He saw that reaction telling him she was obviously familiar with Ulv. Takehiko didn't know about the direction or anything beyond that. But his frame laid back on the ground now deciding to just remain there as he talked. " I found the guy she wanted, it's frustrating still. He wanted three hundred flash steps.."
His hand fell over his eyes as he felt simple frustration at his weakness. But what would strength get him if anything else? Jaeden was right about one very important factor. He was a kid and that was it he'd not seen the world they had. His uncle hadn't even begun to showcase his skills to him. Byakuya was busy on political matters and defending the Gotei. "I only could do 20, even that felt like my body was gonna implode. "
He said softly thinking back tot hat pain of rising and falling. Of realizing just how far away his goal had been. When he thought he'd been at the starting line to see it yanked away. It was pitiful as slowly streaks dripped down his cheeks.
Hiding that beneath his arm he'd not been one for tears often. But Takehiko felt so helpless at this world. So bitter that his starting line was so far away. But he realized many things at so much. Even if he got stronger it wouldn't fill that void left by his uncle. Being faster to save his mother and father wasn't possible for him. They died gruesome horrible deaths at the hands of Kiriel Asthavon. So what was his purpose to be if not that? Did he have a reason for bringing his sword up for killing himself with that attempt almost? Takehiko didn't know really what to make of any of it. "Mom and dad died, Kiriel Asthavon killed them along with most of my kin on the Unabara side of things. "
If one stopped and analyzed it he was sure they'd see he was running from his problems. Running to try and help other people avoid that outcome in the end. He wanted to save people so badly and be stronger. Crying didn't help at all in this situation he knew it.
He'd not been allowed to mourn or even breath for a while. Before he was left at the Kuchiki and treated like a precious item. Never showing weakness or allowing himself to feel the slightest bit of emotion. Takehiko didn't know why he was telling her this. "My...journey?"
He said thinking about why it had come to this point. Why was Arianda the one who had to deal with his tears? Why did he have to cry and do so before her? This wasn't how nobles acted but in truth, he was but a child. Two hundred years old trying to find answers that just didn't exist. Why would never be answered since Kiriel was war incarnate? One seeking to have a good time with that Quincy. Did he go join the Gotei and seek a purpose in that line of work? Like many Kuchiki before him as he glanced at his zanpakuto staring at it. Maybe, in the end, his purpose was to unlock this thing and see what it brought. Frustration bubbling up had not been an issue for him as he finally just broke under it all. "I can't hate anyone for it, hating Kiriel wouldn't bring Mom back or dad. Their gone and now the Kuchiki and he are my only tie left to them. This starting line Jaeden spoke of..is so frustrating."
Takehiko understood that dying wouldn't bring them back. He did as he remained still on the ground with his arm over his eyes. This had taken a rather sudden turn where he simply cracked under it all. Arianda was seeing a much more exposed person under the layers of it. She was getting to see the way he'd begun this journey and speed was his interest. The scars left by demonic hands on his heart. Yet he held Arianda of no blame nor the demons. He couldn't fault them for being themselves. His breathing slowed as he let out a single sentence now. "To find..my purpose..that is my journey...beyond just the hoho and training...I must know..what is my purpose."
He said softly beneath his arms as the warm water trickled across his cheeks to the ground.
Never got around to talking about Ulv as he'd had that emotional crack before that. Takehiko merely left his words on the air so she could understand.