This Is Important [Kokoro/Yugiri]

Kokoro, quite honestly, probably hadn't ever been this sad in her entire life. The loss of Papa had been something of the last straw, but honestly, it was all just a mess right now. Even so, she felt...confident, at least relatively. The words of Arkin and Rio both echoed throug her mind, and they spurred her on. But nothing was more prevalent than what Keiko had put in her mind, the idea of being just Kokoro. That she didn't need to worry about anyone else.

With all that mind, Kokoro found herself in the Rukongai, at a small inn. Normally, she would never have been here, just because she never would have needed to. But right now, the person here was probably who she needed to talk to most. Not for anyone else, just...for herself. She knocked on the door to the particular room, and her voice was even, confident, and used the same polite speech she always did for this woman.

"Yugiri? It is Kokoro, I wish to speak with you for a moment."

This was...very important.

This bed was pretty comfortable. She never would've thought they would be so comfortable outside of home. She really was picky when she was younger huh?

Lots of random thoughts came to her head lately, all dancing around the feeling of emptiness and loss that Yugiri had. That feeling of grim loss that wanted to be filled but she didn't know how to do that. She looked at the letter to her side and sighed while turning her attention back to the ceiling. It was a nice ceiling.

Just before she could get too lost in thought she heard a knock which was a surprise. Did Erchanhardt order something? Before he went out to have a peek around the Rukongai? No way. So stretching a little as she got off the bed and adjusted her clothes to make sure they didn't look to scruffy she opened the door and peeked out at Kokoro while contemplating her words.

"What is it Kokoro? Did something happen?"

She got caught up trying to figure out that she had forgotten her manners and opened the door to gesture her to come in. It was rude to keep a noble lady like herself waiting in the hall after all, so she led Kokoro to sit down on the bedding with her.

"Ah... You could say that."

Kokoro shook her head at the offer to sit on the bed, not really wanting to do that. She kept her stature tall and confident, not wanting to seem like she was weak in this. She just...needed to be strong.

"I have done a lot of thinking since you left, Yugiri. I... I have learned a few things about myself. Not all of them respectable, but I suppose I have never been a respectable woman."

She closed her eyes, clenching one fist tightly. Try as she might, Kokoro couldn't just say this when she was looking her cousin in the eye. Maybe that was just the shame trying to keep what little dignity she still had intact.

"I'm in love with you, Yugiri. There's no other way to put it without wasting your time. I'm not looking for reciprocation, or even acceptance. I know it would be stupid to wish for those, even more stupid than the things I usually say and do, so don't feel like that's why I'm here. But I wanted to get it off my chest, and I respect you. It wouldn't be fair not to tell you."

Kokoro then lowered herself into a deep bow, her torso practically parallel to the floor. Her eyes were open, and though she didn't let it show, tears were faintly forming in the corners of her eyes.

"Please forgive me, Yugiri."

Okay, well that was obvious. It's not like much of Kokoro's antics went unnoticed by people, she was pretty out there. Yugiri was just trying to figure out where she came into this, why did Kokoro need to apologise to her for these actions which didn't connect to her in anyway other than the fact she disapproved growing up or by name.

No, there was absolutely no reason she needed to apologise for all her sleeping around or general attitude so why-

Oh.

Everything kind of stood still. Her neurons stopped firing and kind of just froze while she looked at Kokoro like she didn't register it, like she didn't hear it properly. What would Rio do? Yeah. Rio was always good at this kind of stuff, what would she do if Kokoro or Chidori came up to her and confessed feelings of love?

Oopsie. Someone spilt vodka all over the computer because it was broken. Yugiri couldn't fathom any kind of situation or reaction from Rio and that option was just burnt away. If she was still her old self she might've slapped her and told her to not be ridiculous, it kind of disgusted her when she considered trying to fall back on that kind of attitude to handle this situation.

"Kokoro..."

Her hand shook with uncertainty when she brought it up. Like it had yet to decide if it would be hostile or comforting. When it finally reached her cousin's head she finally realised she was breathing again, it hadn't occured to her that there was so much tension from hearing that her breathing had come to a halt.

"I can't..."

She furrowed her brow, hoping she guessed this course of action right. Maybe she could screw up the process but arrive at the correct answer.

"... Because forgiving you implies you've done something wrong..."

This was weird, this was uncomfortable. How deep was this affection? Was it sexual? What uncomfortable thoughts were filling her head as she ran her hand through Kokoro's hair to try and comfort her.

"I'm sorry I don't feel the same way but you don't get to decide who you love. It's hard to defy the will to love."

That wasn't the reaction Kokoro had anticipated. She had been ready for a stern word, maybe even a physical retaliation. It wasn't the reaction she might have hoped for, either, but that had always been an impossible dream, the realm of uninvited fantasies rather than her conscious wishes. But even so, this reaction...something about it caused Kokoro to react far more viscerally than any other might have. The feeling of Yugiri's hand through her hair, simply comforting her, it was enough to turn the faint mist into outright tears.

"Yugiri... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I feel this way. I never wanted this, I just thought you were so cool, you were always someone I respected, but just- I can't keep that from you, I can't lie to you or myself about it."

Shaking her head in response to her own ramblings, the youngest of the Shihoin girls wiped her tears away, all too proud of herself for not wearing any makeup that would run just from this. It wouldn't really be much to be proud of, but given her usual focus on her appearance, it was a lot. She tried to collect her thoughts, tried to figure out what to say next, but it was hard when you were Kokoro.

"I want to be better, Yugiri. Not just better at being a Shihoin, but better at being Kokoro. I can't be better if I just carry this around with me, if I hide it inside. I want- I want you to respect me for me. I want everyone to respect me for me. And I'm not gonna tell anyone else about this, just...it seemed unfair not to tell you."

She took a deep breath, then, and gave Yugiri her best attempt at a smile. She was still crying, but it was obvious she really meant it. After all, Yugiri hadn't been angry at her, and that...well, that was a lot more than she could have ever hoped for.

Hey, you can't break down like this or else she'll lose her cool like this. That's not fair! She was trying to be strong right now but Yugiri felt sad watching Kokoro break down, awkward even. Enough that it kind of took her calm and well-handled expression and smashed it on the ground.

"Hey hey! Don't say embarrassing things like that. I wasn't cool okay? I was really mean and a bitch and everything else!"

She pulled Kokoro up and tried to move her to sit down on the bedding like she originally wanted and put her arm around the girl's shoulders to try and relax her. While trying to avoid those lewd thoughts of wondering how much 'in love' meant for Kokoro towards her, it was not the time.

"It's okay. You're really respectable. You've never done anything wrong Kokoro, you're really brave and ougoing. You're not afraid of how people see you, even though you are a noble you've never tightly wound and always relaxed... I'm sorry I never appreciated it about you. I- I was very stupid to criticise you about it."

Yugiri wasn't crying, if anything though she was deeply embarrassed and her cheeks showed that. This was all so overwhelming what should she do? How did she go about this now? What was one supposed to do in this situation? She kind of wanted to give her a small kiss, a reassuring one but that was probably going to be taken romantically right? Would it just be fuel for fantasies?

"Hey uh... I don't want to give you the wrong idea... but mmm..."

Asking it just made it weird, it came to her midsentence that she thought this and stopped abruptly before leaning in and giving her cousin a small peck on the lips and pulled away to hug her. The entire exchange was incredibly quick, Yugiri didn't really know how long to keep it held for where it changed from a friendly one to a romantic one so she just fled after that.

"It's okay Kokoro. Of course I respect you.... Wait. That was my first kiss!"

She hugged her for a little while quietly after her initial bit but the wave of realisation kind of spluttered out as she said it to herself and Kokoro inadvertedly. She never really had any parents to kiss, at best other people kissed her cheek or she kissed their's. So...

"Well it wasn't like it was romantic or anything but uh... don't tell anyone k? Not Chidori, not Rio... not anyone else either alright? Promise."

Yugiri kept a tight hug in place to prevent the flusteredness being seen but it was pretty evident what this probably was.

It was their little secret.

Kokoro hadn't been ready to be pulled onto the bedding, but she didn't fight it at all, and leaned into Yugiri's embrace just a bit. Not even in a romantic notion, because no matter how much she wanted that kind of thing, Kokoro knew it wasn't right, knew Yugiri didn't want it. She couldn't think about something like that in a situation like this.

"I never thought you were like that, Yugiri. You were- you were stern, and you were mean sometimes, but everyone in the family has been like that. I don't regret looking up to you."

It felt so strange for Kokoro to talk about this finally, but it didn't feel bad. It was just...getting it all off her chest, and she liked that.

"I'm...really glad to hear that. It means a lot to me. I always worried people wouldn't like me, so I just tried my best, did everything I could to make sure people did. I know you were trying to make sure I didn't make anything worse, so I'm not mad about it, okay? Ya don't need to apologize."

Of course, then Yugiri definitely hit her with something she hadn't expected, and Kokoro didn't really know how to react to that. She did not kiss back, she wasn't that stupid and she knew that wasn't the sort of thing happening here, especially since Yugiri just told her not to get the wrong idea, but- Oh gosh, oh shit, she didn't really know what to do now, so when Yugiri hugged her, Kokoro just hugged right back, warmly and tightly. It helped hide her own blush, too.

"Thanks, Yugiri. It meant...it meant so much to me. I'll never tell anyone, I promise."

That was weird. To be told that she wasn't a bitch when everyone seemed to act like that was the case. She didn't want to think too hard on it though. She couldn't really, not with Kokoro taking so much of her attention right now.

After that little moment of affection Yugiri pulled away shyly and awkwardly sat there trying to figure out what to do next. All this thinking about how stuff affects people was hard work, and the circumstances didn't make it any easier on her poor mind either.

"You're welcome..."

Drawing out her sentence she reached up to put her hand on Kokoro's head to gently pat her.

"You'll make everyone proud. You have a lot of time still you know?"

The pat on the head definitely brought a smile to Kokoro's face, and despite all the ways she'd thought this might go, it hadn't turned out that way at all. She'd known Yugiri would never feel the same way, but that was okay. For once, Kokoro had genuinely just been accepted, for the fullest scope of who she was. That pushed her, made her feel stronger. Looking downward, a faint bit of anxious trepidation on her face, she spoke again, more quietly this time.

"I guess. I just... I dunno."

Taking a deep breath, Kokoro tried to figure out how to word this next part. Did she just say it? Well, she'd just said everything else, right? Might as well.

"I wanna challenge Chidori. I...don't want her to be in charge."

Yeah, like that.

Yep. Wise Yugiri, that's right. Keep it up, it was working so far. At least as far as she could tell on the matter. She really couldn't tell honestly. She just hoped she was judging this right. Maybe Kokoro was actually super hurt on the inside and was trying to be strong, she'd be really good at feigning emotions if that was the case. She'd have praised her actually for it.

The next part sure left her a little at loss for words.

"Oh..."

She had to think about this though.

"And why is that?"