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 Landen (vizard) [1-4]

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Subject Post 21PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyWed Jul 01, 2015 11:36 am



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Subject Post 22PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyWed Jul 15, 2015 10:34 am



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Subject Post 23PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyTue Dec 01, 2015 8:40 pm


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Subject Post 24PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyThu Dec 22, 2016 4:43 am

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Subject Post 25PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyTue Feb 12, 2019 10:48 am

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Subject Post 26PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyFri Mar 01, 2019 11:52 am



Personality: I'm going to need you to add some to this personality. The current standards of 2019 necessitates at least two proper paragraphs of personality. More or less I'd ask for at least 10 sentences.

Shikai Abilities: Can you give an estimate on to what extent Landen gains a speed buff at night or forested areas?

Venom Overload: To what range can the snake head extend? Also does the weakening extend in duration if they do happen to go into a released form? Also the duration of the 2, 3, and 5 posts, once those posts have elapsed does that mean the venom burns itself out?

Puppeteer of La Lapuna: What is the range of the field where these branches extend?

Staggering Moss: The wait period before a person is put to sleep needs to be increased for those stronger than him. Especially if they do become cognisant of the agent running through their body. Also, what is the counter play to this ability? Presumably, an opponent could shake off or just evade, or even once already caught take the chained spikes off of them. Or they could use their own energy to overpower the insemination of the ability's energy. From the explanation given, it isn't clear.

Hunter's Claws: I'm gonna need a better description of the speed debuff applied, more than "by one level". Also, three rounds is a long time. I'd be fine if the speed debuff lasts up to three rounds, but if that were to happen then I'd need better descriptors for how this debuff interacts or how it implements into an entity. I'd probably also need a scale of for how long it would occur depending on who it hits, or how much energy is put into the ability, so on so forth. If you don't want to write up a scale, I'd say it can only last for one post, especially since it seems like he could use it again and have the debuff be reapplied.

Lord of the Hunt: I need a better descriptor for his speed enhancement, beyond simply "one and a half levels". Also, I'm going to need an explanation for why his weapon skill (now martial skill) goes up. The kido/cero skill going up is fine, but it would serve you better to also have a description with more depth as to what extent his kido and cero goes up.

Panther's Bite: The ability itself is fine, but as aforementioned I'm going to need better descriptors as far as durability and speed goes, more than "half a skill level". The duration is fine as well. I also will have to ask that the range of the cage is decreased to 300 metres given the current state of this app.

Beast Born of Shadow: As always, I need a better descriptor for the enhancements of his speed, kido and cero, and a reason why Martial Skill would be effected.

Inner Hollow Powers: Give me something more definitive than speed and strength increase.

Twister of El Tunchi: The mention of ear drums rupturing or giving them a hard time focusing needs to be changed as an effect that can happen, but not a certainty. That said, I'd also ask that the definitive "3 rounds" is removed. Otherwise, it's an absolute. I'm also going to need an estimate on the range of this ability, and given the scale, probably a cooldown for it as well.

Claws and Fangs: There needs to be a better description for how much speed and energy is sapped out given the cero hits. Otherwise it would probably end up being completely up to the person who takes the attacks to describe it, and that could end up hard jibbing Landen.

Conceptual Understanding: I genuinely don't understand what this is supposed to do.

Fire Dragon's Roar: For a character who has basically nothing to do with fire based abilities, why does he have this? Additionally, the maximum heat of this flame is way too much, considering that's surpassing the surface of the sun by quite a bit, again for a character who seemingly has nothing to do with fire abilities. I also don't know how or why it has a magical effect of sucking in air and charging through emotions, memories, passion, and spiritual energy before exploding(?).

Strikes from the Dark: What are the eight openings you mention, and what is the range of the explosion?

Cat's Grace and Hunter's Strength: Again, I'm going to need a better description and extents to his speed and strength enhancements.

Flash Flood: What is the range or this ability, and why does Landen have a water ability? Aside from that, how long does it take for the waters to completely harden? Also, it's too much to lose a full level of speed every two posts without a description of how many rounds it takes to reach its final density.

Enhancements in general: I'm hesitant about all the different enhancements Landen can use. Each individual enhancement or debuff is fine to possess provided they don't stack when it comes to going up entire skill levels (or half skill levels).

≪ Application Checklist ≫
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [O]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]



  • Comments/Notes: Overall, it's my recommendation that you revamp this character entirely, update him up to 2019 standards, and include all the changes and IC develop he's had over the years. You don't have to do that, but otherwise I'll be grading the app for what it is right now.
  • Tier: TBD


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MorpheusDavol
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Subject Post 27PostSubject: Re: Landen (vizard) [1-4]   Landen (vizard) [1-4] - Page 3 EmptyTue Mar 26, 2019 3:20 am

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [o]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [o]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Adept
  • Mental Deduction: Adept
  • Focus: Advance


Comments/Notes:

Shikai Abilities: Explicitly state this caps at Elite.

Shikai Speed Boost: I'd remove this ability as it's redundant due to being the exact ability described in Shikai abilities.

Venom overload: As it stands, this is far too strong. Change the 'it takes most of their energy to burn it out' into something like 'it takes a substantial amount of energy.' As that is more of a static drawback then a dynamic one, allowing for flexibility against different tiers. As I feel it's unfair to have an ability which automatically takes most of someone energy to drawback from. Second turn this into a 'The venom is active for 1-2 posts before it naturally burns out.' And a cool down onto it like three or so posts, as I don't want this to be a spammed passive ability.

As it stands this ability does three things: An energy drain, A skill decrease, and a advance form reduction. That is too much especially considering the limited number of drawbacks you have. I'm going to require you drop one of those three things, then balance it accordingly. I've given you a suggestion for the energy drain, the skill decrease is relatively fine so long as the cooldown and post duration is added, and if you choose to keep the advance form reduction make it a static reduction of 'three posts from their higher form.' Finally, this ability does not effect final evolution forms (Shikokai, Vizard Ress, etc.)

Puppeteer of La Lapuna: Limit this to two posts, and 50 meters. Add in a mental deduction caveat to be able to detect they are sharp without being hit, such as advance level MD.

Thorns of Sleep: Way too strong, a sleep on an enemy is almost tantamount to a stun which requires extreme balancing. Because the ability needs to be entirely rewritten, I'm denying this one as a whole. The things needed to rewrite and balance this ability is as follows:

A detecting threshold, a much longer infection duration across the board, a sleep duration, and a counterplay to defeat this heavily in favor of the enemy.

Staggering Moss: This ability needs to be explicitly made into an active ability, as for a passive this is far too strong. An active ability which furthermore needs to be dynamic in it's interaction with skills, instead of a static 'Half skill'. Double, the strikes needed for every full tier above them. Furthermore, someone will always be able to hold their zan save for if the zan it's self is targetted for manipulation of some type.

Untrained: 3 Strikes.
Beginner: 5 Strikes.
Adept: 7 Strikes
Advance: 10 Strikes
Elite: 20 Strikes
Master: N/A
GM: N/A

Hunters Claws: Add a cooldown of three posts. You cannot downgrade a master or GM with this ability, or really any ability listed here at Landen's current power.

Lord of the Hunt: If he's becoming more primal, reduce his focus and mental deduction by one to compensate for the skill increases. Capped at Elite.

Beast born of Shadows: Rewrite this ability to be more clear, reference all the other changes I've asked for.

Claws and Fangs: Reduce the energy steal to 5%. It can only stack to one skill removal under Elite.

Conceptual understand: As it stands Landen being able to use Bankai and Shikai powers while in a Hollow'd State is going to be denied as that would be a highly advanced Vizard skill Landen at his current power lacks. Can be ICly worked towards.

Fire Dragon Roar: Heat change to 500 at minimum, to 1,500f at maximum due to the lack of fire being a constant theme. Therefor, the ability is weaker than most.

Strikes from the Dark: This ability needs to be more throughly explained and a counter play added.

Flash Flood: Remove the impossibility to move after six posts, and fix the skill requirements. Remove the tier requirement about strength and have it be someone with Adept strength can remove it.

On Skills: Carter the skill sheet has been revised to as: Untrained, Beginniner, Adept, Advance, Elite, Master, and GM.

Elite is the old master and is treated how the gap between Master and GM used to be. Master is the old GM. So any abilities which effect skills are capped at Elite. No skill can be raised to Master from Elite. No skill can be raised from Master to GM at this current time from buffs. However, extraordinarily strong debuffs may decreased GM to Master but Landen lacks that power or skill currently. Master cannot ever be dropped to Elite.




Tier: Once you make the changes, 3-5.

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