As his chest still thumped heavily, his eyes were pinned to Mirja. The deep red hues had never left her since he had exited his memory, and the more she spoke the more it seemed like he was an anomaly to the system she had created. The wolf before him had spoke of dropping the memory, yet how could a man like Hakai truly abandon something like that? He didn't feel lost, and he didn't feel like he was losing a part of himself like he imagined. Instead he felt invigorated. Mizore was the one thing in his life that allowed something pure - setting him on a new path away from his destruction. And from that memory, Hana was born. It was nothing but happiness, and not something he would let go of any time soon. As his eyes were pinned to hers, he began to twist his neck and crack a few bones - feeling stiff after such an experience."I... uh..."
It was quite unusual for Hakai to be at a loss for words, and much less to stutter them. Whatever he did was apparently skipping steps, or making waves in which nobody had before him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your training regiment. Does that mean it worked? I don't see anything different, much less understanding anything more."
His neck cracked once more as he loosened up his body, his crossed legs uncurling for a moment as he re positioned his body, sitting atop of his shins while hands were placed in his lap. Being asked what memory he had resurfaced, his look of confusion turned to that of a somber and sad one - his locked eyes dragged away from hers and fell unto his hands in his lap. He was surrounded by people with incredible powers, this woman before him was teaching him something new, and yet he was still brought down by the thought of a memory. In some ways it made him feel weak, yet at the same time, made him feel human. 'In the end,
he thought, there's nothing shameful about emotion."... It was my wife."
His eyes drew upwards once again, a somber tone lining his voice. "It was spring. The sky... was unlike anything I've seen before. The blood red hue from the sunset laid upon us, the wars of the night prior didn't even matter to me. People were dying, screaming as London burned a few countries over. Yet it didn't phase me at all."
Clearing his throat, he began to hesitate as he in a raspy voice. "It was when I first learned of my daughter. Hana. The more I think back on that moment, the more I miss Mizore. I lost a part of myself when she died - and that memory is one of my happiest moments I have of us together. Near one thousand years of life and my happiest moment is but a few years ago. Says a lot about my life, huh?"
He chuckled as he listened to Mirja's words, saying that he was "too cool, so let's skip to the end". He couldn't help but laugh as he slowly began to drag himself out of that somber memory once more, bringing himself back to reality in hopes of finding out what he could do to continue. She said that replacing the script was her only approach for this situation - that others would fail or be half as ready to access the Tulpa as he was. Maybe it was the years of experience he underwent to reach this point - or it was simply the mindset of such a simple moment powering it."That's just it. I don't think I dropped the memory like you suggested."
Part of his confusion was sated as he spoke, realising what exactly may have happened within that memory of his. "I cherish that memory with all my heart, I don't think it's physically in me to drop it. When... everything melted away, and reality seeped back in, I don't think that was me losing or severing my link to it. I think it was me melting. It was me fading to nothing as I became one with that memory."
He was confusing himself even as he talked before slowly shaking his head. He wasn't sure if this was the case, nor did his theory have any basis, it was simple the thought in hindsight.
He didn't appear to have changed, and yet despite her reaction, something had happened. Hakai had spent countless years meditating upon such memories, thoughts, yet he had never quite been in a situation such as this. He would remember them as partial details - never in full detail and the more his mind delved into that memory, the less he understood of how. "Does that mean my Tulpa manifested if but for a split second?"