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 The Unabara Fist

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Mirja Eeola
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Subject Post 1PostSubject: The Unabara Fist   Sat Mar 18, 2017 12:14 pm



» Name Of Character: Mirja Eeola
» Link To Character: http://www.platinumhearts.net/t16312-mirja-eeola-approved-0-4

» Upgrading: Lotus 1,2 and 3 require Advanced Focus and Advanced Hakuda. The remaining lotus require Master Focus and Master Hakuda. Other skill requirements specific to the individual lotus are marked down. Compatible with God-Bashing Blows. A Person can not learn a Lotus without first having the lotus that came before it. Thus, to reach Seventh Lotus, the practitioner must first learn Inital Lotus, and One through Six before he can comprehend the Seventh.

Tundra Lotus - Initial Lotus: Similar to the Crimson Lotus, this technique is no less easy to learn for discarding the sword in favor of the fist. It lacks the four different forms of the Crimson Lotus, instead blending them together into a single Lotus, the Tundra Lotus. The training to unlock it however, is very similar to the Crimson Lotus, and it retains the ability to reflect energy attacks with their fists, rather than a sword. The core element of control is very much present here, and requires a great deal of skill and precision to master. But, once it has been learned, it opens the door to the Seven Lotuses.

First Lotus - Separating Shock Palm/Detaching Wolf Paw: Powerful twin-palm strike, using Hollowpoint theory to create an explosive blast precisely on the target's joints. The palm strike ripples the area of impact, and then the trapped portion of compressed air is slammed down, into the target's joints while it recovers from the palm strike. The timing and precision needed to pull this technique off properly are rewarded with a solid blow to their internal structure, but it is highly reliant on how strong the user is, as a more powerful palm strike will ripple the area of impact more dramatically, allowing the compressed air shot to pass in with less resistance. This technique can cause considerable pain and stiffness in the targeted joint, or dislocate it entirely if the user is stronger that the enemy. Detaching Wolf Paw increases the chance of dislocation as God-Bashing Blows allows for more power to be directed.


Second Lotus - Mortal Strikes God/Wolf Savages Divine: Precision Knuckle strike capable of distorting the cells in a person's body. The attack uses the concept of Motionless Fist to spread the blow through the target's body, twisting the body's recognition of it's own cells so that a person can not determine which cells are dead, and which are alive. This makes active regeneration increasingly inefficient the lower the person's skill is, as regenerating healthy cells could lead to malformations and other catastrophes, forcing them to expend energy to find out which parts were damaged before regenerating them. At lower tiers, this could lead Regeneration to become an nonviable technique, as it would expend too much energy and leave the regenerator exhausted. This is less of a problem at higher levels of power and skill, but even the best would notice it. Albiet there is a massive difference between noticing and being disturbed by it. Furthermore, the user's strength determines exactly how distorted the cells are. The nature of this technique leaves it vulnerable to techniques that reverse time within their own body, and techniques that replace the outcome with something of the target's own desire.

[Standard technique, lasts for 4 turns, Wolf Savages Divine lasts for 6 turns. Strength determines the level of inefficiency caused]

Third Lotus - Planting Of Petals/Wolf Spreads Petals: 'Petals' are minute fractures in the target's skeletal structure, which are incredibly difficult to detect, and require more energy to regenerate than one might think, due to the specialized nature of the fracture. They can quickly exhaust lower level regenerators because of this. Wolf Spreads Petals creates larger petals that spread further and are harder to regenerate. These fractures are caused by spear-hand strikes, focusing the force of one's entire arm into their fingers. Fewer fingers reduces the area, but increases the overall force, which can be helpful against highly durable targets, or when you wish to create more crippling petals.

[Durability can negate the petals, if the user is lacking in strength. A user needs Strength one above the target's Durability to make 100% effective petals. 70% effectiveness if they are equal, 30% effectiveness if they are one below, and a 1.2% effectiveness if they are two below. Using God-Bashing Blows allows the user to temporarily count as one strength level above for the sake of effectiveness. Body Armour can also prevent the usage of this technique, as the petals are planted within the Armour's material, and not the person's own flesh]

Fourth Lotus - Accept Graciously, Return Threefold/Wolf Consumes Gift, Returns Favor: A defensive technique allowing Hand to Hand attacks and most blunt weaponry to be redirected at the enemy. Requires Master Speed as well as Master Focus to pull off, as well as equal strength to be able to take the hit without being thrown off. The technique centers around the concept of a wheel, spinning in response to force, and then returning to it's original position. Wolf Consumes Gift allows the user to strike back harder than the attack they absorbed, making it effective for catching the enemy off guard. A skilled warrior, however, can pick up on the workings of this technique after a single usage, making it more of an ace-in-the-hole than anything. Even less skilled fighters will be able to pick up on it if it is used repeatedly.

Fifth Lotus - The Lotus Closes: A technique requiring great focus and great control, the user channels their energy to their fingers, and then strikes for the gut, sternum and throat. The energy is released on impact, and slams in hard, forcing the air out of their lungs and making them scramble to recover under the impact. Since it deals with energy control, there is no Wolf variant. The three strikes are pulled off very quickly, and so require Master in general speed to be able to do all three. Advanced merely hits two of the three, and causes lesser breathlessness.

[Durability can negate this technique, if the user is lacking in strength. Uses the same formula as Planting of Petals]

Sixth Lotus - The Petals Bloom/Wolf Dances Among The Bloom: A technique causing the previously planted Petals to 'bloom'. Shattering the bones that the petals are planted on and scattering bone shards and marrow into the person's system. Due to the specialized manner of shattering, they require a considerably higher degree of energy to regenerate than a normal broken bone. Wolf Dances Among The Bloom allows the person to take advantage of Wolf Spreads Petals and shatter the larger petals cleanly. Wolf Spreads Petals will not work as efficiently if not coupled with Wolf Dances Among The Bloom. The shattering works the same as the planting, only multiple fingers reduce the effectiveness of the blooming, and so it is generally only ever used with a single finger.

Seventh Lotus - The Petals of Flesh/The Wolf Plants Death: A highly advanced, super-sonic variant of Planting The Petals, the user needs GM in General Speed to be able to pull it off, and a Master in Durability to be able to keep their fingers in one piece upon impact. Passing through bone, the user strikes the target's organs, and then blossoms the petals in a single, incredibly fast movement, creating small ruptures that demand immediate healing, and require a great deal more energy than usual ruptured organs. The Wolf Plants Death ascends this technique into new levels by blasting a hole through the organ, making it a harrowing experience for even the greatest of regenerators. It has an identical execution to Planting the Petals, and does not necessitate a single finger as the velocity takes care of the force. Using a single finger can cause an incredible mess within the target's internals, or cripple even the hardest of skinborne defenses.

[Durability can not negate the planting of these petals, but if the practitioner is lacking in strength, they will cause severe damage to themselves in the process of using this technique. Body Armour can reduce the effectiveness of this technique, but not negate it completely, as the momentum travels through the body armour to hit it's target. Specialized scale armour can reduce it's effectiveness considerably, and prevent anything more than bruising to the organs]

» Why: After Mirja learns the Crimson Lotus, and is put to the task of developing the Unabara Fist.

» Extra: Every time I do name and app link, it feels like I am doing the Bridge of Death scene.



Last edited by Mirja Eeola on Thu Mar 30, 2017 3:25 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: The Unabara Fist   Tue Mar 28, 2017 9:13 pm

One Lotus:
 

Get rid of this entirely, you're not going to negate an entire skill level I don't even see how that is possible with the system set up with PH. This just sounds like a simple technique which does more than average damage so I suggest write it as such- a minor technique.

2 Lotus:
 

You are not going to just negate the regeneration of users on the site through a simple technique like this, what you can do is say it makes it harder for regenerators to follow through or that it would cost more energy/fuel to regen those affected cells. Of course the effect of this varys from tier to tier which you should note such as a low tier regener being much more drastically effected perhaps even not making it worth regening, but for those like Mana and near that level? This could be a disturbance but not a negation.

Lotus 3:
 

That gap between strength and durability is way to large, Make it equal to their strength level which is effected.

Lotus 4:
 

You need some way to work around this as you cannot auto counter hand to hand or weaponry attacks. This should be something which works maybe once or twice before an experience warriors catches on, thats more of a rp concern and if I see it being abused I will step in.

Lotus 5:
 

It has the same problem as Lotus 3, maybe it equal in terms of what can effect what. I.e Advance strength has full power on adept durability, partial effect on advance durability, and little to no effect on master and above as some examples.

Lotus 6:
 

As I said earlier you will not just negate someones crucial skills which this entire fighting style seems to revolve around as a hard counter to regeners or fucking with someones durability. You need to reevaluate this and figure out how to balance between making it harder for a regener and negating it all entirely, as it's a spectrum.

Lotus 7:
 

Same as a above.

My general overview and thoughts:

This is a Mirja style. This isn't a unabara style. The Unabara focus on a quick, fluid, and graceful style of fighting similar to how assassins in assassins creed fought. Yes there was power and meat behind their attacks but this doesn't feel like a Unabara style and I have talked with Crow about this and he agrees. You also have made this entire style as a hard counter to defense, primarily regeners- which again isn' the Unbara MO. You need to take this style back to the drawing board and really think about the capabilities and balance issues which are becoming more prominent in your writing. I think you should take a step away and wonder, if you was fighting this style how would you see it? Could you reasonably stand a chance on the same tier of power or near it? As you wrote this someone of FAR lesser power would be able to influence and fuck up regeners of the highest caliber.


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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: The Unabara Fist   Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:18 am

One Lotus:

Right. I changed it, it's different now. I was just testing the waters with this, so changing it is no problem.

2 Lotus:

I guess streight negation is too much, sorry. To be honest, I did make this technique as a card to play against those who overuse Regeneration as if it is something that is infinte and impossible to defeat, as there is currently nothing on site that can be used against Regenerators other than 'hit them harder'. It was inspired by a discussion on regeneration a few weeks ago, and Frost posted in with '> Not making techniques to counteract regeneration' and then possibly an smh, I forgot. Still, changed from negation to disruption, added in a Strength scale so newblets can't 'lolhax' regenerators.

Lotus 3:

It wasn't an accurate scale, more saying if you don't have the strength you can't affect them. An accurate scale has been made.

Lotus 4:

That's a good point, I wasn't thinking of that when I wrote it up. I just thought it was cool. I have changed it so that it's execution is made obvious in execution, limiting the amount of times it can be used depending on the skill of the fighter in question.

Lotus 5:

Copied over the Durability/Strength scale from Lotus 3. Because I'm lazy and it works.

Lotus 6:

I....may have written it wrong but, Petals don't negate regeneration, they simply make it more costly to regenerate the damage done, neccecitating an increased expenditure of energy to reach proper health.
Lotus 7:

Also, same as above. This is just a Grandmaster version of the petals, and petals don't negate, they just increase the cost of regeneration.

In closing, yes, it is a Mirja style. Tsubasa asked Mirja to make an Unbara Hakuda style, knowing her nature. If he wanted to keep it in style with the quick, fluid assassin stuff, he would have asked Henrex, who is also part of the Unbara family, and a literal Ninja. But he asked Mirja, so he gets a Mirja style. It moves away from their assassin roots for those like Tsukiya who can't manage to grasp the sword style, this gives them something different. It doesn't fit with their motiff, but neither does Mirja, and she was still brought in by Tsubasa.

However, I have noticed a tendency to write thermatically without an eye to balance until someone points it out, something I am trying to come around to solving. Until then, I have magnificent people like you to point out the flaws. It makes a great team, no?
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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: The Unabara Fist   Fri Apr 07, 2017 12:45 pm

I'll be approving this, but under a watchful eye.

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