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 Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)

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Derivacion Esperanza
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Derivacion Esperanza

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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptySun Dec 17, 2017 6:20 pm

THE ARRANCAR TEMPLATE

Enter The Arrancar
非再生可能


I. Basic Information


» Name: Derivacion Esperanza (Goes by Des)
» Age: 20
» Gender: Male

» Association: Currently no association

» Appearance Written:

» Appearance Image: Soft, sleek, and (kinda) spiky hair reaches the very end of Des neck (the back at least), He has a crimson shade of red eyes, and if you was looking at his face alone you might get the impression that he means businesses. He wears a very fashionable set of clothing. (refer to image in spoiler). He stands at 6'2 weighing around 152 pounds.
front:
 

II. Personality


» Personality: Pale is a friendly and overall happy man that greatly enjoys his current position in life. Ever since, he became an arrancar Des has retrieved the thing he valued most, life. A fan of lazy afternoons reading or spending quiet time on his own, Des never misses the opportunity to be around others. A lover of the little things Des is at his most pleased moments when he is watching humans go about their lives happily and undisturbed by suffering. Always ready to help others or give advice Des has become well known in human world, even receiving a shrine. One little quirk about Des is his love of asking questions, something that drives those around him mad with annoyance. However like every man and woman Des has a darker side to his personality, underneath the mans happy exterior lies a great sorrow of past memories, of lives lost and promises not kept. Des is a reference to sacrifice. He will often help anybody that seems to be in need of help, will not stand idly by as the weak is push around. If you look at Des you can clearly see the image of a noble knight.

III. History


» History: Once upon a time, there was a boy who met his soul mate at a very young age. This boy and girl quickly realized they was meant together, the was together when through all forms of obstacles; parents, location, school and other forms but they stayed together. One day on the girls 18th birthday, the boy and girl decided to walk along a scared path towards machu pichu. This path is for those who are inseparable, those who brave the path and survive are bless for all their lives with companionship . The girl wishing to have the blessing of the spirits ask her soul mate to brave the path with her. He, of course said yes proclaiming his love for her. The couple left at the first sign of dawn and started down the path. The path is a 3 day trip, it was during the first day that the girl friend said that something spiritual was following them. The second day she said the spirit is slowly getting violent but the boy urge her forward promising to protect her. The third day, both girl and boy could clearly see the spirit. It was as tall as a house and just as wide with a mask of a baboon as a face. The couple ran for hours before the girl fell from exhaustion, the boyfriend told her to get up and run while he held the spirit off, reminding her that he will promise her. While the girl hobbled away, the boy faced the spirit. Knowing he was going to die, sacrificing himself for the one he love, This raise a smile on his face as his body was toss through multiple trees. This child him instantly, he instantly awoken as a spirit with his soul chain barely 3 feet long. He wanted to take in his surrounding but he heard the scream of his soul mate in the distance. When he arrive he finds her soul chain is linked to the body though he didn't know what that was at the time. The Spirit had her in his giants palms with his mouth wide, the young boy watch in horror as his soul mate was about to be eaten. That's where everything goes south, the spirit was split in two as the sound of metal sounded in the air. His soul mate was in the arm of another spirit (shinigami), when the young boy got to the spirit he rain praises upon the spirit. The spirit release the girl saying that he truly didn't save her. The spirit explained that he was a shinigami to that helps souls pass on while saving the souls of those who turned the hallows. He explain that while he killed the hallow he ended up cutting his partner soul chain, with his and her soul chain destroy they will soon become hallows. The boy became deeply enrage telling the shinigami to begone for their presence for he has caused more pain than help. The shinigami reluctantly forgotten about his mission as he left the two alone. The two stay together in that spot till he felt violent urges awakening within him, begging and pleading for her to leave before turned into a hallow. He was left alone and his last thought as a human was that he wasn't able to keep his promise. This was the end of his human life, he remembers awakening as an Adjuchas class hallow. He somehow knew what he was and what he had to do. However, he rarely ate the souls of others opting out of killing those who kill just to kill. That's till he met her again, he could instantly tell that he was someone from his past. The female adjuchas thought the same and they soon entered a partnership. They promise to protect other and never leave the other behind. Then the day of fate came, while the two was resting, they was attack by arrancar who was power craze attacking the two. Knowing that if they stay and fight they both was going to die. The young boy was wounded the most, knowing he wasn't going to survive told her to run far and never look back. She obeyed his orders as he held off the arrancar the best he can, but the female remembering the promise came back and took a fatal hit meant for him. The female was knock into the male with so much force that his mask was broken. His spiritual power sky rocketed, instantly crushing those around him with his spiritual pressure, the boy remembered everything. He remembered his time as a human and quickly realized who she was, looking at the arrancar and moving faster than he ever had before took his head with ease. He rush back towards his soul mate and realize she was dead. He made his last and final promise, to wait and keep all the promises, he made in the past. He now watches from the tower from his room waiting for her to return to him. Closing the book, Des sliently cried as he thought of all the promises he wasn't able to keep.

IV. Equipment


» Equipment: Previous Lover Hallow mask (shaped into a necklace)

V. Racial Techniques/Abilities/Skills


» Racial Abilities:

  • Cero Slicer- He can fire cero's off from the swing of his sword, Des can fire two of these on post but will have to wait two post to re-fire.
  • Cero Falling Star- By compress the spiritual energy needed to create a cero into a star shape snowflake, He flicks it out and when it reaches it destination it denotes in an massive explosion (15 ft), Des can only do this once per turn before having to wait for 3 post.


VI. Sealed Powers


» Zanpakutô Name: Mi Amor

» Zanpakutô Appearance: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) 6a5a89567f466ef5e909e5b37e1fd82cc5f8ce7a_hq
A standard Japenese katana, reaching a length of 7 feet, with a 2 inch blade, also weighing about 62 pounds.

» Unique Power: Sacrificing Power, he lower his defense (heirro) by 1 grade (ex. Adept to beginner) and increase his General Speed or Focus by 1 grade for 3 post.

VII. Resurrección


» Resereccion Name: Final Guardian

» Resereccion Release Phrase: I must protect! Mi Amor

» Release Actions: They move their left hand all the way down the blade.

» Resereccion Appearance: His has an entire appearance change, but the notably difference is his eyes and nose are completly covered by his hallow mask. (Refer to image for visual appearance)
Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) Tumblr_ocg8mqjNOe1sv7jkso2_500
Mi Amor:
 

» Resereccion Abilities:

  • True Swordsmen, While True Swordsmen is activate Des gain a burst of movement speed while he is in his resereccion. (Des increases his General speed by 1 as long as he is in his resereccion form.)
  • Wolf Slash, Des sword strikes twice with each attack of his blade, this sword slashes applies wolf mark, wolf teeth (tattoo) that weakens the opponent General speed by 1, Marks last for 3 post, Marks can only affect up to 1 target at a time, and the lowest someone general speed is lower to is beginner. (They can not be affected by the mark for anytime afterward for the rest of the thread)
  • Wolf Howl, Des creates a cero which he then eats, after one post past, Des lets out a howl that fires off multiple Cero and Bala in a cone (in the direction he is facing. Max range is 25 ft, this can be used twice per (1st) resereccion but only once via following resereccion) Des must wait 3 post before firing the next one.
  • Wolf Fang, Des entire blade glows with spiritual energy as he prepares his ultimate attack (charge up takes two post), once he is done charging he next on hit attack fires off a cero the size of a small building in the shape of wolf fangs that chomps down on a area before exploding, he quickly throws out another wolf fang that eat that explosion before imploding on itself. (explosion has a radius of 50 feet while implosion has a range of 30 feet) Des is however force from his resereccion form for the rest of the topic.

VIII. Skill Sheet


To Find Out about what these skills are for, please READ THIS THREAD before you try doing anything to it. After you have read it, do not feel your skills out until a staff member has graded your thread. We will also do your will sheet for you upon grading your application.

Will Skills
  • Willpower: Adept
  • Mental Deduction: Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Beginner
  • Focus: Beginner


General Skills
  • Durability: Beginner
  • General Speed: Beginner
  • Strength: Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Beginner


Racial Skills
  • Perquisa: Beginner
  • Sonido: Beginner
  • Cero/Bala: Beginner
  • Hierro: Beginner



IX. Role Play Sample


» Roleplay Sample: A drop of sweat falls to the ground, the battle field bloody and barren from the clash of these two warriors. "I can't lose here, my destiny hasn't came to an end yet!" He yells angrily as he shakily stood back up, he was weakly grasping his sword now as blood ran down from his arm slowly snaking it's way to his hand. The bloody stream crept upon his blade edge all the way to the tip of the blade where it dripped onto the ground. "Dying on a battle field is a warrior dream, but I am not a warrior so I can't receive this pleasure" he said as he tighten his grip on his sword. "Prepare yourself, For I will not fall today" he said as he rush forward. He was halfway to his opponent before he fell flat on his face. Des look up, seeing his enemy walking towards him. "Power.... more power!!" He said as he pound the ground with his fist. Des felt agony, pain, and sorrow as he felt the blade of another enter his flesh.

END OF THE POST


Last edited by Derivacion Esperanza on Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:36 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptySun Dec 17, 2017 7:47 pm


«- PREPARE TO BE REVIEWED -»


« Application Checklist »
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [O]
  • 10 sentences for personality [O]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [O]


  • Comments/Notes:

    Appearance

    The Face Claims that you have for this character are currently claimed by me, both Blade Master and Furious Blade. These need to be changed.

    Personality

    There are only seven sentences out of the ten that are required for this to be passable.

    Powers (All)

    All of your powers in this app need heavy expansion if these are meant to be passable. To give some elaboration...

    Quote :
    Cero Falling Star

    How big is this explosion? How many times can it be used before initiating a cooldown? What is this cooldown?

    Quote :
    Cero Slicer

    How many Ceros can he fire off at a time? This needs a cooldown as well.

    Quote :
    True Swordsmen, Des announces his target in a clear and bold manner, He and his target must now battle till one of them forfeits or dies. While True Swordsmen is activated neither person can escape the battle and no one is allowed to interfere from the outside. While True Swordsmen is activated Des slowly gain increased movement speed.

    I'm going to ask for this to be reworked in its entirety, as this not only seems to be -- based on the wording -- is absolute in nature, and is not something I'm going to allow with how it's written now.

    Quote :
    Wolf Slash, Des sword strikes twice with each attack of his blade, this sword slash applies wolf mark, wolf teeth (tattoo) will appear at the sword slash, when Des strikes that area for the second time, that area will receive a third hit (So, the first double strike attack does not trigger this, it's the second double strike attack that triggers the triple hit)

    This...needs clarification. This makes the third attack every two single attacks...? Or does this make the third attack every time he attacks the same spot with two swords at once, twice? Either way, this needs a post limit and cooldown along with it.

    Quote :
    Armor Shredder, Des sword can slowly chip away at a foe's defenses

    This needs a lot of expansion. How much does it chip away per strike? How much can it chip away at maximum? How many times can he use this technique?

    Quote :
    Final Blade, Des ultimate attack, He strikes the air once and then the surrounding area is cut (up to 5 ft) the sword strikes cuts through the air itself creating multiple vortexes that then clash together and then imploding (up to 10 ft) sending out multiple air slashes. (the vortex does pull in the opponent and Des, you can stop yourself from being dragged into the vortex)

    This just needs much more explanation, as this is basically one big run on sentence.

  • Tier: TBA
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Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

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Posts : 2746
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Age : 19

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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptyMon Dec 18, 2017 5:42 pm

[adm]
Quote :
True Swordsmen, While True Swordsmen is activate Des slowly gain increasing movement speed. (Gain 2 speed per post, caps at 5 post then enter cooldown for until next resereccion, this activates at the start of resereccion)

Wolf Slash, Des sword strikes twice with each attack of his blade, this sword slashes applies wolf mark, wolf teeth (tattoo) that weakens the opponent speed by 1 for each mark (this can stay active for 2 post before becoming in active for 2 post)

Armor Shredder, Des sword can slowly chip away at a foes defenses by placing small cracks in the armor (for each crack the target loses 1 defense for 2 post, this active goes on cool down for 2 post before coming active again for 2 post)

Ok, so...what are you lowering/increasing, and by how much? There aren't really "defense points" on PH. There are the skill sheets, and they have five technical levels: Beginner, Adept, Advanced, Master, and Grand Master. You need to specify how much you're increasing or lowering based on the skill sheets, as of how it's currently written does not make sense. For Wolf Slash, how many marks can be put on another person at maximum? For True Swordsman, is this a passive ability, or an active ability? For Armor Shredder, it just needs to be changed in regard to the points I made above with the skill sheet system.

[/adm]
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Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptyThu Dec 21, 2017 5:56 pm

[adm]
Quote :
True Swordsmen, While True Swordsmen is activate Des slowly gain increasing movement speed. (Gain 2 speed per post, caps at 5 post then enter cooldown for until next resereccion, this activates at the start of resereccion/Passive)


Quote :
Wolf Slash, Des sword strikes twice with each attack of his blade, this sword slashes applies wolf mark, wolf teeth (tattoo) that weakens the opponent speed by 1 for each mark (this can stay active for 2 post before becoming in active for 2 post) Marks last for 3 post.

These still haven't been changed to what I requested before:

@Henrex wrote:
Ok, so...what are you lowering/increasing, and by how much? There aren't really "defense points" on PH. There are the skill sheets, and they have five technical levels: Beginner, Adept, Advanced, Master, and Grand Master. You need to specify how much you're increasing or lowering based on the skill sheets, as of how it's currently written does not make sense. For Wolf Slash, how many marks can be put on another person at maximum?

Quote :
Wolf Howl, Des creates a cero which he then eats, after one post past, Des lets out a howl that fires off multiple Cero and Bala in a cone (in the direction he is facing. Max range is 25 ft

Needs a cooldown and post limit.[/adm]
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Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

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Subject Post 5PostSubject: Re: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptyMon Dec 25, 2017 6:09 am

[adm]
Quote :
True Swordsmen, While True Swordsmen is activate Des slowly gain increasing movement speed. (Des increases his General speed by 1 per post capping at Master before going on cooldown, this won't activate again this he activates his resereccion/passive as this activate as soon as he goes ib Resereccion)

I will not be approving the boosts as they are. Change it so that he can only increase his speed by one, total -- and if he is at Master speed, this would boost him to a level slightly above his normal Master speed.

Quote :
Wolf Slash, Des sword strikes twice with each attack of his blade, this sword slashes applies wolf mark, wolf teeth (tattoo) that weakens the opponent General speed by 1 for each mark (this can stay active for 2 post before becoming in active for 2 post) Marks last for 3 post, Max amount of marks are 3, Mark can only affect 1 target, and the lowest someone general speed is lower to is beginner.

Again, like with the other, I will not be approving this as it is now. Change this so that it only affects someone once, and will lower their speed once, and remove the max amount of marks portion.

[/adm]
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Henrex

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Subject Post 6PostSubject: Re: Deriacion Esperanza (Finish)   Deriacion Esperanza (Finish) EmptyTue Dec 26, 2017 7:22 pm


«- PREPARE TO BE REVIEWED -»


« Application Checklist »
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


« The Willsheet Checklist »

• And Comments/Fixes •


  • Willpower/Determination: Adept
  • Mental Deduction: Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Beginner
  • Focus: Beginner


  • Comments/Notes: Everything has been fixed. Approved.
  • Tier: 5-4
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