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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Sun Jan 30, 2022 8:20 pm
Liltotto Lamperd
The words that her superior spoke made her feel oddly heavy for a moment. In knowing that she was such an incredibly inhumane thing, living as a human, the silent crisis she felt anytime that separation was made apparent, before quickly being shelved away and slotted elsewhere for later acknowledgement,
"I suppose so, ma'am," Was the only thing she'd say in response, a slight strain to her voice as she swallowed that lump in her throat.
After some time, her feet were finally on the ground once more, hardly a stumble in her step as she readjusted to gravity. Following the taller woman inside, she was sitting down across from her, staring at the menu as Helle offered she pick something first,
"..I'll just go with water. I'm not hungry," An absolute lie as she felt those familiar gnaws of constant, unattended to hunger, "..You ever feel afraid of falling when you're so high up?"
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Mon Jan 31, 2022 11:01 am
Helle Armstrong
“If I am not assured of my own ability, then yes. I would be afraid, Liltotto. However, I would have no choice but to conquer that fear and rise again.”
Such a question… One must always be afraid of their abilities, one must always be wary of failure. Though, letting those thoughts consume your thoughts is only asking for trouble. Even if falling is an option, why imagine it into reality. If you wish to fly, fly. It is that simple. If you lack the power to do so, then get stronger. Helle has always lived her life that way. When they ridiculed her strength, she gained more. Now, she stands above all, a woman whose strength is incomparable to many. It is lonely being up so high.
“I am not afraid of falling, Liltotto. I am only afraid that I won’t be able to get back up afterwards. Is there something that you’re afraid of?”
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Mon Jan 31, 2022 2:24 pm
Liltotto Lamperd
A rather simple and clear answer, Liltotto nodded in understanding of the thought. Half the battle of living and surviving was merely having the will to persist - being compelled to continue and fight against anything that may extinguish that ability was the basis for any living creature's life. Though with that will to live came fear, two factors who worked hand and hand in the survival of all that lived. To not feel fear was a worrisome state, but to be controlled by fear alone would stifle one's will.
"Something... I'm afraid of?" She'd speak with a gentle hmm; both an easy and a hard question for someone such as her, wondering what to disclose and how. There were many things she feared, of course; she'd be stupid not to be,
"Loss, I guess. Of people, of country, of home, of humanity," There was a distant look to her gaze as she spoke softly, "I've had many times where I would have to face and overcome that fear, though it was more through accepting and working through circumstances than trying to change it. Maybe, I feel there's futility either way, and maybe I was a little selfish, wanting to preserve myself."
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Tue Feb 01, 2022 3:34 pm
Helle Armstrong
“Nothing changes without sacrifices. People are always striving to win wars without losing anything, but it is often those who are ready to give up everything who come out victorious.”
Her eyes grew a bit distant as she looked away, her gaze focused on nothing particular outside of the window near them. A thought crossing her mind distracted her for a mere second, but she did not allow her mind to make her mouth move. Instead, she only smiled, a small thin line made of her lips that seemed oddly forced.
“We all accept things, don’t we? Things that we can’t change… That’s the reason for power, isn’t it? To gain the ability to change… The fight against futility births prosperity.”
She went quiet. Even as a waiter came, she did not stir.
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Tue Feb 01, 2022 10:52 pm
Liltotto Lamperd
Liltotto's gaze would float downwards with Helle's response. Clearly the little lady had a lot on her mind in reaction to that, of which she would oblige the taller blonde,
"And what do you do if you lose everything?" Her gaze did not lift, her tone was calm yet quiet, "You sacrifice and sacrifice, but it still falls apart. Can you truly be called the victor if there's nothing left when the fight is over?"
It dredged up a memory. She was searching for someone in a long destroyed battlefield. Everything was lost. Nobody was left. The gravity of the situation did not set in until she realized the presence of this person was scattered and diminished. Not even her face was preserved.
That bout, of sickening grief, the feeling that everything had slipped from her grasp, and she was the only one to witness the barren state.
"What do you feel you should do, if nothing is left? You struggled, you fought, but in the end, you lose it all? How do you think you should continue?"
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Wed Feb 02, 2022 3:57 pm
Helle Armstrong
“What do you do if you wake up one day and everything you knew is no more? What do you do after five years of training, to grow stronger, to protect everyone you know: friends, family, everyone; and come back just to learn that you were too late?”
Throwing a question at a question, Helle could not help but mutter her thoughts over this subject like it is but normal conversation. However, it is her own tragic tale. It is her own reason for working so hard, for never resting. If she closes her eyes for too long, who’s to say she won’t wake up with everything gone again? What would she do if Azmi was gone? If the Quincy were gone? If the Vandenreich failed yet again? What would everyone tell her to do?
“You suffer… It is that simple, Liltotto. You suffer until one day, you can look up and think to yourself… If they were here, right now, would they be happy? Happy with me? Happy with the world? Maybe that is victory? I do not know. How could I know? We are but fools gaining power to try and stop the inevitable- Hot chocolate, please and thank you.”
And, there’s her order. However, the waitress is a bit… out of it…
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Sat Feb 05, 2022 11:17 am
Liltotto Lamperd
"Water please."
The look in the woman's eyes was softly somber and thinking. The two conclusions she had reached after losing everything was either to make those who did unto her such unjust suffering pay, or fade away, survive, and live a life of learning and normalcy. She always had that longing desire to be human, deep within her, far away from her conscious mind, and such a state of thought led her to those options, one of two beasts to feed; One of anger and revenge, and one of survival and the learning such continuance would bring.
Would they be happy? Was not a thought that had crossed her mind during this continued existence. She shunned wondering what ifs such as that - they were dead. Dead, and she would never see them again. She figured any wonderings about if even a fraction of the people she held dear survived, lived alongside her, built something new, would just bring more pain to her heart. Such a thing was merely a fantasy...
But, she figured Helle didn't mean simply indulging in mere fantasy. It did make her think, Would they look upon me, and believe i'm doing well? Would they think i'm happy?
She recalled her reencounter with Giselle, each time she ran across her it was like she saw a ghost, a ghost she instinctively wished to distance herself from, as she distanced herself from all. Roughly a century alone, and even so she distanced herself from those here... It felt wrong.
No. Her thoughts answered the question sadly, No, they would not.
"Is it truly foolish to want to protect what you hold dear?" She'd finally speak up, "At the heart of all who wish to possess power, is a desire for control over one's circumstances. Most are noble, half of that nobility is misguided and uneducated, and a small slice of that is truly malicious. I am to believe you are of the noble sort."
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Sun Feb 06, 2022 5:21 pm
Helle Armstrong
“No. I simply do what I want. I wouldn’t call it Noble at all. It is more malicious than that, but that’s diving into a past that is best left dead.”
She smiled, her face unbothered by the critical naming of her actions in life. She looked at the waiter, the poor thing frightened by Helle. Though, Helle seemed to not notice it as she ordered herself some coffee.
“Protecting what you hold dear isn’t Noble, Liltotto. Protecting everything else is, and that is why I cannot call myself a Noble woman.”
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Tue Feb 08, 2022 10:16 am
Liltotto Lamperd
Liltotto didn't pay the waitress much mind as the two spoke, seeming unbothered by Helle's own response as she stated her own beliefs,
"I'm not noble either," Liltotto stated simply, "Never have I woken up in the morning with the thought in my mind that what I am or what i've done is noble or good. I would be a hypocrite if I did not find fault in my own inaction. I led a life of normalcy and hiding despite the potential I held. I lost everything, and in my more selfish thoughts I had figured perhaps it was for the better that I didn't gain anything more to lose."
A look of regret and sadness was within those bored eyes, ".. But learning the Quincy had survived, that they were being led better now... I suppose I couldn't stay away for long. I wished to do more for them now than I had before, but there is that lingering feeling of falling short."
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Re: Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]
Tue Feb 08, 2022 3:22 pm
Helle Armstrong
“Fear is strong indeed. We are all here for you, Liltotto. Let us grow strong together, so that we never have to lose anything ever again.”
She could not promise Liltotto that everything would go correctly. It will not. They will fail sometimes, but that is when her last words come into play. Even as people fall around them, they must continue because if they don’t the memories of the dead would fade and everything they lived for will with them. They must continue forward to eventually turn the world into a world where even the dead will smile.
“Take my hand and let us continue to do our best. You are a part of my family, and so, that means you are someone that I will protect until my body is unable.”
A small smile, that’s all Helle offered. She didn’t move her hand, but Liltotto should understand the gesture of her words. Besides, the smaller blonde is a member of the Sternritter.
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