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Shunsui Kyoraku, The Condense [APPROVED, 0-2+] [Absentee]
Ye Olde Guarde
Joined : 2010-07-09
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|Subject Post 21Subject: Re: Shunsui Kyoraku, The Condense [APPROVED, 0-2+] [Absentee] Sat Sep 09, 2017 2:00 am|| |
[mod]The above attempt is denied.
Overall, the sample felt... flat for Shunsui. There's no other good way to put it. You touched on just about every major point of Shunsui's personality. But that's just it. The sample _touched_ on them. Nothing felt special about any of those traits—they were just mentioned for the sake of being mentioned. Another thing is that this lacks a certain creative edge. This is effectively an idealized meeting between him and Chad. When it comes to an RP sample for a canon, modifying an existing event doesn't show that you can RP the Canon. It shows that you can see how they acted in a canonical situation with your own twists.
With that said, you are not barred from applying for Shunsui again. You may try again in 2 weeks' time, on September 23.[/mod]
Joined : 2014-04-27
Posts : 500
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Age : 24
Location : Eneru's Moon Empire
|Subject Post 22Subject: Re: Shunsui Kyoraku, The Condense [APPROVED, 0-2+] [Absentee] Sun Sep 10, 2017 3:46 am|| |
Shunsui sat in the head quarters of the veterans division absentmindedly adjusting his eye-patch while he looked over a report. His fingers ran over the ragged edges of the remains of his ear as he did so. He'd lost them both, his eye and his ear, months ago on a mission to protect the human world. He'd also failed to protect his subordinates. They didn't make it. It had taken time for him to fight competently again, and he found his path blocked by many obstacles. Relying on only one eye and dealing with the fact that he hadn't been able to protect his underlings Shunsui had faced a long road. He'd been guilt ridden, and more somber than he'd been previously, in addition to this his injuries didn't help. With the passing of time though, he became much like his old self, if slightly more serious at times.
While he'd been away from the Gotei much had happened. For starters he was no longer a captain. During his recovery they'd had to find a replacement. He'd been offered a deal where his position would be held until he recovered, but it was time to let the new blood have a chance at leading. He would, however, take up a position within the veterans division. He didn't want to lead more men at the moment, not with the way things had been going lately, but he still could offer his services as a combatant, and be someone to look to for advice. Going on missions on his own meant that he could deal with greater threats by himself, as he wasn't concerned that others would be caught up in the effects of his Bankai. It also meant that he wouldn't have to lead any more men to their death.
Shunsui was finally an active member of the Gotei again after more than six months of down time, and at the moment he was preparing for his first mission as a member of the veterans division. He grabbed his zanpakuto - both of them - and rose from the chair he'd been sitting in. His report had mentioned that his foe's strength was monstrous, so he chose to leave his pink kimono behind, best not to risk it. As he made his way to the door he sighed. Time to get back in to the swing of things.
He traveled through the senkaimon, and upon reaching earth he immediately began probing the surrounding area for anything unusual. It took him a moment to detect anything, but after a brief search he began to detect a faint energy coming from the west. Luckily it appeared to be coming from an area far removed from any highly populated locations. Using shunpo Shunsui gradually advanced on his target. He could feel the reiatsu of his opponent more clearly now. It obviously belonged to a vizard, and his intel hadn't been off. The vizard possessed a massive spiritual pressure that rivaled his own. According to his intel this thing had also massacred several nearby cities and caused a gas explosion that killed over four hundred workers. The closer he got the more he started to feel that this would be a particularly difficult fight.
Shunsui entered a large clearing after having traveled for several miles through forested area, and noticed the vizard. She was standing on the opposite side of the clearing holding her head in her hands. As Shunsui approached she looked up at him, seemingly confused. He was surprised that she wouldn't have noticed his arrival, as he'd made no effort to hide the fact that he was coming.
"Who the hell are you?"
The vizard had a strange voice, it was distorted in a way he'd never heard from one of her kind. Shunsui smiled at the vizard and drew his blades.
"Kyōraku, Shunsui, of the Gotei United at your service. Under normal circumstances I might offer you a drink, but I feel like you'd just turn me down. According to my report you've been causing quite the commotion. It's not very nice to destroy cities you know."
Before he could say any more the vizard began to approach him. She drew her sword and came at him like a berserker, a strange glint in her eye. He pulled his swords up to defend himself and was able to fend off the flurry of blows, but it was hard to find an opportunity to get a blow of his own in edgewise. She was certainly fast, but she didn't seem to put much thought into her attack. Eventually Shunsui noticed her shift into a predictable pattern and that's when he seized his opportunity. Deftly manipulating the vizard girls blade with the two that he held Shunsui was able to disarm her with relative ease.
Upon losing her weapon the vizard became even more unstable. She called upon her hollow powers and came at him with a renewed fervor. Abandoning her weapons all together, the vizard attempted to eviscerate him with the claws she'd gotten out of her transformation.
"You just don't understand. Your kind never do."
She got the words off in between her attacks, and Shunsui could tell that they took a great deal of effort to get out. She had trouble finding the words she was looking for, and occasionally began growling halfway through a word only to pick up a few seconds later. There was something affecting her mind, that much was obvious. Shunsui could see the power behind her blows, but he also saw that she had become slow to think and slow to act. Perhaps she could have been his equal, but while she was in this state he had a distinct advantage.
"It doesn't matter how much of a power boost you get from that mask if you can't hit me.."
Shunsui delivered his message to the arrancar girl during a lull in her attack. After a moment he realized that his words had most likely fallen on deaf ears. The girl placed her head in her hands once more, but this time she seemed more distraught. Moments later an ear splitting screech pierced the silence that had enveloped them during their brief respite. The girl began to react violently. Shunsui only now realized that she was the one making the noise. Her head shot backwards, her arms down and behind her before she began to spasm. Her body was tearing itself apart from the strain that it was under.
He felt pity for the vizard girl, but there was nothing to be done about it. She was clearly unstable, and there was no way she could be left to do as she pleased. If he couldn't subdue her and take her to the Soul Society then he'd have to kill her. Even as he thought the vizard rushed at him, in a new more primal form. She appeared still largely human, but she came at him on all fours at a significant speed. Caught of guard by the sudden attack Shunsui was forced to use shunpo to get out of the way in time. He watched as she impacted a large oak tree and splintered it before crashing through and falling to the ground.
The girl began convulsing more severely on the ground now. Her head was jostled about violently by the constant motion, and she seemed to have completely lost control. It was obvious now that she wouldn't be taken alive. Shunsui approached cautiously but before he was able to reach the girl she was on her feet again. She charged him for the second time, but now he was ready. Dodging out of the way of the charge he then slid his blade into the vizards back.
Shunsui sheathed his swords and prepared to leave. He took a few steps back towards the senkaimon before he heard the girl making noise once more. He sighed, and turned to deal with her once and for all, but when he looked at her she was obviously not long for the world. He looked in her eyes and they were no longer monstrous, but now a serene blue. He saw her mouth the words thank you, and then her eyes closed. Sighing, he walked to the girls side one more, and scooped up her body. He made his way back to the senkaimon cradling the vizard in his arms. He didn't think her chances were good, but perhaps someone in Soul Society could keep her alive, and discover what her strange ailment was.
Joined : 2016-01-20
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|Subject Post 23Subject: Re: Shunsui Kyoraku, The Condense [APPROVED, 0-2+] [Absentee] Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:59 am|| |
[adm]I honestly don't have a problem with this. Absentee is showing to display Shunsui very well, especially after four centuries to keep with the current timeline of the site. I did quite like reading this, and I look forward to seeing more with Shunsui while you're in control. However, I would highly recommend that you make a new app for him, as this is from 2011, and is heavily outdated. If any staff has a problem with this, contact me. Otherwise...
Ye Olde Guarde
Joined : 2010-07-09
Posts : 3377
Karma : 33
Age : 26
Location : Soup
|Subject Post 24Subject: Re: Shunsui Kyoraku, The Condense [APPROVED, 0-2+] [Absentee] Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:35 am|| |
[mod]Moving to the archives as Absentee has posted up a new application for Shunsui[/mod]
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