Artist: Massive Attack - Song: What Your Soul Sings - Word Count: N/A
Defeat. It is something which the Ex-Primera Espada had not felt in quite some time in the physical sense. Bloodied, beaten and bruised; the cherry haired Mischevang felt like death as she dragged her cold body across the white sands of Hueco Mundo's outlands. Every movement caused the woman to limp over in anguish, but something within herself ached in far greater pain. With her right hand clenched to her chest, the reddened eyes of The Mischevang overflowed with frigid fluid that dropped to the ground with each movement she took. 'Stop. Stop. Stop.'
That single word repeated itself in the consciousness of the woman's mind as her bloodied left hand kept wiping away the tears fell to the ground. She did not want to be in such a weakened state of mind mentally and physically, but it was the reality she faced as she tried to continue walking away from this surreal feeling of immense grief. With more hushed cries being suppressed by her desperation to cling to her pride and ego, the woman reflected on the disheartening thoughts of abandonment which brought with them a great sense of weight to them.
The Royal Mischevang family -- was nothing. All of them were gone or assumed to be dead at this point. One of the last families of nobility in these lands was down to just herself at this point. The smiles of her sisters and brothers were nothing more than a faded memory as the bonds they shared mended themselves into ash forgotten in time.
Yes, despite the effort to force herself from hiding in the comfort the virtual realm into reality to please her big sister Ashlei, it all mattered not in the end, didn't it?
Ceasing her movement, the woman fell to her knees as the tears just wouldn't stop and the pain kept rising to the surface of her mind. Remembering the feeling of complete abandonment when facing against Nagato brought forth a greater sense of pain than her opponent could ever hope to do her mortal body. In spite of all the investment, the battles waged and all the love she gave her sister; it was all thrown in her face and decimated in this battle she waged for a kingdom which no longer existed anymore.
It is at that moment of defeat that she knew she was utterly alone. Without a soul to call upon for guidance, the woman's sobs grew ever more painful as her body tilted over and fell to the sand. She knew there wasn't a point to her actions anymore if she could not get the satisfaction of acknowledgment from her elder kin. Perhaps at heart, all the woman ever wanted as that embrace, but none of it was relevant in the present. This was a repeat of those years spent alone fighting in the depths of Hueco Mundo for territory without that warmth of love at her side.
Undoubtedly she was a vagabond who was an enemy of the world. With her fight against Nagato being the last she represented herself as the Primera, the woman could no longer call herself that without the kingdom Ashlei built being a reality. There was no place for her when everything that bounded her to that faction was eradicated. So what choice was there but to withdraw and tie herself to nothing? No one truly cared for her beside the utility of her power.
It is why she tried to even ignore those passing thoughts of longing for the romantic figures in her life; as the intrusive thoughts of running to the side of Kamui Cruor bled into her mind. She wanted to feel safe, protected and loved for; but it was absurd for a creature of herself to long for such a thing in a world that consumed it's own without a second thought. It is that savagery which her pride, power, and respect were built upon.
...but that sense of abandonment is what started this all. Being burned at the cross in her human years for protecting her sister, Origin Code itself was just her spirits feeble attempt at trying to control the world around her for a life that revoked that sense of control from her grasp. Nothing in this universe had ever been in her grasp, so rewriting the particles of code which the cosmos itself is compromised of was her security to overwrite that which sought to hurt her heart.
So as she lie on the ground beaten, injured and alone; the illusion of that comfort was shattered and all that was left was to soak in this somber reality that she was vulnerable, weak and alone. It is not something she wanted to admit, but in her deepest heart of hearts, she knew the truth and it is that truth which wanted her to stop living such a farce and remove herself from Shadow Fall once and for all. She had no right to call herself the Primera anymore.