4th Squad Barracks, being told that I was part of the Shin'o Academy, and that was that. I was a Shinigami, I did my job. It was a very basic job. Punch The Enemy. So when I joined your nation I thought that is exactly what I was meant to do. Punch The Enemy. But when I was offered something new I took it and blithely went about my work, unaware of the laws of the Soul Society, but just happy to be doing something to help. I was honestly shocked when you refused, and so I fell back on what always worked when someone said not. Intimidate them, punch them, only with words this time. That was a new thing, punching with words"
Mirja, finally finished her rambling, and then just looked to Hayden, wondering if his brain had gone off on vacation because Mirja had been talking too much.
Mirja slowly shook her head as Hayden offered one of two paths. She couldn't take either one however, it felt like lying, like denying what had happened. Neither could be accepted while her pride as a Shinigami still existed. "I can not accept a pass, or a start over. I just want you to know my past, so you can appreciate me moving on from it. It doesn't change what I did, but hopefully it will change what I am going to do, in the future. I can't promise you I'll be perfectly good. My mentality is still a little unhinged, and that story is a whole other kettle of fish. One of which the retelling is best done before you have anything to eat" She told him, wringing her hands and wondering if she could ever tell anyone the story of her and Caanan. Probably would have to eventually, with the Eves around Vastime, but still.
"As for the solving things....I'll stick to situations that can. You don't judge a gun on how well it makes toast, and punching things really is my only useful skill. Maybe I'll pick up some more as I grow, but in the mean-time I am going to avoid things I know that I will just muck up. Still be around offering Tulpa training and such for anyone who wants it, but I've learned not to dive head first into things I have no idea what is going on" she admitted, scratching the back of her beautiful head with a latex clad hand. And then, Hayden mentioned finding her drive. Something that Mirja already had an idea for. "So, there wouldn't be secret Vastime Techniques for exceeding your limits when it comes to how fast you can run, would there?" She asked, trying to be all innocent about it. In the same way a drug addict would be asking for money to go buy drugs.