Something Different [Asami, Lerna]

"Certainly wouldn't be the most outlandish decision that the Gotei has ever made. Besides, I'd join your division."

Trying to be more direct with her encouragement, Asami could see a hint of motivation behind Lerna's eyes as she spoke. It was an interesting thing to aspire to, and not one that many ever accomplished, but it was good to have goals. Asami had no such ideas for herself, captaining the 5th was not what she saw in her future. Maybe one day she would rise above her position as the fifth seat, but that was not where her focus lay of late.

"I suppose I might have given him more of a chance, yeah. What I'm looking for isn't something to rush into, it seems, and I've been bitten by that mistake before. But I do not think everyone is capable of getting serious, it's a big commitment and some people aren't ready to just make that decision." She certainly had thought Kyo was and paid the price for it. "But I don't exactly have the luxury of being too picky with the other details. There's the obvious stuff, red flags and all that, but it doesn't exactly matter to me what colour his eyes are or how tall he is. Keeping some similar hobbies would be nice, but not too much overlap that we're conjoined at the hip."

It was like walking on a tightrope, navigating this mess of feelings and heartache.

Asami had not paid any particular attention to what Lerna was drinking until she brought it up. Lemon water was strangely surprising to her, and yet she had no real reason to explain that. She was nursing something a little stronger, though she had also eaten a little something before coming out here. Still, knocking back the last of her glass, she gave a nod to the bar staff that a refill would be needed. Meanwhile, Lerna had dropped a weird segway but she didn't think too much of it right away.

"It was a fun little match, but now I'm thinking that you let me win. Admittedly, if I'd popped your head off then I'd have definitely freaked out." Joining in on that chuckle, she turned to face Lerna and offered her something of a comforting smile. "But I appreciate you just being there to listen, you know. Telling me what you see from your perspective and stuff like that. I'm not exactly an expert on the matter, but I think you have been doing alright."

Asami was still glancing at Lerna when the woman turned to look straight back at her. Caught like a deer in the headlights, her eyebrows began to rise as she watched those words tumble out of Lerna's lips. Was she about to? She had just? Was this really happening? Surprise was written plainly on Asami's face as her cheeks flushed positively crimson. Surely this was just a joke, or another attempt to learn a little more about normal people's matters. That made more sense to her, at least.

"Oh, Lerna, I..." She paused, still locked in this suddenly intense stare. "Um. Of course, I would be happy to see you this weekend, but what do you mean by calling it a date?" Another laugh, this one more nervous than the last, as the waitress came back with her next drink. "Wha-What did you have in mind?"

"I would hope that you were using a few of the moves I taught you, though the beauty of Hakuda is the many ways in which one can add their own flourish to each technique. The subtle differences between one practitioner and another, to make sure that nothing is a perfect mirror."

Of course, Asami leapt on the opportunity to talk about anything other than the actual meat of her response. The burning issue. Even a few more moments to process what Lerna had said was quite precious, and now she had to craft a response. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her, but she didn't want to give her false hope either. Why did this keep happening to her?

"Okay, hold up there. I... Are you sure? I have always been happy to support you in whatever way I can, and that isn't going to change, but if this is how you feel then I think we should talk about that a little more before we start talking seriously about dates and stuff."

Breaking away from her, she drained a good measure of her liquor before throwing her head back and sweeping most of the messy black hair from her face. Crimson eyes peered again at Lerna, narrowed slightly as she tried to get a bead on where exactly she was at. This all seemed so sudden to her, though perhaps she had cast things in a different light.

"There are a lot of things you do not know about me, a lot more that I do not know about you. Of course, getting to know one another isn't something to be solved in a single conversation, but what you are asking is to put everything we have now on the line. Not to mention the elephant in the room. You are a woman, I am a woman. I- I was just talking about commitment and long-term stuff. We could never have that."

"Yeah, I suppose they are. So maybe I have jumped the gun, but I am only doing so because I don't want to hurt you. I--"

Asami stopped again, looking at the half-finished glass in her hand before setting it down. It was only her second glass, and she had nursed the first one for a while, but she would probably need every little bit of her composure that she could still hold on to.

"I don't have many friends. Not real ones, that I feel like I can depend on. Once upon a time, I was happy with that situation but times have changed and so have I. That's how I see you, and I don't want to lose that."

That Lerna was unnervingly calm about all this was only serving to make Asami more stressed, her breaths growing shorter as she scrunched up her nose a little. Either she was blissfully naive or depressingly jaded, and neither prospect was particularly appealing. Obviously, Asami agreed with many of her points but that did not make them practical.

"But maybe that's a problem with me. My experience with these things has not led to staying friends afterwards. At best, it's awkward smiles across the room or maybe a card on your birthday. Not that I want that, but it is how things end up."

Glancing down at that ripple of scales, Asami's eyebrows did rise a little higher at what Lerna implied next. That made sense, and she was the expert on the matter, but what did that look like? Was Lerna really prepared to change so much about herself just for her? This was all A LOT.

"Okay, but then could we-- Actually, disregard that. That is definitely not a right-now thing. I guess that's helpful but... Uh. Look. I am a bit of a mess, and just when I can feel my feet touching the floor it seems like life finds a new way to flip me sideways."

Seeing Lerna finally get at least a little serious, which was still a welcome surprise, Asami's spiralling stopped for a moment. Her face softened as she tried to push everything back into the correct boxes in her head and straighten herself out. Then, suddenly, she was wrapped up in the other woman's arms. That happened quickly and yet she didn't mind it. For a few moments, there was just a blissful silence only interrupted by the rhythmic beating of her heart against her ribcage, and then the guilt began to set in.

Lerna spoke some more, but Asami did not rush to reply this time. Instead, she just sat there and let an arm slowly wrap around the woman rather than remain pressed awkwardly in between them. Her other arm landed back on the table and began to prop her up as she pushed herself just a little more upright so that she could glimpse up at Lerna from the corner of her eye.

"You just said what you were thinking, didn't you?" She sighed softly, though not sadly this time. "So how can I pretend when you are being so honest?"

Silence fell again, as they remained somewhat intertwined across their seats. To the outsider, it likely looked rather humorously awkward - which wasn't far from the truth. Ultimately, if Lerna felt this way about her then she had to seriously consider thinking that way about Lerna too. That made her feel guilty for having been so ignorant of her friend's feelings, but she still wanted to make this work. Ending things over this was not right.

"Let's go to this fair. No labels. No expectations. No closed doors. That's what I think I'd like. And if that's all it is then you can decide where we go from there."