You Look Good With Curls [Ada, Yugiri]

"Love's complicated, why's it complicated do you think?"

Yugiri figured she might as well ask her. Let Ada keep bringing the conversation down it's progress. She was trying to learn here and think about the whole situation. Ada's detached view was helpful, she thought. Maybe. It depends on how it really developed. It'd be nice to leave Ada's with less weight on her shoulders. Did it really have to be on there in the first place? Why couldn't they just solve their own stupid problems.

She felt the curl completed and Ada move onto another one. What a weird hairstyle, it seemed pretty on the model though. She couldn't imagine it working out for her the same way though.

"Hm... The why is a very good question. If I had to think of my own answer, it would be because love is something which is both selfish and selfless. It is the mind wishing for a person to be ours, and yet to also wish for what is best for them. It is something which drives people to tremendous evil, and tremendous good. It culminates in the affirmation of our most base and vulgar instincts, yet it satisfies the soul to its very core."

Well, Ada did make it all sound very magical, didn't she? Love was a strange thing, so far as she knew, and one which compelled others to all manner of things.

"I suppose, ultimately, it is complicated because we are forced to think of the world and ourselves through the lens of another. What would make them happy? What do we do which displeases them? It is something which is unnatural to our mind, but I do not think it could be called a negative."

She made it sound very pretty and flowery. That didn't feel like what she'd observed in the sense of what people around her called love. It just seemed like people making stupid decisions around her and then complaining or putting them on her like she could solve their issues for them.

Oh, Yugiri I'm so suicidal and tired of all this. Don't tell me what's expected of me or get angry that I did this to myself and am crying to you now. Oh, Yugiri I'm so in love with you despite the fact we're both girls and related and, and Yugiri just sighed in response to Ada's answer. She'd given sympathy to one, if only because she was fond of her in a platonic way but it made her so angry to think about.

"Looking through people's eyes? I guess I try to think about why other people do things the way they do but maybe I'm just different. Sorry, my questions are probably distracting. I don't want to feel like I'm trying to get you to solve anything for me."

She gave a sigh and leaned back to give Ada easier access to her hair. Letting her just work away.

"Oh, not at all. I quite enjoy speaking with you, you are an engaging conversational partner."

Ada mulled over the question for a bit, formulating how best to word this response. She had a bit to say on the topic, didn't she?

"Well, we must always remember that selflessness is not intrinsically a virtue. Those who would allow themselves to suffer, or to worsen as people, ought to reconsider such a thing if their motivation is purely for the sake of another. We should not love those who cannot love us, after all, who do not show us the same care and respect which we give not only them, but to ourselves."

Even if she would never say as much aloud, Ada understood all of this rather well. It was, after all, no small part of why she did not grieve her family, why the thought of her mother elicited not a single tear. Only her father had ever cared for her well-being, and so by that merit alone, he was the only family she would have ever needed.

"Love is not something that we should ever give out of obligation. We should love because we genuinely wish to see those people happy, and because they in turn wish to see that for us. If the day were to come that the man of my dreams arrived, and he asked of me to leave my career for the sake of being with him, I believe most would think that to be a difficult choice. But, I would give up on him in an instant, for such a situation means that he does not truly love me, and I cannot ever love him. The same is true of our friends, and of our family. If they do not wish the best for us, then it must be asked if they truly love us. True friendship, true family, and of course true romantic love, are all born of a desire to not only see these people in our lives, but to be affirmed in our own lives by them."

"Right, don't change for the sake of others who want you to change.."

Yugiri looked away sheepishly to a different spot on the bed, biting her lip. Maybe she was guilty of that, she acted so much hoping to garner the attention of parents that she'd never met. It all felt like such a waste of time in her head, even more than it had previously when she put in Ada's views into the equation. Her argument with Kokoro flooded back into her mind and the way she yelled at her cousin for holding her image in such high regard.

The whole loving her part was so disgusting to think about, though Yugiri had such a distorted view of love, Kokoro's confession only illicited a sexual image. A cynic like her expected nothing else when she didn't know how romance even worked, but she did love her like Ada said. She didn't want Kokoro to change for the sake of others and Kokoro had never actually wanted her to change to fulfil that desire.

"Hey Ada.. Have you ever been with someone before?"

She wanted to know what this was like, Yugiri didn't expect herself to get it anytime soon so what harm was there in hearing the stories of someone else and living vicariously through their experience on such an alien matter.

"Precisely."

Ada knew, of course, that that was a fairly large thing to ask of someone. Not everyone had the sort of outlook that she did in life, and she would not expect them to. Besides, simply trying, as Yugiri did, was more than enough.

"Been with someone? Well... Yes, I have. When I was much younger, before I had properly settled down, I was with a very good man. If I am being honest, I think that I would have been happy to have spent the rest of my life with him."

For the first time in the conversation, it seemed Ada was a touch unsure, at least hesitant to speak. It was a bit painful for her to think about, but she steeled herself and continued. It was best to celebrate it, not to grieve.

"Well, I am rather old, you know. He knew as much, but he did not mind it. Even knowing that I would surely outlive him, he was simply happy to spend what time the world would allow him with me. Every year that passed, he grew older, and I did not grow with him. I think, when I was younger, that I would have been willing to stay by his side until the very end. But he did not allow me the chance to do so.

"After so many years, the day came that he decided he had grown too old to stay at my side. That I would only be weighed down by him, and that it would simply cause me pain were he to stay. I disagreed, fervently, but he had made up his mind. He kissed me, told me that he loved me, and he left. I never saw him again after that day."

Her voice was even, resolute, but one could certainly hear the emotion behind it even so. After all, love which was true did not simply wither with time.

"He was correct. Even if we choose not to admit it, it is agony upon us to see those we love grow old, closer to their final day. It feels selfish to admit, but he understood the nature of love, and he understood that my desire to stay with him would only have caused me more anguish. I miss him, of course. But I do not dwell on it. To grieve would only prevent me from moving forward, and would be a disservice to our love. I simply think instead of what we shared. He and I trained at the same dojo for many years, and I think I never grew quite so quickly as I did at his side. We traveled the world together, shared countless memories. Even if he is no longer in my life, those days were quite dear to me. I am thankful for each and every one of them, even that one in which I said goodbye."

Finishing the second of Yugiri's large curls, Ada laughed quietly in embarrassment. Goodness, she hadn't ever spoken of that with anyone.

"I do hope I have not overwhelmed you, Yugiri."

She listened, through the whole thing, at times she wanted to speak up but held her tongue because that would be rude to interrupt her like that. Yugiri might be a little detached emotionally but she wasn't stupid about them, unlike some people she knew that didn't understand how their actions or words affected others. Yugiri knew.

"That sounds... really sad."

How did she respond to it? It sounded like a sad fairytale and Yugiri wanted to say she understood but she didn't and that annoyed her but at the same time, she definitely didn't want to go on a dating spree or jump on the first man that walked into her life, make a stupid decision and not want to live with it- wait. That was Chidori, Yugiri definitely didn't want to be like that.

At the same time, he sounded like an idiot. Why'd you get yourself into a situation like that? It sounded so sad to go into something knowing only tragedy awaited you. It was so weird to her, that'd be like walking towards a cliff in the dark. At some point you're going to fall off the cliff if you keep walking. Was that love?

"You know Ada, you're really strong. I'm sure you're strong like Erchanhardt physically but you're also really emotionally sure of yourself. I like that about you."

"Do you think so? Nothing can last forever. Even if he were as long-lived as I, in the end, one of us would have passed away in time. It is the truth of life that it must end. We cannot hold those we love from leaving us in time, nor should we. I think it would be sad only if I refused to accept his absence from my life, if I still longed for those days. But I grew with him, and he grew with me. Our time together was not cut short, but reached its natural conclusion."

Ada smiled at Yugiri's compliment, taking it quite to heart. For a woman who so valued one's sense of self, that was naturally some of the highest praise.

"I believe this sort of strength lies in anyone, with a bit of effort. It requires that we think of ourselves in totality, not simply looking toward the past or the future, not rooted only in the past. It is true that I was saddened when Michel left, and I still feel grief when I think of that moment. I know, just as well, that he was saddened to go. But such a parting would always have come."

Thinking through her reading over the years, Ada thought she ought to refer back to a passage she had touched upon in their first conversation. Yugiri had clearly understood, so she suspected that her father had already recited it to her. That sort of emotional connection would likely only help reinforce the point, though.

"If our soul has trembled with happiness and sounded like a harp string just once, all eternity was needed to produce this one event--and in this single moment of affirmation, all eternity was called good, redeemed, justified, and affirmed."

Nodding more to herself than anything else, honestly a little bit proud of herself that she had remembered that passage correctly, Ada then continued to speak.

"The day that I lost him is but a single moment, following countless memories of happiness. Even if such sadness was painful, it would be wrong to let that overshadow those countless joys. Happiness, and emotional strength, simply come with perspective. I believe you have that very same strength in you, Yugiri. Few are so willing to address life and its intricacies like this."

"Mmm. I suppose so."

She couldn't tell if it was sad for her because if she was in Ada's situation she'd want him to have stayed or if it was just sad to her because it lacked the fairytale ending that she had always had in her head as a child, though she ought to have thought that with how many times the happy end had failed her then she might've given up by now.

When she thought that everyone would be happy for her because she could walk, it was the complete opposite. When she tried to get a good outcome in her head, she was humiliated and cast out and whatever else.

"You think so? I don't know. Lots of people put their problems on me like I can be the one to fix them. I'm not really good with helping people like that though, at least not with all the inside stuff. I'm a lot better at handing problems I can get my hands on."

Yugiri let her discipline slip and try and grab one of the curls behind her head. She was very curious as to what Ada was doing with her hair and how it would look. How big were these things going to be?

"Ultimately, it is not our responsibility to help others. It is not a fault of yours that you cannot fix the problems they face. While it is good to help others, do not forget that you always must think about yourself, as well. Your well-being, and your growth, must always stay in mind. If you wish to help, then certainly do so. But when others simply lay their problems upon you, you should not think less of yourself if you lack the ability to help them."

Ada smiled a little bit at Yugiri feeling back for one of the rather impressively large curls. She was getting the hang of this now, so she was making pretty good time on the third one.

"Your ability to solve your own problems, work past your own doubts and insecurities, is what should mean the most in this world. You should take pride in those moments of self-affirmation, Yugiri, whatever they may be. Your strength is decided not by whether you may help those who ask it of you, but by whether you are able to help yourself. For what it is worth, I see no reason to think that you are not quite strong in that regard."