Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Blade
Blade
The Hybrid King
Joined : 2011-06-06
Posts : 2651
Age : 26

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Wed Feb 10, 2016 4:02 pm
Alright Henrex, before I review the entire app as a while there's a large section I want you to overhaul. Under the Phantom Brain portion, the majority of abilities are very vague, dont include post count and dont talk about what can possibly get around them. I would like for you to overhaul it before I go on to grade a few powers I have an issue with. Hope that's alright.



lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg FXpoQxJ
lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg 2Y9rqGk

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Blade
Blade
The Hybrid King
Joined : 2011-06-06
Posts : 2651
Age : 26

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:31 pm
The First ability under the PhantomBrain section needs to be dumbed down. General information such as first name and Race can be applicable if allowed to scan for two posts. Otherwise, no history, no full profile, that's not a thing. A majority of 0 tiers can't even do this without having Information from an Organization.

In Neurocognitive Deficit, there needs to be a statement showing that this causes Henrex to lose focus from others attacking him in the form of possession. As a mindless creature he isnt going to be able to focus on tons of things all at once. He also won't pay much attention to the damage he's taking.

Enhanced strength via getting claws doesn't making much sense. Rework to ability to actually make it related to the Strength or it needs removed/renamed/remade to fit the claws that he grows. It'll also be based on tier and basic strength skill in general, not just cut anything but these types of weapons.

Generally, it seems that you're thinking you can gain a "form" of sorts from the Virus. That's not really applicable until the character goes through threads and training/interactions with other people. Until that actually happens, it sorta needs to be reworked entirely or removed. The Kajet parts.

Virus attack has no real substance. How do these attacks form? Do they shape themselves into something? Are they thrown? How many times can they be used? Elaborate.

Virus slice, I need a length on it buddy.

Virus shield doesn't have a size, a estimated range. Can it be sent to others? Can it be used outside this weird form of yours? Elaborate.



lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg FXpoQxJ
lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg 2Y9rqGk

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Henrex
Henrex
Tor'uk
Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 4404
Age : 23

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:23 pm
Blade wrote:The First ability under the PhantomBrain section needs to be dumbed down. General information such as first name and Race can be applicable if allowed to scan for two posts. Otherwise, no history, no full profile, that's not a thing. A majority of 0 tiers can't even do this without having Information from an Organization.

In Neurocognitive Deficit, there needs to be a statement showing that this causes Henrex to lose focus from others attacking him in the form of possession. As a mindless creature he isnt going to be able to focus on tons of things all at once. He also won't pay much attention to the damage he's taking.

Enhanced strength via getting claws doesn't making much sense. Rework to ability to actually make it related to the Strength or it needs removed/renamed/remade to fit the claws that he grows. It'll also be based on tier and basic strength skill in general, not just cut anything but these types of weapons.

Generally, it seems that you're thinking you can gain a "form" of sorts from the Virus. That's not really applicable until the character goes through threads and training/interactions with other people. Until that actually happens, it sorta needs to be reworked entirely or removed. The Kajet parts.

Virus attack has no real substance. How do these attacks form? Do they shape themselves into something? Are they thrown? How many times can they be used? Elaborate.

Virus slice, I need a length on it buddy.

Virus shield doesn't have a size, a estimated range. Can it be sent to others? Can it be used outside this weird form of yours? Elaborate.


Check, check, check, check, check, check, and check.
Imakuran
Imakuran
Seasoned Member
Joined : 2012-10-02
Posts : 1018
Age : 83

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Sun Feb 14, 2016 4:54 pm
Chiya takes the form of an angel who rules over Purgatory, the waiting room of the afterlife. Chiya’s physical features look similar to Tensa Zangetsu, except with black wings on his back, and red eyes. He carries a sword at his side, and normally is seen with a very gloomy expression. Chiya resembles Henrex in many ways. Both are very quiet and shy, both hate large amounts of talking and heavily crowded areas. But he also resembles him physically as well. Both are decently tall, with Henrex being slightly taller at 6’ 3, and Chiya at a solid 6’. Chiya also has the same markings as Henrex does, although his are only on his arms.

For this and any descriptions you do for anything in your entire roleplaying career, do not describe something with "It's like that" without actually describing it. That is usually seen as a cop out and it is not developing your skills as a writer at all. Your job is to paint us a picture with your words, your job is not to take another person's picture and say "it's like that." It's lazy and very disappointing.



•Limited Darkness Attacks: Henrex can manipulate the darkness around him into attacks that increase in power when he releases his Zanpakutō, becoming about twice as powerful, with the Bankai release multiplying by 3 times. If night were to fall, Henrex is able to utilize, manipulate, and absorb the darkness of the night, giving him a near limitless energy source.

Ok, for realsies. I know we follow "anime logic" which utilizes science so thin you could spread it on a biscuit but come on. Darkness is, literally, the absence of light. I.E. Darkness IS nothing. You can't "absorb" nothing, I mean you can, but you can also do that while sitting on a couch in your underwear eating doritos and drinking mountain dew, and at least there you're absorbing diabetes and coronary disease. So for this and I suppose every power you have, you're going to have to define what "darkness" is for this character, because these powers range from obnoxiously overpowered by their very nature to worthless and akin to a child playing make believe in his backyard.

Infrasound: Henrex, by unsheathing his sword partially, can create waves of infrasound that can manipulate it’s sound to the most inner fears of the target. The Infrasound itself feels like an auditory illusion, with the sound unable to be heard by anyone else but the target, and the target could be driven to madness if they heard it for long enough. This ability, when Chiya is sealed, is only able to last for a short time when sealed, but the limit is increased when Henrex releases his Shikai and Bankai. The Infrasound, as described by Henrex, as Chiya once used it on him, works in a way similar to the Norse myth of Yggdrasil and Ratatoskr, with the sounds feeling like a whisper in the back of the mind, with the whisper growing louder and louder. If the right amount of Infrasound is used, it can be used to knock out a victim.

We treat illusions like we treat lepers. Also this has nothing to do with Darkness so I haven't a clue why it's here. Remove it.

Black Hole Creation: Henrex performs this by temporarily discarding all of his positive emotions, becoming an embodiment of pure emptiness, and uses this to merge a lot of the darkness around him into a black hole, sucking everything in.

You are going to want to change this to "Gravity Well." Black Hole would...you know...kill everything, including your character, in a several star system radius. Also as a general rule of thumb, if you're ever using the words "Unlimited or Near Unlimited" for anything literal, you're doing it wrong.

He also has a robotic helper which works like Cortana, but is better, with her name being Maven.

Seriously?

Extreme Processing Speed: Henrex’s Cyberbrain is capable of extreme high processing, making him able to asses a situation quickly and more efficiently. He also is able to scan people, certain objects, and equipment, registering them into his database. He does this by locking onto a target and scanning things about them. If he hasn't seen them before, his Cyberbrain will not be able to get anything, and it will start scanning them.

And he's scanning...what exactly? Because this can range anywhere from a neat little trick to a blatant attempt to metagame...guess which one isn't okay.

Pain Suppression: When Henrex installed his PhantomTech, he made sure to install a pain suppressant, making his pain tolerance much higher, sometimes with Henrex never even reacting to injuries. He even said about it: “No pain, no fear.” Henrex also can increase, or even decrease (which he rarely does) the pain suppressant, causing to either feel less or more pain. When he increases the pain, he usually does this to show him a sign of when he's reaching his limits, which can warn himself to back down, if he's not careful.

Ok, so cybernetics aren't magic, you would have to completely cut off your sense of touch for this to work, which would make things such as walking hilariously difficult because you'd have no tactile feedback from the steps you're taking, so even diminishing the sense of pain would make it difficult to function normally enough to walk down the street, much less fight like a Shinigami. The only other option is for a cybernetic implant to shut off your brain's capacity to sense pain...which isn't like diminishing the nerve's capacity to send information...you'd have to turn off the brain's capacity to interpret that information. Which...as you can imagine...is horrible. Having this on for thirty minutes would lead to your character inadvertently disfiguring himself...again walking down the street. You're going to have to try a little harder here, "science magic!" isn't the same thing as magic.

Virus: Unfortunately, when Henrex was able to receive his PhantomTech, a virus latched onto him, named the Forbidden Power, hidden away by the Shinigami Research Center, but broke free and latched itself onto Henrex’s PhantomTech, and made its way into his nervous system. The virus gave Henrex his name, Kajet Shadowguard. He became a pretty big problem for Henrex, constantly whispering in the back of his mind. Henrex eventually forced it into dormancy, but Kajet still lives, constantly whispering in the back of his head, sometimes distracting him from important things. The Forbidden Power’s virus form is a floating egg-shaped field made of waves of static that can change in size and shape, as long as it is still touching the host. It DOES have a secondary appearance, with the physical form taking the shape of a large, grey beast. It has the power to possess its host completely, turning their eyes red and shading them darker. Kajet sometimes possesses Henrex against his own will, forcing his body to leave the Seireitei and perform acts of major destruction. Although Kajet seems unstoppable, He can be defeated if Henrex’s body takes too much damage, or if Henrex forces his way back into control.

To temper some expectations...this app merits a 3-5 at most, Kajet will be very stoppable. Like, a lot stoppable.

Henrex
Henrex
Tor'uk
Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 4404
Age : 23

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Tue Feb 16, 2016 5:52 am
Alright, this took me a bit, but all of which you said are done! ^^
Imakuran
Imakuran
Seasoned Member
Joined : 2012-10-02
Posts : 1018
Age : 83

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Henrex's Initial Approval [SPLIT FOR APP SPACE]

Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:45 am
Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Adept
  • Mental Deduction: Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Beginner
  • Focus: Adept


Comments/Notes:
Tier: 4-1
Pockeh
Pockeh
Metal as Fuck
Joined : 2010-12-11
Posts : 3387
Age : 28
Location : Where all sinners congregate

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:20 am
[adm]Updated the tier to 3-4 based on this upgrade here:

https://www.platinumhearts.net/t15905-upgrade-for-henrex-after-the-miniburst-and-fight-night#103020

If you've got any issue, talk to me directly please.[/adm]


I envy because of the heart.
I glutton because of the heart.
I covet because of the heart.
I am prideful because of the heart.
I sloth because of the heart.
I rage because of the heart.
Because of the heart...
I lust for everything about you.


------------------------------------
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Henrex
Henrex
Tor'uk
Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 4404
Age : 23

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:23 am
Gonna change some stuff, such as the tier, and three skills as per the upgrade for Henrex after the miniburst and fight night. Following up @Pockeh on his reply to this.

https://www.platinumhearts.net/t15905-upgrade-for-henrex-after-the-miniburst-and-fight-night#103019

Tier: 4-1 ----> 3-4
Willpower/Determination: Adept ----> Advanced
Durability: Beginner ----> Adept
Zanjutsu: Beginner ----> Adept
Henrex
Henrex
Tor'uk
Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 4404
Age : 23

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Sun Jun 26, 2016 1:24 pm
Changing the tier due to an upgrade after the events of Sector D!

https://www.platinumhearts.net/t15993-moon-massacre-upgrade-henrex-astillon#103617

3-4 ----> 3-3
Henrex
Henrex
Tor'uk
Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 4404
Age : 23

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lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg Empty Re: lskdfjslihujdvlksnvlksfdg

Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:21 pm
List of changed items. If recheck is necessary, please do so. :3

-Updated certain things about Shikai and Sealed powers
-Moved the whole Mjolnir weight thing into a separate sealed power
-Added Racial Abilities
-Updated a small bit of his history
-Added Stable Shikai Picture and info about it
-Made Henrex's app look even more sexy by changing that template to the new one

If there's anything I forgot to mention on this, let me know. Anything I need to change, let me know. :3
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