Dark River [Liltotto/SOLO]

“If you were something I banished, it was cuz you were a problem..!” That voice raked her tired throat with anger and hate, burning her mouth and tearing her lips, “If I didn’t keep myself in check I would’ve just-”

A blunt strike thoroughly knocked her off her feet, a sense of irritation felt in that strike despite the lack of any other conveyance.

I am a problem? The voice of the ghostly visage was ever gentle in her mind, yet she could tell it held a sense of impatience, offense even.

You answered my calls. You came down here. You chose the risk for an opportunity.

“I wasn’t exactly expecting a pat on the back ‘here ya go’ down here, but you wanted to kill me!”

Have I ever professed that to be my intent?

She stopped, but steeled her expression, “You attacked me.”

Your anticipation was for that of a great terror to challenge you, that within the depths of yourself lurked a barrier to your true purpose, a great beast wishing to swallow you whole and tear the world apart. I was merely acting within that desire.

“..What? That doesn’t even make any sense, why the fuck would I WANT you to attack me? If you can hold a conversation then let’s just talk!” Even in her worn, weakened state, she had the strength to snap and express her indignance.


The figure was momentarily silence, as if a machine whorling to a different setting, the flowing mask tilting as if to express confusion, or curiosity:

You believe to have consumed your kin.

“..I, what?” Immediately taken aback, she was expecting another strike, but nothing happened.

The ones you are the offspring of. You are believed to have consumed them.

“Yeah so, maybe I did? I don’t know, I was little! I probably did!” She’d shout back, panting, “I probably just ate shit and didn’t think about it when I was a stupid kid! I’m better about it now.”

They adored you. They protected you, their precious gift, to their last breaths against that horde.[b]

“What the hell are you..” Did it mean that vision, or was it a memory? They had to have been hollows… Hollows killed them? “Even if I didn’t I probably attracted-”

[b]Have you forgotten the man who coveted you? His forces, willing to perish for him?

Illness to the memory of the Emperor accompanied her already worn and suffering state, “How could I ever forget…”

Do you truly believe it was given up on so easily? Do you believe they would not stoop so low as to call upon their very enemy, if it meant to receive you?

She always had a sneaking suspicion… But she never believed it. She preferred to blame herself. It just seemed easier to think she was the problem, at least back then.

“...So those hollows were lured…” The realization crawled from her like an icy breath.

She had been wrong.

Tears burned her eye.

Silence and stillness rested between the two as tears bubbled from her intact eye, sword impaled in the ground as her remaining hand held it tightly. The weakness hurt terribly, but she couldn’t help but cry.

“Why did I have to be born this way..?” That silent frustration finally slipped out, “Why did I gotta be kept when nobody even wanted me? What was even the point of all this stupid shit? Why did the two people who had at least even a grain more of a shit to give have to die for me?!”

Sharp teeth gritted, her eye stared hard at the sand below her, “The Lichtreich didn’t give a shit about me past my usefulness, the only person who cared about me was also an outcast, I got shit every day for stuff I couldn’t control! I did everything I could to blend in and it wasn’t ever enough for them!”

They are not here anymore. Why do you begrudge them?

“Because I never got to be angry about it til I realized it was all bullshit! I could’ve had better!”

You have ‘better’ now.

The grip on her weapon loosened, her gaze weakly raising to look head on at the mask that had suddenly come close to her face, that passive yellow gaze resting on her. Tears pooled from her eye, but her breath slowly grew steadied.

“... That doesn’t mean I don’t get to be angry about before.”

You may hold resentment, you may never forgive the life you were robbed of in exchange for one underfoot, but you allow that anger to fester, to embitter your soul and foul your bettered life.

She only stared back in tired silence.

You drank of their hate, their disgust, their domineering of you, to such a point you had not allowed yourself to grow. Defined only by their perception of you, hatred burned your body and closed your heart.

One of those long ribbons that once struck her came down to touch her head in comfort.

They are no longer here, yet they still harm you. Your heart opened to change, but your blood still burns with the past.

“I just… Felt right to punish myself,” Voice shuddering, eyelid growing heavy, she’d push herself to speak, “That war, I didn’t do anything but run… It wasn’t a war I wanted to even fight but still, I didn’t feel like I had the right to survive it, when so many people died. If they were in another situation, they would’ve been fine people.”

But that was not the circumstance you lived under. You lived beneath threats and prejudice. Toying with ‘what ifs’ to garner the wicked and weak-hearted sympathy is worthless. Be angry. Be enraged. But do not let such things weaken your power or spite your life. Never grant them forgiveness if you feel such fits, even the kindest of those souls still submitted to the perception of you bearing a monstrous nature.

“...Then what am I s’posed to be?” Her question came softly, “I don’t even get what being a part of the Soul King means for me.”

You will know. Rest; you have not a fathoming of how difficult this all was.

Memory after memory invaded her rest.

A dark prison beneath the waves, a crying tiny presence desperate for sustenance.

Freed of the prison, an eager soul tore to the surface, blinded yet enamored by the warmth of the sun.

Crawled from dark waves, traversing the land to perform a duty engraved deep in it’s instincts, devouring the masked beasts of the land.

Growing aware.

Growing tired.

Growing worn of the suffering.

Offerings it had no choice but to consume.

Memories and emotions inherited, the stories of many feasted upon and kept forevermore, souls spared damnation while their burden was carried.

A little one’s daring company.

A grown one’s precious gift.

An old one’s final wish.

Consciousness, will, desire.

A people to protect, a beast to kill.

Slaughtered, laid dying, mourned for.

Stillness. Sleep. An ache to live marching for eons…

…

“... Damn the consequences,” A feminine voice faded into the formed perspective, that hazy veil laying over her as her mind was once again made to wear the self of another’s will - foreign language spilled from her tongue but they were made sense to her mind, “His Majesty will have to forgive my insolence, I will not accept such a fate for you, or us, or the greater empire…”

Memories flashed - devoted service, a wedding to a loved one, a dear little child, his sick youthful body laid dying on the bed, wrought with the burns of their enemy, her insurmountable grief of having outlived her firstborn…

Head pressed against the mask sealed with stone, bloodied hand feeding into what appeared to be the hardened maw of the fallen corpse, she would utter her deepest desire:

“Kaiseijin Soshu, I offer you anything you require to make this true - A child,” The body of the woman numbed with the mere thought she was defying the orders of her Emperor, but she had the strangest sensation that she simply could not allow the shell of this being to be harnessed for his desires. The guilt would wane with time, “My blood, this life, my body, anything - become a strong, healthy child, able to brave the world and ages, to be kind and inquisitive, to be the precious thing I know they will be. Please, anything.”

A brief silence took, a sensation of strange humming shaking her bones - she understood it as acceptance with a single criteria: she may never birth another child again.

“...So be it.”

Still yourself.

Her consciousness returned to a different scene than prior, tiny motes of light occupying the previously dark space. Ribbons grew from the sands and danced into the sky, formless shapes swimming overhead. She was held by two massive black skeletal hands, two more working to mend her body. Tears still rolled down her face and bubbled into the water.

“..How long was I out..?”

No longer than a typical night’s sleep. The way he worded that gave her the impression he meant her waking body rather than how much she literally lost awareness for.

“None of that was a dream, was it?” She contemplated what she experienced.

No.

“...’M sorry.”

Do not shuffle.

She minded her movement a little more, “I didn’t think…”

Do not be fooled; I am merely the dull embers of a long perished being - I am you, and you are I, any distinction is merely a play of your mind making sense of what cannot be easily grasped. All of the pain you wrought upon I, you dealt unto yourself entirely.

“..Yeah, I get it now. I’m still sorry, can’t I apologize to a part of myself?”

You may.

It wasn't long before the pain in her body was gone, knitted up like a sorry old little toy. She still wanted to sleep, but felt it was only right to address the looming being,

"Kaiseijin Soshu, was that your name?" Her question came out with a sense of ease and relief.

It was the gift of a dear companion. They have long been separated by the cycle.

"Sounds more like a title."

That could be said, it is no less precious. Do not speak of it so flippantly - refer to me, your power, as Seijin. She was placed gently on the sands below, a distinct difference in comfort level versus the icy cold bony hands she was lying on top of.

Only refer to I as such when you are in need.

"Liltotto Lamperd," She'd tiredly extend a hand.

I am already aware of your self.

"Yeah, but this is the first time we're talking, yeah? Least I could do is give ya a handshake. Or are you also stuffy about doing people stuff?"

A strange sound came from the creature, like a deep rattle. She understood it as some form of amusement.

So it shall be, A massive bony finger gingerly came to meet her hand, A pleasure.