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 Atoli

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Subject Post 1PostSubject: Atoli   Thu Aug 04, 2016 7:28 pm


Coding In Template By: [THEFROST]

Race Spec Here:
http://www.platinumhearts.net/t10328-the-official-ph-shinigami-racial-specs

THE SHINIGAMI TEMPLATE

Enter The Shinigami
非再生可能


I. Basic Information


» Name: Atoli Kasuka
» Alias: The Mirage of Deciet
» Age: She appears to be 16
» Gender: Female

» Association: She feels great loyalty to the seireitei and has a small connection to a quincy Kuhn who helped her out in the living world.

» Appearance Written: Atoli is about 5'3" with blonde hair and strange yellow eyes. When formality is called for she will don the traditional shinigami robes but otherwise can usually be found her her green dress with her large white hat, white stockings, and wing like cape.

» Appearance Image: http://i.imgur.com/6pgRZE4.jpg

II. Personality


» Personality:
Atoli is viewed by many as naive being sweet, optomistic and kind. She always tries to help others when she can. However, she is actually quite depressed due to her past as an outcast. She usually didn't fit in and was rejected or ignored by most people. She developed her kind nature because she knew that she needed somebody like that in her live. She vowed that she would be that person for others.

While she does try to be kind to everybody she does understand that some people will simply not be reached that way. The only thing that some people understand is cruelty. If somebody cannot be reached through her kind words and welcoming heart she isn't afraid to resort to violence when it proves absolutely necessary.

Atoli can be quite a forgiving person giving people multiple chances even if they don't seem to deserve them. She has the believe or at least the hope that people can change if giving the opportunity. For this reason Atoli rarely if ever goes in for a killing blow even if she has the chance. Doing so would eliminate any chance for the person to improve themselves.

Atoli is rather shy especially when it comes to boys. She does not have much experience when it comes to interacting with them or really anybody. She doesn't want to upset anybody and since everybody reacts differently she is usually very quiet until she figured out how they would respond to her.

Finding purpose in the Seireitei she has started to come out of the worst of her depression. She used to be scared to do anything for herself but has learned to fight for herself and her beliefs. Though she is still sometimes sensitive about her past so she doesn't take kindly to those teasing her or bullying others.

Atoli can sometimes become to focused on proving herself. She doesn't want others to think that she is a waste of time. She wants to prove that she can earn her place in the world so she can occasionally push herself into dangerous situation without fully thinking it over.

III. History


» History: [Everything has a history. Please try to describe their human life (if they had one), life as a Shinigami and what they are doing now.] Atoli was a difficult child for her parents to raise. They tried to raise Atoli as a "proper" lady which meant dressing conservatively and being quite and polite. Of course this wasn't what Atoli was like as a child. She was very loud and curious and opinionated. She wanted to know everything she could about everything and her parents would always simply tell her to "let it go" or "your not old enough to know that" or "A lady doesn't need to worry about things like that." She learned the basic skills that a proper lady would need in life such as how to take care of kids and keep a clean house. These things held little interest for young Atoli and she wanted to learn real things like the kids at school did. Eventually her parents decided they would send her to a private girls school so they could fix their problem child.

Atoli was ridiculed in school for the way she dressed since she didn't keep up with the latest fashions and acted so "old school". Atoli tried to explain about her parents and all their rules but they didn't listen to her. She was different and knew and that didn't win her very many friends. The constant bullying caused her to rebel against her parents rules hoping to gain friends. She tried to confrom to what she thought the other girls at school were like hoping they would like her more. She simply got herself a designer outfit which caused her parents to rage at her grounding her. She got a few approving looks from the kids at school but they were still distant. She tried acting like them and it got her nowhere since they assumed she was faking.....which she kinda was. She knew that she couldn't have her parents approval and the students approval. To fit in a school she would be punished at home and for her parents to approve she would bullied at school. She couldn't figure out where she fit in to everything.

This sent her into a deep depression during which she tried to commit suicide several times unsuccesfully. She knew she wasn't really trying to kill herself. She really only wanted someone to pay enough attention to her to know that she was hurt. That she needed and wanted help. She knew that if somebody else was in this situation she would be willing to help them. During this period she decided that she would be that person for others when they needed it. She would be the kind soul that would simply listen, not judge. If only somebody would do that for her. Still all anybody ever saw was the problematic difficult child.

Atoli had heard plenty about the spiritual beings and people with spiritual powers. They had become pretty major things throwing around massivily powerfully abilities. She started diving into the research and lore surrounding these beings. For her it was a kind of escape from the horror that was her everyday life. She read all about the hollows and shinigami and their every present battle for the souls of the departed. She read about the quincy and their battle against the hollows that once threatened everything. The humans that gained incredible powers that could stand toe to toe with these impressive creatures. Her parents thought it was an unhealthy obsession and the kids at school that it made her look like a strange geeky girl always reading those kinds of useless things.

Eventually one of the students, basically the most popular girl in school, pushed Atoli to far. Despite all of Atoli's attempts to be kind and friendly toward her she kept pushing Atoli around and stomping on her feelings. She tried to remember what she had been taught about ignoring all the mean acts and turning the other cheek and everything but Atoli's grew sad and angry at these acts and over such a long period of time despite the fact that Atoli had done nothing to deserve an ounce of it. Atoli was pushed to far when she was called a useless waste of space. This was all she could handle since she felt like that already. She stopped where she stood pulled back her hand and as hard as she could slapped little miss popular leaving a large read hand print behind. This earned her a swift detention and a threat from her parents to pull her from school. Everywhere she went in school kids stared at her whispering about who she would attack next. They made it seem like she had sent somebody to the hospital.

It was after this scandalous incident that the other girls played their biggest prank and as far as Atoli was concerned their cruelest. They said there was a dance with a nearby boys school. It was organized so that they could learn how to deal with the opposite sex. The girls told Atoli about a boy that had been looking at her from afar. They claimed he liked her and would meet her at the dance. The dance as real enough but as she waited for him to arrive she saw the girls start to snicker and laugh. It was a while before she realized there was nobody coming. They thought it would be funny to get her hopes up that somebody could like her in any way. Eventually the girls admitted they had lied asking who could possibly be interested in such a dull and boring girl like Atoli. She ran out of the dance crying. She simply wanted to vanish and disappear at that point in her life.

She never imagined that she herself would have some form of special ability. One day the torment of the other students and the anger of her parents got so bad her depression and anger and her circumstances so great she felt something inside of her simply snap and with it something arose. She didn't know what it was when she first felt it but she quickly found out. At breakfast the next day her parents didn't seem to see her. They discussed her as if she wasn't there. She stormed out of the house and headed to school and at role call her teacher called her name, she raised her hand and her teacher ignored her hand. Confused she declared that she as present and was yelled at for almost being late though she had been there for twenty minutes in plain site. The children looked right over her as if she wasn't there. She didn't understand what was going on. Somehow she had gotten her wish to be invisible. And now that she had it she realized being unseen was worse then being tormented. It felt like her whole existance was being ignored, was completely worthless.

Occationally she could get people to notice her but only for a little bit. She tried to figure out how to make it happen how to make herself visible. She couldn't figure out what was happening but she knew she was somehow to blame. School became difficult since the teachers always thought she was absent and her parents nearly called the cops to find her multiple times while she sat in the room. She didn't want this anymore and she knew somehow that this thing was going to be the end of her. This would prove a correct assumption. She was walking home from school on a particularly busy day. She started to cross the street but a couple in a hurry ran the light. They looked to make sure there was nobody in the street but they glance right over her. When the police asked questions later they couple said simply she appeared out of nowhere. Her spirit now seperate from her body nobody had any trouble seeing the poor girl.

Her soul was another matter entirely. Her despair and anguish over her live caused her to remain behind in the living world. The place where hollows chased the souls that remained. She saw the hollows they came near her always near but everytime they came around sniffing for her they never found her. They looked and looked but never saw her. Even in death she was invisible to all. She supposed she should be happy about that since it kept her from being eaten but it just reminded her of the pain of being unseen in life. She never had to run away from them just wait. That was the pattern of her new life. She was used to it when one hollow broke the pattern. It spoke to her as it approached. "You hide well. But I can find you." And find her it did. She didn't realize it had until it went to grab her. She immediately bolted away running for her life, if it could be called that. She was sure that this would end it once and for all but then suddenly something struck the hollow. It stopped and turned. She saw a young quincy firing at the hollow but she also noticed that he was looking at her. Straight at her. He had seen her and decided her soul was worth saving. This moved her, enough that she was capable of leaving the world of the living. Such kindness was all she had wanted for her entire life.

Life was a bit better in the soul society. She still passed unnoticed overall but there were some people that noticed her easily enough. They spoke to her and were kind. They mentioned there were people here used to dealing with minor abiliities like that since they were so used to the shinigami nearby. She had figured her seeming invisibility was something she had caused and this confirmed her suspicion but she had no idea what this ability was or how to control it. She started to ask around about anybody who could help her learn what it was she was able to do how to keep it under control. She was directed multiple times toward the seireitei. She applied for a spot with the shinigami. Here she would discover more of her abilities. She would learn to control them and expand upon them. This ability she had tapped into would prove to be only the smallest amount of what she could to do.

Her testing to get into the academy didn't go exactly how atoli expected. She thought she was going to have to struggle through just to be noticed enough to test in. However, upon completion of the examination she learned that she had impressed them and that covert ops would likely be watching her progress very closely. That made quite a bit of sense to her since she could blend in very easily. As the studied and learned more she started to gain control over her own ability. She seemed to gain a large portion of this control after she recieved her Zanpakutō. She knew they were supposed to reflect the user somehow. She figured she was probably just using it as a way to focus on herself and her abilities to control them. She learned how to turn it off and on at will which was nice since she stopped having to force herself to be seen. She decided that since this seemed to be one of her major strengths so far she would learn everything she could to help this power grow. She focused herself on her speed and shunpo since it was difficult to keep track of her. There were several kido's that would help her vanish as well. This place was gonna give her a purpose and and a place to fit in. She would do everything she could to help them which would mean being the best she could do.

Atoli was desperate to prove herself as she trained. When the time came to practice against real opponents Atoli put her faith in her abilities to go unseen. Usually it went pretty well allowing her to vanish and maneuver getting it big attacks at surprise locations. However, there were some situations where her training opponents knew her style of fighting and found some way to reveal where she was despite her abilities. In these situations Atoli tended to get herself into a bad spot. She started to learn that her overconfidence in her ability could be a bad thing. She started training herself to fight as if she was fully visible even when using her ability taking less risks unless necessary which improved her record in the practice rounds but she still occasionally couldn't pass up a choice opening which was occasionally used against her. A few times she used the places where people usually caught her out as a trap tricking them into opening themselves up thinking they knew what she was doing. Usually a few seconds delay was all it took. She learned much about her own abilities and fighting style she would best use in the field in those days.

Atoli knew that it wouldn't be very long before she became a full member of the shinigami. Her training progressed well enough and while she wasn't necessarily the strongest person to go through this training she knew that she had what it took to become a full shinigami. Her style was different then most of the other people that trained with her due to her unique ability but she knew now that being different wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She started to realize that she didn't have to conform to what everybody else wanted or expected in order to be a good likable person. She would simply be herself and do her best and if that wasn't enough for others they would be the ones to have to deal with it.

IV. Equipment


» Equipment: [If your Shinigami has any equipment? Put it here. If they don't, skip this section.]

V. Racial Techniques/Abilities/Skills


» Racial Abilities: Atoli has focused on her shunpo and kido skills more then her zanjutsu and hakuda abilities. She feels that this compliments her natural abilties well. Things that would help her keep out of sight until she was ready to strike.

VI. Sealed Powers


» Zanpakutô Name: Innes

» Zanpakutô Appearance: http://i.imgur.com/eLxZ9St.jpg

» Sealed Zanpakutô Power: Atoli developed an ability which causes her to become difficult to see and look at. She doesn't disappear exactly more like her body becomes almost blurry and when you are looking for her one's eyes tend to simply slide over her as if she wasn't there. It is less effective if somebody is actively searching for her specifically. Drawing attention to herself with lights or noices will usually cause somebody to be able to see her normally though it can be easy to lose sight of her. This ability simply works on her physical form those that are good at pinpointing the source of reiatsu would be able to sense and locate her. While she can be difficult to track while using this ability her defenses are typically weaker so if she does get hit its usually fairly hard.

VII. Shikai


» Shikai Release Phrase: Shroud the world Innes

» Shikai Appearance: http://i.imgur.com/rzmzrq2.jpg
Her shikai is a staff with a rounded head. Floating about the head is a ring with 6 spikes. These spikes can move around the head and be swiveld on the ring. They can be formed together to make a spear head or she could spin the spikes causing them to essentially act as a saw.

» Shikai theme: Atoli is a kind person overall. While she will follow orders when push comes to shove she doesn't really want to hurt people. Even when she has to hurt others she tries win with a little harm done as she can. This is reflected in her shikai which allows her to engage opponents in a manner that allows for her to pursue the nonlethal option.

» Shikai Abilities: Atoli's shikai revolves almost entirely around illusions. These illusions take the form of people complete with equipment. These illusions do nothing to change what actually exists around her so her illusions won't deal physical damage but things that have seemingly vanished can still make contact. She can also create phantom sounds to go with her illusions and are centered at the illusions themselves. The more illusions she creates the more flaws there will be which can give the illusions away as fakes. Also the one perceiving these illusions must remain within 100 feet of Atoli. Moving beyond this limit will cause the illusions to disappear. Her illusions themselves must remain withing 50 feet of atoli.

The creation of these illusions is preceded by a bright blue flash of light from the orb on top of Atoli's shikai staff. This blue light not only signals that an illusion has been created it is necessary for the illusion to take hold. If enough of the light is blocked the illusions will not be successfully created (for example sunglasses would still let light in being behind a wall would block it.) Once an illusion has been formed the person affected can attempt to use their will power to shatter the illusion or illusions completely (lower willpower then Atoli makes this very difficult). The more illusions being broken the harder it will become to erase all of them. Her noise making illusions, which are simpler to create, can use the existing visual illusions as a focus so no blue light is created upon their formation.

The number of illusions she can create is directly correlated to Atoli's focus. Things that distract her or split her focus can dispel entire illusions as she must concentrate to maintain them. Atoli can control at least 2 illusions usually without to much difficulty and limited flaws but each illusion beyond that requires more focus on her part (Master level focus means more illusions without flaws). Injuries make it more difficult to maintain illusions (pain endurance check per injury each injury decreasing next check.) Mental deduction of others make it easier for them to spot whatever flaws do arise in her illusions as they can spot the differences and figure out what the illusions are (lower deduction needs more time to spot enough to tell).

Even "Perfect" illusions are not 100% fault free. Since the illusions are not real they are not affected by conditions surrounding them. Their movements can travel through minor obstructions like a foot passing through the top of a wall or an arm that goes through a corner rather then around. They will also have no movement in response to things like wind or other environmental issues. Somebody that is paying enough attention can usually figure out where the illusions are at.

In addition to the fact that her illusions become harder to master the more there are each illusion is a constant drain on her reiatsu. This drain makes it so that no illusion can be sustained for longer then two posts at a time. Each illusion she creates beyond the first will also weaken her as the effort to maintain them increases. This drain manifests itself first as a drain on her speed slowing down her movements and reaction time (speed and shunpo lowers). If she continues to make more illusions her attacks will become weaker (strength decrease). After that the remaining time her shikai can remain active will become half per illusion until the remaining time is less then one post in which case it will revert immediately dispelling all of her illusions instantly (see shikai in shinigami spec). Atoli at this point cannot push beyond the at most limit of five illusions at once the drain on her body being to great for her to be willing to maintain.

Disappear: This illusion causes Atoli to disappear becoming completely invisible. Due to unknown factors involved with movement Atoli cannot accurately use this to conceal another person. Small particulates such as dust if noticed could give this illusion away. Also anything spread in the air such as colored gas, rain and snow, liquid splatter from things like blood and paint can still come into contact with her and would not become invisible the hollow space clearly being where she is located. If to many illusions are being supported small sections of the body could become visible sparatcially. As with her passive this conceals her physical form only those that can detect reiatsu accurately could sense her. Somebody with highly developed senses could use them to very easily locate her.

Copy: This illusion creates copies of the target making multiples appear. Each copy counts as an extra illusion. Since the person being copied is present major mistakes are unlikely but there are mistakes such as wrong color eyes, hair slightly to long or short, marks on weapons or cloths being misplaced or absent. The copies have the appearance and weaponry of the original and can make the appropriate attacks with said weapons but the refined abilities cannot be copied.

Reinforcements: This illusion creates the form of people that aren't present in the situation. These illusions must be created from Atoli's memory so they must be somebody that Atoli as already meet. These illusions are highly prone to mistakes such as somebody being to tall, wielding the wrong weapon, cloths being the wrong color since nobodies memory is perfect.

Silence: This dampens sound generated by Atoli herself or one of her allies. Soft sounds like foot steps and breathing become so light that they are cannot be heard unless the generator is within a foot of the person hearing the sound. sounds at the volume of speech or higher is dampened to a whisper which can be heard several feet away. Yelling and shouting is as loud as normal speech, tone of speech allows the listener to tell they are still yelling. Only objects in constant contact the object of this ability will be silenced (cloths brushing against something will be silenced, kicking a rock the rock will make noise as usual.) If Atoli is already juggling to many illusions this one will randomly falter allowing sound to be generated as normal for a few seconds. Strong focus can help pick up the dampened sounds.

Speak: This allows Atoli to generate the sound of speech from a chosen illusion within her range of controlling illusions. If done incorrectly the words can come out at the wrong voice for the person speaking or the words themselves can be misspoken.

Clash: This can create sounds of battle from swords clashing together or explosions from powerful attacks. Atoli only really uses this to try and distract an opponent or to make them think an illusion is the real thing. She can create the wrong sound at the wrong time or the sounds can become muted if she isn't paying attention making it obvious the sound wasn't real.

Spirit drain: This is the ultimate ability of Atoli's shikai and is the only ability that is not strictly speaking an illusion. This is the only ability that cannot be used defensively. This is purely an offensive ability. Atoli holds her staff in front of her with both hands charging an orb at the top of her staff. This charging creates blue glow which is not as bright as when her illusions are created. This attack takes a post to charge if Atoli is at full strength (early in the release without illusions on the field. It takes up to three posts to charge if she is weakened (near the end of her shikai duration and has multiple illusions active). The drain of charging this attack has the same negative effect on her combat abilities as if she created another illusion. If Atoli herself is struck by an attack while charging this ability the charge will be interrupted forcing it to start over if she still desires to use this ability. When the charge is complete she can launch the orb at its target. This ability uses a large amount of atoli's reiatsu within the attack. The total drain of her own reiatsu to launch is almost half of her total capacity. The target does not need to see the light from her staff to be affected by this ability it since the attack is very real. This attack can be blocked by counter attacks and terrain. Someone watching this ability might mistake it for an illusion since it does not deal physical damage. The person afflicted by this orb will feel pain as if the orb punched a hole in their body and when it connects it trys to drain the target of the will (equal to Atoli's own willpower) to keep fighting for the thread. A direct hit on a person's core makes this affect more difficult to resist while a hit on an arm or leg will make it easier. It takes an immense amount of will to overcome a direct hit though certain personality traits (such as a thirst for battle or an intense desire to kill) will make it easier to resist the effects. (For example kenpachi zaraki loves battle more then anything so this ability would likely have little effect on him.) This orb can only be launched once per shikai release so if the orb is launched and misses or is blocked this ability is lost. This orb can only move up to the maximum her normal illusions can be away from her (50ft) before dissipating. Her energy lingers in their system keeping their will to fight suppressed unless they manage to expel this energy or overwhelm it with their own.

VIII. Bankai Powers


» Bankai Appearance: http://i.imgur.com/M68BPWY.jpg In addition to her glowing blue pattern Atoli also gains the massive ring seen on the back of her Zanpakutō's form as well as the orbs that hover just beyond open palms which can be extended into blades.

» Bankai theme: Atoli's bankai is a manifestation of the darkest part of her personality. Atoli tries to be kind but when someone refuses her attempts and pushes her to anger she will be more then willing to hurt somebody which her bankai reflects in its ability to really hurt people.

» Bankai Abilities: Her bankai's ring allows her to launch energy blasts from the tips of the blades and if she moves the ring so its around her body she can use it to hover off the ground and move at high speeds. While she cannot use her energy blasts in this state she can form her blades from her orbs and attack with them.

The major addition to her abilities is that her illusions which create additional soldiers on the field are "real" illusions. These illusions are physical and have real shapes. They can attack and also be attacked. The more illusions created for this purpose the weaker and more easily destroyed each illusion will become as Atoli must put a portion of her own power into them to make them real so every illusions created will also weaken Atoli.


VIII. Skill Sheet


To Find Out about what these skills are for, please READ THIS THREAD before you try doing anything to it. After you have read it, do not feel your skills out until a staff member has graded your thread. We will also do your will sheet for you upon grading your application.

Will Skills
  • Willpower: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Skill Sheet

General Skills
  • Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner


Racial Skills
  • Hoho: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Kidō: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Zanjutsu: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
  • Hakuda: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner




IX. Role Play Sample


» Roleplay Sample: [Please show us how you role play by either posting a previous post from another site or creating a new one. We do this so we know your RP skill. If you already have an accepted, you need not do another RP sample]

END OF THE POST


Last edited by Thordios on Sat Nov 26, 2016 7:26 am; edited 21 times in total
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Subject Post 2PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:51 pm

Quote :
» Shikai Release Phrase: Shroud the world Innes

» Shikai Appearance: http://i.imgur.com/rzmzrq2.jpg
Her shikai is a staff with a rounded head. Floating about the head is a ring with 6 spikes. These spikes can move around the head and be swiveld on the ring. They can be formed together to make a spear head or she could spin the spikes causing them to essentially act as a saw.

» Shikai Abilities: Atoli's shikai revolves almost entirely around illusions. She is able to alter the appearence of the world making things appear that don't exist or making things that do exist vanish. These illusions take the form of people complete with equipment. These illusions do nothing to change what actually exists around her so her illusions can't hurt people but they can be hit by something that they can no longer see. She can also create phantom sounds to go with her illusions anything from a bang to intricate speech. The more illusions she creates the more flaws there will be which can give the illusions away as fakes.

Disappear: This illusion causes the target to disappear becoming completely invisible. Small particulates if noticed could give this illusion away.

Through the ages: This creates a false image of the target bearing a different age then what is truth either making them appear older or much younger.

Copy: This illusion creates copies of the target making multiples appear. Each copy counts as an extra illusion.

Reinforcements: This illusion creates the form of people that aren't present in the situation. Atoli must create these illusion from memory so they more then any other illusions are prone to mistakes though with the actual target not present these mistakes can be harder to spot if someone does not know the real version of the illusion.

Silence: This eliminates sounds coming from a target.

Speak: This allows Atoli to generate the sound of speech from a chosen location.

Clash: This can create sounds of battle

We take illusions very seriously here(because they are broken as balls) and none of these have suitable weaknesses nor are they described well enough to be allowed. You'll definitely need to add more description and limitations beyond "If she has too many illusions, a number of which there is absolutely no definitive value, they falter sorta kinda." I recommend looking at some other members applications for the quality we expect out of more risky powers such as this. Also, this character isn't quite at the level where she'd be having Bankai...as a preliminary assessment this is a 3-5 at the absolute most generous which wouldn't even be at Shikai levels.

If you cannot find an answer on your own, I recommend asking your peers for advice on how to structure complex and restricted powers on our board.
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Subject Post 3PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Sun Aug 14, 2016 6:08 pm

I'll work on it and whatever the character doesn't get graded enough for I will cross out.
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Subject Post 4PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:15 pm

[adm]Moving this to WIP since it's been over a week since an update has been made.[/adm]

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Subject Post 5PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:58 am

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [X]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination:
  • Mental Deduction:
  • Pain Endurance:
  • Focus:


Comments/Notes: Hey there! I'm Gamedragon and I'll be the staff member reviewing this profile today! I was told that this is ready for checking, and if that's not the case, then you're free to take this as a form of advice for how the character should progress. I'll state my own lil' policy really quickly, if you see that anything doesn't seem fair or unreasonable, you are entirely free to ask another staff member to take over the check, or we can hash it out on PC over Discord or the site if need be! With that out of the way, let's get started!

The first thing I'd love to know more about would be her sealed abilities. It lists that she's essentially harder to see and keep track off unless specifically sought after. Is this only her physical form that is hard to see, or is her reiatsu also dampened to a degree?

Next up are her Shikai abilities! First off, I want to know her maximum number of illusions and the strain it'll put on her. We know the minimum is two, and maintaining them has a fairly strong drain, but what's the absolute most that she can do with the ability? How would it drain her and effect her ability to react in a combat scenario? What general mental abilities would be needed, such as a focus equal or higher than her in order to see through the illusions? Or would it be more on a case by case basis, and if so, what would be the requirements? Illusions is a very strong power and very easy to abuse, so I will be asking a lot of questions and being rather harsh with how I look at this.

For her Disappear ability, I have two main points about this. Does this suppress her energy while hiding, and can someone see through the facade if they have either strong enough senses or strong mental skills?

For Copy, I'm sure you have enough commons sense for this, but I still need to ask. It only copies their appearance and nothing else, correct?

For Silence, what would the the required mental skill check to see through it and hear normally? Equal or above Focus? Mental deduction?

Now for her last ability, I just want to make sure a few things in order. Exactly how much energy does this drain out of Atoli, how is the draining rate on people for their will, and could they power through it with enough willpower or determination? Is a person able to break out of it once afflicted through pumping enough reiatsu in their body to expel the foreign energy?

And for the final thing to mention, with the current state this profile is in, I do not see it deserving Bankai upon creation. You are free to put more work and effort into this profile if you truly want Bankai for this character, but I will warn you that I don't look for size, I look for what makes sense in a profile, what meshes, and if the character itself has done enough to deserve it. Someone just passing the academy isn't at a very high chance of getting Bankai, considering what most have to go through to unlock it themselves.

Welp, that was officially my check! If there are any issues, feel free to contact me so we can hash things out!


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Subject Post 6PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Tue Nov 22, 2016 11:55 pm

@Thordios

What's goin on here man? This should probably be in pending, but if it's still being worked on lemme know.

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Subject Post 7PostSubject: Re: Atoli   Tue Nov 29, 2016 5:15 pm

[adm]
Still being worked on. Last update: November 26
[/adm]

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