Re: Why Am I Here? [Ulv, Abalia]

Sat Jan 11, 2020 7:30 pm

Why Am I Here? [Ulv, Abalia] - Page 2 FfUhy9b

Abalia Kyoraku-Hayden

"I had thought that a bachelorette party was always intended to be something casual. A bit of fun with friends before the serious affair of a wedding."

Abalia wasn't especially trying to argue this point, she just wanted it to be established how she had seen the whole affair. But, there were more pressing matters now.

"I do not wish to ask quite that sort of advice. I simply wonder if I am perhaps pressing myself too much. If the many duties I have taken on will ultimately leave me with less time to care for a child. I have given every duty I take on my very greatest effort. I suppose I simply wonder if even I have it within me to handle this. How peculiar."

Sat Jan 11, 2020 7:56 pm

ULV AUBER | WHITE MASK BUDDHA

"If you wanted it casual I wouldn't have been invited. It is a raging party of awesome to celebrate your heart finding someone you want to tie your existence to in an eternal state of matrimony. To treat it casually is to treat the oncoming event and what comes later, casual as well" Ulv explained. Well, maybe it was a strange thought but she was a strange woman.

"And, you aren't alone. You don't have to do everything yourself. You can get aid in doing things lower on you priority than others. If you want to spend time with your child - and you should, they imprint early and so the first year is the most important - then get help from others to deal with the rest of your duties. Nothing is more important than the first year of the child"

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Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:21 pm

Abalia Kyoraku-Hayden

"Mm... Yes, that is what I have been told. That is what everyone seems to say, and I do not want to be a poor mother. Not simply as a matter of duty, but because... Ah, well, I suppose simply because I want to be a good mother to my child. Most would find such a thing fundamental in its nature, but, well, you know my circumstances."

Stopping briefly as a few children ran by, obviously ready to play in the park's gentle stream, Abalia knelt down and made sure to remind them of the dangers in a stream, particularly the possibility of slipping on rocks. Only after she had secured a promise from each of them that there would be no pushing, and that they would find a police officer in the event of any accidents, did she allow them to continue on their way, the smallest of smiles on her face, even if it was a gesture mostly for their sake.

"The hole you opened in my heart has certainly filled with emotion, Ulv. I have felt so much more in these short few months than I have in the rest of my life. Yet, it is still far less than I think either of us suspected. Less than I might have hoped for. I live with it, accept it, and do all that I can to nurture it. Anything more forceful, I think, would only invite potential danger, or make me question whether it was truly myself. But it does make me wonder if I will be able to serve in this capacity, if my daughter will know that her mother loves her."

Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:46 am

ULV AUBER | WHITE MASK BUDDHA

Stepping to one side and giving just a teasing grin as one of the children looked up at the towering statue that was Ulv, she just told him to eat his greens and listen to his mother if he wanted to look like her. Wasn't completely a lie, after all. And then when they ran off she shook her head and laughed gently.
"You feel worried you won't be a good mother, and yet you already are, long before your baby is even born. As for the hole, yea that's Devil's Heart. It is a vague and enigmatic power, that rarely gives you all of what you want. It opened you up to learn, but nobody learns instantly" she would then, cock her head gently as if listening to something, and then smile warmly.

"As for your daughter knowing that, I believe she will. There will be jealousy from her when she is young, because her mother loves everyone, and she will not be able to distinguish the fact that her mother loves her more, and differently, than any other being" Ulv would walk over and take Abalia's hands in her own. Ulv was a tactile woman, and often wanted or needed contact to connect to people.

"Worry about this stuff is natural. It means you are going to be good. And besides you have many people who are around to help you with everything you might need"

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Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:56 pm

Abalia Kyoraku-Hayden

"A good mother, hm? I had always imagined a good mother to be far more nurturing, more understanding. I am fully capable of leading, of caring for thousands in an administrative sense. But the nature of family is different, is it not?"

Looking into Ulv's eyes with the faintest hint of expectance, she found she did not mind that Ulv had taken her hands. More and more, she was simply allowing physical contact she otherwise would have eschewed entirely... Abalia could not say she minded this change in herself.

"I must admit that I may now and again require your advice. Even if you know little of motherhood, you certainly know of emotion, of genuine attachment and affection. Should I find myself faltering, it is good to know that I can rely upon you."

Sun Jan 12, 2020 3:58 pm

ULV AUBER | WHITE MASK BUDDHA

"Did you not just nurture those children to have fine morals? To understand their proclivities for play and to advice against what you understood was going to happen? And not only that, you had the affection to stop them and deliver the advice in the first place. You think so lowly of yourself while acting so highly as a matter of fact" Ulv warmed Abalia's hands with her own. African climate being what it was, winters didn't hide their teeth.

"The only way you will fail is if you suddenly turn away from the woman who cares to advise random children on the street and become a woman you were not even in the days of the Gray World. I am here to help you, but you don't need any help. I believe in you"

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Sun Jan 12, 2020 5:23 pm

Abalia Kyoraku-Hayden

Something about Ulv's words was simply primally reassuring to Abalia. She would not, once upon a time, have felt much of anything but an objective agreement as to her own qualifications for the task of motherhood. But life had pushed her in another direction entirely. It was not a bad direction, of course. Quite the opposite.

"I suppose I simply imagine the demands of motherhood to be far greater than they truly are. It is an alien thought, a duty that I have never had much time to consider. It is simply not somethign I imagined would be a part of my life. It is...so very strange."

She was quiet, then, and perhaps it was simply a spur of the faintest emotion. But she felt compelled to show Ulv that she appreciated her words, that this assistance mattered to her. She did not smile, but she did offer her friend a hug. She knew the meaning would come across.

Sun Jan 12, 2020 6:03 pm

ULV AUBER | WHITE MASK BUDDHA

A hug? A hug! Abalia was giving her a hug! Ahh, the moment was to be commemorated in verse and stored in every library in the world! Or so Ulv thought at least. The hug was returned, and Ulv nodded at the improbable nature of it.
"Being a mother to your own is no different to being a mother to everyone else. This one is just one that you can truly call your own. But, honestly...Yea. I never expected you to get with Hayden. As much as I supported the idea, it seemed like a crackship, to be honest. Then it happened. Which was amazing. But then we are a pair of Crackships since I still have no idea why Rakki is in love with me. Me to her is obvious and simple, but her to me is...not"

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Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:29 pm

Abalia Kyoraku-Hayden

Abalia simply stayed there for a while, not feeling too especially compelled to put a stop to her embrace any time soon. She understood the importance of such a thing, and she knew that Ulv likely appreciated it a great deal. Given the value Abalia put on her friend, she would gladly continue to allow her this contact.

"I do not love him. Not, I think, in the way that a wife normally would. I respect him, admire him, value him. But I know that the gulf between those things and true, genuine love is quite wide. I know that my own heart is simply a quiet reflection of what one normally would be. Even so, I know that were I capable of such a depth of feeling, I would love him with an intensity which might rival even your greatest passion."

Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:49 pm

ULV AUBER | WHITE MASK BUDDHA

"Then you do" Ulv would say. Firmly and without any rebuttal or recourse. That was an absolute firmer than Ulv's own body. "Do not decry yourself for being new to the party. There is a thousand reasons for having muted emotional capabilities. Mirja would have been eternally grateful to be able to turn away from the bunny-filled car crash into an orphanage that was also serving as a fuel dump, situated next to a maternity ward that was her emotional state. If you say you want to love him, then it is semantics as to what you actually do feel.

That comes with time, and it is time he will give you. Desmond will never abandon you, never denounce or decry you. So you should not do so yourself"

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