Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Ancladar
Ancladar
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-05-31
Posts : 38

Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:42 am
Hi, sorry for my long absence. Stuff drove me away for a bit, but I'm ready to try rping bleach once more. I was told by hacker in the Cbox to add a shikai before I joined and that I'd have to do a thread later to get it. Also can I still join the site event and if so does anyone know who'd want a fourth Squad member to be apart of their team? Also I was told my specs would rise, do I edit that or does the staff? I've been out of the loop for awhile?
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Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:00 pm
Aya check clean out Tumblr_mniwbwL3Wh1stos26o1_500
Aivee Help on the way!
Hi there! Current captain of squad four reporting! I see you have a lot of questions, and a lot of things to do!

Now first and foremost, let's answer some questions! Well okay I'm sorta lying; I'll answer you questions in a pm and what not, because that's not appropriate for a file! Sorry about that, but I promise I'll answer them!

Now, here's some profile info; according to your last tier, you are a 3-3 correct~? So, like as much as I am a fan of people getting better, this is what I would suggest/do in your case; I'd pick up your old app and go from there, but that's just me. If you want to go ahead with this one, then you can look below this comment.






First, please take out the stuff in parentheses (these things) from the app; once you've filled them in, you don't need them there. Second, looking at your shikai, I'd like to clarify/ask a few things.

The first being it's able to fire lighting based Kidō of level 40 or below without incantation.
How does this work? Like how does Arashi Shikon help her cast lighting based Kidō of lvl40 and lower?

he second makes her immune to lighting based Kidō below level 40 and resistant to other lighting based attacks at higher levels.
First, at your current tier, full immunity is impossible. A higher resistance, perhaps, but full immunity? No. And why is it resistant to lighting?

The third and final technique is Arashi Shikon in which a single dragon shaped blast of electrical energy ,much akin to Hitsugaya's ice dragon, will fly at an enemy intent on crashing into them and electrifying them with the force of a lighting bolt. If struck the attack could stun an opponent for several seconds as electricity courses through them.
Okay this one isn't too bad, but the problem is; how is this dragon formed? Considering how expensive Hitsugaya's zanpaktou is, does this mean yours also does weather control, like his does? This lacks a lot of explanation, considering you make reference to a canon for comparison. Also, for the stun, I'd like a post count amount of how long they are stunned if hit.

Overall, it is not a bad Zanpaktou, but the problem is, is that it has too many abilities packed together; we don't have an idea of the Zanpaktou's concept, what it does in principle, it's main element, although I can guess electricity, and other things like that. It's largely incomplete; so I suggest you try brushing it up a bit, relating all the abilities to each other, and basically help along the development of the blade (if you'd rather have minor abilities and discover more via plot, make sure to mention something to that extent too.)


Now, I'm looking at your phantom tech. I'm thinking you have the two sections mixed up; the abilities section, is relatively what the phantom tech is based in; and then the powers, is what it does for you. For example, a phantom tech base could be music; and in power, the user can then sing prettily to make shock waves. Relatively something like that; so if you want to look over and see what you can fix? If you have problems, just contact me straight away~!

On a last note, you don't fill in your skill sheets till your tier is given; if you are updating an app, this applies to them too. So you'll have to wait until you are stamped again, before filling out your skill sheets!


I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you, but I'm here to help! So feel free to pm me, or if you see me on xat (I have an infinity symbol in my name) just hit me up <3

This has been your mod, Aivee!
Ancladar
Ancladar
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-05-31
Posts : 38

Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:21 pm
Ah I see, yea I went a little crazy. As for crowding this ap we can simply delete some of the posts after we're done fixing her up :D. 

Arashi Shikon does help her with the Kidō. In truth I only added this because of many of the abilities based of electricity power come in the form of Kidō. Such as stunning people with the blade charge with electricity, firing off lighting bolts, etc. It would seem a bit redundant to list them as powers when they were already Kidō :/

The second I'd love to tone it down to resistance. She would be resistant because of her blades spirit coursing through her allowing her to use the techniques.

Third the Dragon is formed by taking the charged particles from the air and gathering them into her blade until she releases it. As for the stun perhaps 1-2 rounds? Perhaps longer based on how long she builds up the charge. What do you think? 

As for the phantom tech and skill should I just switch them around? Is that what you're recommending? I haven't been on in awhile and I'm trying to remember the rules lol. Thanks again for all the help.
Anonymous
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Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:17 pm
Aya check clean out Tumblr_mniwbwL3Wh1stos26o1_500
Aivee Help on the way!
Okay! Let's get this done a'ight? And dun worry I can split what's not necessary <3

No Incantation Kidō
Okay, I could see that, but at the same time; you have to explain how the zanpaktou spirit does this; does it naturally convert Kidō into incantation less casts? Does it gather enough energy for her to cast it without the incantation? Kidō without incantation are generally weaker then those with one; since the entirety of a Kidō tend to rests on the incantation to set it's limits. So relatively, those Kidō would be weaker in nature unless the zanpaktou itself compounds for that weakness. So this needs a bit more explanation; if I lost you, feel free to ask me.

Resistance
Mkay! please do so, and explain as so. Oh, yes, as a note, can you separate each power into their own paragraph or line? it would make it easier to see them and what not. But keep in mind that it could just be because lightning is the main element! X3

Dragon
That isn't bad at all. You should add that to her; for the stun, 1 post if they get hit by the outskirts, and 2 if they get hit head on; unless they can break that via willpower. Sounds good? Keep in mind to add these descriptions into the power x3 like how the dragon forms, how it looks and what not.

Phantom Tech
Well I was suggesting to figure out what you wanted your phantom tech to do; why does she have one, and what purpose does it serve her? From there, you'd switch your abilities, take out the ones etc. What I meant is that; does she use it to organize her things? does she use to help heal people? Does she use it to help her fighting? The main purpose for her getting that phantom tech should be it's ability; like I showed you with my example. This might take a little bit of work, but if you need ideas feel free to tell me!

Final Notes
Although, with how offensive you are, are you sure you want to join the 4th squad, the healing squad? Though, once this is all done and approved, you'll have to sign up to the gotei itself >w<
Ancladar
Ancladar
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-05-31
Posts : 38

Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:15 pm
1. Ah I get you. Her shikai would provide the energy making them just as strong as though she had recited the incantation by drawing on its own power and some of the charged particles in the air much like the Dragon technique. Sorry, explanations are my weak point ;0;

2. All right once we're done I'll edit everything at once in the original post. 

3. Sounds good to me although the whole will power thing I can see everyone just abusing and saying that they can simply break out of it. It's happened to me on other sites lol.

4. As for the Phantom Tech I've already got something up involving her tech aiding her in medical examinations and sensing people a bit more. I didn't really go too in depth with it cause I'm kinda technologically challenged at times =D

5. True she is, but I'd like to keep her fourth Squad. I find it fun to break the mold a bit and have a fourth Squad member other than the Captain able to kick butt.
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Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:08 am
Aya check clean out Tumblr_mniwbwL3Wh1stos26o1_500
Aivee Help on the way!
Okay! Let's get this done a'ight? And dun worry I can split what's not necessary <3

No Incantation Kidō
That seems to work out fine; just make sure to add in everything we've talked about!

Dragon
That's why we have will power skill sheets. To stop that~ so relatively, I'd say mention that it's your Kidō skill level+willpower level vs their willpower level. It should be a fair equation I think, and will prevent lolbreaking like you said.

Phantom Tech
Okay well just switch that all around a bit; like in abilities, mention it's for medical advancement, and then put down the list of skills into powers which are more or less traits derived from the main.

Final Notes
Okay! Just making sure; and don't forget to remove the additives on how to (the stuff in there) from the template >w< So yeah~ Next post should be with all your edits done mmkay?
Ancladar
Ancladar
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-05-31
Posts : 38

Aya check clean out Empty Re: Aya check clean out

Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:23 pm
Thank you very much for all of your help <3. I think I've edited everything well enough now I just need the new stat breakdown XD.
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Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:24 pm
Aya check clean out Tumblr_mniwbwL3Wh1stos26o1_500
Aivee Help on the way!
Ai'ght! Last changes!

Dragon
One last issue here! What I meant about the charging and the stuns is that the stuns don't increase along with the charging; that would be unfair if your character couldn't move for 3-4 posts without being able to do anything right? So I suggest you keep the stun the same length for all charges; but the damage can increase. =w=

Skill Sheets
Just one question here; are those the same as your previous app? If you could link it to me, I'd love that; since this is an upgrade, I'd like to see that the sheets match up first. But after this small issue is fixed, you should finally be approvable. So sorry for the time it took ;w;
Ancladar
Ancladar
Starter Member
Joined : 2012-05-31
Posts : 38

Aya check clean out Empty Aya check clean out

Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:42 pm
Ah I see what you mean. I'll edit that. Here is the link to the old sheet. https://www.platinumhearts.net/t6467-aya-fuyou-approved-3-3?highlight=Aya+Fuyou Alrighty I think everything is covered and don't worry about the time. This was the quickest character application I've ever made. -Places crown on Aivee's head- Behold the Queen of app speed! All kneel before your might XD!
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