All Memories are Dark [Hisana/Rukia]

She didn't really arrive in the rukonagi proper. IT was some random section of ruined housing, the small smattering of undeveloped, un-restored section that she had emerged in the far outter sections of the Rukongai. But all the same, there WAS that dull ripple of garganta energy, before the path behind her had sealed itself, and she found herself staring out into the open blue skies. For just one moment, she was taken back by the smell and the look to the skies above. Bruefly..... overwhelmed by something familiar. It wasn't like before, where she simply felt a menagerie of sensations and memories. These were so ...incredibly clear. It was startling to say the least. Her veil was up, her spiritual pressure just a simple radiation of human spiritual energy, but still distinctly her own. At least.... in that moment.

And then she started walking. Walking toward the STRONG spirits she could smell off in the distance. Strong....and....something else. There was so many of them it was hard to place the emotion that was being triggered from the scent. But she started walking toward the Seireitei all the same. Her eyes fixed forward as something bubbled to the surface of her mind.

She was looking for something....wasn't she? She didn't know what, but for some reason, she NEEDED to find something.

So she kept walking.

She could feel it. That strange....single feeling. A slow bloom of warmth in her chest as she found herself walking a bit more quickly, her eyes wide as she felt....something. That thing that she had been following, it drew closer and closer, until finally she was almost in a full jog. And then.... she turned a corner, feeling that sensation suddenly shift, and she came to a stop...looking around and frowning. Trying to make sense of what she was feeling... not quite .... able to understand what sensations she held in this... it was far too close, she couldn't sense a proper direction, or rather.... maybe just being so close threw her off.

But that voice cut through the confusion.

Hisana turned to look over her shoulder. And there she was. A face.....that was...... different. But something that resonated so incredibly differently to her core. Her heart....racing in her chest as she felt something.....course through her.
"Rukia...." She managed to whisper softly. She didn't know where that name had came from. In much the same way she hadn't known when she had first felt it four hundred years ago.

"I uhm.....wh...who are....you?" She seemed confused, despite having literally just said the woman's name just an instant before, something ...SHUT that connection down, as if she had never spoken it. And something....coiled inside of her. Something....dark....ugly in her heart. something painful. "My name is Hisana I.....I was looking for something. Was.....ae you...who I'm looking for?" She asked, struggling, as a miasma of other memories attempted to bubble up. Trying to DROWN the memories connected. Consciously, she wasn't able to connect the dots. But almost instantly, the sight of Rukia's face woke up memories.

Memories of Guilt.
Memories the rest of her soul was trying to bury. But could it hold out?

"Rukia....." She could feel it. The edges of her psyche slowly twisting, sharpening, prying apart into curling twisted sharp edges of glass. The cracks slowly slithering deeper and deeper. Rukia Rukia Rukia......

She slowly reached up, and felt those cracks slowly beginning to bleed. Not blood... but memories. Slowly at first, just the barest silhouette, one that matched the very woman infront of her. As she .....struggled. "I'm looking.... I I've been looking...for so long." She groaned, her face twisting into a mask of .....slowly growing pain. That visage slowly coming into focus..... until she remembered. The very face of the woman standing before her. The very soul she'd felt in Las Noches. Those cracks deepened.....and slowly the memories began to come faster and faster.

"No......I was lost...." She whispered, eyes slowly widening. Her pupils slowly narrowing in fear. The rushing memories of herself. Fighting through the sands. Struggling to break her way into Las Noches as the hollows swarmed in. But it was so much further back than that. She remembered being sick. She remembered the sadness in her heart as she had to rely on a man whose love she couldn't return. All....for what? For Rukia. but it was more than that. This wasn't just some....woman. there was something else. A REASON for her endless searching. Her hands slowly shifted from her temples....down to her chest....clutching her heart as she sorted through it all.

Fervent. Terrified searching. District by District. As if her life depended on it. Searching tirelessly, until she had to be dragged back to the mansion.

Because of her Guilt.

The tears were sudden and sharp on the edges of her vision.
Her memory finally bubbling to the surface. As she finally remembered. The memory of that tiny Baby..... on the ground. And the fear and sorrow in her heart......as she turned her back to it.

And Ran.

Those eyes welled, tears now flowing freely,. Her eyes darted up, to look at the grown woman before her.
"I'm sorry....."
The words came out unbidden. and SAYING them....hurt so much more than keeping them inside. And slowly, all of those other memories came into perspective....and only twisted the pain inside.
"I'm so sorry Rukia..... I...I tried to find you." She managed to Choke out as she ......reached up.... but couldn't even bear to extend her hand....shame weighing her down as she let the hand return to her own chest... as she slowly sank down to her knees. AS the Guilt bore down on her. The Guilt of fear. The Guilt of failing to find her. The guilt of living such a warm.....comfortable life. The guilt of abandoning her in the first place. For her own selfish life.