Pockeh has left the building.

Thank you guys for *everything*
You've been such a huge help.
but I can't do this anymore.
Any of this.
I'm so sick.
and tired.
of everything.
and i'm done.
I'm gone.
So my site persona, and all that come with that, are forfeit.
I suppose my characters can go to adoption.
I love you guys.
I'll catchya on the other side, alright?

Your stuff will be put on hold and so on. Because you better damn well come back rather than disappear at the drop of a hat. When you come back and if you need an ear, you know I got one to lend. Take whatever time you need to get your life out of the shitter, but that better be what you do and not the alternative. Cause if you jump to the other side early, know that when I get there I will kick you motherfucking ass every day of every week of every month of every year from now till the end of time.

The bear has spoken.

Mason, I really hope you didn't do what everyone else is saying happened bro.. You're a brother to me and if you did.. You will be missed..

Mason.

I know you probably never liked me. But.... I'l miss you. Don't worry up there okay? We'll be here to help Sakuya and eachother through it all. I hope this is a joke, I pray it is. I pray you'll post here, saying you are back and you've found a new resolve.

If its not, may God forever protect you in his great and holy Kingdom above. I wish your soul eternal peace and love. I pray for you and my mother does as well.

For a man who held out as long as he could and gavee his life everything he was able,

Mason.

Rest In Peace.
May your Platinum Heart forever be remembered as an amazing person.


Your friend who wishes he would have got to know you more,
Kanda or Ian.

No.

I refuse to accept this. Pure and simple.

Just come back Mason.

Goodbye man..

We'll miss you... I'll never forget you.

RIP

Since you didn't do what everyone seems to think you did (never underestimate my gut feelings), I have some words for you.
Sadly, you won't read this.
Sadly, you most likely won't come back, but let me say something to you:
You are a damn good brotherly figure, and I'm goin' to miss you and having you as an ear to shout into.

However, I'm still fucking pissed at you.
When/if you do come back, you're getting a fucking kick to the face for making 99% of the site scared.

^ Gonna have to go with what Tsubine said.

You probably won't read this.

However, I won't live with it unsaid.

I loved you.


I am but a simple person : I want to make those I love happy. I want to make everyone happy, but you knew that. You also knew that I trusted you : that my honest to love trust, is the hardest thing to come by. You knew why : you understood why. From my mother to those two, to what I've had to go through and change. I told you everything over time, and I felt happy. Comfortable. Your gentle support and light prying when you needed to push helped me. I'm more open, and then I was able to take a step further and open up even more.

To be more then honest, I'm shattered. I'm completely shattered.

The only virtue I cling to right now is the simple fact that I am not alone, that I trust others. And even though I want to trust others, I feel like it's not worth it. All of the positive reinforcements : all that time in making sure I didn't go off and hurt myself [I punched the oak table a good 3-4 time, and even scratched my arm with a knife before I realized how deep end I was going. And for the first time, I asked, and sought for, help. With my pride, that's the hardest thing to do.] but yet, one moment, one unexplained thing, shattered that.

I needed you, because I trusted you. And I am filled with questions and self-doubt now. These last few days, I haven't been able to truly smile from the bottom of my heart [though I came close a few times. They were sincere smiles, but a part of me still hurt.] I keep shifting between binge eating, and then not eating. I'm barely keeping a decent sleep schedule and well.. I'm barely myself sometimes. I've even told my mother I'm not seeing her this week because of this.

And sometimes, I hate you.

I hate you so much I feel It boiling inside of me. It wants to come out and eat you : It wants to see you broken and dead, and laugh about it. It keeps whispering to me lies and deceit : but I understand you're human. It just wants to hurt you. Because It is just a rutheless thing, that if I ever dare let go, It will kill and It will take over. And then I'll be gone.

I once questioned where am I disapearing to? But I had no answer, because I wasn't disapearing : I was just distant. And I knew that. So I never expanded on the question.

Where am I disapearing to?

In grief. In almost hate.

There are few things that will truly, ever truly hurt me. You knew that. I told you that. And .. you just did it. For what? I can only speculate. But if us, no, I, was worth throwing away? Was it worth it? Was it? I hope it FUCKING was.

Because I will never
never

EVER

Forgive you.

You crossed my line, and not only that.. you HURT those I love.

You are no better then Andre.

After all, this seems just like being taken advantage of. and I swore never again.

I was played like a fool.

But.. what's done to me matters little. You HURT those I love.

I still WON'T forgive you.

No matter how much I may love you.


May light fill your path to a redemption, and that failing that, your own sins drag you through your folly.
-- Angel