Re: Twice Worn, Twice Heavy

Sat Jan 23, 2021 1:57 pm

Twice Worn, Twice Heavy - Page 2 6EdIfMt

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Yoshitsune remained silent letting Laskt speak his piece fully. He had answers for many things. But it was time for the Captain to talk, he would give Laskt the blunt truth of the matter. He wasn't going to use examples. This time it would be purely his deduction and skills of that on display.

"All inner hollows up until a certain point or conjunction are after our souls. Be it because we are weak, running away from our problems. Or whatever have you, they linger and wait to pounce. Vait was no different, he played the game his way. I can't tell you that everything will work out the same. I spent decades trying to finally heal the wounds I had made."

He didn't want this to be talking down, but it was time Laskt finally got a reality check. That he could do so much more, every time he said otherwise. He added another shackle of doubt.

"The problem is, you doubt yourself. You add chains and shackles that aid your hollow and disgust your Zanpakuto. You try and try, reaching out a hand of friendship. Your personal view limits your growth as a Vizard. You see them as enemies, great evils to be exorcised. But with that mindset, why would he lend power? You fear them to some degree, I sense much pain and agony in your life."

He said calmly as he looked at Laskt, Ulv Auber was someone who went through hell. He didn't know her history, but if you give up before the battle starts. If you walk away because it doesn't go your way. You will never make the change you are seeking.

"If you take steps backward, using your mind to enforce the idea and opinion you hold too. It becomes a greater reality, you've tried over and over. You aren't the only one, but your strategy must evolve and change. If the first time didn't work change your tactic. Gaining power and evolving is important, yes, but failure is even more. You wear your burdens and failures like armor. "

He wasn't dressing down Laskt, but he didn't give the chance for an interjection. He wasn't angry, not even remotely. But he wanted his Squad member to understand. The despair he felt, wasn't something alone. But this was a battle Laskt could fight and could win. But he needed to realize where his strategy was flawed.

Telling him the answer didn't work, because he didn't want to hear it. He'd been told the answers over and over, so the best way forward was this.

"One day, you'll look in the mirror and see a person you've forgotten. You are stuck because you are making yourself stuck. You chain yourself to the past, without moving to the here and now. Every Vizard goes through this battle if you have to fight. Then you fight, but right now you are showing him your back and the weakness you harbor. You must understand, that the difficulties you are imposing on yourself. Are made by you, disagreements can be forgiven and advanced. Your Zanpakuto is most likely tired of how you shackle yourself. "

He would finish by quoting a line from his master, one that took a long time for Yoshitsune to understand.

"There are no shackles in this world as heavy as the ones we put on ourselves."

Tue Jan 26, 2021 12:10 am

PREPARE TO ENTER THE VIZARD'S POST

Acceptance

Hollows.

To a classic Shinigami, they were little more than twisted personifications of humanity's darkest impulses. They were greed, murder, and hopelessness wrapped up in a form that were little more than mobile nightmares. Many a time Laskt had stared into the lifeless black that they called eyes, wondering if the souls that comprised them could see outward, see what they were doing. He hoped not, otherwise they would be trapped in a fate worse than the most pointless of deaths. The Vizard liked to think of himself as a fairly affable person, that much he would give himself. Sure he was apt to depressive episodes and self loathing, but were not many things that could drive him to rage or anger. He liked to be polite and respectful to the people he met, no matter their station or race.

But Hollows? Hollows he hated.

It had been maddening to be beaten into the ground by a common Arrancar so long ago. The scenario had been all that he had trained for, all that he had dedicated his afterlife to killing. He finally had the opportunity to become the legendary warrior his younger self had so desperately wished to be. After all, an unseated member of the Gotei killing an Arrancar of any stripe? It would have been unprecedented, and surely granted the glory-hungry young man all the attention and power he desired.

And then, he had simply failed.

It was not a matter of right or wrong. He had simply not been strong enough, and had paid the price. Long days of toil followed, always at the edge of losing control, losing himself in the newly formed Hollow's insane rages. Even with every scrap of both his and his Zanpaktou's Spiritual Pressure, the Hollow still broke free occasionally, and it was only by sheer force of will that he managed to avoid killing his comrades. One by one, they had fled from him in fear, leaving him alone to wallow in angst and regret.

There was a long pause after the Captain finished speaking. Laskt's face was unnaturally still as he fought for control of his roiling emotions, not wanting to fall into a pit of despair once again, not when he was so close to real progress!

And then, the dam broke.

".....At first, I fucking hated zem, zose Shinigami who had left me to my fate." Laskt spat, his voice poisonous. It was a voice that would shock anyone who was used to the reserved, polite Vizard, the man who never so much as showed a hint of fury. "In my hour of greatest need, zey left me in order to preserve zeir own skins. However, as time passed, I understood and even forgave zem. After all, my youzful self was only popular due to my power and astounding arrogance. Wiz my strengz tied to restraining Chikai and my arrogance beaten out of me, I had nozing to offer. What ozer conclusion could zeir be? I had, after all, failed, I had not been enough. Zere is nozing so black and white in ze world as failure."

Hundreds of years of memories flitted by as Laskt remembered a man so beaten into the ground by circumstance that he feared he would never be able to rise again. "I am not blind to ze zings you point out Captain. I shackle myself wiz doubt and self-loazing, but isn't zat exactly what I deserve? I was too pazetically weak and cowardly to try to reach out to my Hollow like you, Captain, or Madame Ulv did. Instead, I simply suppressed it, for years upon years, not possessing ze courage to risk my soul and display my weakness once more. Even now, ze only reason I am not still skulking among ze Detention Unit is because Chikai finally grew to ze point where my whole being was not enough to hold him back." Laskt hissed, shattering the bokken into powder with a flex of his fingers.

"Shackles are not wizout purpose after all; zey are placed upon sinners to stop zem from hurting ozers. Even when Madame Ulv told me of what I must do, I could not do it. After all, I imprisoned my Hollow for centuries for ze mere crime of its existence, no matter how evil it may be. Zis is a violation of my code, and zerefore alienates Him. Wiz me not being in ze right in eizer case, I wondered how I could ever gazer ze gall to face eizer of zem. I had failed so many times after all, what was to say I wouldn't fail again, even after ze help of you, Ulv, Takehiko, Sylvia, Shinryu and so many ozers?"

Tue Jan 26, 2021 2:10 pm

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His eyes narrowed and he'd tried to point it out to him. This wasn't a confessional or a place to run from one's problems. Excuses of at the time and everything else worked fine. They were fine and dandy, but there was one problem with them. One issue, they added more weight and doubt.

"You still do not understand the past is a shackle itself, you must shatter. If you continue to be bound by it, it will devour you whole." He gripped the bokken within his digits, his fingers tightening. He was getting angry at the man avoiding the present to sit in the distant past. They had no time for it, not now that the stakes were getting higher.

"Do you think you are the only one cast out or abandoned, don't tell me that you believe that excuse alone helps? That was then and this is now, you are living in the past. You must let it go and focus on the now, your honor in the past can be repaired with deeds in the present. But not if you keep wallowing in your anger and pity!" A blast of reiatsu came out of Yoshitsune as he inhaled a single breath.

This attitude, no this entire thing needed to be dismantled. His eyes turned towards the nearest grunts. He'd tried tactically being soft with him. He'd tried to let the male learn that way. But this bandaid needed to be ripped off and now. This was a Seated officer, not a child learning his way around things.

"If you aren't blind, then why do you continue to shackle yourself with excuses and run from the solution? Even now you are running from yourself, as you speak! When you peer into the mirror the man you are now and the one you remember are different. If you cannot agree, then conquer that is the end path. " He was getting not just angry with this self-pity but further annoyed by it.

This man had shown great intelligence before and been very bright. But this subject was like removing the thorn from a paw of a lion. That did it, he was going to explain honor to him, a true honor. Not this pretentious thing that paraded around like it.

"You are a fool then, Ulv Auber is one of the wisest women to exist in this entire existence. Your code, this does not honor this is a dishonorable thing you continue to do. You drag honor through the mud over and over again. When you act like this and go this road." His teeth gritted, he ignored Ulv that was the most unwise thing to do. She was brilliant when it came to hollows.

"Sins, you speak as if mistakes are the things that bind you. You've made errors in life, we don't learn anything by not making them. Life is a walking mistake that we continue to pick ourselves up from. Is this the Knight's code and honor, is this truly all it is. True honor cannot be slandered or brought low if this is the extent of your Knighthood and honor it is lacking. "

This wasn't going to be a light subject, training was changing right this second. He wouldn't give an inch until he shattered every ounce of this guilty and perception. His teeth gritted, before looking to grunts. "Bring me a mirror and a chair, now!" They ran off doing as ordered right away, this wouldn't end here. Not even remotely close, this situation was going to be fixed right this instance. Shinryu and everyone else may have let it slide, but he would not let this talent be wasted.

"Sit, you slander yourself and the honor by laying on your sword to die. Your Zanpakuto has no interest in self-pity or this delusional sacrifice your making. If anything you feed your hollow power, you give up your honor for such a cheap thing." His form paced as he looked at the mirror, it displayed what any mirror would.

It had no properties or magic about it, was his confidence this low that he couldn't just rise up? Fine, it was time to break him from this childish form and wake him up from this nightmare he forced himself into.

"Look into this mirror, does this look like a man of honor to you? A knight who stands his ground and moves forward? You protect nothing and no one like this, you hinder your honor and yourself. If you wish to dispel this past you've woven. You must see beyond the mirror, if you cannot make things right beat him with resolve and conviction. " Yoshitsune's normally calm and very friendly demeanor was shifting. He realized that the methods he'd been using weren't effective.

He could teach him a billion sword techniques, but so long as this damn was blocked. Nothing would matter, everything would be irrelevant and meaningless. the future had to be the goal, not the past.

"So long as you continue this road, you are no knight but a jester of the courts. I'll see you freed of these chains that bind you here and now. If you can't rise up for yourself, rise up for them that helped you. Because this slanders them and their honor as well. You put them down each time without realizing it, in this mirror does the current you. The Past and future, are they what you want to see at the end of this road? If you feel shame, then feel it for now not then. The past cannot be changed but the FUTURE CAN!"

He slammed his foot into the ground causing a shattering of it as he closed his eyes, hoping this got through to him. Maybe this cracked or at least dented this glass wall. He'd break it down here and now and bring Laskt out from this den of sorrow and self-loathing. Kicking and screaming if he had to do so.

Mon Feb 01, 2021 5:41 pm

PREPARE TO ENTER THE VIZARD'S POST

Acceptance

"Of course I do not believe I was ze only one cast out or abandoned." Laskt snapped, Yoshitsune's harsh words sending cracks skittering across his normally calm persona, "Do you zink me a child Captain? A child suckling on zeir mozer's teat, sobbing because I believe I must be ze only one in ze world to experience pain? I have existed longer zan most Soul Reapers alive, and I am well aware of what crimes deserve forgiveness, and zose zat do not. If I was seeking excuses I would have blamed it all on them, but I do not!" Both men were shouting now, their powers rising alongside their anger, sending most of their comrades skittering out of earshot.

Laskt could not remember the last time he had been this angry without his Hollow influencing his emotions. Intellectually, he knew Yoshitsune's every word was accurate, at least mostly. But his heart was not subject to the same rules of logic, and it still cried out under the weight of countless deaths and endless sorrow.

"You zink my shackles are an excuse Captain? I beg you to tell zat to ze families of ze twenty dead Soul Reapers I slaughtered when I awoke for ze first time. Or maybe the countless Shinigami dead or injured from my rampages! Or, since zey are likely long dead and forgotten, maybe you can explain zat to Takehiko Kuchiki who I nearly killed, or ze Vizard zat fell in Beijing zat fell because I was consumed by my Hollow and not FUCKING STRONG ENOUGH." Laskt roared, "If I was anyone else I would be nothing but a common murderer! A murderer does not get to simply let go of the past and 'move on'. If that were true the deepest cells of Soul Society would be benefit of prisoners!"

The Vizard gnashed his teeth, regaining a trace of composure with an effort close to superhuman, "I did not say I did not try Ulv's advice Captain. I respect her as much as you do. The Soul King himself knows I tried to broker a peace like she said I must. But how do you make the embodiment of tyranny itself respect you when it is so strong you are but a child in comparison? I cannot even reason with it, angry as it is over my actions. And how can I argue with it if I agree?"

Laskt let a disillusioned chuckle spill from his lips. "You say honor cannot be brought low? Most of human history stands in opposition to zat comment Captain. History is full of examples where once honorable men fell to sin out of anger, greed or a myriad of ozer emotions. True honor is a thing many try for, and none achieve." His words were disdainful, but Yoshitsune could probably see in his eyes that his comment hurt the Seated Officer deeply. "If my honor must be dirtied to protect innocents, so be it."Laskt finished, trying for utter righteousness and only barely managing mild confidence.

He mutely sat when his Captain told him to, loyalty bleeding through fury. The knight stared at the man in the mirror, noting the rumpled hair and reddened eyes. He could see cocky, talented youth of centuries past, as well as the arrogant man who had succeeded. More than anything, he saw an exhausted soldier, one who had faced down so many horrors that his will had been beaten down until it was a hair away from breaking. At his core, Laskt wanted to try and move on, he wanted to be the man his Captain he believed he could be. It was just that....

"How." Laskt whispered softly, staring at his cracked reflection. "How do I know I can trust myself? How do I know if I even deserve to trust myself, to carve a new future? It would be so easy to fail and waste centuries of struggle and strife, as well as the efforts of everyone who has helped me. I had all but fallen in Beijing, if not for my defeat." He asked, voicing his deepest held fear. Chikai no Uragiru had already won in Beijing, and he would have almost certainly gone the same route as Reina if the Hollow had not been weakened prior by Hvit. The irony of the situation was delicious: he was not even strong enough to fail.

Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:07 pm

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His anger was beginning to glimmer, this self-pity was worthless. Slowly spiritual pressure began to leak from him. He killed 20, Yoshitsune's family had damned thousands. Iriko alone had caused enough destruction to bring the entire family down. And this child was thinking of thousands.

"You act like a child, do you not see it..Every moment you do this, you make an excuse you spit on that 20 you killed. You dishonor them every single second you do it. Twenty people died trying to save you and help you, you spit on them every single time...DO YOU PLAN TO CONTINUE THIS RIDCEULOUS charade!" His spiritual pressure and energy erupted around him. Bits of his hollow powers began to form and glow through his body.

"Do you think, that child Kuchiki didn't feel pain from her demise? The Vizard that fell in Beijing, do you truly have such a self-centered and destructive sense of self that you think you suffered alone...That these shackles you create are by some means forgiving? " He was quiet for a moment, he knew the answer was coming soon. But he was tearing down walls and breaking his way through. This honorless charade, this entire thing held no purpose.

"It is strong because you make it strong. You continue to throw it away time and time again. You may be an elder, but you act as though a newborn. You may be a senior to me in regard to age. But in your understanding of yourself, you are a novice. Your Zanpakuto can help you with the hollow, but you continue to disgrace yourself."

He didn't get it, he didn't understand something so basic. It frustrated him that this senior, someone who held a high age. Was so stupid in this sense, this could have been a Vice-Captain. But he threw his Wisdom away and focused on this pity. This past that choked him and threw it away, he stepped over towards the man. His expression hardened and his eyes colder. The knight may have been older, but Yoshitsune grew up in hell. Murder and theft were common, children died daily. His own family practiced a strange almost Spartan mentality when it came to rituals.

He pointed at the mirror, his finger as he knelt down and looked at the male. The anger had begun to subside, his energy coming down and getting under control.

"They are in that mirror with you, every person you've failed and killed. By refusing to take up this challenge, you mock them. You let them down over and over again. This man in the mirror isn't just you, it's everything that encompasses you. Every choice, everything right, everything wrong, and everything you plan to become. You are so scared to take this step, to shatter the fear in you. If that child Takehiko Kuchiki can do this, why can't you? He was a weak and foolish brat. He made poor choice after poor choice, yet you don't see him running." He spat out as he wanted this man to understand something.

That boy didn't have half the experience or knowledge the knight did before him. "The worst thing is, you are stabbing the king you as a Knight should serve. Words hold a power that not even the blade matches. So every time you do this, every single time. That reflection becomes mutated and disfigured. Until one day, you wake up and no longer know that person. Until the man you see is a phantom completely lost from what it was. "

He spoke of it because that was him long before he wore this Haori. Before he stepped back on the battlefield for the Gotei. This person before him had lost it all, everything that was important had been robbed from Jaeden Crow. His entire family, yet he had the nerve to stand back up again.

"If you continue down this road, you are torturing your Zanpakuto as well, you should understand that even it suffers every single time you do this. Hesitation will kill it someday. And if you answer me with self-pity again and excuses I will..."

He closed his eyes, feeling his fists had gotten tighter. He wasn't dealing with something that could be broken through easily. But this had become a problem, the babying had to end. Maybe it was time to show him just how pathetic he was being.

He sighed as he calmed himself, this yelling and screaming wouldn't get him anywhere. He could scold the man until the sky turned red and hell started to serve french fries. It wouldn't work, not like this at the very least.
"You know, what I am looking for out of you isn't easy. I want you to let the past go and stride towards the goals you seek. But when you talk bad about yourself, refusing to let those wounds heal. I struggle to know what to do. My situation isn't everyone's, I lived in despair for most of my life. Talking isn't a strong suit of mine. " He paused now as he thought about it, they were polar opposites how could he reach him?

"I grew up in the Zaraki District, my family were poor and had trials of sending children to fight hollows. If you came back you were successful, I saw a lot of my childhood friends die. And then when I thought I made it, I saw more. I never learned how to communicate, these weren't skills that were taught to us. I was taught a single skill, that skill is with the blade and my control. But, the difference between us, is I picked up the pieces even if it meant starting over at the bottom. You've refused to pick yourself up, it is why your Zanpakuto won't help you..at that is my belief."

Tue Feb 09, 2021 11:42 pm

PREPARE TO ENTER THE VIZARD'S POST

Acceptance

9]]"I am damn sure zat if zey were alive zey would not be so willing to forgive as you are implying Captain! You act as zough ze countless Shinigami zat died went willingly! Zey had families! Dreams! Futures! And now zey are but dust upon ze winds of time, merely because zey happened to be in ze wrong place at ze wrong time! I can zink of no GREATER insult to zeir memory zan to sudden absolve myself of all guilt merely because it is time to 'move on'!"[/b]Laskt responded hotly, clearly struggling under the sheer weight of Yoshitsune's power, but fighting with all of his might to keep his head unbowed. Tozat's laughing filled his ears as his energy began to flicker slightly, strands of Hollow energy racing through it like filth in a swift stream.

The fight was beginning to go out of Laskt at this point, but if there was one thing Laskt truly had mastered, it was sheer, pig-headed stubbornness"Of course I know zey felt pain! Pain I could have at least attempted to assist wiz if I had been fully aware!" Laskt shot back, fists clenching until his gloves squeaked under the strain. "I know I would have probably not been able to do anyzing! I know zat! But I could have at least TRIED!" The Vizard shouted, finally voicing the thought that had been nagging him ever since he had returned from that mission. The more he learned, the more he understood how utterly outclassed he had been in mental confrontation, even without Tozat pounding at the metaphorical gates. But it simply wasn't in the Vizard's nature to accept defeat so easily, especially when he had been the choice to even try

Yoshitsune's next barrage, however, finally breached the Vizard's defenses. Laskt flinched, looking down at his boots like a raw recruit being scolded for taking improper care of his equipment. He opened his mouth to respond several times, before closing it. It was true, Tozat's unchecked power was almost entirely his fault, his refusal to accept responsibility for the unwelcome burden that had been thrust upon him. Don't forget about ze part where you managed to alienate ze reflection of your very soul with your actions. Tozat said silkily in the back of his mind. Ze sheer incompetence zat would be required to get ze old fool to finally give up on you is impressive to say ze least. Not zat I care of course, it allows me to gain all I wish that much easier.

Laskt would mutely bear the accusations and recriminations that followed. He tried several times to inject with a counterargument but found that he possessed none. What could he say? He had been a coward and had likely tortured his Zanpaktou with his refusal to do what was right. Laskt hadn't heard it speak for so long, he had almost forgotten what it felt like.

Yoshitsune's past was a darker one then he had expected. Gotei Captains were beings that lower Shinigami revered, trusting wholeheartedly in their power and wisdom. One simply did not think of legends like Henrex Astillon or Kagayaku no Murasaki as fallible or self-pitying: to do so was to admit that Soul Society's most powerful were merely human at their core. It was due to this that Laskt felt so touched that his Captain had trusted him enough to lower his guard, at least slightly. Perhaps it was the least he could do to at least try to reciprocate.

Laskt sighed, staring up at the azure sky. "I don't want to keep living this way Captain. Really, I don't. I think I was almost ready to really try and change things before my experiences in Beijing brought all of that self-pity and doubt back to the surface. I want to pick up the pieces and become the subordinate you deserve, I just....don't know how." Laskt said softly, "How do I move past a life of penance as easily as you say?"

Wed Feb 10, 2021 3:03 pm

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Artist: Carrotwine - Song: Dark Side Of The Road

He stood in silence, as the two traded comments not responding to those given. He realized yelling and screaming like a child, would gain a child's response. Anger would bring about more anger. He pulled a chair over and sat in front of Laskt now. He guessed it was a good a time as any. He looked up at the sky for a moment closing his eyes. It hurt to think about this period in his life. But Vait's hand gently touched his shoulder. Reminding him it was alright, he'd beaten this before.

"I'll tell you my story, maybe you can find some piece that..will inspire you and help you see. I can't tell you how I got those pieces back, even if it meant starting from the bottom rung."

He thought back on it, the killing of the chi8ldren. "I'd tell you the beginning of it, but that part isn't relevant or important to my upbringing. As the times were different as were the leadership. He remarked having a bitter sense of it.

"It must have been hundreds of children sent to fight the hollows, child soldiers were common among the family. I'd fought nearly a hundred duels at the age of seven. The turmoil and reality of the Zaraki District, still echos in my mind to this day. I had to kill children as young as four or five years old when I was ten. " There was a pain in his voice, something that was deep.

"If we didn't, you didn't eat. For a week that was the rule, they were cruel and harsh. Their fall was just the same, dressed as dogs and dragged through the mud. Forced to eat things you couldn't imagine...One day...the adults all died." He said his eyes held a coldness to them, similar to someone who'd been pushed far. It had been too much, his eyes had a darkness inside them. One's reserved for people who've walked through the carnage.

"The son of the current leadership at the time, Jaeden Crow..grew tired of the slaughter of children, the feasting and actions of the leadership...So one night, he came to call killing the entire Main branch family. And everyone guilty of the actions mentioned...Including his parents, uncles, and aunts." He became quiet, not anger but regretful of his actions.

Self-righteous fury brought him nothing, he wasn't fit to lead. "It did nothing, they were but children in the Zaraki district fighting and had the Founder of the family not stepped in. The fall would have been complete, the disgrace of what he did. But even more so, all that death meant nothing. I had no plan, no way to take the lead and move it. There is blood on my hands I will never be able to wash off. That was..what I carried around for a long time."

His story did not end, no it had a long way to go from that. His beginning was a dark one. But the middle wasn't much better, it was another chapter of failures and running away. "Had he not stepped in, those children would have died. I would later become a Captain, I had been infected with a hollow..the catalyst and turning point would be the invasion of an Arrancar of unprecedented strength. He beat me easily and soundly. His eyes looked off where Squad 9 had once been, a new construction was taking place in that direction.

"The entire Squad died, I survived and was transported to the now gone Vizard Corps. Intrusted with the Combat Sector, I worked with Zin Yuudeshi and Colin Washi for many years. I never let go of it, when the Vizard Corps joined the Lux Orior I declined membership. I'd done my part, but also had gained a new cross I carried." His hands came down to rest on his knees in front of him.

These wounds being opened weren't going to do anything to him. Another night with some nightmares when he slept. Nothing new or different, this was the life that had been a part of him.

"At this time, I gained a son, two brothers, and a sister. My brothers are both dead, one of them was Iriko Crow. My sister Tiamat is dead as well, my son died also. I was the leader of the family, the last one before the entire clan died. There was no Crow Family left. And even now, the old man Damien Crow who founded it all. Slowly sub comes to his illness, slowly losing himself to a battle that cannot be won. "

He inhaled a moment as he took in what he said, absorbing it as he remembered those moments. Like flickering flames in the campfire, each one a reminder of why he stopped staying still. Stopped making excuses and moved forward with his life.

"I decided enough was enough, I abandoned the family I failed and got adopted into the Kobayashi family. Minor nobles devoted to helping the Rukongai and keeping Children safe from trouble out there. I began to take steps towards recovery, facing my demons. It wasn't easy, it won't be for you either..But the longer you continue to find excuses and run from it, the harder it will be. But, when you decide to face it...I will support you as a friend and your Captain."

Fri Feb 12, 2021 12:33 am

PREPARE TO ENTER THE VIZARD'S POST

Acceptance

Laskt did not consider himself a man quick to anger.

Despite his Hollow, despite his problems, the Shinigami usually managed to keep the majority of his emotions neatly in line. There was of course the occasional outbreak of negative emotion, usually in the aftermath of one of Tozat's tantrums, and incidents such as the current one where he was pushed beyond his emotional capacity. However, on the whole, he considered himself fairly levelheaded.

Such things did not apply when it came to Yoshitsune's story.

Laskt felt his breathing pick up in intensity, his fists clenched into they formed tight fists. When his Captain had outlined his famaily earlier, Laskt had thought he had spoken of children in terms of sixteen-year-olds and older: a regrettable, disgusting practice but one that was fairly common in the endless wars that comprised human history. The Vizard hated it, but he could at least somewhat stomach the idea. But the further explanation? Of sending kids that should barely knew how to read to fight and die in pursuit of fame and glory? The treatment of the greatest miracle the universe could offer, as something barely above that of a dog trained for war?

It was sickening.

Something ancient unfurled from Laskt, dark and terrible. Training dummies snapped and broke, training racks were turned to kindling by no agency other than the ancient warrior's aura. It was not Laskt's power alone, nor that of his Hollow. For a single instant of white fury, three powers roared to their maximum, displaying a power far beyond anything the Vizard had ever produced. And then it vanished, almost like it had never existed in the first place.

The knight sat heavily down in the dust of the training field, releasing his emotions to a level more proper of a Shinigami of his power and age, "I am...sorry that you had to go through that Captain. No child should be forced to know the tools of war that young." Laskt said heavily, suddenly seeming much more his age. "I did not know monsieur Damien was zat close to death. He...helped me in ze dark days after my failure in Beijing, at least a little. I will have to visit him before his time comes."

Laskt stared into the bright sky, closing his eyes and listening to the breeze, "I cannot promise I can do what you say. I cannot promise that I will be able to forgive myself and move past the things I have done. I cannot even promise that I will not go the route of the Vizard in Beijing who's name I know not." He stood then, staring his Captain in the eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly, he tugged off a glove, revealing a hand criss crossed with scars.

Laskt extended his hand towards the man who had believed in him, "But if you believe in me, I will try."

Fri Feb 12, 2021 3:33 pm

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He smiled a bit, sensing a wall had come down. If only a small one, it was enough for him. He didn't mind that it took reliving some past trauma to do it. His duty was to progress the old and young forward. He'd not told him the request Damien asked of him. He wanted to die in battle, to go out one last time-fighting.

But Yoshitsune was the one he wished a conflict with, to fight him without holding back. Even he didn't know fully what he was capable of as he stood from his chair. The spiritual pressure hadn't bothered him. He'd stood before strong and almost inspirational figures of power. So this wasn't a first for him, he dusted himself off. As he held his hand out and shook Laskt's. This would end the training, for now, a small chip had been made. Though it wasn't the biggest thing done, it was something he could grasp.

"That's all anyone can ask or do, we'll stop training here for now. I've got work I must do..otherwise, the Vice-Captain will get paperwork she doesn't need."

He said turning and leaving the area after shaking the man's hand. He'd done what he should have done when they first met. He cracked down that wall, tearing people down wasn't his job. No, his duty was to bring the man back not push him over the edge without help.

Tearing down the walls is painful, it always has been. When he did it, it hurt like you'd not imagine. But learning and growing as part of the legacy he'd inherited. He had to learn the process and way to grow through it. Some people didn't learn or pick up things quickly.

That was alright, everyone sometimes needed a push. A way to help them move forward. So he gave them this push but never forgot his own push was going to be coming as well. From somewhere inside him, this place would build formidable warriors again soon.