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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault

Amon Breach

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Ludalfa
Blood Knight
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Blood Knight
Blood Knight
Established Member
Joined : 2015-01-10
Posts : 135
Age : 26

Amon Breach Empty Amon Breach

Fri 16 Jan 2015, 5:27 pm
THE SHINIGAMI TEMPLATE

Enter The Shinigami
非再生可能


I. Basic Information


» Name: Amon Breach
» Alias: N/A
» Age: 23
» Gender: Male

» Association: The Soul Society (I guess)

» Appearance Written: Being from the cities of good ol' flooded Texas, the slums rather, the rough days of being practically poor could certainly be seen on Amon. From various of scars to burn marks, Amon has certainly lived a harsh life from frequently hunting, fighting and working at such a young age. He is a Caucasian male that stands at 5'8," weighing in at a good 220lbs. Amon has the appearance of an athlete; and though he doesn't play sports, it is due to frequent exercising. He has short, dark brown hair and hazel green eyes. However, it isn't usually easy for some passerby to interact with the man due to his rough appearance, and, as the term goes his, "Resting bitch face."

» Appearance Image: N/A

I. Personality


» Personality: Amon Breach is a man of vibrant colors. Normally keeping to himself, Amon doesn't bother anyone nor will he initiate conversation lest it's with a friend. He is generally upbeat, if not usually whistling a tune. To an outside perspective however due to his rough appearance and most people avoid him, granted, he is quite civil and friendly toward others. This really only touches the child from through pope.

Brotherhood, Kinship, and Caution

Amon grew up in an orphanage, placed there after the death of his parents, down in Southern Texas where the humidity is horrid, swamps and farmland are built up and is considered the "country" of the state. Amon grew up alongside other children like him, and in doing so created a kinship between the lot, making them brothers and sisters. Amon has an extremely strong value in comradery due to this, and would risk his own life to protect a fellow friend, soldier, and teammate. However this has also made him possessive from a distance, always making sure those he's become "kindred" and bonded with are out of trouble, if not watching from a distance; this can include Amon becoming critical of newcomers, however not to the point of jealousy.

However as the consequence, Amon actually stays to himself and forces self isolation. He's been burnt, betrayed, and thus in turned made him cautious of just about anyone. Due to this attitude Amon won't take invites nor friendly requests to go to simple events, parties, or even a date for that matter. And due to this ordeal Amon is afraid to open up to others, preferring to keep a neutral or acquainted standard with them. If someone really wanted to get to know the guy, they'd have to drag him there.

Honesty, Leadership and Civil

Before Amon was Orphaned at the age of 12, his father taught him various life values. These values have since then made him the man he is, treating others equally and to help those in need of it. From the way he talks to people, treats them, and see's them, Amon prefers to be on an "equal" ground morally than literally. Amon knows he isn't above any man however isn't afraid to show them as to why they shouldn't climbs those heights. He is honest, terrible at keeping little white lies and absolutely hates lying to others if it's to protect them, however he isn't too sharing of his previous family and friends. He isn't above beating the hell out of someone either, and can get pretty nasty toward anyone who deceives him for their purpose.

Amon has a show of taking the lead. He is a quick thinker in the sense he can find his way out of just about any situation, whether it's fighting his way out or anything else. He will normally lead by example, well, mostly as he tends to talk smack to anyone who can't, and very well can, beat him. Regardless, Amon will give a command that he sees as beneficial to a group, he will lead attacks and even openings for others to get in on. He uses the power of "common sense" most the time and gives guidance he thinks will help; however if there are no other options and no right decisions, Amon will do everything he can to make sure others get out mostly in one piece, even if it means him staying behind.

Honorable, yet Merciless

Amon Breach tends to strive for truth and seek out justice, honoring his veterans and elders, superiors and fellow comrades, as corny as it can sound. Amon is also trustworthy, and normally uses his word to get things done. He holds himself to do the best job he can, only pertaining to do it at 100% and no less. This includes holding others to those standards as well, however knows not everyone can do so. But in the case of fighting and the enemy... Amon shows little honor. He wouldn't stab anyone in the back, however knows what advantages to take yet doesn't if it regards to a foes friends. It wouldn't be right if it happened to Amon, but sometimes it certainly would. He isn't above cursing at others either, being from where he was, he can talk some real crap; and Amon isn't above beating a bitch down either.

Showing very little room for mercy, Amon, again, does his job to the fullest normally of the bases of, "Doing the right thing." No matter his morals, Amon isn't afraid of throwing a dirty blow, as his enemy would do the exact same. He tears down an enemy piece by piece, blow for blow, and breaks them down both physically and mentally until they are truly defeated. In some sense, this fuels his pride a little, he normally does this to humiliate them.

I. History


» History: Amon Breach lived an honest life when he was little. His parents, John and Lillian Breach, were farmers in Southern Texas as well as Rangers; tending to both crops and in their spare time cleaning up gangs and any trouble that came about. They taught Amon how to shoot a gun, hunt, camp and survive in the wilderness being around swamps and marshes and all. While it wasn't perfect, Amon's little mind kept tabs of all of what he was taught, how to treat others, and values in life. Things changed on his 12th birthday, his family got their friends together and held a big party, but just as he blew out the candles to his cake the entire community building was shot up.

A nearby gang wanting revenge killed most of the party but we're thankfully taken out by the communities militia. Amon's parents weren't spared, both of them amongst the first to be killed. Since that day, Amon was traumatized, and since that day he began to see things, such as some of those who've been gunned down at the party. He was put into an orphanage, while not having the best A/C units, was more or less the best luxury he'd get the rest of his life. His property would remain in his grandfathers name until he became old enough to actually own, and Henry Breach being the only relative Amon had, the old man couldn't take him due to his full-time service in the military. Until then, any belongings were put in a storage that weren't toys and clothes.

Growing up in the orphanage was difficult, getting to know other kids after he'd lost his parents, but as years went on Amon got over it. The only thing he couldn't get over were the "people" he seen passing through. And he wasn't the only one, most of the orphans there had lost their parents due to one thing or another and most of them had the gift too. The caretaker, an older, hefty woman who tolerated for little nonsense, would have them help with her massive pepper garden; she'd have them clean and do things she couldn't due to her back. The kids as a whole had grown around each other enough that they viewed each other as a family, and being here taught Amon a hard life that was worth working for. The schooling wasn't the best and it was boring.

By the time he was 18, Amon had a job as a trapper with his friends forming a group of hunters. They would hunt down predators and prey alike, taking pelts, teeth, and meat for selling the product. It was hard work but profitable and honest. Amon regained his property from his grandfather, Henry, who he had lived with after leaving the Orphanage. Amon eventually received another job working retail at a nearby town, using this opportunity to get out of the swamps and live more in the city. What transpired for him to take this great turn was simple; his group of buddies got involved in drugs and gang activity, half of them either killed trying to take out militia or went into hiding. Regardless, they had pushed him away and even threatened his grandfather if Amon didn't stay away, simply because he, "Couldn't fit in."

From there he moved, and Amon noticed the change in people's attitudes and began to see more of the passed souls, at this point being able to commune with them like any other person. However due to his job Amon was ever hardly home, and his grandfather soon passed away. He attempted to sell the property but the community center of Alroy kept the deeds out of good faith for when he decides to return. Amon had left everything behind in trade for a new life, but things quickly changed he became adapted to the new life. He ended up getting a bar fight, he was cracked in the head with a thick beer bottle and his power flared; causing a shockwave that not only threw the assailants back but shatter any glass in the building.

After quickly making his escape Amon was approached by an individual, who then lead him to their home. From there, Amon was introduced to the whole aspect of there being more than just plain ghosts, spirits, heaven and hell. After a demonstration of the individuals own gift, Amon wanted to learn more, hungry for what there was to offer. He was introduced to the Shin'o Academy, where Amon would be accepted. For the next several years, Amon had learned, as he called it, "How to Grim Reaper shit." Eventually he graduated, becoming a full Shinigami himself however due to his job in retail Amon would remain, "For hire," doing both spirit work and manual labor.

Eventually however Amon moved away from the United States, wanting a new start, he decided to move to Japan as that seemed like a decent place; transferring over there in a global distribution center. At least from what he's heard.

I. Equipment


» Equipment: [If your Shinigami has any equipment? Put it here. If they don't, skip this section.]

I. Racial Techniques/Abilities/Skills


» Racial Abilities:

So far, Amon is quite a fresh Shinigami with not much going for him, as a matter of fact no one really knows who he really is he's so new! That said, he only has the standard Shinigami abilities such as:

Extended Lifespan
Enhanced Endurance
Konso
Purging Sinister Souls
Kikanshinki
Gigai
Gokon Tekkō V2
Jigokuchō
Denreishinki v2
Reiryoku
Reiatsu

I. Sealed Powers


» Zanpakutô Name: Asauchi

» Zanpakutô Spirit Appearance: N/A

» Inner World: N/A

» Zanpakutô Appearance:
7671ead3f0d5bec39b82fd73063b9c6b-2

»  Sealed Zanpakutô  Power: N/A

I. Shikai


» Shikai Release Phrase: N/A

» Shikai Release Action:

» Shikai Appearance:

» Shikai Abilities:

I. Bankai


» Bankai Release Phrase: N/A

» Bankai Release Action:

» Bankai Appearance:

» Bankai Abilities:

I. Shikokai


[NOTE: This form is restricted until 0-3, and is not usually granted upon approval. This is ONLY for pureblood Shinigami! Refer to the racial specs for more information]

» Shikokai Release Phrase:

» Shikokai Release Action:

» Shikokai Appearance:

» Shikokai Abilities:


I. Skill Sheet


(To Find Out about what these skills are for, please READ THIS THREAD before you try doing anything to it. After you have read it, do not fill your skills out until a staff member has graded your thread. The staff member checking your app will also give you Will Skills in which you can add to your app when approved. Click the spoiler below to see what tier gets what kind of skills.)

Spoiler:

General Skills
  • Durability:
  • General Speed:
  • Strength:
  • Weapon Skill:


Shinigami Skills
  • Hoho:
  • Kidō: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained
  • Zanjutsu: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained
  • Hakuda: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained
  • Mental Deduction: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained
  • Focus: Elite/Advanced/Adept/Beginner/Untrained


I. Role Play Sample


»  Roleplay Sample:

"Calling for Breach, a call from Mr. Itoche for Amon Breach!"

The day's sun began to settle on the horizon, the busier hours picking up as people head home from work or to clock in for a night shift. The wind was cool, but inside the Utsiguia Distribution warehouse it was warm, humid, and most importantly, it was completely packed with workers. Their task was simple, unload the delivery trucks of necessary items and load the empty one's full of said items. This ranged between water, dehydrated goods, non-perishables, toiletries, tools, and whatever else are needed to help a town or city temporarily while governing bodies can figure out the next steps. It was a massive company and very successful, the Utsiguia Distribution were responsible for saving a lot of people's lives by sending these supplies. They were good to the people and decent to their employees.

"Amon Breach, you have a call from Mr. Itoche!"

"I heard, you fucking pig!" A man stated back at the intercoms. As if she could here him. Throwing his yellow and black work gloves down on a table, he went over to a nearby pole that had an old telephone and picked it up to his ear, pressing a green painted button; the top of the phone hitting a yellow and green hardhat.

"This is Breach." The man said in Japanese, sighing ever so slightly from the inconvenience.

With a face littered with miniscule scars and an expression to scare the wits out of a kid, Amon Breach was amongst the very few foreigners to work here in Japan. The only reason he transferred here was to get away from home, the pay increase and the benefits were far better here than the United States. Regardless, work was work, and Amon was none too pleased with being pulled out of his focus. That, and with it being a fast paced job there really wasn't time to good around or talk much.

"Breach, I just got word Izawa was hurt this evening at your station. What exactly happened?" Onja Itoche, the manager of the establishment, always spoke with a calm demeanor, a lot of employees were fearful of the man as he never shown any signs of agitation, hesitation, not even a slight snarkiness. And they took him as a disturbing man, but Amon knew exactly who Onja was.

Amon sighed, recalling what happened, "Yeah, he was tying his shoe at one of the trucks and fell, someone driving a forklift didn't see him and ran the guys foot over, from what I hear. Pretty nasty from what I saw."

"I just needed confirmation," Onja replied, giving a sigh of his own now, "The family might sue, but keep it on the down low would you?"

The line closed on the other end and Amon hung the phone back up. Yep, he thought, just another day in this deathtrap. In the first two weeks he'd been here Amon counted five workers injured from being sheer idiots. Colby, some obese guy from California, fell off a ramp trying to lift something heavy and shattered his arm. Amon laughed when that happened. Then the four followed suit, one actually dying due to impalement, however each and everyone of those people got hurt literally because of something stupid they did. Or it were the freak accidents, regardless, mostly everyone blamed the company, but when the managers prove it was the employee's fault? Lawsuit.

The Utsiguia Distribution were too big, and they had plenty of money with many centers and warehouses worldwide, so Amon assumed that yes there would be someone hurt eventually. He didn't know how many idiots there were. Apparently there were a lot in the world, more than he would like. Moving back to the previous station, Amon began to pack some side boxes on the conveyor belt, getting back into the groove alongside another young worker. The six men on the station moved swiftly until the entire pallet of boxes were finished, they stood there waiting for the next forklift to arrive however two quick buzzes of the intercom above their station was the oy they they'd receive.

The lot moved to close down their station, turning the belt off while half of them began to move part of the machine out of the way so they can close their outside door. The semi truck cranked up and took off slowly, leaving the men to finish their job. After cleaning up the tape, plastic, and random trash they would begin to walk toward a set of twin doors and walked through them. Down the hallway in silence, they took a right turn into a locker room where other employees were already putting away their work gear and head home for the night. Amon went to a locker with the small numbers at the top, 336, and began to take off the heavy yellow vest and hardhat.

"Today sucked," One of the employees finally broke the silence, "Hard."

"Oh yeah? You weren't Izawa, poor guy was in so much pain." A younger worker said, a more... What's the word Amon used? Feminine? Feminine, feminine guy.

"He got what he deserved," One of the larger, more masculine men stated, stepping out a shower with a towel in one hand and another around his waist, "Dumbass shouldn't have been down there. Shit, a kid would have more common sense than that."

Amon said nothing as the two began to bucket back and forth, already having much on his mind. Though Onja was certainly his manager, the boss was also Amon's mentor for a particular organization. Though it took years to achieve it, Amon finally attained a name he fought tooth and nail for, Something that made him satisfied yet hungry for much, much more. A Shin-

"Get off me queer!!" The same hefty, now red faced man stated, back handing the life out of the same feminine guy. The kid fell down hard and began to get back up, tears in his eyes and a massive now-purple bruise on the left side of his face.

Amon began to laugh, shaking his head as he slipped on a plain white t-shirt. It was a bit damp from some water earlier, not receiving the proper time to dry; allowing someone to peak at his muscle and scars. While having an athletic, Endomorphic form Amon looked like he fought actual animals from claw marks to slashes. He undid his boots and slipped them off, then unbuckled his heavy work pants and quickly slid on a pair of black jean-shorts; then a pair of regular black shoes. His legs were also covered in bite marks and gashes as well, and though he would love to explain what happened during his life in Texas no one ever bothered asking. It kind of disappointed him, really.

Once finished getting dressed, and before the two other men get into a nasty brawl, Amon quickly threw on a Longhorns ball cap and made his way out of the room. He would reach into his shorts pocket and pull out a cell phone, scowling at a 5:56 P.M. That early? He thought, then shoved the thing back in his pocket and dug out a set of keys from them. Amon would flip them around as he exited the facility and walked through the massive lot of cars until coming up on a red SUV. He pressed a button and the back lights flickered for a moment.

Amon opened the driver door and hopped into the vehicle, closing it and locking the doors. Finally, he let loose a long held breath, leaning back in his seat, taking in a sharp inhale of new car smell. Today was hell, with the massive influx of trucks, it was a typical Wednesday though. Thankfully, after all the overtime he poured into the American center and now here, the company cracked down on his hours, so now he had a full two weeks off with plenty of money to use and no bills due. It was greatness, Amon thought.

Amon Breach was originally from Texas, more particularly the farmlands and swamps. There was a huge overabundance of wildlife from predators like alligators, snakes, and coyotes to prey such as deer, rodents, the local bird population, and a variety of other animals. Mostly armadillos and alligator snapping turtles. He spent a lot of his life learning to hunt and working, living an honest life instead of a boot-water thug or a criminal in that instance. Life wasn't always good, nor was it always bad either, however life right now was simply decent.

Then, came the Shin'o Academy. Amon ended up in a bar fight; mother fuckers using knives, but learning how to fight before Amon had easily dispatched the three bikers easily. It wasn't until he was smashed in the head with a full bottle of whiskey, he recounted... or beer? Maybe it was beer. Amon suddenly felt a surge of power through him, as if all his energy lurched forward, and not only severely hurt the men but caused serious damage to the bar itself. He ran right after that, and that was when he met Onja Itoche, the man who would show Amon exactly what he had done.

Onja at the time was visiting America due to... discreet business on behalf his organization. It involved another student of his, afterward he was heading to a bar for a much needed drink when he ran into Amon. From since then, Amon not only embraced the idea of there being more to his little power, but wanted to learn more because of it. The Academy was hell as it was, at least for him. He wasn't used to normal schooling but made it through, utilizing unorthodox practices and such to become a Shinigami. A Shinigami. Turning on the vehicle, Amon slowly backed out and drove out of the parking lot, making his journey home for a much needed meal and shower.

END OF THE POST


Last edited by Blood Knight on Tue 19 Jan 2021, 11:34 pm; edited 11 times in total (Reason for editing : It needs the WIP tag if it's work in progress, add the "finished" when done editting it.)
Ludalfa
Ludalfa
The Living Microwave
The Living Microwave
Joined : 2012-07-20
Posts : 932
Age : 30
Location : New Jersey

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Amon Breach Left_bar_bleue30/100Amon Breach Empty_bar_bleue  (30/100)
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Tue 20 Jan 2015, 7:08 pm
i will say this first. you need to explain by what you mean in your meantion of hybrid i had no idea what you were talking about when you meantioned this and i only guessed that your character's base race was human. so i have no idea what a hybrid is.

Your history had me competely confused i am unsure what i am reading.

also please expand on your abilities as the manipulation was way to short to understand how it can work and how this can be used from this character.

also expand on your characters powers more so one has a understanding of them know what they do and how they operate.

also please do not fill out the will and skill sheet until the app is checked and has been graded. an app checker will give you your tier and Will Sheet. while you determine your skill sheet from your tier
Blood Knight
Blood Knight
Established Member
Joined : 2015-01-10
Posts : 135
Age : 26

Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Wed 21 Jan 2015, 9:10 am
The history, I will do what I can with that but not much. I understand if its long and might be confusing but it's the best I can give, I am not going to start over on it.

As for the 'Hybrid' part I can explain that in the app.

Character Powers I have no problem with, but question: Are they like attacks or not?

Will and Skill sheet, I can fix that lol.

Thank you, I will get to work.
Anonymous
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Tue 03 Feb 2015, 12:52 pm
Moved to wip
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Sᵃ ᶥ ᶦ ˣ ♚
Veteran Member
Otm
Joined : 2014-08-06
Posts : 2376
Age : 28
Location : The Land of Canabu' (Canada)

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Amon Breach Left_bar_bleue134700/60000Amon Breach Empty_bar_bleue  (134700/60000)
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Sun 03 May 2015, 7:44 am
BladeRunner wrote:
Character Powers I have no problem with, but question: Are they like attacks or not?

I'm not sure what you are trying to ask right now, but from what I can guess.. I feel like you are asking if should I describe them when using in an attack, or attacking. The answer is sorta. We want to know HOW your power works, it's like with fire magic. Someone can just write on their app saying:
"___ can summon fire to do their bidding."
That's great and all, but we have no idea where it even comes from, who knows this person can even be farting out these powers, I don't know it wasn't written. Also depending on where it comes from there will be limitations. We just want to know the extent of the powers in a way.

"___ can summon fireballs by taking bits of their energy and converting the energy into the fire itself. Even though ___ can use fireballs their distance can't extend past a 30 mile radius and spread 10 miles after that. There isn't any other magical properties to the fireballs that will do extended or worsening damage to the person if in contact with the fireballs, though from the weight and impact of being hit by one can cause a normal individual to lose their balance. Unfortunately just like fire if someone were to cut out the oxygen within the area the fires would deem useless, as well if they were smothered, or soaked by a large source of water. Since these fireballs are taking bits of ___'s energy, they cannot use this ability in quick sessions in worry of depleting their resources."

If you wanted something a bit different then a regular fireball, then of course you'd add on to that, but I only choose something small like a normal one to give an example. I hoped this helped with your question.

PS:

✖| Woah~~ |✚
┣▇▇▇═─          ☠          ─═▇▇▇┥

Is this App Ready for Check?
I don't see any WIP in the app title so I can only assume that it is ready for check, if not may you reply to be within this month to tell if it is or isn't.


Amon Breach Image
Blood Knight
Blood Knight
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Age : 26

Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Tue 05 May 2015, 7:57 pm
hey, I'm back and all, and I will be working on some stuff here. I have done too much work and will be taking some of it out of here, hopefully I don't screw myself and anyone else. I will tell you once I am finished this time.
JJ
JJ
Rower of Rock. And Souls.
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Posts : 5174
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Tue 05 May 2015, 9:52 pm
BladeRunner wrote:well-known ability to devour souls; he gets stronger from it, as well as the body he possesses.

Nope. It says in the PH Rules that you cannot get stronger by eating other characters.

We covered not having powers listed in one's personality.

We covered the organization of the Ziamichi Spirit's Powers.

Removed a repeated section of the template.

This Sword wrote:The Sword of the Abyss is its own separate soul, having the ability to generate darkness and corruption and is summoned when its possessor needs it. The Demon Sword itself can speak to about anyone, except for regular humans, thus will help with camouflaging it as a ‘show’ sword. Of course; the sword can change into its human form as well as a defensive and offensive demon form, this would be named Ragnorock.

Please, give this sword its own section outside of your character's appearance and explain it's abilities in detail.

Weird New Races? wrote:, fused with an Abyss Demon, a Nightmare Angel, and a Horseman.

Please specify where Nightmare Angel and Horseman came from. I would recommend identifying them with one of the current demon subraces.

World's strongest Man, huh? wrote: she was able to lift five times the amount the worlds strongest man could, she was also known for strength. Desmond trained her with his own skills, and learned that she could control hell fire and holy water.

Considering the'world's strongest man' can currently punch holes through the earth's crust, would recommend definitely rewording this bit.

Also you may want to consider having her made as an NPC.

Again? wrote:Desmond discovered the ability to control corruption and his darkness got ever so stronger, turning it into Abyss Power, allowing the ability to summon the individual Demons known as Mimics. The creatures are the size of cars, their blade like tentacles are used for weapons as well as their claws and open jaws. They can shoot balls of molten energy, and their travel rate can reach to about 55 mph. Their body is covered from tooth to claw with blade like armor that can only be pierced by some of the strongest weapons.

Again, really would recommend putting this information in a powers section, as that's where it belongs and can be properly found.

Random Gods are Random wrote: He fought the god of madness and had freed the slaves.

This and the piece about the Corruption God being his father- we really only have three 'divine beings' on the site. They would have to be specified as demons or Iramasha who were acting like gods. Look up Justin Washi for a good reference of this, as he has a similar case with the 'God' of sadism Jashin.

That's all I have for now. Most of it is good, there are just some glaring things that need moved or taken care of.




Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
- Buddha
Blood Knight
Blood Knight
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Thu 14 May 2015, 12:02 am
So I fixed those things that you have listed just so you know.
Zero
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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Fri 15 May 2015, 12:29 pm
Application Checklist
  • Name [-]
  • Appropriate Age [-]
  • Gender [-]
  • Appearance Present [-]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [-]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [-]
  • 10 sentences for personality [-]
  • History is of appropriate length [-]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [-]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [-]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [-]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[-]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [-]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [-]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Comments/Notes:

Hello BladeRunner, I'll be looking over your app today.

First off, I noticed that the you put nothing for the spirit's powers, to explain this is for power that specifically the spirit has to utilize, notably want to make sure, you want to go through with that or not. I will also add here, that it is a mix up of the host and spirit's powers that determine

Secondly, Remove all of the Master, Advanceds, Adepts, and Beginners from your skill sheets. Those are determined by the Tier that is given to you, unless you request and give reason as to why they should be much higher than what they can be.
Will skills are determined by me, the grader of the app, so those will also need to be removed anyway.

Thirdly, your set up of ziamachi power, all of your abilities etc, should be described under "Unique traits"
- Forms are your releases
- Control is overall control of the host over the ziamachi spirit
- Drawbacks is the disadvantages of using the powers that are under ziamachi powers.

Pm when you fix this or if you have any question.
You may also post here when this is finished.
I shall move this to the pending board now.

Tier: To Be Determined.


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Amon Breach Empty Re: Amon Breach

Fri 22 May 2015, 1:56 pm
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✧MOVING THIS INTO WIP NOW✦


Based on the fact that there hasn't been a response from the creator of this character in about a week, I'm going to go ahead and move this profile back into the WIP section. Once the creator makes his response, I'll go ahead and have it re-reviewed.




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