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Joined : 2011-09-01
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|Subject Post 1Subject: Raizene Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:29 pm|| |
+ B A S I C I N F O +
Name: RaizeneAge: 1000
Shifter Appearance: Looking like a stark white skined the pale looking skin being suprisingly, strong ,and durable, being shadowed around the neck in holed like, energys. , Male around around 7 foot .Having a muscled torso, and slender arms the muscles being banded somewhat to show he is heavily muscled while retaining a slim stature. . Which gleam with markings which seem to be burned in there by. Age and time. The lower half being, made of skull like bone looking substance covering the feet and hands This being strange and hard, like a shell, but vibrating some times .. A ragged white cloak bottom, which is kind of , made of a thick durable wandering cloth. Like the inside of a soul reapers cloak , The top half being non existant. Thought this is covering his lower body. His hair, being spiked somewhat being a black colored hue so it, is aswell neon dyed. , and his eyes being , a ringed vibrant blue.
True Appearance:Purple rimmed iri's Are in his eyes, which , seem to be a neon contrasting color. His arms being covered in a white rigid substance, With, smooth glass like surface His sharp clawed hands, Being, having a rigid sandpaper like substance, which allows for it. To grip things with ease. Long slender legs, which have the same glass smooth substance on it, being very durable and flexable. aswell, as having a strange divoting holes ringing down the middle size Before allowing it to taper out into a armored cuff into the ankle protecting it for breakage. His head having spiked white hair which glimmers like snow, which allows for, a breathtaking sparkle to engulf it. , and horns on its head, which are midnight black. being around 7 foot, and muscular.
+ P E R S O N A L I T Y +
Personality: Loving to see the world. Happy, and carefree, thought silent, not talking much. Inquisitive, being looking after something carefully before even consider going in it. Or going near it.
Needing respect or it will not give you respect at all . He loves to have company some times, And on the other times just wants to be alone. If you annoy him he will let you know. by getting up, and leaving or Snapping at you angerly. Or making some snappy remark.
Having a strong sense of justice, and Right, if you do something he finds is unfair, or mean to another, he will either stop it let you know. Or just flat out, put a end to it with any means possible.
Loving, the outdoors, and distant places. He constantly is wandering, even to places you should not actually find him but you do.
Insane somewhat. He will do things not many people think is normal and or sane or safe. Testing things to way beyond the realm of safe or sane, to do. This is something he loves, and he does so every day.
Over aware. He takes in the slighest things around him, to find out whats going on and what will happen. Small things he notices since he wants to be able to know his surrounding well, or he does not feel safe in them.
Patient/Judgemental. Depending on his mood, he will be either very patient with you and understanding, aswell as waiting till you get your crap figured out.
Or he will be Judgemental. Which means he will snap at you, and be a crappy person towards you. When this happens just try to give him some space so he can cool off. and get into a better mood.
Territorial. If someone trys to take something of his, He will attack them, and or defend what is his, untill either he is dead or the other person backs down.
_________________________________________________________________________________-Hobbys-Training: Loves to train diligently since he always is trying to improve how strong he can be. And will not stop training untill he thinks he has improved enough for that training session. He also is very proud of the fact he loves to train and thinks of it as one of his hobbys . Because he wants to be able to do the very best he feels that he can do. Reading: He loves reading and does so alot since he loves to learn and get lost in a good book. And aswell to learn more so about the new things that he may have not heard of before . Or concepts that he did not think could be used or put in that perspective. But what he really always likes in a book is a good cliff hanger as these leave him wanting to find out what happened. Playing board games: Since he loves a good chess game or other games like that because it helps him with his strategy. Aswell as learn more about the game and how it works. Since if a game is good to him, he will want to play untill he knows how to win or understand it in a logicall stand point. Typically games like sho, checkers or chess is what he will play. Exploring: He loves to explore , this is why he can be found in places that he should not be. Mostly this can get him into some trouble. Especially in places that are governed by another in which he does not have acess to. For this reason he usually explores the sands in hueco mundo because far as he can tell, there is not many places there that are off limits. Manga:He is a manga nerd aswell ,and loves a good manga book usually thought of the mystery type, and if it was up to him. He would sit around all day to read his manga books. Since he can get lost in one and time just slips away from him.
+ B A C K G R O U N D +
He was born some time, around 1000 years ago, in the bloodied massacur that was the wars agenst many different people . Flames spouting everywhere. hell itself being filled to the brim of traterous swine, who where reborn there. One such swine Was he.
Wailing is what This demon awoke to, in his first moments of being reborn, into another state. The darkness in this war was a perfect place for Him to thrive in for the time being. This is where he was born, in the middle of the great wars. which was the perfect thriving ground for he.
Born in a world full of blood, and hate and sin . This was what he knew. The other side being the full emotions that these wars brought out. Everywhere He looked was hate, love betrayal and people trying to further their own ends for better reasons. Like surviving.
He had to grow up quick in his mind state, since every day a demon was usually born .This caused him to have to try to outwit others to survive. Its not a lovely existance .But it is one.
One that he loved to be in, and survive in. This was the world he was born into. and to this day. has lived in happily.Life Changes though soon after, as he wandered. Everything gave him increasingly a state of boredom, as he wandered outside of the demons natural realm. The world seemed to be different out here. Since it was more alive full of things other then murderers and people who did enough rong to feed and give birth to a new demon. A world apart from the blood thirsty one that is where he came from .He began to see other things, that amazed him . The first was strange. but amazing none the less. Those in.. strange black uniforms, which seemed to blow in the wind. Although this usually would be something that would draw attention no one seemed to notice them .The regality of those clothes, was amazing, The deep black clothes, which seemed to move with a unnatural wind. And a sword in a shieth by there side which seemingly just. was polished and ready when ever it was needed. these people this day where moving through a crowd .He'd duely noted, before, deciding to tail them silently, to see what they where up tooThe thing he saw, was interesting, since over the next 400 years he silently, tailed them, his feet slowly making almost silent movements, if any at all, thought before long these strange men had gotten paranoid thinking someone was actually following them. Some times they would hear a creaking sound on a floor board, or see a bare foot print in the sand where no one stood. Like this He entertained himself, by messing with the minds of these two soul reapers. Which soon after the one night after 200years, they saw his shadow behind them instead of their own, this drove them to maddness, as they ran now, Doing jobs in fear. as they rushed, soon they began to freak out, One of them babbling to a captian that they where being followed. But by now they had been shunned from everyone .Untill the last night.. that they saw Raizene's face in the mirror, then they took there blades .And impailed eachother, screeching there faces in a utterly, pulled back contortion of insanity, and fear. This show was thought for years to be a suicide of two who had deteriorated under the hard, brutal work that was, The shimigami's job. As a reminder . Raizene took the Shimigami's clothes though returning to hell.
The next 400 years. He had wandered in in and out of hueco mundo and hell . Since he loved the moon lit sands. Aswell he felt more at home there then anywhere else even in where he was born in hell .Since for some reason or the next 300 years, the more he explored in hueco mundo the more interesting he found it. More over, he saw things that astounded him and put him in awe. One such thing was the vasto lords. Who reminded him of humans, which where covered in bones of the dead. Or espada, Who, where more like humans then vasto's but they had strange. holes in there chests aswell, as being strange, and more civilized then most things he ever seen . But aswell, he saw things that intregued him like .The fact they fought and fought over each other. Like monsters but once, they hit there final evolution. They where civilized more so then most humans.
The last 200 years where strange more like a whirlwind then nothing else, Being as everything had changed the strangeness of the world around continously began to change, The places he once had wandered being different every time he returned. untill he stopped trying to track the changes.
+ P O W E R S +
Natural Abilities: Natural abilities, Are
Extremely thick skin:from the fact of his unique ability Xeizu which allows for the physcal traits to be Improved greatly. Thought because of Xeizu, He cannot use any demon spells. And or any natural, demonic spell powers, unless they are custom, and fit with Xeizu. thought very few of those.
The thick skin allows for it to be able to Take huge amounts of damage thought physcal. Aswell as the skin, had a layered amount because the layers are condensed together to allow for thicker skin.
Heightened reflex's: Another thing that has Been improved drastically because of Xeizu, on the draw back of not being able to have any forging , powers or powers in higher modes. But this aswell. Helps with his base speed, and Strength. Aswell, this allows for the addition, of faster, reaction time, this makes it so , that he can simotaniously, move each, of the heads on his neck, Slowly, but aswell, as becoming made so that, he can aswell, kick and punch insainly, hard, in his motai, form .
Unique Abilities: Listed below.
Cross Kaiden Gates: These allow him to wander through different worlds as such . Being two gates with rising reapers holding there blaes infront, their eyes glowing like coals. It is not too tall, but opening from it, he can wander through untill finding another way out. This can go to hueco mundo .The soul society , world of the living. And of course hell.Aswell they can slip into different area's such as places inbetween, if there is any.
Hallow raid: this makes it so that,When he walks around , his skin, is hard like a heirro .But it aswell serves a amazing, for lower teir, to moderate .Kido defense in the higher tiers. Aswell working differently depending on the level of the kido or cero used. By allowing a thin membrane of reistu to repel , and harden the skins exterior. Aswell as making, a slight distortion in the air ,around him, Speeding up his movements, and foot work. While , allowing, for it to, sometimes reflect kido. though if it does it slightly uses what is drained from the sheild and the energy generated from the contact of the kido ,to replenish or slowly gain power through its fight. Aswell, as used to put up stronger defenses. But the kido, cannot just be deflected, it does damage though some of it is, deflected off, from the repulsive reistu, its not able to block full cero's or strong kido moves, but a little bit. Rukesu: Alowwing for, His form, To create a kind of wall which grows, into a following path like item, Which can take alot of damage , and it draws the opponents to it for afew moments. Though it is used for someone not wanting to fight instead of . Having, it as a advantage, This forms a Lip , which aswell, will, bend and contort. untill snapping, after enough damage is taken.
Then the second faze starts. This allows chains to spout from the lip, Binding or , slowing down opponents, while it slowly inflicts the damage done to it back at its opponent. While sometimes it also uses this to slowly, Replenish, or stregnth Raizene himself.
Mukesu: Causing the floor to turn blackened, As the air grows heavy with reistu, which is used to create a pressure on the air around him, which will slowly grind away at stamina, and bone density, aswell ,as chip away at enemys heiro's and mental states. Aswell, this also, works to power up the one who has it Raizene. Which in this, it will slowly, use the pain of its opponents, or the force, to slowly, condense and harden its skin .aswell ,as some breaks off and adds, slightly, like, a extra skin. While the second half of Mukesu comes into place if in the final demonic form. Which is called Maikusu. The blackened floor, is caused by drenchign the ground with reistu, this takes about 12 turns to do any real serious damage, and can be diminished to 30 turns with a good, hierro. or alot of reistu . The power range, is pretty strong, and powerfull, depending on the amount of power, he has left still. It can be pretty interesting. Maikesu:This causes a slight amount of the claw of the Raizene, to break off, which has a necrotic and reistu sapping poison in it ,which over time slowly, the more power , that the other uses. It will cause spikes to grow, sapping some of that power like a parasite, this alowing slowly, for the poison to deteriorate ,first at the physcal form, of the one its in ,while, It grows causing internal bleeding, which coagulates into a harder substance . entering by using the extreme pressure to insert a spike into the blood stream or skin of those fighting him. The recoil is for every second that this is in affect, his over all reistu level is much lower then it should be as consequence untill its done, all other moves last less then they usually do. The move, thought takes a huge, amount of time, to take affect, as the spike, itself, takes about 20 turns without a hierro to do any real damage. And the reistu, poision, only takes a small amount of Reistu to feed the attack , not replenish him, but its a dangerous move none the less, taking about 5 turns to recharge between uses.
Heistu: this increases ,arm leg and speed power. The draw back is he cannot use demon spells, Unless they are the custome ones, That are made to deal with this, Disorder, Which aswell, allows a reistu resistant shene on its skin, .
When it hits the last form of its appearance it causes the form to be upgraded, though through a light item called force factor, Which allows reistu to expload from the strike point, like a compacted explosion this causes additional damage, aswell as stunning or, severly destroying the point of impact. if it does not have hiero. But the attacks explosive, power, is pretty strong using a condensed burst of reistu, which is focused on the heel. This move, being the discharge of the strike, as reistu expands trying to find a way to get away from its condensed state. This will force through skin ,and bone, hierro thought being able to halve the attack .
Seistu:This allows, for a if needed to use, a quick movement like a sondio or flash step .But this leaves behind, slight, reistu trails confusing the opponent, as the reistu dissipates, thought this cannot be used in more then 4 times in a row, without needing a serious cool down.
Leistu: this is the Second form of Seistu, and what happens is , His form shimmers and can vanish, thought, a slash can be delayed through it, alowing the allusion or after image for one hit, to seem real which can even more so, Distract an apponent, and this can take around 3 times in a row, before it needs a serious cool down.
thought the cool down is about 6 turns, and it less, because, the delayed hit, in the cost of having a 12 turn cooldown, can expload or cause serious damage, and suprise the opponent, But, this can only be done once every 2 turns, and cuts the illusion down to 2 in a row.
Xeizu:A disorder which allows for the traits above the draw back being unless its custom Demon spells, it cannot be used. So it cannot use most of the normal spells that demons usually have being that is has to be compatable with the disorder itself. Aswell it makes it so that it gains no new abilities in Its shishi modo . Forms since this aswell . is a draw back from its extreme advantages and disadvantages from Xeizu. But aswell this allows, for second forms in most of the moves after it is in its final form, Making drastic improvements in the moves, and extra added effects that can only be used in those forms. Xeizu Derampeda: This activates once enough reistu or energy has been stored within the outside layers, causing brantching forms under the Muko jotai form allowing for The three brantching forms inbetween the shishu and the mukoa, to form , making for drastic changes aswell, this sacrifices the second form, to allow for these, Aswell, as causing new moves to form in these stepped forms. Called Dark Rampardo De Raizon forms 1 and 2. This also, allows for one powerfull demonic summon, which is powerfull, and dangerous as it is usefull, this is one of the main reasons he cannot use demon spells aswell.
Kaizen wave:This puts a disruptive force, around His form which , can cause those with lower Reistu levels, or lower physcal levels, To find it that, it is harder to use, kido , or cero abilities, Though this does not apply to most ,Bankais or Hybrid stuff.
It aswell, for lower, Illusionairy, or binding techniques under no 30. to be harder to use on him, as it may just break once he moves. from kaizen wave.
This takes away his ability to makes wepons or items from his Shishu Modo form.
Kaizen moda wave: This allows for a black reistu like wave to expload around in a center mass this allowing, a destructive outmoving, force to propel those away who cannot stand it, being lower tiers .Those who can stand it, suffer a severe Kido stun, or reistu stunt, Which for 5 turns makes reistu for them drastically diminished. This takes away The abilities to make wepons or items, Aswell as it does stop binding techniques under no 20 for high ranks, and 40 for lower ranks. aswell as it has the same affect as curtain stripping for illusionary techniquesit takes, around 15 turns to cool down. .
Shishi Mōdo Appearance: It looks like, a pure white skined, body, with ,a masked face, which is made from a midnight black looking substance. Having a pair, of cloth looking wings on its back, Which are made from a almost, see through gray tinted substance unless under the right lighting.
Its head has two long horns on it, which at the end, have a wicked point, thought the horns are longer then they usually are. Its feet having, over them a hardened, Black looking almost banshe like see throishy brakish looking boots, which have a curved up apearance.
Its Hands, being black and clawed , A misty looking substance surrounding them. Its eyes being hidden under the mask .
DarkRampardo'De Raizon Form appearance 1. Midnight black Eyes with, x slit pupils in them and a third eye forming above them which is colored liquid mercuery. Six Head like apendages forming around the neck, each one having one eye which .Has a x in the middle of them. Aswell the heads are the color of midnigth black, seemingly just sucking in the light around them , the one eye with the x, Being pure white line a brand new canvas. Having a luminous glow to them. The mouthes being closed, thought a line of redish tinted rust almost lines up the mouth, forming the gum line, as the eyes in this form are shut .The eye lids being white , and the x's on the eye lids, looking like a open eye, as they are double lidded.And a pair of sharp teeth in their mouthes Which are condensed and thickened almost like the reistu pressure within them, had compacted them over time into how they now are. , which in this form are closed, Aswell as having a strange liine running up his neck, which his luminous green like a glow stick almost. . Chains run down the back of its legs like a tail, this having a mouth at the end. The chains being, pitch black hued, aswell ,as seemingly being made like hells chains, almost making them heavy, and iron like, slowly, thought this, iron seemed to erode, in some spots showing a white core, in the divoted dents in the iron the inside of the being white. .The legs being pure black, and elongated some, being dense and, elegant, somewhat, thought having white lines running down the sides like a mottled coat of fur. Which seems to in some area's crackle with reistu. Having tiny, skull like mask platings going under the fur, which seem to be stained with a pure red. blod. Almost like they where bathed in the stuff till it dyed it that color. with sharp clawed feet at the end having 12 toes on each foot,These being made of almost a bone like substance, with a long glowing sheene around them. . The arms being , long and white, Plating going over them some what, like chains and tatooed like items, making it look like he has been burned from acid erosion in some parts .The green tinged circles in the middle of the arms going down to end at the hand,with the hands at the end having long razor sharp claw like fingers. These are made of a hard bone like substance, having a purpilish Mist going out of the pores at the end of his fingers. Which taper into a razor sharp point. ________________________________________________________________________________DarkRampardo'de Raizon form 2 appearance.the second form has a additional apendage on the neck, this time though the eyes are open, and a humming reistu can be felt from the gaping mouths which are open aswell From these are a layered amount of teeth which seem to look alot like a hollows would, Each now having , a horn on its head, as the eyes are open ,to show a pure white iris less eye, which has white lashes almost like moth eyes, sept they aswell have a third eye, which has three pupils each, being star like in there nature. The third eye having a green mottled rin around it going up and down in a oval, somewhat thought pointed at the ends .This being covered in a furr like, green and black checkered somewhat, Pattern . The fur itself, being somewhat hard like armor. ,Putting up a microbial, reistu, which seems to tamper with the reistu of others around him This reistu being made from a kind of Repulsive reistu within Raizene, which seems to cause a repulsion from one another, which causes this Microbial tampering affect. Aswell, as causing a weight to form over and around him lightly, Though the longer he is in this form ,The weight called Saiou Will increase, and eventually cause chipping or faxtures in bones and extera, .Aswell the open mouths can fire off blasts, and throw up different abilitys, in sync making it much more devastating then it usually is It does this by, causing . It also gains a pair of Hard wings which have a repulsive substance on them from a constantly Repelling, reistu substance, which allows for a hardened skin which allows them to be much harder to penitrate.
DarkRampardo'de Raizon Special abilities:
Pungent smog corrosion sheild:A moving sheild which hardens using smog and decaying reistu around it. To throw up a sheild from all of its heads, Thought thought this sheild the heads can still fire off charges such as demonic blasts or orbed condensed reistu, in which allows for Doing serious damage while using a moderatly strong defense to block most oncoming attacks from all sides. Thought it drains some energy to decay kido and reistu based attacks once it decays the sheild compacts the decayed move into its sheild, replenishing, Raizene while aswell making it so, that the sheild gets much stronger and much more, Powerfull. But this attack takes a sapping of the energy, that it hits, by aswell, recycling the decayed kido .This affect, does not, take powers, nor does it drain from the other player. It just drains the attack that was fired off .This being able to go up for 15 turns in a consequence of being used once per battle. afterwards or having a 40 post cool down .
Dezuna'del Crecerus lance:
A hardened reistu made lance forms in Raizene's hand using condensed reistu and particles in the air to creat a offensive wepon or a denfensive sheild. Which if used with the Corrosive sheild it allows for it to drain huge amounts of reistu from the sheild , allowing for it to be thrown, and creat a explosive charge. from the properties of the
reitsu , in this manner, he can soak up reitsu in the lance like a sponge, before it is at the breaking point, he will then discharge it so that it will not erupt on him, aswell, the wepon is made of extremely hard reitsu which is condensed to the point it is rigid, and a usefull wepon .
Satsugai Tsūru: No ability to make stuff due to Kaizen Wave.
Mukō Jōtai Appearance: His skin , has now , become covered in a chain like Substance, which entertwines his arms and legs, Which now, have a clawed look to them .A long and thin blade running down the end of the chain into His hand. Aswell, his six heads, have formed masks on them which are hard and black, having the one iron opening for the eyes, now, them being bathed in a brakish blood like veil. Which now dripps from it, as now, its face, has, a marking on the side, like dots, of blackness, the green spots , now, seemingly, to glow, as chains, are wrapped around them. The legs, now , seemingly, gaining hardness, with the torso, which now is larger. The tail, now, having a bladed end, as his horns, have now curved at the top . The hands now, having razor sharp tips to the claws. The wings, now being larger, and demonic in nature, having a hardened flare to them. Aswell, this form, has, knifing like ears, as a ring running around the top of the head, which is like a crown made of thorns, As now, blackened like chain made vines, are rising, from a warping black drip like reistu in a 18 ft radius of under his feet. The chains : These chain vines, are extremely, thick hanving a reistu condensed form to them. The thorns being made of a poisionous substance, which cannot hurt, people, but can be corrosive, to most in animate objects. aswell, as now, the area below him, on his feet, having a huge opening eye, which is the final form for the dark forms, which seemingly, looks up at the sky Apon release . a Dark wreath which is on his head, seemingly giving off a luminous vine liike glow. The strength: This forms strength, is astounding, since he , now, costantly, has reistu like explosions within his body, contained within the thick hierro like substance, that is his, Skin. This causing a huge exspanse of energy, to welm into the punches even without it being burst from the end. Aswell, as this makes it so he can thrust down harder, and , the skin, becomes harder, from the skin , that shells onto his final dark form to go into this form .
Mukō Jōtai Ablities: Raizen judgement:The stronger the foe, is than him, This allows a slight repulsive substance over him, which works in time, with his Other abilities, in uniques. To create a kind of counter jarring force, Which using his hard skin, slightly encoating it with reistu, allows it to the more power thrown agenst it the stronger, the blow is that is recoiled, aswell, as the least damage that is taken. The draw back is in this move, Is, it can not use other custom kido moves. Aswell, as this move cannot thought, recoil, moves like kido, and if a strong enough attack is used, it can be broken through. Aswell this puts a serious strain on his reistu reserves .And under extereme bombardment cannot be used for more then 4 turns needing a 15 turn cool down .ShadedNightplague: This leeches energy from the surrounding, allowing for a black sheene to form around his form . Which aswell, allows for a counter force to be applyed for the more power, used agenst him, the more that is used in the roatation of the slow white orbs, that form around him, the faster they spin, it causes a poisionous haze to form out, which will slowly sapp and chip away at a foes powers. Hell Light Fury : This allows reistu to encoat his form, creating a light haze or a hollogrammed cloak around him, This severly boosts his speed, aswell, it sets up ,a light chain like warp around his slashes these aswell, cause a marring, or chipping away at the reistu of the one whome he is fighting. The form being strange, and more welll made, Because of the chain, which is made of very condensed, reitsu, which can take alot out of his reserves.
+R P S A M P L E +
A light balance, seemed to center in Raizene's form, before he allowed the tingling sensation of this to spread through him, As slowly, the senses one by one, began to wake up, from his slumber. It felt, thought like for a long time he had been sleeping .The white contrast of his skin, being different then most he had seen. He though Ironically was a demon who did not seek the thirst of blood, nor enjoyed it.
+ S K I L L S H E E T +
(DO NOT FILL THESE OUT UNTIL TIER IS GIVEN!!!!)
- Za Koa Manipulation: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Spells/Summonings: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Jigoku Sokudo Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Akuma Kyōdo: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
- Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Last edited by Shizuo on Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:35 pm; edited 10 times in total
Joined : 2010-06-03
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|Subject Post 2Subject: Re: Raizene Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:56 pm|| |
Moved to WIP since it's a work in progress apparently from the guy told me in the xat. So do not move this until it is finished, please make sure you post saying you finished as well so that we are aware..
Joined : 2011-06-30
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|Subject Post 3Subject: Re: Raizene Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:26 pm|| |
Im sorry to inform you Shizuo, but I believe Genpaku would be better for checking this particular character.
Joined : 2010-12-19
Posts : 401
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|Subject Post 4Subject: Re: Raizene Fri Sep 09, 2011 8:47 pm|| |
- Name [X]
- Appropriate Age [X]
- Gender [X]
- Appearance Present [~]
- Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [~]
- Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
- 10 sentences for personality [~]
- History is of appropriate length [~]
- Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
- Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
- Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
- Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
- RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
- RP Sample is 10 sentences [O]
Alright. Let's get down the business; there is meat here, and it could be an interesting app, but the grammar is holding it back. I had a tough time making out much of anything on the app. I don't like noting this, as I have had problems with grammar and still do from time to time, but I have to here. The first three times I read the appearance, I thought you were saying he looked like Coyote Starkk.
[*]Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible
As I said above. Maybe clear it up a little bit.
[*]10 sentences for personality
While it is 10 sentences, the formatting seems to have screwed up. Beyond that though, Raizene seems like he has bi-polar disorder. His personality is all over the place, and somewhat out of keeping with his what with the whole justice thing. Of course you could be going for that, which is fine.
[*]History is of appropriate length
History is of appropriate length, but there are a few issues here; namely the fact that he followed a pair of shinigami for 400 years. Why were two shinigami in the real world for 400 years? If they weren't, how was he in Soul Society at all, considering he'd be found in a moment?
[*]Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered
[*]Powers are described reasonably enough
First off, the draining thing needs to be okayed by someone else; there is a standing rule that absorbing energy from other PCs does not increase the characters power or give them any of the other character's abilities. There is a question of rate of drain and all that kind of stuff.Heightened Reflexes
Couldn't understand the first part. Got the gist of it. This is fine, but maybe clean up the first part.Cross Kaiden Gates
There is already a travel ability for demons to access different worlds. However, if you want your own I don't see much of an issue with it.Hallow Raid
Most of what the comparison to an Arrancar's hierro entails was detailed in Extremely Thick Skin
. The bit that isn't is the reflection of Kidou. This ability is a little vague on how it works, what the cut off is, and so forth. As it stands, I wouldn't approve this ability because reflecting a kidou from, say, a 0-tier character because its kidou level 50 or so is a little too powerful as a passive ability.Rukesu
Clarify whether the ability drains energy from the opponent or collects it from the surrounding area. Otherwise, defensive wall seems alright. Might want to include how tall the wall is, how long the chains are, how thick, how durable, and so on.Mukesu
No description of range, power, or anything like that. Does this ability affect everyone, or are stronger people immune? Details like that would be greatly appreciated.Maikesu
That is a really powerful poison power. That combined with the fact that it drains reiatsu from the characters makes me want to deny it, but I'd like an idea of rate of drain and all that before I say that, and I wouldn't mind another opinion on the power from an advisor/admin.Heitsu
Had a hard time figuring out what this power did; basically, its increase arm and leg strength correct? That's fine if that's the case. The explosion technique seemed like a different power, and needs more detail on strength, delivery method, and so on. Seitsu
No real issue with this one frankly.Leitsu
There is an issue with this. Basically, this is Utsusemi; the advanced shunpo tehcnique Byakuya demonstrated. That's not the issue. Why is Raizene able to use this advanced movement technique more times than the basic one? That doesn't make much sense. In addition. ten times is a lot.Xeizu
I like this idea; it’s interesting.Xeizu Derampeda
Different forms from the demon Shishi Modo and Muko Jotai; got it. No issue.Kaizen Moda Wave
Issues. Making yourself immune to almost all reiatsu ability for 5 posts with no cooldown. No way can I allow that one through.Pungent smog corrosion sheild
A strange ability; considering the fact that you are still able to launch offensive attacks through it, you should note just how strong this ability is and such. The same goes for just how strong his defenses are at this point.Dezuna'del Crecerus lance
If I read this correctly, its a normal lance that can drain energy from the shield and be launched to create an explosion. Give us an idea of how strong this explosion is, how large, and so on.Raizen Juggernaught
So basically the harder someone hits him, the harder this ability pushes back and the less damage he takes? Basically, this makes it so that if someone shows up that can damage him, they now can't. Either this needs explained better, or if I've read it correctly it will not be approved because it negates the strength of everyone else.Shaded Nightplague
It draining energy from nearby is fine. The white orbs creating a poisonous gas is also fine as the gas allows other to move away. We need details on how fast the gas moves, how fast it drains energy, and so on though. Also, are the white orbs solid or not? Can they be used as a defensive structure? And offensive structure?Hell Light Fury
How long does this ability last? How much does it drain? How quickly does the chain move? Can the chain be broken?
[*]RP Sample is 10 sentences
Last thing; the RP sample is too short, and gives us little insight to how he acts or how you use him.Tier:
N/A - To be given upon completion.
Joined : 2011-03-31
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|Subject Post 5Subject: Re: Raizene Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:07 pm|| |
Has been looked over by me. I see no problems but Genpaku requested a Admin/Advisors opinion for a power. Waiting for the call of one.
Joined : 2010-11-07
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Joined : 2011-03-31
Posts : 915
Karma : 1
Age : 21
Location : England
|Subject Post 7Subject: Re: Raizene Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:54 pm|| |
Ye Olde Guarde
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|Subject Post 8Subject: Re: Raizene Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:27 pm|| |
After a Death Application approval of three staff members. This guy is dead.