Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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The Cookie
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Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue17560/99999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (17560/99999)
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Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Thu Jun 19, 2014 10:52 am
Reserving dis' nigga for me to check with the cookie's fabulousity.


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Joined : 2011-08-07
Posts : 1892
Age : 29

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue17560/99999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (17560/99999)
Tiers:

Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Fri Jun 20, 2014 4:22 am

※Check O' Meter※


Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [O]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: N/A
  • Mental Deduction: N/A
  • Pain Endurance: N/A
  • Focus: N/A


Tier: Will be given when fixed

Comments/Notes:

Kade wrote:» History: The thought to be dead daughter of Kade Hiroshima and Miyuki Asthavon it was said through the reports that she died along her mother. Somehow, Kristen survived the massacre even though the demon princess lost a lot of blood after being slashed by an iramasha assassin. It said at near death a person's life flash before their very eyes, Kristen Hiroshima started remembering everything about her past thinking it was the end. She was born in secret nobody knows what happen but an Hiroshima and an Asthavon made an agreement and then two members of that family made love an had a baby. Kristen was born after that really her father wanted to raise her within the demon world but her mother didn't want her daughter to become a fighter like her father. Miyuki thought this was too early to train the young demon yet she wanted to raise her like a human daughter yet her father agreed to this decision. Throughout her father's success of becoming a noble demon, Kristen wanted to become completely like her father a noble demon of purity and peace fighting for a worthy cause. After hearing stories of her father's success, Kristen started training on her own she wanted to become a stronger demon with an important goal the will to succeed. Some of the other demons thought Kade was a bad example for a role model but the girl had something she wanted to prove to herself to make it on her own.
FOR NOW, i am not sure if this is allowed yet or not, but for now, i would deny and ask you to redo the history, for it being the child a Hiroshima and an Asthavon, you may have to discuss about this fact with Frost about a member of an Asthavon mating with Kade Hiroshima wihout any evidence provided nor was there any thread, or any proof that such Asthavon existed, additionally, because it is a royal and a big family that has a huge influence in the Demon World, you may need someone like Frost to approve about it. And that goes the same for the 'agreement'. Otherwise, because of the reasons that the Royal Asthavon family is a major family, until you are given an approval from Frost about such things for Kristen of being a child of both an Asthavon and Hiroshima, the history will be temporarily DENIED as of now.

Deal about the history first or get a permission from Frost, then i'll go further into checking it.


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Member Info
Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue17560/99999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (17560/99999)
Tiers:

Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:02 pm

※Check O' Meter※


Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: N/A
  • Mental Deduction: N/A
  • Pain Endurance: N/A
  • Focus: N/A


Tier: Will be given when fixed

Comments/Notes:

With the history fixed, its time to get your powers sorted out.

Kade wrote:Demon-Katana Weapon Creation: Kristen actually had to sacrifice her original unholy weapon creation power of 200,000 weapons in order to make one powerful weapon. With one hand of her wave of her hand the demon can create a katana weapon. The weapon stands as a unique katana The blade won't rust because of 2,000 souls used to create it. The cast metal dragon accent is expertly placed at the throat of the shaft and is the heart of the dark allure of the katana. The weapon itself had it own zoa koa which fire energy attacks with same strength as cero or grand rey cero. The weapon signature attack is called Final Breath which eight ball of magic form circle around producing condensed energy from each ball. The ball combined at the tip of blade unleashing and fire energy beam which can hurt or damage an opponent. Yet the weapon can be destroyed from too many fucking strong attacks.
Yeahnah. Having its own Za Koa and firing energy blasts that is the same as a Cero or a Gran Rey, a huge hint of telling me that you can spam these blasts indefinitely and not even using Kristen's Za Koa at all. I am going to throughoutly tell you to fix this entire thing. Sure, for it to store its own Za Koa, how much Za Koa can it store and how many times can she fire them until it runs out? Please, don't give it something like 'It has so much Za Koa energy inside of it that it would take forever to run out' cliche'. Give something relevant, make its attacks limited, make it something that is stoppable.

Final Breath, how powerful is it? Does it have a charging time? Is it an instanteneous attack? Is there any counter against it such as if a character is a tough durability in Advanced, can the beam itself scratch him or leave a burn, or if a character has a Master strength, can he or she cut through it with sheer force? Make relevant because the firepower of this weapon is overpowered with how you describe it.

How tough is it? What ye' mean by 'strong attacks'? A strike from Kenpachi's sword or a cero? Get those fixed and i'll re-check it and see if there is more to this since it has too much flaws into it, additionally that i am checking this app in the middle of night in 2 am.


Kade wrote:Dark Fire Manipulation Powers: From accepting her new powers, Kristen has been given unique ability from her burning dark fire class powers which she can enhance even augment attacks with burning dark fire energy giving much more deadly effect. Initially this was uncontrollable, but after enhancement by some witches and other demons. Kristen can mostly control this dark flame power creating attacks and defenses from her powers, creating weapons, attacks and defenses with her burning dark flame powers. When using dark flame power, Kristen's arms can transform taking on a different characteristic when using dark flame weapons or dark fire attacks. Also Kristen's burning dark fire attacks can be defeated or counter by a stronger defense or strong energy barrier depending on the strength and defensive power of that enemy. However, Kristen's defensive powers can be weaken if her burning dark flame weapons are damaged by other stronger elemental attacks by her opponents depending on their attack strength.
Giving that it can manifest her dark flames into weapons and defenses, how big can she make a weapon with her dark flames? A size of a dagger? A size of a katana? How many times can she do such transformation? Can it be ANY weapon, from swords to projectiles, cannons and etc. Does the size, the firepower or the amount of dark fire she uses can affect how much of her spiritual energy used?

[quote"Kade"]Ultimate Blast: The trump card attack where Kristen lights a spark of energy on her index finger. Once enough energy is gathered, this spark may grow to the size of a small moon and is thrown towards the target. Typically, this attack is used to destroy many buildings or a small city or as a last-ditch effort to severely wound an opponent. When it hits something it almost like an big and massive explosion but it can be destroyed if it blasted in right in the center depending enemy's attack power or by a much stronger energy attack. However this can be charged into a much stronger attack which is called 100% Ultimate Blast which takes 3 posts to charge and the user must completely still when gathering energy for the attack. If Kristen is attacked the attack is no more which she have to do it all over again. The 100% Ultimate Blast is made when she places her hands forward as she forms a sphere of deep black energy that has another gray sphere inside it that turns black in the center and has blue electricity flowing around it. If she charges the attack for a few seconds, it seems to take on a decagon shape, but most commonly looks like a circle. Once she fires it, it leaves a shot black trail of energy behind before it hits the target, very easily causing a medium nuke-sized explosion. [Kristen needs to a far distance perhaps 1/4 mile perhaps up in the air when using this yet the move can backfired if not done properly.][/quote]
Sounds like NOBODY can stop it if it is successfuly fired and i won't accept this, considering it be medium-nuke sized plus it is almost the size of a small moon, HUGE explosive prowess, and yes, i am talking about every percentages it goes through. It doesn't seem to have a flaw where if an enemy can have a way to dodge them or a method to destroy it if they aren't 'Touma'. Should describe how the victims can use their abilities or strength to rip through it and a specific method of doing so, or can someone to rip through it as long as they have the sufficient strength or survive the ordeal if they have sufficient defenses at Master or Grand Master. Make it clear, yo'.

I'll check until here and do the rest tomorrow. Since its late in the night, i decided to use my free time to get your app check before bed. Fix these and i'll continue tomorrow.


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Joined : 2011-08-07
Posts : 1892
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Member Info
Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue17560/99999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (17560/99999)
Tiers:

Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:00 am

※Check O' Meter※


Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [O]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination:
  • Mental Deduction:
  • Pain Endurance:
  • Focus:


Tier: Will be given when fixed.
Comments/Notes:

After rechecking the app again, i found out a few extra flaws about the history that i'd wish for you to fix. Otherwise, the powers are just a few to fix with.

Kade wrote:Shadows and Soul Reapers
Kade Hiroshima was the first demon ever to make a peace deal with the captain commander and members within the soul society leading to the first Demon/Shinigami agreement. Because of some demon deals, Kade was allowed to have his own barracks and make a home within the soul society after a few missions his family left the demon world coming into seireitei grounds. Kristen was scare at first she hated the idea living with the soul reapers but after seeing what her father was dealing with the girl didn't have a choice those people seemed serious. People around the Gotei 13 had a hard time believing some demons were actually helping members with some difficult situations, Kristen felt she could help more in her new home. Her father was leading a secret organization dedicated into doing secret and special missions within the Soul society while the demon princess was helping the medical division with healing the injured. However, Kristen made some new friends among members of the ranked divisions enjoy this new life of hers even was assigned on different missions proving time and again of being a noble demon. She and her mother tried living with the fact the soul society was actually hurting Kade Hiroshima every time the demon completed a secret mission a demon would lose a member of his team. Kristen was really sadden because her father would come home badly beaten from special secret missions the soul society had for the noble demon nearly breaking his peaceful spirit. Kristen and her mother helped him get through some bad times within the noble demon's life helping the cause and always looking for the future. For decades, Kristen along her family helped members within the Soul Society with some demons and the soul reapers helping in defeating the forces of evil.

Downfall of A Demon's Dream
Some people from the Iramasha clan didn't like the help the Soul society was receiving from the demons of Kade's squad they wanted it to end the treaty. Cain Iramasha was the one who ordered the heinous assault upon Kade's family as an iramasha assassin was sent into the soul society to huntdown the member of the noble demon's family. The other members of Cain's group devised a plot against Kade Hiroshima framing the noble demon for many crimes of what the iramasha members committed. Kristen and her mother were returning from the Rukongai district and then after they settled down back their home the assassin made his move attacking both demons they tried fighting the assailant. But the assassin pulled out a knife killing Miyuki and then the bastard attacked Kristen with the knife and nearly killed her until somebody saved her from the assassin. Kristen was wounded but someone managed to leave a gigai body making the soul reapers believed both wife and daughter were killed. Kristen was unconscious and teleported into a medical facility where she receive medical care but the doctors said she was in a long term coma.

Kristen's father was framed for unheard of murders and crimes which the demon had no choice but depart from the Soul society ending the peace agreement. Kade Hiroshima lost two things that day his family and friendship of others. The dark seeds of madness started to brew within the noble demon's mind...
Woah there, m8. You're involving 'Captain Commander' here, not to mention having deals and living in Gotei 13. I'll give you a bag of NOPE there. Redo the history, because we ain't allowing this. Not to mention about Iramashas. I've never heard anyone telling this to me nor was it discussed about. So, you're going through a real fix there, because i doubted that Demons can have 'agreements' and 'live in SS'. That's a no-no.

Kade wrote:Demon Telepathy Powers: The demon princess gained the power of telepathy and telekinesis together. The female demon can use power of telepathy to talk within people's minds as another way of her voice is her voice box is damaged. However when using her telepathy powers the enemy would have to be far away not close to him or it won't work. The other power is telekinesis. Kristen's telekinetic powers to moving objects from one place to another without using physical contact. When using her telekinesis power, the item, people or attack is encased in white energy allowing the telekinesis to take effect. Which means she could stop some Kidō attacks and send them off to another direction or back to the enemy. Kristen can perhaps stop an shikai attack using her willpower and focus of her telekinesis on that attack. But bankai takes a lot of mind control to stop it can blow up in her face if not careful. When using it on stronger attacks and large weapons, Kristen can get injured too if the attack is powerful then expected. Kristen can only his telekinetic powers only about eight times because to large drain of powers it does to her spiritual power and her mind.
How many people can she use her telepath to? How far does the telepathy reach in order to communicate with a specific person?

For telekinesis, what type of attack can she use it against? Energy? Physical attacks? Projectiles? Please describe this 'shikai attack' and 'bankai attack' more, since i don't understand what do you mean by that. Can she use her telekinesis against incoming attacks or can she only manipulate things around her excluding attacks? How far can her telekinesis work since i don't expect her to manipulate something from thousands of miles away with telekinesis. How many objects can she manipulate at best?


Kade wrote:Dark Fire Manipulation Powers: From accepting her new powers, Kristen has been given unique ability from her burning dark fire class powers which she can enhance even augment attacks with burning dark fire energy giving much more deadly effect. Initially this was uncontrollable, but after enhancement by some witches and other demons. Kristen can mostly control this dark flame power creating attacks and defenses from her powers, creating weapons, attacks and defenses with her burning dark flame powers. When using dark flame power, Kristen's arms can transform taking on a different characteristic when using dark flame weapons or dark fire attacks which she can use 8 times. For crafting weapons, Kristen can make flame swords, daggers which can be 7-8 inches which can give a burning sensation when used against enemies. Also Kristen's burning dark fire attacks can be defeated or counter by a stronger defense or strong energy barrier depending on the strength and defensive power of that enemy. However, Kristen's defensive powers can be weaken if her burning dark flame weapons are damaged by other stronger elemental attacks by her opponents depending on their attack strength. When firing projectiles the girl can fire only 6 seven projectiles
[She can this power only about 6 times and she must what she wants because it can drain little of her spiritual pressure but she'll feel it]
While most of the description is accepted, i would want you to describe how long these defenses and/or weapons last when she creates them and if she were to make a multiple of these defenses or weapons, how many of them can she create at max and would it take more energy from her depending on the size of the defense or weapon that she creates?

Get 'em fixed and you're good to go.


Last edited by SouYuuki on Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:38 pm; edited 1 time in total


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Member Info
Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue17560/99999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (17560/99999)
Tiers:

Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:09 pm

※Check O' Meter※


Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Advanced
  • Mental Deduction: Adept
  • Pain Endurance: Beginner
  • Focus: Advanced


Comments/Notes: After checking it a couple of times, all is good and approved, unless i missed out anything or made a mistake in this check, other staffs can intervene and re-check this app if necessary. They also have the right to change her tier or move it to denied if it were to be abused. Now, have fun with your char.
Tier: 3-1++


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Henrex
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Posts : 4404
Age : 23

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Left_bar_bleue419100/999999Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty_bar_bleue  (419100/999999)
Tiers:

Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++] Empty Re: Kristen Hiroshima [APPROVED, 3-1++]

Sun Jan 15, 2017 7:11 pm
[mod]Moving to inactive. Post in the link provided below to have these moved back to the right section.

https://www.platinumhearts.net/t9712-the-staff-request-thread-for-moves-archives-locking-or-whatever-else-you-need-staff-for[/mod]
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