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 Regulus Systematica [FIN]

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BloodredAi
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BloodredAi

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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Regulus Systematica [FIN] EmptyFri Jun 23, 2017 10:18 am

Pre-dismantled version:
 

'Transmission':
 
Touch Trigger:
 
Illusion:
 
Control:
 

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Last edited by BloodredAi on Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:43 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Henrex
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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Regulus Systematica [FIN] EmptySat Aug 12, 2017 11:49 am

Quote :
Personality

You have five sentences out of the ten required for it to be passable.

Quote :
Natural Abilities

In general, all of these need expanded on. I'm not going to let one or two sentences describe something like that, as that is just lazy. And get rid of the brackets, as you don't need them -- and they just make it look incredibly unorganized.

Quote :
Efficiency

"As someone quite adept at such an art, Anri's physical and magical stamina each last quite a while."

This is not how efficiency works. At least, the way you're describing it isn't right. The way you described it in the excerpt from above is endurance, and potentially having a large amount of energy reserves.

Quote :
Equipment

This needs expanded on as well, as one or two sentences won't get away with something like that.
If it's pre-existing equipment on site, in the show, or in the real world, put them as links so you don't have to describe them fully.

Joushou Ability

Quote :
"...boosting her speed by half a tier."

There really isn't a "half tier" on here. I'd like to see this changed to a full skill level, with when it hits Master, it boosts to be faster than Master, but it wouldn't hit Grand Master. This needs to be applied to all references to this.

Quote :
...but does not need to retain contact afterward.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no to this. At the very least, make it so that she has to make contact or retain it after a certain time. And also, change it so that it does fade once she elevates to higher releases.

Zenou Ability

Quote :
Expanding a bit further, the Regulus Systematica minimizes Anri's wasted energy to a mere 1% and gains two new notable features, the first of which being another speed boost. Anri can now reach the speeds of the next tier, albeit only in linear bursts. Otherwise, Anri retains the half-tier speed boost from her Joushou release.

Move this to Kyuu Kyou.

Quote :
Roleplay Sample

You need a roleplay sample. It can be new, or something from a previous site. It has to have a minimum of 10 sentences.

Quote :
Sacred Weapon: Regulus Systematica

The only thing that I have a problem with is the "cannot" part. Absolutes are NOT allowed on PH. I will quote one of the rules of powers below in a spoiler.

Spoiler:
 

These should be everything. I'm going to be granting you a bit of trust in the Kyuu Kyou abilities, but if they are abused once all is said and done with this check, I will make you change them.


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BloodredAi
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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Regulus Systematica [FIN] EmptySat Aug 12, 2017 12:24 pm

A bit of justification and other misc. bits of info.

In regards to personality:
Really? the template for Sugis didn't say. oh well, i'll fix it.

Nat. Abilities & equipment:
The Brackets make it feel unorganized? To me they make it seem more organized, but eh, whatever. The brackets are hardly necessary. As far as efficiency, i meant it more as 'because everything costs less, her normal sized endurance lasts longer', but looking on it i should have worded it better. As far as the other NAs, there's nothing more for me to write. They do no more nor less than exactly what they already say... The only exception being Mystic Eyes, which are a site-standardized skill anyways; all that was needed was to say that i had it.

Those Chess Needles don't 'already exist' so far as i know. Knowing that 'no idea is unique', it might exist somewhere, but i'm personally not basing them on anything. That also being said, they don't do any more nor less than exactly what's written. The 'not available yet' effects (Queen and Promotion) will be 'upgraded' later through the usual means, and determined then.

For the 'half tiers', i meant it along the lines of 'the peak speeds of this tier become the current minimum, the minimum speeds of the next tier become the current peak', although i suppose i should have specified that too.

For Grasping System... why would it fade when going to my next Release State? After all, they all have Grasping System too. I can understand giving it a time/post limit, though.

For the Z > KK shift-of-ability... the whole segment, or just the boost in efficiency?

As far as the 'Absolutes', i was told it'd be fine since the illusions wouldn't cause any physical damage (and hence can be completely and utterly ignored if my opponent knows they're illusions) and are limited to the context created by Anri at the time and as such it'd be far, far less cheap than 'any illusion at any given time' like one might expect her to be capable of if they don't read her ability carefully. Notably, even just closing your eyes would prevent more illusions from cropping up since you'd be missing some of the necessary context, as well as stopping the current illusions from harming you. Well, until you open them, anyways, which'd allow Anri to start crafting new illusions again.
Also, as far as why i say it 'can't be resisted', is that this is affecting the target's Eidos after all. Only Sugis are capable of messing with Eidos; if i used it on a Shini, Hollow, or Iramasha, it'd be impossible for them to 'fix' their Eidos since they naturally don't use psions. a Sugi could theoretically 'purge' this effect and return to 'normal', but would they realistically be able to comb through the entire information code of their body, find the 'anomaly', and return it to 'normal' in the midst of battle?
That's really the only reason it 'cannot be resisted'. If you have a generic method any species could use to fix their own Eidos on the spot, do tell and i'll replace the 'cannot be resisted' with it.

Also... can i ask what the problem with my Kyuu Kyou is? to be perfectly honest, i woulda assumed that the Zenou's 'reset' of my Castling would have been the 'largest problem'. i'm legit curious about what's so abuseable about my KK compared to the rest.

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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: Regulus Systematica [FIN]   Regulus Systematica [FIN] EmptyTue Aug 15, 2017 10:42 am