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Bleach Platinum Hearts RP [Active]

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 Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai)

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AuthorMessage
Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 2746
Karma : 11
Age : 19

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Left_bar_bleue419100/999999Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Empty_bar_bleue  (419100/999999)
Tiers:

Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Empty
Subject Post 11PostSubject: Re: Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai)   Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 EmptyTue Jan 22, 2019 10:55 pm

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough[O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: N/A
  • Mental Deduction: N/A
  • Focus: N/A


Comments/Notes: Check, part one.

---

Quote :
Binding Tigers

This needs some equal to a Bakudo spell since this doesn't explain how powerful the restraints are.

---

Quote :
Kido Cuffs

Remove these. Tsubasa has no need for training equipment like this, and these don't have enough of a description for me to approve these as proper training equipment.

---

Quote :
Electric Cage & Cardinal Seal

Both of these need to be elaborated on, since neither of them are described enough for me to feel comfortable approving them.

---

Quote :
Hakuda

Kinetic Fist: I don't understand how this works, or how he controls the kinetic energy in his attacks. Please, explain these.

Gentle Breeze & Sigh: Neither of these make much sense in terms of what they do. Almost all of these descriptions are fluff and the one or two sentences that aren't don't given any hints, just that it's a hand to hand style.

---

Quote :
Shunpo

Full-Body Flash Step: This doesn't really make much sense in terms of mechanics. Shunpo/Flash Step is entirely movement-based, not reactionary. This either needs to be changed to something that makes sense with what Flash Step is, or removed.

---

Quote :
Zanpakuto

Bankai (General): Scale down the size of the tiger and the potency of the attacks regarding it.

Grand Tiger Roar: Make a note that this is very energy-exhaustive, and can only be used for around 1-3 posts.

Tiger Soul: Change this so that he can only absorb electrons from one player at a time, and only while within close range to another player.

Your Note: Remove the sentence of him being able to alter Byakko's properties.

---

Quote :
Shikokai

White Tiger Swipe: Change this from "millions of projectiles in an instant" to something else. Scale it down immensely. I understand that it's Shikokai, but isn't this meant to be focused on now merging with Byakko and fusing that power into his body? If so, why is he sending out projectiles?

White Tiger Pounce: Scale this down. I'm not approving a comet-level attack, that's just ludicrous.

White Tiger Blast: This just needs a definitive distance and destructive potency list.

---

Fix these, and then we'll work on the rest of the app.

Tier: N/A
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Henrex
Tor'uk
Henrex

Joined : 2016-01-20
Posts : 2746
Karma : 11
Age : 19

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Left_bar_bleue419100/999999Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Empty_bar_bleue  (419100/999999)
Tiers:

Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 Empty
Subject Post 12PostSubject: Re: Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai)   Tsubasa Unabara 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai) - Page 2 EmptyThu Jan 24, 2019 11:41 pm

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Advanced
  • Mental Deduction: Master
  • Focus: Master


Comments/Notes: Everything has been fixed, and Tsubasa should be good to go.
Tier: 0-4+/0-3 in Shikokai
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