Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty Re: Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class]

Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:20 pm
Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Misteor3xf4

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Comments/Notes: If any admins have issues, then feel free to contact me/post here. Otherwise. APPROVED.
Note: Speed is not equivalent to Shadin or the like. Pretty damn close, but not as fast.
Tier: 0-2+

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Raiki
Raiki
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November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 32

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Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Left_bar_bleue0/0Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
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Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty Re: Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class]

Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:55 pm
HOLD IT

I have noticed a few things wrong in this app that need to be fixed so till then moved to WIP

“Shinra Tensei is the ability to manipulate gravity at the user's will to repulse matter away. Depending on the amount of force the user puts in this technique, it can easily shatter wood, bones, metal, or stone walls. By using this technique as a defensive measure, almost all attacks directed to the user will be deflected, no matter the size, power or mass (its to be noted that the larger the attack, the more resistance they can put up, but in the end it doesn't matter). It can also be used to repel flames caught on the user's body. The only downside to this technique is that there is a short period when it is unusable after being used. The minimal time period is about five seconds, but it varies depending on the amount of power put into the attack. Even if Nagato's energy is removed, or energy-use is removed from combat, Nagato still has access to this ability since it doesn't technically use any energy nor is it technically gravity-based, so cancelling gravity powers doesn't work either. While in Ressureccion, the Deva Path uses this ability.”

Alright..... Let me point out the main problem “. Even if Nagato's energy is removed, or energy-use is removed from combat, Nagato still has access to this ability since it doesn't technically use any energy nor is it technically gravity-based, so cancelling gravity powers doesn't work either. “
You need to place energy drain on it, since its you performing the move, makes it needed to have a drain, and this move needs a weakness as well, a way to escape IE adding a escape means by using high speed movement, otherwise it is unfair to use,

Banshō Ten'in also has the same problem as above, you NEED to have a escape means, and energy drain. no one can have a special move they can spam forever.

“Soul Disruption:

The second special and limited to the Human Path ability the Human Path has goes by Soul Disruption. By focusing Spiritual Power into an arm, he can shove his arm straight through the soul of the person he is attacking, ignoring all defenses. Even though Shinigami and Arrancar are technically already souls, this still works in the same way it does humans. By stabbing his arm through a persons body (not actually stabbing it through, like what Ulqiuorra did to Ichigo), he can disrupt their bodily functions and movements, impairing their hand-eye coordination as well. In the worst case scenario, it can even switch the opponents limb control. They would have to move their right arm with their brain, for their left arm to move, and so on so forth. However, this can make the opponent feel the same pain they would if the Human Path actually stuck his arm through their body, which makes this a very good torture technique. Though, due to the fact that if he does it enough he can overload the opponents brain with pain, thus causing them to black out, it isnt used in rapid succession when used for torture. Also, unless his arm goes all the way through his opponents body, the ability doesnt cause any of its effects.”

Let me point out what's wrong “ By focusing Spiritual Power into an arm, he can shove his arm straight through the soul of the person he is attacking, ignoring all defenses.” there has to be a means to stop such a move, it is powerful, too powerful to even block? you need a means to stop and attack, you need a way to block, and how to counter it when affected, how long will this last?

“his Shinra Tensei also gains a large boost in power. He can push away even larger/stronger attacks/objects, able to send weak enemies flying for miles from this ability.”

yeaaaaaaaaaah you need more limits to this, while strong for a Duex you need to limit it, saying you can send them flying for miles is really pushing it , and you really need to define weaker, if its people WEAKER than him, then that's a major issue, since that be a lot of people under him.

Also note you need PERMISSION for a Segunda this is labeled as a Duex, so fix that wording issue as well

“Nagato retains the same basic element of the Preta Paths "Spiritual Shockwave Field", but instead, Nagato only has one color to use: Black. While this color is activated, the area around Nagato is completely pitch black. The size of the zone is about 50 meters in every direction from Nagato when he activates this ability. It basically creates a shadow realm, without actual shadows. it is so dark it is impossible to see in it, and any powers that allow one to see in the dark are cancelled. It also makes it impossible to sense Reitsu, meaning even a giant spiritual energy would go unnoticed while in zone. While in this area, it is impossible to tell what is up, down, left or right. Meaning, you might think you are standing like normal, but in reality you are upside down. Mechanical objects are deactivated, though this only applies to those outside of ones body, or in crevices of ones body, such as the Mechanical Eye. All other senses besides sight are heightened, such as hearing, taste, smell, etc. It is in fact possible to escape from this area, as all it is, is a large sphere. Just by walking, you would eventually make it out. This stays active until Nagato leaves the area. Even if he wills it to deactivate while he is inside, it wont work. he actually has to leave the area himself.”

You need more counters to this, and a way for people to see and such while inside.


“Nature Release:

A special property of the combination of Rinnegan and Sharingan that Nagato achieves while in this form is the use of all five nature releases: Fire Release, Water Release, Lightning Release, Earth Release, and Wind Release. Essentially, this gives Nagato control over all five of these elements in battle, making him quite a powerful ranged fighter as well as a physical fighter. Due to not only his age, but his energy levels and years of practice, Nagato has extremely high control over these various elements to the point of being able to combine them, such as using both the Fire Release and Earth Release at the same time to create lava, something much stronger than either the Fire or Earth releases are separate. By combining these various elements, he essentially becomes stronger than single element users as he always has the opposite element to combat them since he can use water and wind together to make typhoons and even hurricanes. Some other examples of combination releases are Ice Release (Water and Win), Boil Release (Fire and Water), Storm Release (Lightning and Water, Dust Release (Earth, Wind, and Fire), etc, etc. The weakness to this, is before he can use a certain element he has to actually say the elements name then "Release", ie "Water Release" or "Fire Release". Due to the complexity of using his own energy to change the element of an ability to use, he cannot just go "Fire Release" then instantly "Water Release" then instantly "Earth Release". Instead, he require a cooldown between using elements, such as waiting a little while after he uses Water to use Fire. This doesn't apply to combination elements like Ice in that, Ice isn't considered to separate Releases, but this doesnt mean he can instantly switch between Ice and another Release. One might say it would just be easier to stick to a single release in a fight.”

Look does Nagato really need this after all he can do listed above? but now he has control over all elements, i would be fine if it was this form only powerset, however it isn’t, and you didn’t list any special attacks or what he can do with this, making it broken or just making up attacks as you go on with these releases. So either remove it, or change it around and LIST what he can do, at most 1 move per element if you try to keep it.

The main issue with Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan you need to remove one tiny part “(Can now be used in base state). “ just remove that and it be fine


“Tsukuyomi: This is a special technique that can only be used while Nagato is using his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan eye form. Tsukuyomi requires eye contact to be performed. When executed, the technique traps the target in an illusion that is completely controlled by the user. Nagato's prowess with the technique has allowed him to alter the perception of time with ease within the illusion to make it seem to last for days when in fact it only lasts a few seconds. This allows him to torture the target for what seems like days on end, causing psychological trauma that will incapacitate them for a considerable period of time. Nagato's use of Tsukuyomi typically features a red moon casting a red light throughout the illusion with a cloudy atmosphere, giving the background a blood-red appearance while the victim within the illusion is in depicted in an inverted grey scale.”

NO ILLUSIONS THAT POWERFUL ARE ALLOWED, remove this

“Izanagi: Izanagi is the only current ability Nagato can use without using his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan, though it suffers from much worse downsides than any other ability he has. This technique is capable of turning injuries and even death inflicted upon the user into mere illusions. Whenever the user receives a fatal injury, he or she automatically fades away as though they were an illusion all along and then returns back to reality; physically real and unscathed. Though, this technically isnt an illusion, as it has to do with removing ones body from existence and then reforming it a second or two later. This only lasts 5 posts, and only works on moderate to fatal injuries, and that is when its effects take place, allowing him to completely cancel out damage. He can choose to reform his body anywhere he wants to within 50 feet of the initial effect. Now, for the downsides. After the 5 consecutive posts are up, Nagato loses eyesight in one of his eyes, severely crippling his battle capabilities, while also losing a large portion of energy and feeling a good amount of pain as well, due to it being one of his stronger EMS abilities.”

The effect lasts too long, this kind of power needs to be short term, around 2 posts, since you ESCAPING death either nerf it, or remove it

“Amaterasu: The jet-black flames of the Amaterasu, said to be the fires from hell that are as hot as the sun, ignite at the focus of the user's vision. The flames are capable of burning through anything in their path, even smothering regular fire techniques with ease. Amaterasu is said to never stop burning; even when whatever is caught by the Amaterasu is completely reduced to ash or destroyed, it can still continue burning for seven days and seven nights. It cannot be extinguished with water or any other normal methods, and for the most part, is inextinguishable. However, the flames burn fairly slowly, allowing anyone struck by Amaterasu an opportunity to remove whatever clothing or body parts have been caught ablaze. “

Nerf this, i know its slow, but add a cost to this, how much can he summon at once?

“Wood Release: Wood Clone Technique: A clone that is created by altering the user's own cells with reitsu. It has more endurance than normal clones and doesn't disappear when hit by the enemies' attacks. Moreover, since it has the ability to merge with plants and trees, it is also great for reconnaissance missions. They have the ability to travel far distances from the user and are able to communicate with the original. The clone is made up of the user's own cells, transformed into vegetation. Because of this, when it is changed into a seed and ingested into the body or left on a target, it can be used as a transmission device of sorts. The user can use these to track their target as the seeds respond to their energy only. This and all other uses make this technique extremely convenient and, according to Nagato, a perfect clone technique that only he, with his Sharingan, was able to see through.”

You need to state how strong the clones are, and there must be other methods to see though the clones. and how many clones at once

“Wood Release Secret Technique: Nativity of a World of Trees: The user forces trees to grow on any surface, easily creating a dense forest anywhere they choose. A small plant can grow into a forest in an instant. By generating chakra, the user manoeuvres it as they see fit for attack and defence; and furthermore, this omnipotent technique even allows them to capture the enemy at the same time. With their tremendous life force, the trees can pierce through earthen walls, and extend their branches at their prey in an instant. Even stating that Konohagakure wouldn't have been established without this technique wouldn't be an exaggeration.”

Oh hi leaf village. just add a drain and how many times he can use this form.

“Wood Release: Advent of a World of Flowering Trees: Taking advantage of the innate properties of Wood Release — to be able to force trees to grow on any surface in an instant — the user creates a dense forest of flowering trees. The pollen produced by these flowers is then released into the atmosphere and when inhaled, renders any afflicted target unconscious.
With enough willpower, it is possible to regain consciousness and stop from going unconscious in the first place. However, in order to counter the technique fully, either the trees themselves must be destroyed completely or the target must continue to remain elevated above the dispersed pollen.”

Can you nerf this? how many times can he do this, nerf it till where it hinders the foe but doesn't knock them out till a certain number of post happen.

“Wood Release: Four-Pillar Prison Technique: The user converts energy into timber under the ground and makes it grow rapidly, while forming it into a wooden prison. The size of the prison is based on the user's imagination. From an insect cage to a great prison, one can make it into whatever they want by regulating the amount of chakra used. The timber itself is treated with a chakra coating, making its destruction extremely difficult. During war, it has the great ability to detain prisoners, but it can also be used as a disciplinary measure for quarrelling subordinates.”

hi charka. state ways to escape, or break this, how many times can he uses it per thread.

“Wood Release: Four-Pillar House Technique: By sending energy into the ground, the roots of the plants are converted into raw materials. This technique allows for a building to be constructed, by forcing accelerated growth. Just like with the Four-Pillar Prison Technique, the size and shape of the building are taken from the user's imagination or memories. By placing tags around the house, the user creates a barrier, making it impossible for the enemy to detect it and allowing the user to "camp" in peace.”

how much does this drain him. how many times, etc

“Meteorite Technique: Nagato weaves three hand seals simultaneously that activate a seal within his body, by doing so in conjunction with his Susanoo, in order to draw massive meteorites from the upper atmosphere down towards a specific location on the ground. As they descend in succession along the same trajectory, if one of these meteorites is stopped,the second collides with the first like an enormous hammer, breaking both apart and ensuring that they crash into their intended destination, causing an absolutely enormous amount of destruction. “

Remove this, too powerful, you have a lot of power already why do you even need this?


Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] XmGUKMS
Raiki
Raiki
Moderator
November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 32

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Left_bar_bleue0/0Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
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Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty Re: Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class]

Sat Jun 23, 2012 10:20 pm
moved to inactive WIP


Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] XmGUKMS
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Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Empty Re: Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class]

Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:52 pm
Nagato Tengan, Hollow King [ 0-2++][Legendary Event Class] Tumblr_mb6y32uql51qbot5oo1_500

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