Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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Ræn
Ræn
Pimp Cloak
Joined : 2010-08-29
Posts : 1420
Location : A place

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Scorpion Left_bar_bleue0/0Scorpion Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Scorpion Empty Re: Scorpion

Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:03 pm
Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [O](I am certain you just took it out of a wiki, IE the words "game's protagonists")
  • History is of appropriate length [O](Same thing with the history)
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Comments/Notes:I see that you're trying to bring in a character from Mortal Kombat, but please don't just rip off the personality and history from a wiki. The history does not fit in with the site's story at all. You cannot include the canon history here, without heavy modifications, sorry. Be creative and make a history that would fit into the site, like whether or not he is affiliated with Demon World, or if he serves under Sin Fall. Same thing applies for the personality. Even if that is scorpion's personality, you need to remove all references from the canon.

Secondly, the powers are just too vague, and require plenty more detail. How many phantom blades are made in a single attack? How strong are the phantom blades? Is there any way to stop them? How can the hellfire be stopped? How much of it can he conjure? how powerful is the hellfire? How fast does the spear move? How long is it? How many spears can be thrown at once? How fast is the teleporting punch? does he or does he NOT teleport in a burst of fire? Don't include "in other dimensions" for this. Exactly how much damage does the lightning do? How effective is the lightening at controlling machinery? How much machinery can be controlled at once? Exactly how large is the chain lightening storm, and how much is the collateral damage? EXPLAIN MORE
Overall, this app is denied.

PLEASE TRY AGAIN
Tier:N/A


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Portaliya
Portaliya
Experienced Member
TOTM November 2011
Joined : 2011-03-31
Posts : 962
Age : 27
Location : England

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Scorpion Left_bar_bleue20/100Scorpion Empty_bar_bleue  (20/100)
Tiers:

Scorpion Empty Re: Scorpion

Thu Apr 21, 2011 6:48 pm
Moved to denied apps.
Hayuko
Hayuko
Bearer Of Hell
Joined : 2010-06-19
Posts : 714
Age : 28
Location : United States

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Scorpion Left_bar_bleue15/100Scorpion Empty_bar_bleue  (15/100)
Tiers:

Scorpion Empty Re: Scorpion

Wed Jul 20, 2011 8:22 pm
~Archived~
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