Her body, bones like lead, hunched over with her hands on her knees; the adrenaline brought by their little interaction drained from her like water. Despite all the pain, her thoughts are focused elsewhere. Her Zanpakuto. Drooping her head, red hair falling over her face, her eyes closed themselves tightly. Recollection of Tenmarin, stale in her mind, replayed themselves like a broken record. She was ready to throw her life away again. For what? To regain something she’s not even sure if she deserves? Gritting her teeth, every harsh word of her Zanpakuto rang clearly through her hard skull, reminding her of how she had ignored such valuable advice to pursue some suicidal goal. She’s learned nothing, and no doubt, her Zanpakuto’ll remind her how little she’s grown.
With a strong sigh, she’d rise as Kagayaku neared her, her inner turmoil erased from her facial expression. However, her eyes now have a slight dimness to them, like she’s distracted by something. She can wipe her face clean, but that doesn’t change the state of her mind.
“Yeah. Let’s go… I do need to talk to the Captain.”
"Woah, that's not fair. I've heard they're a jerk."
Watching Elyss act so defeated, it was almost pathetic. He might have even felt bad if he weren't the sort to hold a grudge. Of course, even his strongest grudge wasn't nearly strong enough to compare to his care for his daughter, so unfortunately he was still letting this stray kitten off the hook for now.
"Need a hand walking there?"
It was just polite to ask, of course. He didn't hold out his hand, of course, he wasn't one to make assumptions (mostly because he didn't care). But if she needed the heko, he'd give it. Her dying wasn't ideal."
She actually smirked. And, of course, she didn’t even respond to him asking if she needed any assistance. This isn’t enough to put her out of commission. It hurts, but she’s used to being hurt and acting as if it isn’t bothering her. What’s more important is that they hurry and deal with their current objective. No doubt he wants to go about the rest of his day without her present. His grudge against her makes sense. She did threaten Murasaki and attacked her, even if she wasn’t in her right mind. All that happened because of her, and as much as she’d like to never have to think about it again, every second she spends around everyone is another second that she lives with that memory. However, she can’t slow down just yet. She feels obligated to do her best for everyone. She has learned nothing. This pain is nothing, just another scar to bandage.
“Lead the way, will ya?” Her smirk fades as she’d follow him to wherever they need to go, to where Tenmarin is.
Turning around to lead the way, Kagayaku tucked his hands into his coat pockets and got to walking. Ah, he'd really gotten soft over the years, hadn't he? What a fuckin' disgrace. Back in the day with Midori, he'd have fuckin cut her fight down the middle and called it a day. Guess it all boiled down to Murasaki, huh? What a good kid.
Ah, well. Maybe it was for the best that she wasn't in right now. Didn't wanna explain why Elyss was all fucked up, he'd get an earful and a half. Grabbing Tenmarin from behind Murasaki's desk, Kagayaku didn't hand it over to Elyss just yet.
“I know… A lot of people are. Idiots, am I right?”
She had followed, and despite her nervousness, she had kept her outward expression stoic. However, within Murasaki’s office, her worry became palpable. The corner of her lips are tugged downwards, her small frown speaking volumes. Her eyes are on her Zanpakuto, the two blades that are supposedly a mirror of her soul. She had never questioned why she has two swords when other Shinigami only have one. She had just accepted that fact, and it had just felt right. Looking at Tenmarin now after so long, she’s come to realize that she hadn’t even tried to connect with what is essentially herself. It’s her fault, everything that had happened. Her fault…
“It’s about time I stop being a child and grow up.”
Kagayaku would hear her, but it’s obvious that she’s not talking to him. Is Tenmarin even listening though? Would it listen? She could only wonder.
"Probably a pretty fuckin' bad idea, yeah. Might as well see how it turns out, though."
Setting the blades down onto the desk between them, Kagayaku watched Elyss with a more keen eye than he'd really felt like affording her up to this point. Man, she was stupid. No other way he could put it, honestly. No self control, no direction, just doing whatever it was she thought she should do.
God, it sounded just like his old lady.
"Give me a shout if you ever feel like you need a hand. Murasaki's probably willing to help, but I know someone who probably knows a thing or two that might get you on the right track."
Her life has always been like this: erratic and chaotic. Such is mostly her fault though. The fact she’s come to understand such means that she’s grown at least a bit. The first step is to accept that there is an issue. However, she’s not tried the other steps: accessing the problem and trying to fix it. With Tenmarin laid before her, she pretty much has no choice but to step forward now. Running away is impossible. She’s tried to before, but here she is once again. There’s probably no way to escape from this. Adapt or die: that’s pretty much all that’s left for her.
“Thank you… I will…” Her voice fell flat into silence, cutting off her sentence. Is there more she wants to say. Her eyes would move from Tenmarin to him, from him to the wall of Murasaki’s office. Her lips would twitch as her expression shifted, a thoughtful look to her face.
“I never got your name, by the way. Unless ya want me to come to Murasaki everytime I want to talk or something.” It seems her thoughts have come to the conclusion that his help would be appreciated. She’s been trying to find the answers to everything by herself, but it’s about she starts relying on others. Even if she hates the idea of it, it’s for the best; best for her and for those who care so much about her. Yes, the steps to bettering oneself. Slowly, but surely, she’s taking them.
Despite the fact that it easily could have come across as condescending, it was undeniable that Kagayaku had meant that as a genuine bit of reassurance. God, he couldn't stand himself sometimes. Being all soft? With her? Made his skin crawl, but oh well. Better than skinning her alive and getting Murasaki mad.
"Just Kagayaku'll do. That's what my wife calls me, anyway. You'll probably need to find Murasaki if you want to talk, though. I'm pretty much always right by her side."
Ah, wasn't he a funny boy? Well, he wouldn't bother explaining the situation if she hadn't figured it out by now. He might have somehow decided to help her out, but she was still awfully fun to mess with. Just how he was.
And, he got a head tilt out of her. What? His wife? He has a wife? But isn’t he Murasaki’s Zanpakuto? How does that work? Is he fucking with her again? There’s a lot of things here that Elyss would have to think harder about to understand, and right now, she’s more focused on her Zanpakuto than on whatever confuckle Kagayaku is on about. Not to mention that she’s done giving the sword spirit any amount of good grace. The need to throw him through a window or something is coming back.
“Well, I’ll remember to do as you say then, Kagayaku.” She’d say as she stepped closer, reaching to take Tenmarin. Once her fingers wrapped around the twin sheathe of her Zanpakuto, she’d feel nothing, surprisingly enough. Not even a tingle, huh? It seems Tenmarin is furious with her. That’s fair. A frown would form on her face again, but then, it’d be quickly replaced with a pained expression as her head would feel as if someone had just hit her upside the head with a heavy hammer. Everything goes black for a second as she’d hear an estranged “hmph” before the lights turned back on. Her hand would move to her head as she’d rub it. Guess Tenmarin is angry, but at least her Zanpakuto decided to make its anger known besides staying silent. That’s a good sign, right?
“I should best get going, huh? I doubt anyone wants to see what happens next. Tenmarin and I… We need to have a talk… Without supervision.”