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 What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]

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Subject Post 1PostSubject: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sat Oct 21, 2017 5:39 pm



[PLAY POSTING MUSIC]




ENTER THE DEPTHS

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What did it feel like? How did it feel? In the end, was it all worth it? Do you have any regrets? At the end of the day, would you have changed anything?

These were the thoughts that went through the groggy mind of the girl known as Ceal as she woke up. She had woken up quite early today, though it was true that this day was special. To be truthful, she had been up for several moments already, not wanting and perhaps unwilling to move. She was afraid to move because the one next to her, still asleep most likely, was that one. And by that, she had meant her beloved wolf. Her mistress, her owner. Ceal had wanted to also believe her to be her lover, but... that was a complicated situation that had not been truly explored yet. She knew there was another, she knew that somewhere else, there was one that truly had Mirja's heart. To be honest, the girl didn't know what to think about this. She had allowed her happiness to overwhelm her, she allowed herself to get carried away again with this one. The one that treated her most like what she wanted, what she needed. But... Did Ceal ever stop to ask her if she wanted this? She she ever consider that maybe Mirja only did this for her benefit? How did that Wolf truly feel about her anyway?

Her mind flashed back to their bloody reunion some weeks ago, in such a time that Ceal was so overcome with the grief of abandonment and desolation that she nearly put Mirja six feet under. She was confused then, just as she was confused now.


What am I to her....?

The thought filled her mind even as she was trying to avoid thinking about it. She didn't want to think about such an uncomfortable subject, such an uncertain territory between them. Sure she was here and somehow managed to score a several weeks long training session as she was preparing herself to learn Tai Chi, but... for what?

Ceal said she'd be her guard dog, she said she'd be the steed to carry her to safety, to battle, to wherever in this existence she needed to be, but... Did Mirja even want that? Were Ceal's feelings for her enough to sway her from whatever cold hard truth of a conclusion that was at the stage of all this? Could Ceal even handle it? How would the girl react if Mirja did not love her as much as Ceal loved her?

Pulling the covers up to mouth, she forcibly tried to slow her breathing before she started to hyperventilate. She didn't know why she was feeling this bad today. Maybe it was the demonic influence that was forcing Ceal into negative thoughts, maybe it was just all in her head, maybe it “was” true and she would lose her again.

...If that's true, what'll I do? Mirja... I really do love you, you know

Was she nuts, was it merely obsession and nothing more? Was Ceal just fawning over something unhealthy because of the principle of it alone? Could it be that she wasn't in love with Mirja at all but simply the “idea” of Mirja? That couldn't be it, right? Ceal loved what she loved, and she knew what she loved and she loved it because she wanted to. That is what she wanted to believe in, what she needed to believe in.

With a long, drawn out sigh, Ceal decided that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so she got up. She carefully moved out of the bed and replaced the blankets without disturbing the wonderful wolf as best she could. She may have gotten up super early, but today was nevertheless a big day for Ceal. She was going to -for the first time since the sauna- be visiting Ci Tsu Lan, a Tai Chi practictioner and an acquaintance of Mirja's. She was such an imposing figure that just the thought of it would send shivers down Ceal's back as she made it to the kitchen of the house, though she didn't know what exactly she was doing in here anyway short of making her small cup of warm tea.

With slow and sluggish movements, she took her tea and sat in the living room. It was still dark outside, the Sun hadn't even thought of rising yet. Ceal didn't bother to turn the lights on, merely just sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, her knees curled up as she gently blew on her cup of Chai, heavily sweetened, just the way she liked it.

Perhaps the cup would serve to calm her down. Lord knew that the smell alone could be considered aromatheraputic anyway. She tried her best to clear her head of all of the insecurities she had, all of the built up anxieties and negative feelings but it was just no use. The best way she knew how to handle her thoughts was by busying herself, doing this, cleaning that, serving this. She wanted to make Mirja breakfast, but Mirja had made it clear that she was not to make or prepare any food. Doing so would invoke a heavy punishment, and though Ceal wanted to test that, she respected Mirja's wish enough that she allowed it to be. Besides, her food was delicious anyway.

”Oh, what am I getting all sad over for? Today's the big day! Right? Heh...”


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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:29 pm

Mirja found it cute that Ceal was putting such work into not waking Mirja up. Those were the kind of feels that got the most attention from the Wolf, the little things that needed nothing any meant everything. But, there was someone else in the house today, so she would sleep, and Ceal would come to grips with herself or lose it and become something else entirely. So she slept, hogging the bed now that Ceal had gone, sprawling out dramatically in the way of her Fox's absence.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Madam Tsu




Ci Lan Tsu






Like Mirja had thought to herself, the house was indeed with another guest. A guest that seemed hard to spot until you were sharp as a vorpal blade, like Mirja was.
"Indeed. It is a big day for you, Ceal. I was surprised to be called over, but I oblige my friends, because that is how they stay friends" Ci Lan Tsu spoke. In the dark, and with Ceal's mind on practically everything that wasn't who was in the house with her, it would seem like she had come out of nowhere. And then, there was a soft nail across her shoulderblade, playing with her tattoos. The horrifically good feeling erupted inside Ceal, reminding her of what happened last time Madam Tsu played with Ceal's tattoo. But then she was pulled up, and turned around, made to face the beautiful woman.

And facing her, was terrifying. She shone, like the Sun Itself. The room was lit up in her presence, as if every lightswitch in the world had been flicked on at the same time and focused on Madam Tsu's body.
"Hmm, she seems confident that you are more than the mewling piss-brat that last came before me" Madam Tsu's hands stroked Ceal's chest, playing with her like she was a toy. And then a palm snapped across her chest, knocking her off her feet. It felt like it knocked something else out, but the feeling was far to abstract to put a finger on. Plus, there were other issues right now. Like that fact that Mirja was stood in the kitchen, having flicked the light switch on, and literally, actually, stood in the kitchen. No chair, just legs.

"Moment of madness, calling you down here, Ci. I honestly don't know why I wanted you to waste your time on a monouse Doll like this one"

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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 1:29 pm



[PLAY POSTING MUSIC]




ENTER THE DEPTHS

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A


Trying to psyche herself up and nearly failing completely, Ceal got up and smacked her cheeks. What was left of her cup of tea was placed on the table beside her chairand she looked into the darkness of the room. Her mind was swimming with all of these possibilities in her head, all of these anxieties and insecurities. She did her best to will them away with only a mediocre measure of success. She would do this. She didn't train this hard for two weeks only because Mirja had wanted her to. She was doing this for herself to, for what she wanted to do!

With a face of full on determination despite her inner feelings, she went to go flip the light switch on. She didn't even make it one step before the voice of another rang out from the room. It was distantly familiar, and it took Ceal a few moments to guess based on context that it was Madam Tsu's voice.

With a sharp gasp and a tensed figure, her tattoos flared up with an agonizing pleasure, a lovely burning that wafted cross her shoulder blades and almost made Ceal cry out on surprise alone. It was so good, so... terrifyingly pleasurable that to the point of overwhelming. Ceal did not let this be known though, aside from a small and very brief shudder that escaped her self control. Then, as quickly as it came, it was done. It was over and Ceal was spun around to face the glowing and golden woman. She was right to place this woman as a woman of presence. Her very aura demanded respect, forcing Ceal to squint at the sudden brightness. Her demonic eyes more sensitive than usual as they'd grown accustomed to the darkness.

With something of a flinch, her gaze averted from the harsh light. With a teasing, tantalizing touch, the Woman had decided fit to play around on Ceal's chest, she couldn't help but feel like this was a mocking gesture just to get Ceal all riled up. It might have worked on her before Ceal had seen the true cruelty of Ci, but this time it did nothing but irritate her. Still, Ceal would not be able to respond to that as Ci's palm retracted and came back, smacking straight into her torso with exceptional force. It's effect was bewildering, confusing and powerful. It's effects resounded within her as she flew from Ci Lan Tsu's grasp. Just before this, the woman had spoken to her, about why she was here, as if reading Ceal's mind. Ceal did not have time to reply though, having been sent in a backwards falling motion, momentarily blinded by that light. How could someone shine that brightly anyway?

With a subtle refusal, with silent defiance, Ceal would not let herself fall to her back. No, instead she jerked herself, spinning around as she fell, positioning herself to place a hand on the ground. Only a slight hint of Ceal using anything other than her own physical strength to create such an act as she pushed off with her hand, landing in the corner of the room merely inches away from the wall. With a small huff of exertion and her other hand grasping at her chest where she was struck, she looked at the direction Ci should be standing. She couldn't see her since she was blinded due to that harsh light, but she could sense her well no. The woman no longer seemed to be trying to mask her presence.

”....Good morning, Madam.”

Ceal's voice was terse, not quite sarcastic, but clearly Ceal's own mental state made her greeting less than the usual bubbly and friendly that was trademarked by the girl. Of course she also wasn't a huge fan of being stricken so early in the morning. She hadn't even been able to finish her tea. Ceal was still tense, ready to fight or flee as a natural function of the human mind and body. Madam Tsu's own words were less than inviting too, calling Ceal a “Mewling piss-brat”

”I won't claim to know much of british slang. But I would take it that is less than ideal to be called such. Out of respect for her -and for you- I will not state how that comment makes me feel, nor of my opinion and how it may change how I perceive this session, but it seems like I am alr-”

Ceal was interrupted by a voice, and the sound of a light switch being flicked on. Mirja had spoken from the doorway leading to the kitchen, but there was something off about it. There was something off but Ceal could not place it. Sure, she was preoccupied by Madam Tsu, but she had not heard the usual sounds of the wheelchair that her beloved wolf used. She hadn't heard them and her voice appeared to come from a higher level than before. Was it... could it be that she was standing? She was stand and even then, what came out of her mouth.

It was as if all of the insecurities roiling inside of the girl had came true at the same time. That all of them had been affirmed by the hateful and dismissive words that came from the Wolf. Said in her voice, said in her tone, her own way. Ceal couldn't help but grasp at her chest with redoubled fervor, her teeth grinding together in something of a wince as her face contorted into one of subtle anguish, subtle grief at the sound of those words.

Of course her reaction was a knee-jerk reaction, one of first contact. The more she had thought about this situation, the most she considered it in her head, and the longer she thought about it. Something felt wrong, something didn't add up at all.

”If you came here for me, Madam. Please, let us begin. I do not want to waste your time any longer.

It took a lot of restraint, a lot of will power to completely (or at least seemingly completely) Ignore the words that had came from the Mirja in the kitchen. They weighed heavy on her heart, but her face didn't even show a fraction of that as she bowed low to the woman in front of her. Swallowing back every bit of her anger, resentment, hurt and pain. At least the girl was smart enough to know how to proceed.




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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 2:34 pm


Madam Tsu




Ci Lan Tsu




Mirja walked across the room, to the fridge, that was opened and some breakfast made last night for the morning was pulled out. Mostly meat, which Mirja then proceeded to eat without warming it up. She was a Wolf. Once she had eaten a raw deer, and found it too messy for her liking, but rather decent none the less, so she never really cared how hot or cold something like this was. She just ate it. And while she ate, she stared at Ceal. And then cast her eyes back to Tsu.

"Honestly, if you want to take her and have her in your camp, you are free to do that. The girl was an interesting plaything back in Singapore, but now she is just too clingly. Too obsessive. I can't handle with a slut like that wanting to be everything while I'm dating Niflheim. So you can have her. Or not, but she's getting kicked out either way, and I tohught your camp could benefit from another thrall" Mirja's words were disturbing, and not just their content. There was nothing to them. No anger, to despair, or venom. She spoke as if she was speaking about the cup of tea she was probably going to make in a few minutes.

"She tried to kill me because she loved me so much. And that's a little too crazy for me. Third hand pets are hard, so you'll get her for free. Also, whore on the side, aye? Arianda had her first, and that sex crazed Demon girl couldn't keep her happy. So let the guys vent their stress in her and you might satisfy her if they do it every day. And all of them do it" she said, and then finally Madam Tsu locked eyes with Ceal.



"It seems you are being abandoned, little Fox. How sad for you"

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Subject Post 5PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 3:39 pm



[PLAY POSTING MUSIC]




ENTER THE DEPTHS

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It was hard to tell if Ceal was going to be able to see soon, but it was safe to say she had not recovered yet, her vision being blotted out while her eyes tried to process what the hell that light did to themselves. Since she couldn't see, she simply just kept her eyes closed, trying to calm herself after addressing Tsu and requesting that whatever was going to happened here needed to happen now. She wasn't demanding of it, she was just merely... compliant, ready to go so to speak.

Ceal tentatively listened as Mirja moved about the kitchen just next to them. Her fox ears followed the sounds of the moment with keen hearing. She tried to listen, tried to find something that seemed off. She was indeed walking, she heard the footsteps, she.. couldn't have been keeping that from her this whole time right? What was exactly happening here? She racked her brain for it over and over again. She wanted to find a meaning to all this.

Ceal merely thought this was supposed to be more training to unlock her Dantian, and subsequently delve into the art of Tai Chi. It was a martial are so imposing, so powerful, that the users of such a discipline felt like they defied the laws of physics, laws of physics with their mere strength alone. It was amazing to say the least, but that... was not something Ceal needed to think about here.

A frown appeared on Ceal's face as Mirja began to speak again. Ceal resigned herself to just stand there and listen to her speak. Her voice was flat, lacking any inflection at all as it spoke about Ceal with such horrible content. Ceal took a deep, controlled breath as she couldn't help but react to such derogatory words. Just how much of this could she take? She had been so worried about this, she would rather have had any other thing happen, any other negative feeling enter. But... not this. This, it was too much, too quickly. Ceal didn't even have the time to think about it objectively, her mind unable to properly feel the right emotions about it out of pure shock.

Instead, her head lowered just a bit, her fingers nervously interlocking in front of her. Mirja spoke about how she was done with her, about how she'd become too clingy, too sexual, too wanting and too needy. But, what did this all mean?! What was it all for? Why would you do this, if not for love? How could you bring someone so down, wrap them so thoroughly around your finger only to pull them off and throw them into the trash? How could anyone be so heartless? Ceal might be overly naive but this... this was too much. It was too much to handle at one time that she even stopped trying to search for something to be off. She didn't even have the willpower to allow denial to set into her heart.

Ceal had thought she was getting better. Ceal thought she made it clear what Mirja meant to her, she had done all of this because she wanted to! This was the path she had wanted to take! That was made clear when she almost killed Mirja, but she didn't. Even with all of the demonic negatives inside of her, the unstable mentality that came from being broken by the seal, broken by the queens of darkness, even after all of that. Ceal remained, she remained and -mostly- herself every time. That's just who she was, she forgave, she loved. She wanted the people she cared about to be happy. She wanted Mirja to be happy most of all. But she never, ever, knew what that wolf was thinking, how she appeared to her, if she was a burden to her or not. She never knew.

Ceal simply stood there for a long time after Mirja was done. It pretty much contained everything Ceal had been up to this past year to some degree, though not all of it. She was at least wrong about one thing though. Arianda was not her first, nor was it the sex of lack thereof that Ceal didn't like from Arianda. She loved her, but not like that. Not like Mirja. And aside from that, there was no way that Ceal was too crazy for Mirja, she was pretty crazy herself. There were so many flaws in her speech, so many inconsistencies that Ceal picked at. Maybe she was searching, maybe she was grasping for something in her denial.

”...It's nothing new. Madam Tsu, please... If we are to leave, can it be now?”



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Subject Post 6PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 3:55 pm


Madam Tsu




Ci Lan Tsu




Madam Tsu cocked an eyebrow towards Ceal as she spoke, shor and sweet. Nothing new, and then she wanted to leave. Hearing that she was getting kicked out, hearing that she was getting given to another and not offering a word of complaint towards it. The lack of reaction was certainly strange, given what Madam Tsu had seen from Ceal in the past. But she wasn't going to pass up another girl to work the stands and feed to the men when they needed it. And of course Tsu herself, liked to cuddle with well bound cuties at the end of the day.

"It seems this one is less obsessed with you than I thought, Mirja. Just jumping ship to another when you decide it is time to be rid of such a cling-on" Madam Tsu grasped Ceal's chin and dragged it up to look in the woman's eyes. The shining was gone, and there was just a soft smile. "You have gone from owner to owner, haven't you? Passed from pillar to post. I'll keep you on for a few weeks till I can sell you off. A beauty like you would make quite the fortune" She then nodded and gestured for Ceal to follow. The uncaring sow would probably just leave without anything to Mirja, who was still eating. And staring at Ceal with what someone could - with sufficent imagination - call anticipation.

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Subject Post 7PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 4:12 pm



[PLAY POSTING MUSIC]




ENTER THE DEPTHS

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When Ceal's chin was risen up and Tsu would look into her eyes, she would likely see nothing. The emerald green of her eyes dull, like dead leaves. They would be focused on nothing, on no one. She still couldn't see after all. Perhaps the woman didn't know just how sensitive her eyes were to such a jarring brightness, her vision might be gone for hours, though mere minutes were possible too, but that was besides the point. What was important was her expression. It was lifeless, stone faced. Ceal was trying with all of her strength to not show weakness, and this happened to be the way she could do it.

”That's not it,” Ceal spoke, her voice strained as if she was fighting hard to hold back her emotions welling up inside. ”If I leave, now. It would not be because I want to. It would not be because someone threw me out again, even though I have no right to refuse that should it be the case. Me leaving now is because we had planned this. You, here. Me training to become stronger. I still have something close to me that I want to protect,” She said, looking up at the woman with unseeing eyes, only seeing the outline of her spiritual presence. ”I do not wish to go with you if I am just to be sold off again. I'm sorry Madam, there is something more important to me than being a shameless whore, moving from owner to owner,”

Even as she said that and Tsu had turned, walking out and beckoning Ceal to come, Ceal herself didn't move. She just looked towards the direction she heard her footsteps going.

”If I leave now, it is because I am going to become a Tai Chi user” She said, keenly listening to the room around her. ”Mirja, your breath is... irregular, are you uneasy? Were you worried that your words weren't enough? That they didn't cut me deeper than any blade ever could? Do not worry, they hurt far worse than that. But I will take them, if it is your wish. You should know by now anyway that I love the pain,”

With that, Ceal slowly walked towards the door, furiously holding back her crumpling emotional state.



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Subject Post 8PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:19 pm


Madam Tsu




Ci Lan Tsu




Mirja stared on as Ceal spoke, and cocked an eyebrow as there was little reaction. Maybe she was just in stupid denal? Such would be irritating if she was. Why couldn't the blonde bint just accept the fact already and react rather than just...this. It was all so very vexing for her.
"Honestly, I hope this is all just posturing to avoid thinking about how you really feels. Because if this is actually your thoughts then....wow. I thought you were a dellusional psychopath before, but this just tops it, slutling. I've seen a lot and been through a lot, and through it all, you are the biggest, most amazing case I have ever seen" She then giggled darkly, her face split with a grin. "You truly amuse me, you bundle of disjointed neurosis" Mirja laughed a bit more, put her plate in the sink, and then walked off elsewhere, before popping her head back around the wall. "Also the breathing was not what you think. They are Kokori breathing exercises. Warm-up in a can" She then left again. And Ceal was left to the stares of Madam Tsu. Which were pretty terrifying when she wanted them to be.

"Where did they dig you up from? Seriously, I've never seen anything like you and I have seen a lot. Still, it seems you have no complaint about getting kicked out and never returning, so let's get this on the road. Who knows. If you impress me, you might just earn the right to stay with me instead of being sold off to someone else"

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Subject Post 9PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 6:17 pm



[PLAY POSTING MUSIC]




ENTER THE DEPTHS

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”What is so wrong with how I feel? I don't understand it at all, I just... don't.”

She whispered, quickly losing the ability to talk with a full voice, her chest clenching in on her like a cage of nails, feeling her heart being crushed. She couldn't stop the tears even as they fell, wetting her cheeks as they cascaded down her pink face. She didn't know what to do in this moment. She tried being strong, for all that did for her. She tried to bear this, hoping it was all some delusion, but... with each passing moment it felt more real to her than before.

With her fists clenched up, her face contorted with pain, and her body trembling from all of it, she didn't move. Even as Tsu suggested they leave, she didn't move.

”What am I “supposed” to do, Tsu? If she no longer wants me here, if all of the times I've shared were her were somehow emboldened by only my own delusions, what else can I do?! All of the times we've shared, all the feelings I've felt... What were they all for?!

Of course I don't want to leave forever, of course I want to stay here with Mirja, the one whom I love most. That is what I wanted! Why can't that be enough? Is it wrong, for me to love her like I do? Is that not a human to do? To find someone you like, that you begin to love, that you can't help but love? Even as they cast you out onto another, is it impossible to still love them even then?”


Again she would grit her teeth as she tried her beast to bear the pain, to feel the lacerations upon her soul begin to bleed, emotions flooding out of the cage she tried to put them in. Mirja was gone now, in another room or something. She was so clear, so ready to get rid of her, it's not like she wanted it but what choice did she have.

”...What other choice do I have?!”

She screamed out, unable to hold herself any longer. What was it that Mirja wanted for her, what was it that Tsu saw in her? Why did any of that even matter to how Ceal felt at all anyway?



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Subject Post 10PostSubject: Re: What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]   Sun Oct 22, 2017 7:10 pm


Madam Tsu




Ci Lan Tsu




Madam Tsu watched as Ceal finally broke down and started screaming. If only she had done that in the first place, they could have saved themselves all this mess. But no, she had to go and do that holding up and being strong and noble and bollocks for whatever reason went through her strange, wonky ass head of hers. Madam Tsu never could understand people like Ceal, but at least now there was something she could understand. She let the girl scream herself out, and then stood in front of her, breasts jutted out and entire body looming over head.

"Such a poor thing, you never were taught anything, where you? Tsk, such a Wolf, leaving this all to me" Madam Tsu said, before looking to Ceal proper. "For a girl who doesn't want to do something, you are awfully accepting of the fate. Nobody is ever forced to do anything, nobody ever only has one choice in life. If you are presented with something you do not like, then don't do it. For any situation, there is always one choice that remains immutable. Fight! If your despair is fortold by fate, then smash your fists into Fate's Teeth. If it is preordained by the Heavens, then Reach Heaven by Violence and beat the shit out of them until they recant. If you truly wish for something, then there is nothing you will not do for it"

Madam Tsu then turned, and moved towards the door, giving Ceal two choices.
"If there is something you can not do, or something you are not willing to do, then you do not want the outcome as much as you thought you did. You can come with me, or you can go in there and you can talk to Mirja about the problems she has with you. I don't mind either way. Coming with me will certainly be faster, and easier"

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What doesn't kill you... Wasn't trying hard enough. [Mirja/Ceal]
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