Nothing wrong with it, but there are parts of just copy-paste on the definitions of certain qualities and traits she has, namely any disorder-related stuff. I won't ask that you remove it since you're just getting an accurate description of it (as well as those small excerpts being slightly edited and way easier to read compared to other content), but I will ask that you add a few more details to her personality, at least so that it may maintain the "10 sentence" quota. You've reached ten sentences, but excluding the disorder excerpts, it falls a tad short.History -
- Quote :
- Life as Raiko Saki Mischevang started by being born in a very small town in the year 206AD. That ranged 200 miles away from karakura.
1st part, Raiko is born as a Mischevang, as a human (presumably) like the rest of her siblings, and on Earth in 206 AD, on top of being the youngest sister. 206AD puts her at being way older than the majority of on-site Mischevangs, Nyssa near 700s, Ashlei being in her 700s, and Rose in her 500s (likely inaccurate by now, but that's what it says on her app), so that's inconsistent as is. I recommend reading through the mischevang family's histories to maintain continuity. I assume you already have done a bit of research, since Raiko lines up in terms of having lived in the village near Karakura like her siblings.
- Quote :
- Years passed and the man grew board of her so he took her and a load of goods to a town that at the time was called sakai but in the present time goes by osake changing its name somewhere in the 14th and 16th century.
For a human, that's quite the jump of years, maintaining considerable inconsistency.
- Quote :
- sold for 3 ryo Gold coins worth rufflely upwards of 896.77$ each in to days USD “not counting historical value of the coin” . The reason she got such a high price was for her beauty along with her showing full obedience as well her age was a big factor being only 11 she would have a long life to work at the brothel and would bring in lots of customers.
I'd suggest just not including direct currency references entirely. Also, again, the age inconsistencies can't be ignored. There's no way she's 11.
- Quote :
- The other girls would become jealous of her knowing many of them had been living here longer and if Ayano was to die Aimi would bee the right full heiress to the brothel and Ayano's wealth.
You don't need to change anything here, but I still want to make note that previously the girls were said to adore her. Not only younger and newer, she worked harder than anyone, did more duties, worked more hours, and formed a familial bond with these girls. Especially under similarly discriminatory and pressured circumstances, you'd think the girls wouldn't feel so selfishly malicious towards Aimi.Abilities -
- Quote :
- •Immunity: immune to all known diseases and pathogens with the exclusion of character abilities.
I won't ask you to change anything here, but I'd ask that you make note that spiritually engineered pathogens and diseases, maybe not directly a result of character abilities, but at least something they've developed, would still work.
- Quote :
- •Full body regenerate: Nikusui can regenerate her body at a sub-molecular level allowing her to survive virtually anything as long there is a piece of her left in the world some where. This
kind of regeneration however takes 3 days time to complete but makes Nikusui have a near-immortality.
*Details on Full body regenerate: Nikusui cellular tissue stors a genetic map as well as an imprint of her soul. Nikusui is linked to her own cells by a crude form of telepathy and if the maine body was to die or even be completely destroyed the biggest piece will than start to regenerate her mind body and soul. The 3 day limit means that for 3 days minimum she will remain dead RIL time 72 hours than she will regenerate from a fragment of her self that was left behind some where. These fragments are not simply made out of thin air it’s a piece of her that have been left behind in an old thread. An Example of this is say someone used a hellacious attack on her that completely destroyed her. In a thread one week before a part of her body got cut off. The part of her body would have become like stone. Now that the main body is no more it
Also nothing that needs to be changed here, but that body part which was cut off in previous threads as a counter-measure to permanent death will also still be vulernable to damage, even as a stone-esque fragment.Resurrección -
- Quote :
- •Tentacles: Nikusui's Releaseed form has two unattached wings that hold lots of tentacles with bone tips on them. These tentacles have a wide range of uses for attacking like whips or even used to pierce a target as well they can be use for defensive purposes or for binding her opponent in their grip like a snake. It should be noted that the tentacles can fire a bala from their bone tips.
Please be more specific with the range of her tentacles.
- Quote :
- •Devastating punches: Nikusui being a mostly physical fighter can smash a 6 ton cub of steel into pieces with a signal punch if needed. She can do such a power full punch by spiraling hardened Reiatsu around her fist that upon contact with a target explodes in a fury of red Reiatsu waves that quite simply cuts its target to pieces. But as liveing things have their own Reiatsu this is weakened by how strong of a person she is fighting.
I don't mind this level of destruction at Raiko's general level of power, but I still have to ask that you make note that something to the level of just smashing 6 ton cubes of steel would demand considerable amounts of spiritual energy from her. That said, she can't consistently bring out that level of power in her punches all the time.
- Quote :
- •Spell Absorption: Nikusui has the ability to absorb a percentage of the energy used in spell like attacks on her like magic spells, demon magic and Kidō thereby giving her back some energy and reducing the spells damage.
*Details on Spell Absorption: Any one that is 4 tires lower than she is well be absorbed. This is like if she is a 1-1 and they are 5-1 100% is Absorbed.
*2 to 3 tires lower 50%.
*Same tire to 1 lower 25%.
*1 tire more than she is 10% but any thing more will fully hit her as she would be unable to absorb it.
Considering there doesn't seem to really be a centralised theme to her powers, and this is just one of her passive buffs, I'm not too comfortable with alloting her energy absorption to the degrees listed for the higher tiers. With a 4 primary-tier difference, 100% absorption is passable. 2-3 tiers at 50% is fine too, and 1 tier lower being down to 25% is fine. 25% for those of the same tier seems excessive. I'd say those on the same tier as her, she can absorb 10%, and those above her in tier, she can't absorb at all. Reason being, this is a passive, constant ability, so she basically has permanent resistances to energy-based attacks. That said, standalone that can be pretty powerful once she gets to higher tiers, so this ability will probably have to be revised as she grows more powerful. With that in mind, I'd ask that this ability not actually allow her to restore her energy, not in her current level of power. Maybe in the future when she's stronger, you can add it back to an absorption type ability that restores her own power, but for now I'd say this should be limited to a resistance kind of ability.
- Quote :
- •Estrella de la Muerte: Nikusui’s most powerful attack. a violent and powerful black & red Reiatsu flows into her weapons blade so that when she strikes her opponent the energy flows in to their body. At her will she can ignite this energy causing a massive explosion with them being the point of its origin. The explosions strength is so great it can easily blow up an entire mountain or level many city blocks to the ground. It possesses more destructive power than10 of her strongest cero's. This can only be used 1 time every 15 post and a max of 2 times in a thread
Blowing up a mountain is too much. Blowing up a couple
city-block as her most powerful strike, that's fair, especially with the limitations of usage. I'd also just make note that considering the amount of energy this uses, it will inevitably exhaust her to some degree.Skill Sheets -
C'mon, Zets. You know you're not supposed to fill out your skill sheets. Leave them blank or just like the will skills.
« Application Checklist »
- Name [X]
- Appropriate Age [O]
- Gender [X]
- Appearance Present [X]
- Appearance Picture is Visible [X]
- Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
- 10 sentences for personality [O]
- History is of appropriate length [X]
- Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
- Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
- Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
- Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[O]
- RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
- RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]
- Mental Deduction:
- Pain Endurance:
- Comments/Notes: Fix some of these inconsistencies and just specify the noted abilities, and you should be good to go. If you have any questions, just let me know in this thread or on discord.
- Tier: TBD (3-1 to 3-3)