Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Welcome to The Platinum Hearts Scroller. Here you can find our most recent Of the Year and Of the Season winners. Happy Roleplaying! --- Member of the Year: Locke --- Character of the Year: Alastair Eisfluch --- New Characters of the Year: Mizu Morikawa and Igendai Gyakusuma --- Social Thread of the Year: A Letter for Hymn --- Combat Thread of the Year: Raise Your Spirits --- Member of the Season: Paradigm --- Characters of the Season: Byakuya Kuchiki and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Applications of the Season: Armina Willsaam and Klein Schwarzwotan --- Fight Thread of the Season: Search and Destroy --- Social Thread of the Season: Damage Assessment --- Event Thread of the Season: Midnight Assault
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DesiloSweir
DesiloSweir
Starter Member
Joined : 2015-07-30
Posts : 13

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Empty John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5]

Mon Nov 09, 2015 12:53 am
John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3705

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3706-1

- Name: John'Charles' Doe
- Titles:
- Gender: Male
- Age Of Death: 20
- Appearance Age: 20
- Age: 21
- Affiliation/Rank: N/A

- Appearance Description:
At first glance he's simply a young-man. Nothing stands out from him, average brown hair and eyes. If the observer was to focus for a moment another story reveals itself. The young man is standing at roughly 5'10 and wearing a fairly plain combo of button up shirt and tie. The shirt is half-tucked in as if done in a hurry. The tie around his neck wasn't even finished being tied isntead appearing to be just haphazardly slung over his shoulders. Something in his eyes revealed that this man was missing something, they almost appeared glossed over.

For those that knew what to look for, and had the awareness to see beyond, they saw a tarnished steel plate on the center of his chest. From this single plate of dented and smudged metal hung a large chain that seemed to almost force the spirit to slouch forward bearing it's weight. Further more if one could follow the chain they could easily see that it was connected to the center of the Alley-way they had seen the man in..

- Appearance Picture:
John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] E936299296c325f4faa16fd6aeaf21a90f2fe12c

_________________________________

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3709-1

- Personality:
John knows he is dead. Plain and simple he has known for at least four months now and does his best to try and not let it bother him. Unlike most who walked into the slums he wasn't killed or accosted by any of the super-natural terrors, in fact prior to his death he had no idea what he truely thought the After-Life might be like. He definitely hadn't thought it would stuck between two dilapidated buildings. During his time here he has developed an almost sick sense of humor that slips out occasionally.

Aside from his recent condition changing just how he views life, John was a fairly well mannered man growing up. He was always taught to be polite, and to put others who need in front of himself. There are parts of his living life that escape him periodically, and so he often clings to what he does remember, trying to bring it up in conversation in the hope that whoever he is talking with will help him remember himself. Above all else however, John is scared... terrified of what happens next.

- Likes:
Cats
Conversation
Politeness
Relaxing
Friends
Books
School
Hard Work

- Dislikes: (This is self explanatory. What does your character dislike?)
Rudeness
Forgetting things
Being Forgotten
Thinking About the Future


_________________________________

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3707-1

[Click here for information about Xeno Hollow]

- Hollow type: Jibakurei - DemiHollow -

- Hollow Power:
Spiritually Hidden - As a result of his budding status as a Demi-Hollow John is exceptionally hard to identify for just about any one. Short of actually stumbling into the Alley Way where he is bound, it is virtually impossible for some one to sense his presence. This is a partial result of the fact that he doesn't remember who he doesn't remember who he is. Most hollows sense out-wards for other energies of equal or slightly lesser power. Being that he doesn't remember who he is, or what his purpose is now, he cannot actively sense out-wardly. Meaning that on average, his power never even leaks out of the alley way. Any one who got close however would easily be able to sense him, given they have the ability to do so

'Don't Forget Me ' - After having spent so long waiting in this Alley and having recently learned he is dead, John has some what gained control over himself and displayed the unique ability that other Demi hollow have in the past. Until he Evolves like any other Hollow, he may very briefly become visible to those who are not spiritually aware if they step into his Alley.

- Weapons: N/A

_________________________________

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3710-1

- Background:
John does not remember his first name, he couldn't if he tried. He does however remember what his middle name was and has decided that he would just use a place-holder for the rest. The time of this decision was four months ago when he first realized that he was dead. It was like waking up from a bad dream, one moment he was covered in warmth and the next he was sitting down in the Alley way surrounded by stray cats that lived in the area. His first course of action was to try and get into the street and find out where he was. As soon as the Young Man reached the edge of the Alley he felt the cold touch of metal on his flesh as his limbs and torso were bound by a metallic set of chains that forced him from leaving.

From that point on John had decided he'd stand there and try to flag some one down. He had seen countless people walk past, and he found himself ignored every single time. It didn't take him long to piece everything that was happening together. He retreated back into the Alley and attempted to lift a paper he found on the ground. Of course his form failed him and he found inter-acting with his environment to be difficult at the least. Eventually a gust of wind blew the paper over and he read the Date. According to this paper almost a year of his life had flashed by with no memory. Several days passed from this point John found his hunger and thirst never bothered him, he simply ... existed. The only interaction he had was that he found the animals often could sense his presence when they walked through his Alley. The Young Man entertained himself with the thought that they could see him, and often attempted to engage in conversation with them.

What John was forgetting because of the ever encroaching approach of his chain, was that he had been apart of a family of three. It was his Mother, his Sister, and himself. They lived in poverty, and were just barely able to stay within the confines of Karakura proper, however it wasn't un-common for his Sister and his Mother to argue while John was at one of his two jobs desperately attempting to earn the income required for the family to keep their house. When he had returned he saw everything in disarray, his Mother in tears in the very center. It had been explained to John that his Sister had decided she was going to run away. She had recently fallen in with a bad crowd, the kind that ventures into the Slums of Old Karakura town. John had scolded himself for allowing his Sister to slip away from him. He stormed from his house promising his Mother that he wasn't going to come back home without her.

John had no idea where he was going, he had never been into this part of town. He found himself un-comfortably switching side-walks to do his best to avoid crossing paths with any of the shady individuals that call this place their home. All he wanted to do was find his Sister and bring her home. He searched for a long time, un-yielding and before he knew it he was burning the candle light. Soon the sun had ducked to it's cover and darkness began to spread out over the harsh land-scape. The Paranoia in the back of his mind was running rampant and every shadow that moved in the corner of his eye became a monster and threatened to chase him. Before he knew what was happening John found himself in an Alley way. He had been calling her Phone none-stop the entire time, and decided to give it one last try. His hand dropping when he hit the button, expecting to hear the cutting sound of silence. This time however he heard the happy tone she'd set for her older brother!? It was coming from deeper down the Alley, with out a second thought John ran for her. He skidded to a stop in front of several large lumpy trash bags. Reaching down, now in panic he moved the bags to reveal... her phone laying on the ground. John never did see the man who had been following him for the past hour, and so it shouldn't be a surprise that in his haste he didn't hear him creeping up behind. John's eyes were so focused on the phone at his feet he didn't even have time to register the first sickening blow of the metal pipe against the base of his neck. Had the assailant meant to severely cripple him with the first blow? Crushing something vital in his spine, causing the young John to fall to his knees limp? Did the man know who he was? Did he knew as he bashed a second time, that he caused damage to an innocent soul? John's body was retrieved a week later. His soul however stayed behind.. in a state of shock for months. All he wanted to know, was where his Sister went, none of the other questions mattered to him.

_________________________________

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3711-1

General Skills
  • Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Racial Skills
  • Acid Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Garganta : Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Cero/Bala: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Regeneration: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


_________________________________

John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image3708-1



Last edited by DesiloSweir on Tue Nov 24, 2015 9:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
THEFROST
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John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5]

Thu Nov 12, 2015 11:12 am
John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Image8990_zpsm9nmt91f


«TAKE NOTE OF THESE THINGS»



You should probably add another sentence to his personality. Though, to enhance the character more, you may want to dwell a bit more into his persona after he died. I mean, dying is a pretty traumatic experience, right? So, how exactly does he feel about being a monster? How did that change him from his human self?

Plus, you may also want to go into detail in his history about the whole being a wandering soul deal. It sounds like you could flesh out a good history seeing how much he cared about his sister. How did that drive him to madness? Did he stalk the killer? I mean, it's basic stuff, but it's up to you if you wanna enhance it. I'm not gonna bother going into much detail about that, but you should consider it.

"Spiritually Hidden - As a result of his budding status as a Demi-Hollow John is exceptionally hard to identify for just about any one. Short of actually stumbling into the Alley Way where he is bound, it is virtually impossible for some one to sense his presence. "

Why is he so hard to identify? This seems too vague for something trying to mask his presence. You should explain in more detail about how the ability works, where it originated it from and a practical application in thread. Is he suppressing his energy? Is he masking his senses? I don't get it.

Also, are you sure you don't want any other abilities for your hollow to have? Otherwise, I'll be grading this 4-5 whenever you get around to responding to this post.





John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] WVMWLOu
THEFROST
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Posts : 19219
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Member Info
Platinum Points:
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John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] Empty Re: John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5]

Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:28 pm

«-PREPARE TO BE REVIEWED-»



« Application Checklist »

• Let's Get Down To Business •

  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [x]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


« The Willsheet Checklist »

• And Comments/Fixes •

  • Willpower/Determination: Beginner
  • Mental Deduction: Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Beginner
  • Focus: Beginner


  • Comments/Notes: N/a

  • Tier: 4-5


John ' Charles ' Doe [APPROVED 4-5] WVMWLOu
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Sat Jan 30, 2016 4:08 pm
[mod]MOVING TO ARCHIVES DUE TO INACTIVITY[/mod]


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Wed May 11, 2016 3:32 pm
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