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 Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]

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Gamma
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Subject Post 11PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptyThu Dec 07, 2017 8:46 am


TEN THOUSAND SWORDS




ERIKA MASAMUNE

Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 6EdIfMt


The golden eyes that looked at Midori looked down to the tiled roof they were sitting on as she pulled away from the captain when she felt her hand get healed and the scolding for her attempts at masking her emotional pain with physical pain. She moved back and shifted a little more to their original seating arrangement as she stayed silent when Midori brought up love, hearing a chuckle in the back of her mind from her zanpakuto spirit at the memories they were both thinking of which brought a little blush to her face but she shook her head, she had convinced herself that was not love. That was lust and she didn't even go that far before it felt wrong and she never wanted to try it again. When Midori had finally finished Erika would have her turn to speak.

"I loved her... why should it matter that it wasn't romantically! Everything you just described is how I feel towards her, being in her presence was what made me happy I would wait my entire shifts and do all my duties under her just to see her smile at the end of it all, I would draw out hugs from her for as long as I could get out of her and when she left and I thought I'd never find her or see her again... I... I tried. I don't believe you, why should one even waste time with love if it just hurts people. Love is... Love is cruel and I hate it. If falling in love means betraying those I see as family then I'd rather die right there. She... she didn't need to leave, she didn't need to cut me out. You can forgive her, you are just her friend... she ruined me. Forgiving that.. I gave her the majority of my life and then she tossed me away."

"So tell me Midori... the love between a mother and lover is different, yet tell me do you think if I was her daughter and she gave birth to me do you really think she'd toss me aside then for him!? From everything I've learned and heard about love a mother's is the strongest, it just proves that she doesn't love me like I thought she did whether she knew it or not. We're just the less appealing dish that was served once the other one got took away."

Her last words were filled with anger and her pain, there would be the small aspect would would make it seem like she spat them at Midori when she compared them both to the less appealing choice as she turned away and brought her now healed hands up to wipe her eyes. She could understand why Tsubine did what she did but it only made her hatred come back with a vengeance at being reminded she was inferior to her.

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Subject Post 12PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptyFri Dec 08, 2017 12:38 pm





Tsubine Koezuka


""You bitch! You fucking bitch! I... I can't.. I made a mistake. I..... this was a mistake, I should've just stayed away and accepted you were dead!"


Had Tsubine not hurt her, there might have been a slap. Had this not been Erika, there might have been a slap. Had she not been right, there might have been a slap. Tsubine winced at the words, letting her dau—Tsubine didn't deserve the right to be called Erika's mother right now. She watched as Erika ran off, knowing that the pain she had caused was simply too much for her. She frowned. It was not the most pleasant of experiences—seeing someone you love run away from you. Tsubine didn't know if it was better to let Erika go or to chase after her. Would Erika prefer...

"You shouldn't be thinking whether or not you 'should.'" The voice came from within. It was someone she knew well, someone who explained the world in ways Tsubine hoped to one day be able to. Sōtsume Kōshin was the only person who had Tsubine's ear like Midori did. After all, she was Tsubine's Zanpakutou. "Erika, your adopted child, is hurt. It is a mother's duty to help a child when they're hurt, no matter if the child wants the help or not." Tsubine's mouth drew into a line. She didn't know if that was the right choice. "Tsume, I don't k—" "Trust me on this. Go to her. Give her a bit of time, but go to her." Tsubine sighed as she agreed.

Tsubine searched with a meandering path. She wasn't trying to hurry along to find Erika. Erika needed time to herself to parse the information given to her. And yet, Tsubine walked with a brisk pace. She wanted Erika back. There was no doubt in that. Her Zanpakutou spirit made one thing clear. Erika was not to be left alone forever. Tsubine was going to have to be a mother to her and that meant sometimes forcing yourself back into their lives. It meant being the one to take action.

It wasn't until Tsubine heard that Midori had made an appearance due to a scuffle (rumors spread surprisingly fast) that she had a destination in mind. Despite being in the Seireitei for only a day, she was able to lock onto Midori's Reiatsu far more easier than before. As she neared her best friend, Tsubine stopped. The other Reiatsu near... it was... Erika's? Yes, no doubt. The two were near one another too. Tsubine concealed her Reiatsu more than before, edging closer until she heard Erika's voice. She was beneath them, behind Erika and probably within the very edges of Midori's vision.

Tsubine heard it all. Well, all being Erika's last rant. It was enough for Tsubine to understand the gist of what was going on. Tsubine didn't appear behind Erika to give her a hug like before. She knew how that'd end. "Erika." Tsubine called out, her arms crossed to comfort herself. "Love is cruel. It is capable of bringing about the worst pain you can think of. It is capable of ruining people. People die because of it. It hurts. At the same time, love is capable of bringing out the best in people. It's capable of causing someone to wake up, smiling and laughing every day. It's capable of bringing people so close that they are inseperable."

Tsubine would hold up a hand to any interruptions, even from Midori. "I would not love you the same as I would love a child born from myself. I would not love you the same as I love any other person I adopted, and I wouldn't love two children born from me the same." Tsubine sighed and looked at Erika, sadness but no tears filling her eyes. "Leaving you was a mistake, Erika. Just the same as it was leaving Midori. I won't regret leaving, but I will say that the way I did it wasn't right."

"But you need to understand something." Tsubine inhaled deeply, her reiatsu flowing out slowly. It was an enveloping thing, like a mother's hug in slow motion. "I never stopped loving you. I made a single mistake when it came to you. I should have thought you more as my child than I did. I knew it would hurt you, but I also thought you had grown more than you had. I thought you would do fine without me. I was wrong." Tsubine was not shying away from that barb towards her daughter. Erika had not shown the maturity Tsubine had thought was in there.

"Midori obviously said something to you before I got here. She's better at the talking things out part of... emotional help." Tsubine sighed. "It's the one part of motherhood I do not care for because I am so bad at it."








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Subject Post 13PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptyFri Dec 08, 2017 1:00 pm

Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 6EdIfMt



Midori Hayashi

Captain of the Second Division

Unfortunately, Midori was stuck. Erika seemed to have a one track mind with little desire to understand the feelings of others. She was very much a self-concerned individual, but that was expected since she was no different than a teenage girl. There was no arguing with her and Midori wasn't going to sit and agree with her to make Erika feel better about herself. It was lucky that Midori saw Tsubine out of her peripheral vision. It gave Midori a sense of ease knowing that Tsubine was there to hear that last bit. Midori had no idea what else she could say to Erika. It felt like Erika didn't want to understand.

When Tsubine called out, Midori's nerves calmed down. There was a lot of confusion and pain between the three that were here. Luckily, Midori's faded very quickly. Not once did Tsubine have to shush Midori though. She was silent throughout the entire thing. In this moment, Midori saw a piece of Tsubine that she had not seen before. There was something else there that Midori thought a welcome surprise. Tsubine's honesty and kind words were well spoken, well chosen, and if that did not click some sort of switch in Erika's head, Midori didn't think anything would. There was only so many things a person could say. Action was often best, but action took time.

Once Tsubine finished, Midori nodded and smiled toward her friend to commend her for the words she spoke here. Midori felt the apology solid and heartfelt. Now, it was up to Erika, who was resisting forgiveness, to take to heart what Tsubine said, feels, and felt then. It was the only way to move forward. Midori took in a breath, stood up, and stepped away from Erika, standing more between the two now. She turned to Erika and looked her dead in the eyes. "Well?" she asked, a small smile and curious eyes locked onto Erika, "Next move is yours. What are you going to do, Erika?"




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Subject Post 14PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptyFri Dec 08, 2017 7:47 pm


TEN THOUSAND SWORDS




ERIKA MASAMUNE

Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 6EdIfMt


Erika looked at the woman a little pained from her comments about love, she sounded harsh and it came off harder than she meant it to. The young woman was ignorant to Tsubine, not only was she hiding her presence but she was in a position where she was out of the teen's gaze. She was much to emotional to even sense any reiatsu despite being quite adept at it. Had she known the presence of the woman she had ran away from she might not have continued on but alas she didn't, it would slip in ever so slightly as she looked down.

"I just want to be her daughter... her real daughter Midori. Why couldn't I have been born from her"

She was a little angry in her tone, but it was both leftover from her bitterness towards Tsubine and primarily focused on the cruel ways of Fate and Fortune. She left it in the air as she still felt her anger gnawing at her sanity, trying to break her will and love, when she heard her name she went very red. The voice catching her off guard and she turned around and backed right into Midori as she felt her mind fear rising. How long had she been there? How much had she heard? Erika had said things she kept from Tsubine to Midori and her last comment had made her anger seem to evaporate and was replaced by a red blush as Midori acted like a wall, blocking her from backing away any further as Tsubine spoke. In a way she was glad for Midori to have been where she was, in a position where she could also not let her run away again.

"Bu-"

She went to interupt Tsubine but the hand coming up silenced her, making her feel more like she was being spoken to as a subordinate while Tsubine was the captain such as how it was and she felt herself be silenced by the woman in front of her as she soon was glad that she hadn't been allowed to speak, arguing seemed pointless and would accomplish nothing.

As she continued Erika couldn't help but wonder if that was addressing her previous comment about wanting to be her real daughter, Erika knew Tsubine was an honourable person. She was truthful to, when Erika wanted to truth out of her she got the brutally honest truth from her. When she looked back up to see her adoptive mother's sad face she flinched, even now with all her thoughts and emotions the pain of seeing her upset mother was almost worse than it all.

I still care for her. I care so much, why am I blaming myself for her sadness? I should've just forgiven her why can't I do anything right? I seem to make a bad situation worse everytime. I don't deserve this... I called her those things, I took her love and spat it back at he-

She felt her thoughts be interrupted with the older woman mentioning her development. It felt like Tsubine slapped her and she knew she was right. She remembered when she still had some semblance of strength, some level of competency to deal with loss and then everyone in her life started dying, she lost her faith in people and herself and then she remembered the feeling that the woman in front of her brought, her presence of security and love. She let it get into her mind and make her feel happy, she looked down in shame from in front of Midori as she saw her own digression and how her love for Tsubine had taken away her resilience to loss and she felt a little bite of anger at her bringing it up before beating it back down.

I need.. to forgive, I always get mad why should I hate her for pointing out a flaw, it's not my fault I beame reliant on her. She was the one who started it, and I didn't think she'd get that far into me. I never thought I'd consider her my mother and she's right, I've became immature.

She was so lost in thought that she believed Midori had used shunpo to get in-between them instead of walking there before she heard her words get left in the air and the shinigami's eyes looked up towards Tsubine's painfully before she used shunpo to appear in front of Tsubine and hug her tightly. Her hatred wasn't worth it, her body ached at the thought of never feeling her embrace again or hearing her voice. It hurt her a lot to just think about the fact that she had actually considered telling Tsubine to leave her life forever. Her hug would be drawn out, almost silent from Erika who had her head resting against Tsu's chest to just hear her heartbeat which was one of the things she never told Tsubine which was how much she loved to listen to her heartbeat. To Erika it was confirmation that she was alive.

"I am so sorry... I should never have said those things, I just blamed myself for you running away. I thought I was the reason, I thought I scared you away because you felt uncomfortable with me. Even before then I was scared to call you Mum... or ask if I could have your last name, I was so scared of losing you by making you feel uncomfortable. I just.."

If Tsubine would try to speak during any of it it would be Erika's turn to silence her although with a firm grip over her mouth from her hand instead of a hand. She finished and went back to holding Tsubine tightly, possibly a little too tightly as she was afraid to let go out of fear the older woman would vanish again. At this point she had forgotten about Midori's presence, she was too focused on trying to pick back up the pieces of their relationship.

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Tsubine
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Subject Post 15PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptyFri Dec 08, 2017 9:44 pm





Tsubine Koezuka

There was a stillness while Erika thought. That stillness was one of the few things that sent terror-filled shivers down Tsubine's body. She wasn't sure if she was going to get Erika back. She was going to try her damnedest, but even that might not be enough. Nothing might be enough. There was a sinking feeling that Erika was lost to her. That loss wouldn't break Tsubine though. It wasn't because Erika meant little. It was because you can't break what's already broken.

That's why the sudden hug actually caught Tsubine by surprise. Her eyes widened as she felt her... her daughter's arms wrap around her. Erika was now about the same height as Tsubine, so she couldn't pat her former student on the head lovingly. She took the embrace, her own head tilting back. The sun reflected easily off of the tears welling up in her eyes. This is what she had desired when meeting Erika. She had wanted this, this heartfelt reunion where they would both be glad to see one another again.

Tsubine held onto her daughter just as tightly as Erika was holding onto her. She rubbed the back of Erika's head, patting it softly. It wasn't the same as before. Their relationship wouldn't be the same. Erika was probably going to always feel as though Tsubine was a step out of the door. She'd be afraid of Tsubine leaving again. What's worse is that Tsubine didn't have the heart to tell her that someday she would disappear. Everyone dies, and she didn't want to break it to Erika that she hadn't worked out immortality. Eventually there would be a day when Tsubine Koezuka was a black-and-white photograph in a shrine surrounded by incense.

But that wasn't today. Tsubine was alive, and she was here. She was here with Erika and Midori. She was there with Shadin—no sign of Zin though. He was off doing his own thing apparently. But no matter what... Tsubine wanted to be here. She wanted the two women who made her life feel special. She let her daughter finish. It was a relief to hear that all. "Erika... You won't scare me away." Tsubine finally looked down at her daughter, not caring if the tears hit the top of Erika's head now. "You had nothing to do with why I left... but you have a lot to do with why I'm staying."

Tsubine looked up to Midori. She smiled, a light blush coming across her face. "Sorry that you had to help clean up my mess again. If it makes you feel better, I actually had no intentions of needing your help with this..." She let out a small chuckle. She had sometimes used the excuse of needing help just to see Midori in the past. "Thank you for helping her though. I don't know what you said, but, " Tsubine looked down to Erika, still rubbing the back of her daughter's head, "I think it was just what she needed to hear."





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Subject Post 16PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptySun Dec 10, 2017 6:41 pm

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Midori Hayashi

Captain of the Second Division

A wonderful scene opened up in front of Midori. She stood in silence and watched the two reconcile. Erika had been so angry and needed to hear specific words from Tsubine. The time Erika and Midori had together just gave Erika a few minutes of venting to release anger, so when she saw Tsubine again she calmed down. Seeing them hug was heartwarming. Watching the tears Tsubine let fall shine in the sunlight caused a single tear to well up in Midori's eye. She wiped it away, watching the two silently, smiling at the scene as it unfolded further. "And likely why she came back." Midori thought.

Tsubine turned to her and Midori's smile only widened. She made a peace sign in front of her face, her eye between the two fingers, and the fist of her opposite hand on her waist. "No problem. It's what friends are for, darlin'." Midori said and chuckled, "Oh, and you two might wanna be careful within the walls of the Seireitei. People may over look you, Tsubine, but I'm not so sure they'd over look you both. You guys aren't exactly supposed to be here... and some silly girl punched one of my squad members... How's your hand?" Midori raised an eyebrow at Erika. Midori had tried healing it before, but it didn't go anywhere. Luckily, Midori was skilled enough that Erika's hand was still numbed from the pain and slowly healing. It'd just go faster if Midori was actively healing it. "Would you like me to take care of that now?"



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Subject Post 17PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptySun Dec 10, 2017 7:59 pm


TEN THOUSAND SWORDS




ERIKA MASAMUNE

Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 6EdIfMt


She enjoyed the feeling of their embrace. Erika's arms kept her close and she seemed completely lost in the moment as she relished their closeness for the time being. This woman meant the most to her, she would forsake money and wealth and even her reputation for her family and those close to her. The small girl's head looked up at her mother as she felt Tsubine rub the back of her head. She saw the older woman with tears in her eyes before she went back to hugging her feeling a little bad that she didn't start with this the moment she set her eyes on Tsubine, instead she had to kick her in the kidney. Her hand would come down to tentatively check by feeling to make sure she hadn't done any damage.

"Tsubine, I love you. I should've started with that instead of what I did"

Looking towards Midori sheepishly as she said it she blushed a little and leaned up to Tsubine's ear. There was a certain request which she wanted as much as she was afraid that she'd get denied or laughed at by the two women.She tried her best to get as close to Tsubine's ear as possible so she didn't give Midori a chance to hear.

"Can..Can I uh, Can I sleep in your bed tonight? Just for tonight"

Pulling away to look at the woman's expression she was expecting a jovial and playful response like she had come to expect in the past. She knew her mother liked to do some things that got a reaction out of her and in a way she hoped that Tsubine would expose her request and embarrass her in front of Midori just as much as she didn't want it to happen either. In the end it didn't even matter Erika was just happy to be able to hold her and not feel that hatred or misery that she brought initially.

As Midori spoke about their presence the woman was a little concerned, Tsubine was a former captain-commander, captain and Zero Division member who disappeared without warning. Erika was a former Vice-Captain and seated officer. it wasn't like they were nobody special who could be dealt with easily. The two of them had been gone and could be seen as a threat the more Erika thought about it. She still had no idea what it meant to say her next words but in her eyes it was her best choice given the situation.

"Tsubine, I want to stay with you. I want to go where ever you go. I don't really belong here anymore and so much has changed it doesn't feel the same. If you're not going to stay in the Seireitei then I want to go with you. May I?"

She was hopeful, surely that was something that Tsubine couldn't deny her. She had tossed away everything when Tsubine left, what else could she do? Erika finally broke the hug and pulled away, any attempt on Tsubine's part before that would be met with a tighter squeeze and a whimper. When she finally looked at the two women, she was a little red that her "aunt"(?) tossed her under the bus her for punching the other shinigami. Still she brought up her still damaged hands but didn't meet Tsubine's eyes when she showed them to Midori. They weren't like that when she first encountered Tsubine.

"Yes please Midori, you're a nice person. I'm sorry that we met on bad terms, both times. Does this make you my adoptive aunt or something? I don't know how this works, I just like you anyway who cares about all the titles. If anything you can be the woman that helped me not make a mistake"

Before the healer got a look at this hands she'd find Erika had pulled her into a hug. It lacked the same intimacy and length as the one she shared with her mother but that was purely one to show her appreciation. Once their hug was done Erika would offer her hands to the doctor and let her work her magic as she waited.

Coding Altered From: [THEFROST]'s
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Tsubine
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Subject Post 18PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptySun Dec 31, 2017 7:12 pm





Tsubine Koezuka


Tsubine smiled down at her daughter. "I love you too. And don't say that. Honestly, I deserved it." Tsubine wiggled her jaw a little. It still was sore from Midori's punch. She turned slightly to Midori. "The new Captain-Commander requested for my return. I don't think anyone will question that. And if they question Erika, well, I can just claim that she's my assistant. " Tsubine gave a slight shrug. She could make sure they were covered. However, Midori was right. "But we will keep our heads down as much as we can, and we won't go around getting into any more fights." Tsubine shot Erika a motherly glare. "Don't do that again" is what her silvery-blue eyes said.

Tsubine let silence fill the air after Erika's question. She answered with an apologetic shake of her head. "Erika, I'm sorry but no. I'm staying with Midori. Her guest bed isn't big enough for two people, and beyond that... We're both grown women and you're my daughter. It just isn't right." There was a hint of finality in her denial. Tsubine didn't want to share the bed with Erika. It was too small of a bed for two people who weren't intimate with each other to share.

Tsubine's mouth drew into a line. Why was Erika asking so many difficult questions today? Bah! It's something Tsubine would deal with. Erika was back to being her daughter, and that is what mattered. "I don't mind you staying with me for now. However, if I go somewhere that is dangerous for you, I'd rather you wait with Midori until I got back. I can't stand to lose you too." Tsubine tussled her daughter's hair. It was good to be back.






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Subject Post 19PostSubject: Re: Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity]   Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 EmptySun Dec 31, 2017 7:49 pm


TEN THOUSAND SWORDS




ERIKA MASAMUNE

Trying to Understand [PRIVATE | Serenity] - Page 2 6EdIfMt


Those three simple words brought a tighter hold and squeeze from Erika, hell she cried a little bit from hearing them - from joy of course - as she remained embraced until she went to Midori. The gaze was met with a shameful and embarrassed expression, punching someone was so out of character for her and she felt she could've handled that a lot better. Not to mention Tsubine's discipline was something she didn't like one bit, just knowing she'd done something that that got a negative response for the woman was bad enough.

It was a shame that she couldn't get that one request, she didn't show it in any form that it made her feel upset, and that grown woman comment. Erika refused to accept she was fully grown, tiny body be damned she would grow eventually! It was something she hoped for anyway would it ever happen? Probably not.

"Dangerous for me? Lose me? Now that's not fair, I've been in dangerous situations before, nothing I can't handle. I'm not a baby and what do you mean lose me? I lost you, I don't want to sit around doing nothing while everyone else fights or is in danger"

At this point she'd be back with Tsubine, she'd let Midori heal her but she'd want to be quick since she was impatient to get back to Tsu and once the healing was done she'd come straight back over to stand in front of her. It was her stroke of rebellion although the tussling of her hair did make her shut up and look away shyly. She gave a quick stretch as she looked at Midori with a hopeful gaze.

"Midori... May I stay here to? I don't have anywhere to stay."

Midori was really only given the option to give the girl a room or watch her sleep outside the barracks like a homeless person because she wasn't straying to far from Tsubine at this point and if she couldn't sleep in the same bed with her mother then she'd sleep on the floor!

Coding Altered From: [THEFROST]'s

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