Explanation of my activity

So I've talked with a few people around as to why my activity has been so low of lately. It's not because I'm busy, it's not because I don't want to do things - to sum it all up, it's just my mental state. I've had no care nor drive to do anything site relate, whether this be my admin duties or roleplaying, as I already owe a few people posts as it is; and have been kicked from threads as a result. I still want to write, but I feel battling with a mental state that constantly throws you off the cliff doesn't help.

I don't need a pep talk about my emotions or how they're going, I've done that with Frost, Kake and a few others already. Rather I just want to find... a purpose again to roleplay, I guess. Because as it stands right now, all I'm thinking is "it's pointless" or "I don't care...", which is driving me closer and closer to the idea of just going to my solo writing. I've been tossing up the idea of quitting RP, but I don't think that's really an option for me right now, and even if I did, I'd still be in the chat with you guys everyday. So I don't know, I guess this is just to fill everyone in on why I might have been inactive the past few months or so.

Tl;dr: Mental state is fucking me up and I don't really see a purpose in RPing any more, but don't want to quit.

So, yeah. It's not really a case of me wanting it, it's just... there. It's no excuse for neglecting it, but it's there none the less.