Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Knight
Knight
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-07-27
Posts : 19
Age : 26
Location : My house doing whatever i'm doing

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue0/0Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:19 am
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» Name: Alphonse
» Titles: None currently
» Age: 23
» Gender: Male
Affiliation/Rank: Currently no group

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] 2139892ghru2f6g6c






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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4102-1

» Personality:[i] Alphonse doesn't like socializing because after his father died he stayed home and wouldn't go anywhere. He doesn't have any friends since he doesn't go outside. He is mentally traumatized after seeing his mother murdered. To get away from all of the pain he's suffered he likes to draw. When he draws it's like he goes into his own world. He also likes to listen to music to distract his mind from sick thoughts of the past. Alphonse is very talented at drawling since he stays home everyday and draws. Alphones became a very strange person after his parents died. After both of his parents died he grew to fear death. He avoids any situation that could cause death. After sometime Alphones got used to being outside, so he ventures around still carrying the memories of his parents in his mind. [i]

» Likes: Drawling, Music, Open areas, Anime and Manga, Meditation
» Dislikes: Small spaces, Bright lights, Silence
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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4103-1

» History[i] 23 years ago a boy was born. The parents decided on the name Alphonse. As the boy grew older his father got sick. The days went by and his father got even worse and then died. The boy as left with his mother. When he reached the age of 15 he started to feel strange. The boy ignored the feeling and went on with his life. The boys mother was murdered when he was the age of 19. That day the feeling from a few years ago came back and it was worse. The boy went to his house later that day and as he entered the house he collapsed to the floor.

It was the next morning when he awoke on his floor. He was a little dizzy. The boy looked at his arm and it was morphed into a claw like figure. He screamed and panicked. The boy thought in his head "Go away, Go away, Go away!" and when he did his arm morphed back to normal.

Years passed by and as they did the boy learned to control the morphing. The morphing spread to more of his body and as it did he controled it. The boy had to live his life and still lives his life hiding his secret. The boy went to one of his fathers friend and asked if anything wierd ever happened to his father. "Yes he met a women one day and she was morphed with claw hands and she looked demonic. The women told him for her to spare his life he must carry out the deed of a demon and he accepted. The women turned your father into a beast and he grew claws just like the women and he became a demon.." Since the boys father was a demon the boy inherited his father's demonic power when he was born and the boy finally learned what he is.

The boy had a scared look on his face and the man said "What is it?" The boy grew his arm into a claw and the man screamed and yelled "Get out of my house you monster!". The boy ran away and hid hiding away so no one would have to deal with the monster inside of him. The boy decided he was going to learn to control his power and go out into the world and so he did. [i]
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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4107-1

» Natural Abilities: [i] Alphonse has a special ability of being able to draw images on scrolls with a paint brush and they come alive, but Alphonse only has three ,six foot long scrolls. How this works is that he mainpulates the darkness that he controls into a summoning seal for him to generate the images on paper and then he uses the darkness to form the ink into whatever object or weapon he wants. The summon seal acts as a spring board for his powers to come to life. Furthermore, he can create a plethora of objects and such at whim. Wether the moves work or not depends on the enemy's skills. As an example say the enemy can not be effected by normal blades. If Alphones draws a blade to use it will not effect the enemy so he would have to think of another way to damage the enemy. If the enemy's power is far greater than Alphonse's power his attacks won't do as much damage. The same goes for the enemy's defense. Alphones has a size limit to what he can draw. He cannot draw guns and use them. he can draw small swords, daggers, throwing stars, kunai, and katanas.[i]

» Unique Abilities: [i] Alphonse spreads darkness around himself and the opposer and Alphonse draws the opposer on paper and draws sword, knives, ect. slicing the attacker and that person actually gets cut, or maimed, or what he has drawn out, (within reason of course) but for this to work Alphonse has to attach a body seal and attach a thread of darkness thats very hard to see to the seal. The thread of darkness can be discovered and if it does the enemy can break the thread. If the thread is broken the technique is no longer in effect. The world of black has an Area of Effect about a mile in raidius and the darkness takes time to spread to a full mile and this move also takes one post. What happens is that he can control darkness and the effects in that area to such a degree that it's like stepping into true darkness. While in this AoE his attacks are buffed to a point where it's like art comes alive. While Art is coming alive, the damning thing is that while that art is drawn it's like the user can feel the pain being inflicted. He draws a knife into your stomach it feels like a knife just went into your stomach. He can't go and instantly kill you with his art, but he can over time because of the physical and psychological trauma being inflicted and if the enemy is fast enough they can evade this attack but if they are within 10 feet of Alphonse they will most likely get caught in the darkness. The length of this technique depends on the tier. (Tier 5-4 1 post, Tier 3 2 posts, Tier 2 2 posts , Tier 1 2 posts, Tier 0 3 post but enhances power for the post. [i]

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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4104-1

[i]» Note: When Alphonse performs Eternal Darkness he becomes a hate filled Demon Lord and his power is increased by a small amount. When performing Eternal Darness Alphonse is more vulnerable because he can only move his upper body to draw the images.Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Demon [i]

» Adjustable State Benefits: Forthese forms Alphonse has a limited amount of 30 gallons of ink.

When in Normal form (first state) Alphonse can draw images on paper and then use darkness to make a summon seal for the images to come alive. When the summon seal is made Alphonse then uses darkness to manipulate the ink into whatever he desires.
When in Demon Lord form (final state) Alphonse gains a small boost in power but is slower and not as agile and vulnerable to long-range fighters. When in this state Alphones can perform the move Eternal Darkness as previously explained and still has disadvantages.


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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4105-1

To Find Out about what these skills are for, please READ THIS THREAD before you try doing anything to it. After you have read it, do not feel your skills out until a staff member has graded your thread. We will also do your will sheet for you upon grading your application.

Racial Skills
  • Za Koa Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Demon Magic: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Shadow Movement: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Akuma Kyōdo: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


General Skills
  • Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


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Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Image4106-1

» Role Play Sample:[i]The town was bustling with noise, cars driving by, people talking in the park, and the sound of footsteps all around. The sun was bright in Alphonse's eyes as he walked through town. He was picking up some food for tonight's dinner. He was debating whether he wanted Miso Ramen or Tonkotsu Ramen. He was definitely going to get some Wagashi for a sweet treat after dinner. Alphonse walked into the store and stood before the Miso and Tonkotsu Ramen. He was still stumped. He liked both but got Miso since it's the cheapest. He left the store and went on to the candy and sweets store. He entered the store and the scent of sweets filled the air. After enjoying the aroma he walked to the man running the counter. "I'd like some Wagashi please." The man collected the Wagashi and it handed it to Alphonse, "Have a nice day" the man said. With a wave and a smile Alphonse left the store. He arrived at his house moments later. Alphonse started to prepare his meal. After the meal was ready Alphonse dug in. The ramen was steaming hot and tasted delicious. Alphonse was full after eating a big bowl of the noodles. He decided to go to bed on a full stomach. Alphonse decided the next day that that was a good night's rest.


Last edited by Knight on Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:43 pm; edited 22 times in total
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Sat Jul 28, 2012 11:27 am
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Tumblr_m6k0qnFazo1rsratxo2_1280

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [O]
  • 10 sentences for personality [O]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [O]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [O]



Comments/Notes: There are many things wrong with this application. I admit, if it's your first application, I commend you but it just needs some major tweaking and adjustments.

First of all, I'd like to note that your Human Form appearance is taken by another character so you'll have to find an alternative face claim for him or simply write a descriptive version of it yourself.

Second, your personality is waaaay too short. Up the notch a bit!

Thirdly, onto the most crucial part of this app, the abilities. Now, the concept of them aren't too shabby. In fact, they seem okay but needs some major - I mean, MAJOR details on how they function and work.

Künstlerisch has a special ability of being able to draw images on paper and they come alive. The second ability is that Künstlerisch can turn people into paintings.

Does he have an unlimited stack of papers? What does he use to draw with? What can the drawings do or are capable of? What are the limits of things he could draw and materialize into the solid world? How does he turn people in paintings? Does he magically point at them and say "PAINT!" then turn them into simple art material? 'Cause if so, that needs some change. In fact, the ability itself is implying godmod and should be explained in depth; such as the weakness of his abilities and how they function most of all. Drawbacks are highly important for stronger abilities, so please beware of that. Even the strongest people have flaws in their powers/abilities.

Künstlerisch makes a world of black around itself and the opposer and Künstlerisch draws the opposer on paper and draws sword, knives, ect. slicing the opposer and the opposer actually gets cut.

LOLwut? No offense, but I have absolutely no idea what you're implying with this. Does it relate to vorpal blades? Again, how does this work? Does he simply draw weapons and slice them around the opponents or something? DETAILS. That is what we want to ask for! Believe it or not, we do try to look for fun in checking apps so seeing some detailed works can make us amused greatly.

When in Demon Lord state, the third state, Künstlerisch can perform the Death Pit and has all the powers from the previous states.

WHAT? What the hell is a Death Pit? You'll have to explain that ability since we have absolutely no idea what that's for or what it can possibly do. By the name, I'm expecting it's a pit... related to pain and suffering but we still like details. DETAILS!

And lastly, for your Roleplay Sample; that is not what we want. We don't want a resume of you claiming what you can do but a sheet of paper with the work you're capable of. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check the other approved applications in the Demon section and find some examples. You'll see what I'm talking about.

I'll probably grow even more harsh as you put details since there is a fine line between being powerful and godmodding.

Tier: Undecided until all of these are fixed... changed.
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Sun Jul 29, 2012 1:08 pm
Personality is still short and the "this demon" seems a bit repetitious so try not to use it too much.

His background is... quite weird. So he was born 23 years ago but is 333 years old... whaaaat? I'm not trying to be mean by anything, by the way.

Oh, and you're still missing the RP Sample that's required for newer members.
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:45 am
What does the Eternal Darkness do?

I'm sorry for how long it's taking for your character to be approved but I'm just a nit-picky douchebag. :\
Knight
Knight
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-07-27
Posts : 19
Age : 26
Location : My house doing whatever i'm doing

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue0/0Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Mon Jul 30, 2012 6:26 pm
It's the new name for the death pit move. I thought death pit sounded stupid, but it's the move where he has the mile radious of darkness around him and the enemy and he draws the enemy on the scroll and draws him getting cut, shot, ect.


Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Tumblr_m4xrc2H2Ia1r4vn2eo1_400
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:10 am
Are there any drawbacks to this ability? Such as them being able to get away if they're fast enough or something? Does it magically summon a radius of darkness within a mile or does it take time to expand or so? Put the ability details and such in the application if you can.
Knight
Knight
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-07-27
Posts : 19
Age : 26
Location : My house doing whatever i'm doing

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue0/0Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:37 am
Ok i put those details in there and theres other drawbacks to the ability also.


Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Tumblr_m4xrc2H2Ia1r4vn2eo1_400
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:56 am
Tier 5-4 30 seconds, Tier 3 40 seconds, Tier 2 50 seconds, Tier 1 60 seconds, Tier 0 30 seconds but enhances power for the 30 second.

Forthese forms Alphonse has a limited amount of 30 gallons of ink.

Can you change that into post-wise? 30 gallons of ink lasts how long post-wise?

The world of black has an Area of Effect about a mile in raidius and the darkness takes time to spread to a full mile.

How long post-wise does it take to go a full mile?

Sorry if I seem so demanding but I really am nit-picky, especially these recent weeks.
Knight
Knight
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-07-27
Posts : 19
Age : 26
Location : My house doing whatever i'm doing

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue0/0Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:25 pm
It's ok and how about it takes one post?


Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Tumblr_m4xrc2H2Ia1r4vn2eo1_400
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Left_bar_bleue10/100Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

Demon character [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: Demon character [APPROVED 4-5]

Wed Aug 01, 2012 10:08 pm
One post to go a full mile? I suppose that gives the other one post to try and get out of it so I'm fine with this.

He draws himself shooting you, it's like you got shot.

That needs to be changed to where it's avoidable because it makes it seem like an auto-hit. Overall, all that's lacking with the abilities are details and ways to correspond to those situations.
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