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 Regulus Systematica [FIN]

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BloodredAi
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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Fri Jun 23, 2017 12:18 pm

Coding In Template By:
[THEFROST]


SUGIURAN

安吏 夜想曲


I. Basic Information


» Name:Anri Nocturn
» Titles:
» Age:Physically 19, Real Age Unknown
» Gender/Sex: F
» Origin: Control
» Kingdom:North
» Affiliation/Rank:

» True Appearance Description: See Below
» True Appearance Picture:
Spoiler:
 


II. Personality Traits


» Personality:
Contrary to what her origin might imply, she is not actually a 'manipulative bitch'. Oh, she definitely can be, but she recognizes that sometimes it just won't get the best results. The 'personality' that others see from her is somewhat fluid, able to suit her needs at any given time. Typically she retains a polite if slightly detached atmosphere among those she's only acquainted with. People she's warmed to, however, might see different results.

Due to her insights about the world, she's a bit cynical and can have biting sarcasm at times. She isn't one to seek confrontations but she's by no means a pushover; if she wants something, she'll get it one way or another. She won't partake of things that have no value to her, but for that very reason, she tends to not judge things at just face value unless she has nothing else to judge them by. She also isn't one to care much about good and evil, preferring to stay in the grey zone.

» Likes:Knowledge, The occasional game of chance.

» Dislikes:'Fate', people who just 'go with the flow' rather than making something of themselves.


III. Character Background


» History
Born in the Northern Suguiran Kingdom, amidst technology that to others might seem somewhat futuristic (although obviously normal to Anri, being raised there and all that), amidst highly advanced magic that makes toys of scientific principles... Anri lived a fairly normal, 'ideal' life. But that's not very interesting, now is it? Despite this ideal lifestyle... Anri found herself quite far removed from the prospect of 'choosing where her life leads', and was malcontent with just floating through the currents of Suguiran society, drifting aimlessly like so many others. Malcontent with the superiority espoused by her peers towards the other races. Malcontent with the insignificant knowledge fed to the masses.

The result? She became slightly obsessed, as many Sugi do when they find their Origin, with the concept of Control. With building herself a boat capable of navigating society's currents and arriving at her true desires. With taking control of her life, instead of staying in the niches carved by so many others before her. She instead focused on preparing herself for travel, attaining Kyuu Kyou quite rapidly with the help of Sugi research data on the various releases of many races, not the least of which Suguiras themselves, and gaining quite a broad knowledge on the various races, their temperaments, habits, and whatnot in the process. Having her Mystic Eyes awaken in the middle of this research was no small help, with the sheer amount of data collected over the millennia of Sugi presence on Earth, nor was it a coincidence either. Indeed, research on that too could be found in the archives of the Northern Kingdom's libraries. Control of one's self, after all, must be achieved if one wishes to control others. Of course, she never revealed her achievements to the rest of her species. Why would she bother?

Once sufficient funds, knowledge, and personal ability were gathered, Anri ventured forth into the world, never spending more than a few years in each place. The longest she's spent in a location would probably be her trips to Karakura town, spending enough time to even witness the creation of the Yuudeshi Network and meeting a few odd characters here and there, including an Iramasha of Gaming, a Hollow living as a Human, and others. However, over the course of her travels, Anri hasn't gotten any stronger than when she left. Between the wars breaking out between factions, her own plateau'd level of power, and the rumors of a tournament between the Suguiran Kingdoms, she has returned at last to the place of her birth, the Northern Kingdom, in the hopes of getting stronger once more.

Miscellaneous Author Notes:
 
IV. Abilities & Equipment


» Natural Abilities
Authority- At the very least, Anri sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Perhaps she's worth listening to? It can be quite... compelling. However, those with enough knowledge may find any inaccuracies to be unappealing.

Efficiency: The art of using the minimum energy required to achieve the desired result. As someone quite adept at such an art, Anri's physical and magical stamina each last quite a while. After all, if the techniques you use aren't as taxing, you obviously won't run out of energy as quickly.

Mystic Eyes- With an origin like Control, an ability like this not manifesting were ridiculously miniscule. Nothing else to say about this, until Anri hits Master rank.
Description as pulled from Sugi general info:
 

» Sacred Weapon: Regulus Systematica
-A pair of gloves that connect to the Eidos of the target upon a touch, and via power of suggestion, overlays unto reality illusions vivid enough to induce psychosomatic effects.

-The illusion created depends on the gestures and body language of Anri, the dialogue, and other bits of context. These illusions, due to the nature of it's influence on the target's Eidos, cannot be dispelled by mental 'brute force'.

-This can be as lethal as a normal weapon, however. If the target's mind believes the illusion should have killed them, then their mind will shut down and truly die. Also notable is that only those touched by the glove or capable of reading minds can 'view' these illusions, since they only exist in the mind of the targets.

-Lastly, these effects persist through all release states, even if the release state does not mention these effects.

Scenarios/Examples:
 
Suggested Workarounds/Counters:
 

»Personal Mystic Eyes: Has Not Been Achieved Yet

»Anri's Magic
Spoiler:
 
» Equipment
Chess Needles- Throwing Needles aren't an especially strong weapon, but they serve a different purpose for Anri. By tinkering with their Eidos in her spare time, she managed to forcibly superimpose the needles with various types of chess pieces, for various effects. There are exactly 15 needles, one for every chess piece except the King, which is represented by Anri herself
-Pawn: These needles can be used for the En Passant chess technique. As such, the needles' shadows function as a second needle. Anri is still trying to make the Promotion functional.
-Rook: These needles fly in perfectly straight lines. When embedded into a surface, they can be used for Castling, a chess technique involving the repositioning of the Rook and the King. Castling can only be used once per needle, per scene
-Knight: These needles are guaranteed one 90° ricochet regardless of the material they hit and angle they hit it at
-Bishop: These needles also fly in perfectly straight lines. When embedded into the ground, they can be used to cast spells from
-Queen: Standard needle. Anri is still trying to make it functional

V. Joushou (上昇, Ascending)


» Joushou Appearance
image:
 

» Joushou Abilities
The Regulus Systematica expands into a lightweight set of armor covering Anri's entire body, applying a multiplier of x1.2 to her speed. The entire armor, naturally, also connects to the target's Eidos with the same method and purpose as the glove form. The final ability of this form is that which allows Anri to interface with the Eidos in a different way, if she so chooses. Only applicable to inorganic objects, Anri can seize control of all mechanisms within that object while overriding their 'normal' controls if such exist. Anri does need to touch the object with the at least one of the armor's gauntlets to seize control but does not need to retain contact afterwards. The control ends after 5 posts, or when Anri returns to her unreleased base form. The chosen name for this technique is 'Grasping System'.
Notes:
 

VI. Zenou (前王, Before the King)


» Zenou Appearance
image:
 
» Zenou Abilities
Expanding a bit further, the Regulus Systematica gains two new notable features, the first of which being another speed boost. Anri can now reach the full speeds of the next tier, albeit only in linear bursts. Otherwise, Anri retains the half-tier speed boost from her Joushou release.

The second and most notable feature is a set of 4 drones, each with an AI mentally linked to Anri, which can feed her sensory data and be used alongside Mystic Eyes. The AIs can be injected into objects, preforming the same function as the previous release's Grasping System, although the drone ceases to function until the AI returns. These drones each contain 3 of the Chess Needles, 2 pawns and either a rook or a bishop, resetting the rooks and acting as an electromagnetic launcher.
Notes:
 
Also notable, Anri does not lose Grasping System while in this form and can continue to connect to any objects that have touched her gauntlets.

VII. Kyuu Kyou (仇供; lit. Pledged Revenge)

(You must have at least have Advance in your Release Skill before gaining this release state. If not leave this striked out or remove this section all together)

» Kyuu Kyou Appearance
Image:
 
» Kyuu Kyou Abilities
A fitting form for a release state known as 'Pledged Revenge', Anri's armor is replaced by a flowing black dress that minimizes Anri's wasted energy to a mere 1% while, unsurprisingly, losing none of it's previous capabilities. Completing the trend, Anri can now move a tier faster than normal, and a half-tier more than that when moving in a linear burst. These cannot, of course, surpass Grand Master.
Also unsurprisingly, here's the new stuff:

The Drones-
These, in fitting with their new blade-like appearances, are now practical for ranged melee combat. They retain their AIs, and in exchange for becoming unable to launch the Chess Needles, they gain both the Pawn's En Passant and the Bishop's ability to channel Anri's magic. The biggest change, however, would have to be the Phantom Armor. This is what the armor from the previous two forms became; with one of the AIs linked to Anri's mind controlling it, it becomes a powerful presence, trading tiers of speed for strength and durability.
Note:
 


VIII. Skill Sheets


(To Find Out about what these skills are for, please READ THIS THREAD before you try doing anything to it. After you have read it, do not fill your skills out until a staff member has graded your thread. The staff member checking your app will also give you Will Skills in which you can add to your app when approved.

Remove this message afterwards)

Soldier Skill Sheet
  • Sugiura Magic: Beginner/Adept/Advanced/Master
  • Mystic Eyes: Beginner/Adept/Advanced/Master
  • Martial Arts: Beginner/Adept/Advanced/Master
  • Release Control: Beginner/Adept/Advanced/Master


General Skills
  • Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner



IX. Roleplay Sample


» Role Play Sample:
Ongoing between myself and Yaksha.

END OF THE SOLDIER APPLICATION

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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Sat Aug 12, 2017 1:49 pm

Quote :
Personality

You have five sentences out of the ten required for it to be passable.

Quote :
Natural Abilities

In general, all of these need expanded on. I'm not going to let one or two sentences describe something like that, as that is just lazy. And get rid of the brackets, as you don't need them -- and they just make it look incredibly unorganized.

Quote :
Efficiency

"As someone quite adept at such an art, Anri's physical and magical stamina each last quite a while."

This is not how efficiency works. At least, the way you're describing it isn't right. The way you described it in the excerpt from above is endurance, and potentially having a large amount of energy reserves.

Quote :
Equipment

This needs expanded on as well, as one or two sentences won't get away with something like that.
If it's pre-existing equipment on site, in the show, or in the real world, put them as links so you don't have to describe them fully.

Joushou Ability

Quote :
"...boosting her speed by half a tier."

There really isn't a "half tier" on here. I'd like to see this changed to a full skill level, with when it hits Master, it boosts to be faster than Master, but it wouldn't hit Grand Master. This needs to be applied to all references to this.

Quote :
...but does not need to retain contact afterward.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no to this. At the very least, make it so that she has to make contact or retain it after a certain time. And also, change it so that it does fade once she elevates to higher releases.

Zenou Ability

Quote :
Expanding a bit further, the Regulus Systematica minimizes Anri's wasted energy to a mere 1% and gains two new notable features, the first of which being another speed boost. Anri can now reach the speeds of the next tier, albeit only in linear bursts. Otherwise, Anri retains the half-tier speed boost from her Joushou release.

Move this to Kyuu Kyou.

Quote :
Roleplay Sample

You need a roleplay sample. It can be new, or something from a previous site. It has to have a minimum of 10 sentences.

Quote :
Sacred Weapon: Regulus Systematica

The only thing that I have a problem with is the "cannot" part. Absolutes are NOT allowed on PH. I will quote one of the rules of powers below in a spoiler.

Spoiler:
 

These should be everything. I'm going to be granting you a bit of trust in the Kyuu Kyou abilities, but if they are abused once all is said and done with this check, I will make you change them.


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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Sat Aug 12, 2017 2:24 pm

A bit of justification and other misc. bits of info.

In regards to personality:
Really? the template for Sugis didn't say. oh well, i'll fix it.

Nat. Abilities & equipment:
The Brackets make it feel unorganized? To me they make it seem more organized, but eh, whatever. The brackets are hardly necessary. As far as efficiency, i meant it more as 'because everything costs less, her normal sized endurance lasts longer', but looking on it i should have worded it better. As far as the other NAs, there's nothing more for me to write. They do no more nor less than exactly what they already say... The only exception being Mystic Eyes, which are a site-standardized skill anyways; all that was needed was to say that i had it.

Those Chess Needles don't 'already exist' so far as i know. Knowing that 'no idea is unique', it might exist somewhere, but i'm personally not basing them on anything. That also being said, they don't do any more nor less than exactly what's written. The 'not available yet' effects (Queen and Promotion) will be 'upgraded' later through the usual means, and determined then.

For the 'half tiers', i meant it along the lines of 'the peak speeds of this tier become the current minimum, the minimum speeds of the next tier become the current peak', although i suppose i should have specified that too.

For Grasping System... why would it fade when going to my next Release State? After all, they all have Grasping System too. I can understand giving it a time/post limit, though.

For the Z > KK shift-of-ability... the whole segment, or just the boost in efficiency?

As far as the 'Absolutes', i was told it'd be fine since the illusions wouldn't cause any physical damage (and hence can be completely and utterly ignored if my opponent knows they're illusions) and are limited to the context created by Anri at the time and as such it'd be far, far less cheap than 'any illusion at any given time' like one might expect her to be capable of if they don't read her ability carefully. Notably, even just closing your eyes would prevent more illusions from cropping up since you'd be missing some of the necessary context, as well as stopping the current illusions from harming you. Well, until you open them, anyways, which'd allow Anri to start crafting new illusions again.
Also, as far as why i say it 'can't be resisted', is that this is affecting the target's Eidos after all. Only Sugis are capable of messing with Eidos; if i used it on a Shini, Hollow, or Iramasha, it'd be impossible for them to 'fix' their Eidos since they naturally don't use psions. a Sugi could theoretically 'purge' this effect and return to 'normal', but would they realistically be able to comb through the entire information code of their body, find the 'anomaly', and return it to 'normal' in the midst of battle?
That's really the only reason it 'cannot be resisted'. If you have a generic method any species could use to fix their own Eidos on the spot, do tell and i'll replace the 'cannot be resisted' with it.

Also... can i ask what the problem with my Kyuu Kyou is? to be perfectly honest, i woulda assumed that the Zenou's 'reset' of my Castling would have been the 'largest problem'. i'm legit curious about what's so abuseable about my KK compared to the rest.

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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:42 pm



~Some music for while you read~

@BloodredAi wrote:
In regards to personality:
Really? the template for Sugis didn't say. oh well, i'll fix it.

Look at the rules, in which it clearly states that ten sentences are required for a personality.

http://www.platinumhearts.net/t1-rules-must-read

@[THEFROST] wrote:
Appearance & Personality Sections: Appearance needs to be at least 5 DETAILED sentences. If you use simple sentences, it must be 10. Along with that, personality is generally at least two paragraph's with the same 5 to 10 sentences as appearance. This is to ensure that you have a pretty well developed character.

Moving on.

@BloodredAi wrote:
As far as the other NAs, there's nothing more for me to write. They do no more nor less than exactly what they already say... The only exception being Mystic Eyes, which are a site-standardized skill anyways; all that was needed was to say that i had it.

The only thing that I will make an exception of is the Mystic Eyes, as it is a racial ability that is available to all Sugiurans. You can C+P racial skill descriptions over, as that is allowed.

@BloodredAi wrote:
Castling can only be used once per needle, per scene

If "per scene" is meant to be your way of saying "post" or "thread", change it to reflect such.

@BloodredAi wrote:
As far as the 'Absolutes', i was told it'd be fine since the illusions wouldn't cause any physical damage (and hence can be completely and utterly ignored if my opponent knows they're illusions) and are limited to the context created by Anri at the time and as such it'd be far, far less cheap than 'any illusion at any given time' like one might expect her to be capable of if they don't read her ability carefully. Notably, even just closing your eyes would prevent more illusions from cropping up since you'd be missing some of the necessary context, as well as stopping the current illusions from harming you. Well, until you open them, anyways, which'd allow Anri to start crafting new illusions again.

Also, as far as why i say it 'can't be resisted', is that this is affecting the target's Eidos after all. Only Sugis are capable of messing with Eidos; if i used it on a Shini, Hollow, or Iramasha, it'd be impossible for them to 'fix' their Eidos since they naturally don't use psions. a Sugi could theoretically 'purge' this effect and return to 'normal', but would they realistically be able to comb through the entire information code of their body, find the 'anomaly', and return it to 'normal' in the midst of battle? That's really the only reason it 'cannot be resisted'. If you have a generic method any species could use to fix their own Eidos on the spot, do tell and i'll replace the 'cannot be resisted' with it.

Absolutes are not allowed on PH, period. I will quote the rules once again.

@[THEFROST] wrote:
Absolute Powers: When it comes to powers that are unavoidable, unstoppable, uncounterable or otherwise invincibile; we will not allow those. An example of this would be making an offensive ability that has the ability to send a wave of fire at the opponent and they cannot move out of the way, defend against it, counter it or seal it. There may be instances on the site, however, where we allow them for plot with admin approval. Such as to speed an event along, we may allow an action to take place to seal off the range where this event is taking place to prevent from any new intruders without proper explanation as to how they got their.

There are the very rare exceptions, and this is not one of them. How they are written now, they are god-modding skills that ensure things that should not be ensured.

@BloodredAi wrote:
For the 'half tiers', i meant it along the lines of 'the peak speeds of this tier become the current minimum, the minimum speeds of the next tier become the current peak', although i suppose i should have specified that too.

Still, no. This needs to be changed to exact skill levels, as I don't trust that one bit.

Quote :
For the Z > KK shift-of-ability... the whole segment, or just the boost in efficiency?

The entire section I quoted.

_________________________________

After these are fixed, all that's left is the addition of the RP Sample.
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Subject Post 5PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:28 am

Okay, so I will be taking over the checking of this application and doing my own judgement.

Quote :
» Sacred Weapon: Regulus Systematica
-A pair of gloves that connect to the Eidos of the target upon a touch, and via power of suggestion, overlays unto reality illusions vivid enough to induce psychosomatic effects.

-The illusion created depends on the gestures and body language of Anri, the dialogue, and other bits of context. These illusions, due to the nature of it's influence on the target's Eidos, cannot be dispelled by mental 'brute force'.

-This can be as lethal as a normal weapon, however. If the target's mind believes the illusion should have killed them, then their mind will shut down and truly die. Also notable is that only those touched by the glove or capable of reading minds can 'view' these illusions, since they only exist in the mind of the targets.

-Lastly, these effects persist through all release states, even if the release state does not mention these effects.
Alright, so the first thing is—this should be a released-state ability. It is too strong to just be natural. Second, there is a balancing issue here when it comes to becoming susceptible to the illusions as well as breaking them. Is the touch just a minor brush? Or does she have to actually grab someone? The first example would not be allowed. A good balance would be to make it two touches from each glove once a post (meaning in one post, she'd touch with the right glove and in the following post the left to gain the effect). This needs to be applied to further releases as well.

As mentioned too, there is an issue with breaking the illusions. As it reads, only a Sugiura can break the illusions. Knowing an illusion is just that and actually breaking the illusion are two very different things. Not being able to break it with Willpower is fine, but having an Adept or Advanced in Mental Deduction should break the illusions instead.

And as a further note, illusions are always watched heavily. If you abuse the ability, this character has a high chance of being denied until the illusion-based powerset is removed.

Quote :
-Pawn: These needles can be used for the En Passant chess technique. As such, the needles' shadows function as a second needle. Anri is still trying to make the Promotion functional.
Change the wording around to make it explain that En Passant is the ability that follows. It currently does not read that way upon first glance.

Quote :
-Rook: These needles fly in perfectly straight lines. When embedded into a surface, they can be used for Castling, a chess technique involving the repositioning of the Rook and the King. Castling can only be used once per needle, per scene
There needs to be more information on exactly what Castling does.

Quote :
Anri can now reach the full speeds of the next tier, albeit only in linear bursts.

This, and all further references to speed, need to refer to the skill system and not tiers. The two are not equatable.

That is what needs to be fixed. Once it is done, this character will be ready to be approved.
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