Fractured Bygones [Ehefra, Helle]

Tch. Ehefra smirked ruefully at that simple counter. She knew damn well she was weird. She didn’t need Helle to tell her that. But what came next from Helle slowly drained that smile. Conviction? She twitched, the edge of her face tensing as a little sliver of anger heated inside of her. ”I have conviction where it c-“ but Helle wasn’t done talking. And just like that Ehefra tensed as she watched one of her fascimile step infront of them and she bristled internally. Aware that a point was about to be made.

”The fuckre you getting at?” A bit of growl to her voice as Helle moved on and began to bear down about what she thought of her. And despite the anger boiling up inside her. She couldn’t find it in her to refute what she was saying.

But as Helle looked away, she was a bit… confused, and rankled by what she said next. Too difficult? “What are you trying to say? You said it yourself I suck. I lack ‘conviction’ and I always think the worst shit. If all that shit’s true why the hell would it matter to you if I ever left at all!? Why would saying goodbye mean ANYTHING to you!?” she was shouting now, standing up to stare Helle down even if she lacked the height ti do so properly.

”Yea, I get it. Your little fucking Servant Ehefra goes away when I do. Whoop de doo. But at the end of the day I’m just ONE of countless of these things in your fuckin house. I’m no goddamn good for ANYONE! Including you! So what’s so bad about saying good ye to me anyway!?” She was breathing heavily as she caught her breath from all but shouting her lungs out in response to the other woman.

She inhaled slowly, closing her eyes before she sighed back out. “I’ve tried.. so hard to fix myself. I wanted so bad to be the person people… thought I could be.” The words were bitter in her mouth. As she thought about the people who had told her as much. Ira. Natasha. Even Candice. And what hurt was they were wrong. She’d PROVED them wrong. Again and again. ”But wanting something doesn’t get you it. And I don’t have it in me to change.”

”OF COURSE I HATE MYSELF!” She snapped back, getting in Helle’s face as she stepped forward, only to take a step back and shake her head as that look of anger boiled and she felt tears threatening her eyes as her hands clench into white-knuckled fists.

”What do I Want to do!? I don’t want to DO anything! I wanna be happy! I want to be someone I’m not ASHAMED to see in the fucking mirror! I want to BE someone that.. can make you smile, and FIX you, a-and fix all this goddamn shit fucking up the people I care about. And most of all I want my GODDAMN MOM BACK!” She hiccuped and sniffed, tears having snuck up on her as she shook her head. As it all hit her and she covered her face with a hand. Trying to keep the stinging tears from spilling down her face.

“But I shouldn’t.” She sobbed quietly into her palm. ”Mom wanted to die for so… so long. But she didn’t wanna leave us alone. She didn’t want us to … see her die. And as soon as me and dad weren’t around… she finally could. She looked up at Helle as the pain welled up inside her.

“I’ve wanted her to die for so long. For her to not be… suffering for me and dad. And now I don’t know what to do without her. And I can’t stand to think shes suffering all over again.”

Ehefra twitched and glared up at Helle as the woman as she felt a bitter twist in her gut. Hating the fact that after all this fucking time, Helle was actually starting to make some sense with all this. Finally finding a way to do her stupid paperwork in an actually efficient manner. And now here she was... throwing the reality of the situation into Ehefra's face. "THEN what am I supposed to do huh?! Lets pretend it was the great and powerful Helle in my position, what would YOU be doing huh?!" She demanded,twitching when Helle suddenly turned their back to her and wandered into the kitchen. Ehefra stomped right after her, and rather than letting Helle traipse about, as soon as she got that orange juice, Ehefra got right into Helle's personal space and slammed her palm into the fridge next to Helle's head, trapping her against the fridge as she glared up at her.

"Come on. If you're so fucking smart tell. me. Whats the magic goddamn answer of what I SHOULD be doing? I alrteady told you what I WANT to do. But that's clearly not good enough. What aren't I seeing huh? Cmon! Out with it!" She hissed as she glared into Helle's eyes, falling back on confrontation as she tried to turn things on Helle. Because she had nothing. No idea of what she should be doing. But Helle CLEARLY saw something she didn't. Or at the very least, acted like there was some other obvious reason. And as angry as she was, she was still desperate for .... she didn't even know what. Direction? Maybe some part of her even wanted Helle to say something else. She was too riled up for introspection though.

The answer was.... what she expected. Though.... perhaps not exactly how she expected to get it. She'd ...FAILED to kill herself? That perhaps was what caught Ehefra the most off guard. Someone of Helle's power that really aught not be hard. But well... she supposed that maybe was the wrong way to look at it. IT probably meant that as much as it had felt like it, the woman probably just. .. didn't truly want to die. Wasn't ready to die? Who even knew. As Helle shimmied out from between her and the fridge, the quincy sighed and let her shoulders slumpe, staring at the plain shiny surface infront of her and went silent.

right up until a glass of orange juice as pushed up against her cheek.

She glanced at the glass and sighed softly. And after a few seconds, reached up and took the glass from Helle. She felt a mess, and more than that it all felt....empty. She didn't know what to do with all this dread in her. And the one thing that felt like it might fill it was probably a really bad idea. She was miserable... and she was going to BE miserable for a while. And after staring at the cup for several long seconds, she eventually drank some of the orange juice. It didn't taste too bad.

"This fucking sucks...." She murmured quietly, still shedding tears silently as she leaned forward and let her forehead rest against the fridge with a quiet thump. Sighing quietly to herself. "I'd ask for a hug but I'd probably just wind up grabbing your ass or something..." she murmured tiredly. She had a whole mess of thoughts in her head. A lot of them sexual or violent towards Helle. But she was just too.. tired... and exhausted. But more than that...

"Why do you put up with me?"

The quincy blinked owlishly, her brows raising at how.... simple the woman's answer was. And the gentle hand on her shoulder was....surprisingly comforting.

THUMP.

The sound of Ehefra's forehead hitting the refridgerator door hard enough that it slid back an eight of an inch as the word 'friend' came out of Helle's mouth. A sigh escaping her as she smiled ruefully at her own reflection on the surface of the fridge door. "Know any hot single dudes or dudettes with a thing for a lot of baggage?" She asked tiredly. Well, if there was any solace it was that she had.... a friend like Helle. If she could even call this a normal friendship. She turned to look at Helle, ah right. Looked up to actually see her face and sighed quietly. "You're such a pain in my ass." She murmured quietly, gritting her teeth just a little before.... stepping in and putting her arms around the woman. And as much as it took every bit of her mental effort, did NOT try to grope the woman.

She shut off her brain. She stopped.... thinking about her situation. About her mom. About.... anything. And instead just looked to cling to the warm presence of another human being that... for whatever goddamn reason: cared about her.