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Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sat Dec 17, 2022 2:20 pm
HIROE MIYASHIRO
Determination no longer held a firm seat in Hiroe's heart - though perhaps it would be more accurate to say that it's presence wasn't as vigorous as it had been in months prior. Even her presence at the academy had been notably distant. The process was treated like a duty now. She attended the classes she was required to attend, barely interacted with her peers, and then... she would walk home.
There was no flare to it anymore, lacking the zeal so characteristic of her disposition. That was fine, though, right? As far as she was concerned, she ought to have no pride in any of this at all. True soul reapers were brave. They held their blades before all obstacles, prepared to cut through them without a moment of hesitation. Her? A rukongai resident probably in over her head. Certainly, not someone well-equipped to handle battle.
After all, when presented with something that threatened her life, she quite simply faltered and fell to her knees, consumed by a fair that still haunted her in the aftermath. It didn't matter what Kimitsuki said after rescuing her. Reassurance held no place here in her heart. She was her savior, after all.
Of course, she could speak about how she would protect her and that something like this would never happen again. That was, more or less, fine in a vacuum. It was nice to be protected, but whether it was foolish pride or a gnawing sense of disenchantment, a muttering of words fell from her lips as she laid on her bed.
"I couldn't even protect myself."
A soft sigh followed that statement, voiced to no one but herself. Rolling over her bed, she gazed at the Asauchi with a lack of enthusiasm in her eyes. She looked at this blade fondly, carried it wit her everywhere she went, and yet it remained nameless. A blade without an imprint. Without a soul.
"Maybe you think I'm a lost cause, too. Doubt a zanpakuto spirit would want a coward."
Rising from her bed, Hiroe honestly didn't even feel safe in her house at the moment. Better to get outside and interact with the residents. Laying in a bed home alone would certainly only add to her unease. Stepping through her home, Hiroe simply walked outside the door, yawning as she languidly sat outside her shop, offering to sell some clothing she created recently. Had to make a living somehow.
"Fresh outfits, cool gear. Selling them at half the price today, everyone."
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sun Dec 18, 2022 9:28 pm
How long had it been since she'd ventured this far out into the rukongai? The Shino Academy had been everything she could have ever hoped for. A treasure trove of knowledge. And yet..... it still felt.... incomplete. She spent enormous ammounts of time poring through records and scrolls. Exploring the lore and information that surrounded the Soul Society. The legacy of the soul king who served as the mysterious leader. The Gotei which maintained the balance of souls. The Hollows which naturally emerged from souls clinging to the world of the living, and of course their duty to cleanse these beasts.
But ..... was that it? Who had maintained the balance before the shinigami had been around? Surely this organization of regulators had not existed unto the beginning of creation. If this was abalanced world, had it ever been unbalanced? What was it that kept Souls from hollowfying once they were in the world of the dead? WHY did the world of the living cause souls to begin hollowfying? She had learned so much, and even so.... it was startling just how little room there had been beyond her initial understanding. The curriculum was rudimentary at best, but she also knew better than to go asking questions.
She managed an ample presence among her peers. Her own penchant for Kido had garnered many things, including even a means of concealing her disfigurement and more ..monstrous qualities. At least in the most rudimentary way. She'd learned fairly quickly in her ...reclusive period of limited interaction that these qualities drew more attention than she was comfortable with. So she'd diverted her attention to come up with a solution. And now she was back to the grindstone. Studying the four pillars that made up a shinigami's skills. And of course, continuing to search and question.
After all. After the first few weeks, it had become pretty clear that there was no information to be garnered on her REAL questions simply from looking around what was available to the students. If nothing else, she'd come to understand how ....secretive the Soul society could be. Especially in proing over it's history. And so, instead she focused on building her skills. Understanding them to the fullest extent of her abilities.
If she could not find her answers by finding them in a book, she would simply learn how this world worked, piece by piece. If she could, then she would simply be able to DEDUCE how it all came to be. It was the simplest solution. A simple, core purpose. And it was .... perhaps a bit startling when that sense of purpose seemed to ... effect her friend.
Ajora had not been blind to Hiroe's... progress over the last month or so. At first, the girl had been ....no. The girl was STILL alarmingly supportive. She kept a safe and social distance from the other students. Simply out of habit. She didn't enjoy people she didn't know getting overly familiar. But Hiroe was soemthing of a stable constant. A singular social link. Besides, people seemed to leave her alone a lot more when she hung out with the woman. But that usual zeal seemed to dull as of late. It was only natural for Ajora to investigate.
She cocked her head to the side as she sensed the woman's spiritual energy from afar. Outside of the little shop that she worked at. Ajora paused a short distance away, watching as Hiroe peddled her goods to the errant passerby. Waiting until the last one wandered away and Hiroe was, briefly, by herself, before promptly appearing with a shunpo. An act which often spooked the young woman when she did so unannounced. At first it was something she'd done simply incidentally. But over time, she'd begun doing it intentionally. The woman's reactions were....entertaining.
"There you are. I was wondering where you were. You're usually out and about much earlier. You're not thinking of skipping afternoon classes are you?" She ventured. As direct as ever.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Mon Dec 19, 2022 4:47 pm
HIROE MIYASHIRO
The sudden voice registering in her had elicited the reaction Ajora was aiming for. She let out a small squeal as her body jumped up, swiftly turning around to face the culprit who startled her. Oh. It was Ajora. Stifling a scarlet shade setting in against her pleasant features, Hiroe shot a flustered pout in the woman's ddirection.
"Doesn't this get old for you, Ajora? Appearing behind me out of nowhere! You nearly gave me a heart attack... again."
Worrying about being killed? Pfft, this lady would be her ruin. A heart attack would be the cause of death. After the struggle to gather her composure had subsided, Hiroe quietly listened to the woman, observing her appearance with a curious golden gaze. It still felt like yesterday when this woman was wearing threadbare clothing and appeared in the Rukongai. Now? She was prettied up, wore different clothing, and overall gave off a studious aura that was certainly pleasant to be around.
They'd gotten pretty cool with one another, conversing and encouraging whenever time was generous. Well, Hiroe did most of the encouraging, but Ajora never seemed to mind it - from her perspective. Direct as ever, she posed a question, as if to hold her accountable. Under any other circumstance, Hiroe would've felt overwhelmingly proud. Today? She didn't really know. So, even if it felt terribly icky, she would tell a half-lie. Knowing Ajora, though? It'd be hard trying to pull one over on her and avoid the subject she fears will arise during their conversation.
"Well, my parents decided to have a vacation at the last minute. Earned enough money to treat themselves to a little resort in the Seireitei. So, I've been trying to make some extra cash for myself in their absence. I still might attend those classes if I'm up to it..."
She trailed off a bit. To be certain, she was far from up to it at the moment. She didn't enjoy avoiding her training like that. It felt odd. It didn't feel like her. But then, again, who was she? Bubbly Rukon tailoress in over her head or a Shinigami aspiring to the Gotei? Ugh.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sun Jan 01, 2023 2:09 pm
A small smile flitted across Ajora's lips as she promptly spooked the everliving hell out of the woman before her. Something of an impish expression crossing her face as she let her head cant to the side. "I'd never get tired of it. After all, you're the one who keeps daydreaming and dropping your guard." She pointed out impishly, no small amount of enjoyment in the woman's voice as she so blatantly teased the other woman. A side that few others got to witness from the woman. Ajora in general flat out just elected not to give much of anything to others who spoke with her. But around Hiroe, that playful bullying side of her did come out.
All the same, Ajora slowly began walking around the immediate area, taking a moment to remember the space she'd been in before. Right, the little shop, the one she'd mistaken for being Hiroe's property. Hmmm. She closed her eyes, thinking for a moment before glancing back over her shoulder. "Hm. So you ARE thinking of playing Hookie." She murmured softly, shaking her head for a moment and sighing, a soft tisk tsik escaping her before she put on a smile. "You put me in an awkward position. I'm your friend, I can't just let you neglect your classes. I'll have to just pick you up and carry you to class myself." She reasoned casually, though Hiroe would know that it was VERY possible that Ajora was entirely serious. The woman was a mystery to quite a few individuals in class, but there was one thing that had spread like wildfire since she joined: She was actually freakishly strong. Something that she'd revealed entirely on accident in the first few days of class when she'd sent one of the more overconfident boys clean through a practice dummy during a spar. SINCE then, she'd made sure to hold herself back, but around Hiroe, Ajora was much more liable to show off her strength.
A sigh escaped her and she sat down next to Hiroe. "But I'm a little curious. Why don't you want to go to class? Is something bothering you?" She added quietly. Pivoting from that playful bullying tone to a more .... curious inflection. This WAS the same girl that had seemed so incredibly excited to be in school alongside Ajora after all.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Mon Jan 02, 2023 9:24 pm
HIROE MIYASHIRO
Hiroe maintained that pouty expression as she crossed her arms, a soft hpmh escaping her lips. Sheesh, for someone so astute, this woman had a penchant for bullying the woman ever since they grew a little closer. Even so, Hiroe wholeheartedly welcomed those interactions they had shared so far. They were a nice duo, so to speak. She, the bright-spirited, overzealous student trying their best, and Ajora, the composed, cooler student, carried herself with a pointed air of focus and purpose, and excelled pretty well so far. Under a normal circumstances, she would've welcomed this woman's presence several times over, but today everything felt so cripplingly dull.
These heartfelt moments of banter didn't strike that chord of joy they usually did. If anything, she simply felt even more inferior now than she did resting in her bed. Thoughts of admiration now seemed to be sullied with envy. She didn't doubt that the woman could, in fact, carry her over her shoulder and drag her to the school, but... still. Dammit. Why couldn't she just erase that damnable memory from her mind?
"I.. um... Ajora, do you mind if I ask you a question before I answer yours? Hypothetically speaking, if you were faced... with a threat you couldn't beat at your current level of skill, what... would you do?"
It was a simple question, framed as a hypothetical so as to gloss over what truly troubled the woman. She needed to know, to understand what someone else in her position would have done.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Thu Jan 05, 2023 5:50 pm
She paused, her head canting a bit to the side as she watched that troubled expression pass over Hiroe's face. Something had happened it seemed, Ajora was more than smart enough to know that. And she had sensed some....interesting things around Hiroe. She had hardly been THERE. But there were some ....interesting residual energies around Hiroe that she'd noticed. Something had happened, and now her interest welled slightly as the girl spoke of such a situation and asked for Ajora's perspective.
She considered, pausing a moment to think about how she should answer. She had one already, but she decided to put up the act of thinking it over. considering, to reassure Hiroe that she wasn't simply speaking without thinking.
"I've had a situation like that. prior to joining the gotei. I attempted to do some investigations into the outter districts. And collect information. However, he denizens of that place were.... stronger than I expected. Considerably so. so I bided my time. Collected information as I could. And tackled it day by day. As it so happened, I was lucky enough to be approached by a member of the Gotei. They brought up my joining, and I remembered you had suggested as much as well. And so I accepted. I guess I never DID finish that investigation.." She frowned, as if she hadn't thought about that before.
"I suppose I would simply handle it one step at a time. And well... we are hardly alone. There are other, stronger individuals in the gotei for us to rely on. Why, has someone been picking on you?" She asked with a tilt of her head, and a hint of concern peppered onto her words as she looked her friend over.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Fri Jan 06, 2023 3:30 am
HIROE MIYASHIRO
"I....."
She trailed off for a moment, turning her head away from Ajora's inquisitive gaze. One step at a time. Between that little anvil of information she casually revealed concerning an investigation and how it subsequently lead to her applying academy, Hiroe was rendered silent for a minute. She certainly knew the woman was a curious sort, but as to how far that curiosity extended---Hiroe was clearly unaware. Even so, she spoke of the matter with such a glacial calm about herself, an air of composure that only exacerbated the woman's envy.
If she possessed a will like that, she could cast away the harrowing event that still haunted her, move on with her life, and graduate already. As it stood now, she had no such poise. She was the seamstress who cried at the very thought of death and crumbled to the ground as she prayed for someone to save her. Hiroi's ineffable visage didn't haunt her nearly as much as the miserable display that followed. Hiroe turned back to Ajora, sighing softly as she clenched her fingers. Somewhere deep in her soul, Hiroe knew Ajora was the type of woman determined enough to look into something until she found her answer. She could play everyone of her other peers like a fiddle, but this woman was all about investigation, almost as if she were born for it. Better to reveal it now than hold it in and have her find out eventually, right? She supposed so...
"No, nothing like that. I wish something like that had happened to me honestly. It'll be a minute, but let me gather myself a bit before I explain. To begin, Something barged into my house..."
Obviously, that wasn't the entire situation in a nutshell, but she needed to gather the courage to relive the events if the woman wanted the whole story.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sun Jan 08, 2023 11:09 am
Ajora was not surprised. Watching the woman closely, she nodded along as Hiroe gave her explanation. She could certainly tell the woman was upset, that had been abundantly obvious, what she was interested in was the source of all this inner turmoil. Whatever it was had clearly rattled the poor woman. And so she sat down beside the other woman and listened as she began to open up just a little. She understood the envy in thwe other woman's eyes.
After all, she saw it in so many of her classmates already.
But all the same, she gave Hiroe a moment to collect herself. Pausing and ... looking to the side. "Well. That isn't the plain and simple of it. If you must know. There's something else driving me forward. Take your time. You don't need to tell me what's happening right away. I can tell that it's something that's bothering you quite a lot. But.... you shouldn't consider yourself beneath me." She noted quietly, a sigh escaping her as she looked around, ensuring that nobody else was around. At least, thats what she appeared to be doing. Turning back to Hiroe, she closed her eyes and slumped her shoulders.
"Hiroe. This curiosity of mine. It's not always a good thing." She noted very quietly./ Reaching out. She paused..... and then allowed that thin veil of Kido to peel away. Running down her left side. Until the damaged and mutilated portion of her body came to light. And rather than a soft, gentle hand. That dark, clawed left arm of hers gently rested over Hiroe's own. Showing what Ajora put so much effort into hiding.
"I've been exploring a lot of information about the duties of soul reapers. And I believe that ....I don't think that I was a normal human when I came to the rukongai." She explained calmly, a hint of....distress, faint in the tone of her voice. "I believe that I may have been a hollow that was cleansed. And this .... injury of mine. My face... and my Arm... May be the result of a quincy destroying a piece of my soul." She expressed softly. Her voice very quiet, secretive, in fact.
"And I admit. You may think that I am always in control and ....without worry. But I wanted to express that that is not the case. I have worries of my own. I .... I'm certainly not perfect." She noted softly to the other woman. Her good eye downcast, as if a bit ..anxious as to how Hiroe would react to this revelation.
After all, she saw it in so many of her classmates already.
But all the same, she gave Hiroe a moment to collect herself. Pausing and ... looking to the side. "Well. That isn't the plain and simple of it. If you must know. There's something else driving me forward. Take your time. You don't need to tell me what's happening right away. I can tell that it's something that's bothering you quite a lot. But.... you shouldn't consider yourself beneath me." She noted quietly, a sigh escaping her as she looked around, ensuring that nobody else was around. At least, thats what she appeared to be doing. Turning back to Hiroe, she closed her eyes and slumped her shoulders.
"Hiroe. This curiosity of mine. It's not always a good thing." She noted very quietly./ Reaching out. She paused..... and then allowed that thin veil of Kido to peel away. Running down her left side. Until the damaged and mutilated portion of her body came to light. And rather than a soft, gentle hand. That dark, clawed left arm of hers gently rested over Hiroe's own. Showing what Ajora put so much effort into hiding.
"I've been exploring a lot of information about the duties of soul reapers. And I believe that ....I don't think that I was a normal human when I came to the rukongai." She explained calmly, a hint of....distress, faint in the tone of her voice. "I believe that I may have been a hollow that was cleansed. And this .... injury of mine. My face... and my Arm... May be the result of a quincy destroying a piece of my soul." She expressed softly. Her voice very quiet, secretive, in fact.
"And I admit. You may think that I am always in control and ....without worry. But I wanted to express that that is not the case. I have worries of my own. I .... I'm certainly not perfect." She noted softly to the other woman. Her good eye downcast, as if a bit ..anxious as to how Hiroe would react to this revelation.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sat Jan 14, 2023 10:41 pm
HIROE MIYASHIRO
To say Hiroe was rendered speechless would have been an understatement of the century. Tch. Dammit. It was more difficult than she expected to reveal the harrowing event that had left her spirits out of their proper alignment. Indeed, Hiroe had always presented a radiant disposition, especially in the company of Ajora. They had only know one another for a small period of time, but she certainly admired the woman as a peer. The calm, the poise, the intelligence... of course she envied her. Not out of spite, but simply out of the fact... that she was everything she wanted to be.
Composed, focused, studious... If Ajora had been placed in that position, she would have fought back, she would have stood before the ineffable horror with a glacial composure. She truly believed that from the bottom of her heart. And yet, Hiroe simply crumbled when it mattered most. Cried, prayed for someone to rescue her, and fainted from the utter shock of the situation. Why...? Why couldn't she be strong? Her lips trembled as she struggled to speak until she felt a clawed hand rest atop her own. Hiroe turned her head towards her as she stared at the woman for all that she was.
For a moment, Ajora felt vulnerable. She spoke about her views on her curiosity, revealed the mysteries behind her origin, and admitted that she wasn't this poised figure of perfection that her peers and Hiroe viewed her as. It was a lot to take in, to be certain, and Hiroe remained silent as she gazed at the woman, viewed the anxiousness in her downcast gaze, and felt a small pang of guilt. Hiroe really didn't know how to react, but... oddly enough? She appreciated the revelation, her genuine words, and the care this woman had shown towards her. Hiroe really couldn't be shocked at the moment. Ajora was far from the average Shinigami, but it didn't matter. She was her friend, and one who genuinely supported her at that. Resting a hand atop that black claw, Hiroe offered the woman a warm smile, nodding her head.
"I... this... is a lot to take in, but no matter what... You'll always be the cool, calm, collected lady I call my friend. You know I'm a bit of an idiot, so there's no way I can ever understand the scope of what you said, but... I.. I appreciate that. I... don't know how much I could help you with those worries, but I'll do my best to support you every step of the way. To be honest.... I..."
Hiroe turned her gaze towards the ground this time, sighing softly as she gathered the courage to at least give her an idea of what happened.
"I've avoided the academy because I feel so... ashamed of myself. I was faced with a moment to show what i was made of, and I crumbled... I cried, and I prayed for someone to save me. I was in danger of being attacked, and I... I was pathetic. That's why I... was so afraid to face you, to face my peers. I... really admire you, you know? Ever since it's happened, I can't get it out of my head."
A small tear formed in her eyes as she strengthened her grip around that clawed hand. It wasn't even the entire story, but it was the situation in a nutshell. She couldn't bear the thought of facing men and women she felt would have reacted far more bravely than she did - especially Ajora.
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Re: Born From The Fear[Ajora, Hiroe ]
Sat Jan 21, 2023 3:21 pm
Ajora was.... glad that this display seemed to work. A bit of vulnerability and Hiroe opened right up. And she was glad, for certain, to see that the woman appreciated this. And some small part of Ajora did...enjoy this. expressing these deeper machinations. Which made the lie a bit harder to tell. She had considered the origin of her scarring, but the truth of it was, she didn't feel that was a conclusive answer. Was it the best she currently had? Absolutely. However, it felt...incomplete. But in this instance, she didn't exactly have a better answer. And it wasn't as if she had portrayed it as gospel. She'd stated it was just a theory. But still there was a ....hint of insincerity she felt. But if nothiong else.... at least it got Hiroe to open up.
Ah....guilt. It was ... strange. It sounded a little silly. Hiroe acted as if she were some seated officer with a reputation to uphold. She was a mere student, why did she expect herself to be some hero in the face of danger? But no, she could tell this was likely a bit of ......self worth issues. Close to what she had already presumed. But now given a bit more....context as to why.
Though, she did notice that Hiroe avoided specifying what it was that had spooked her. But that didn't matter for now. Pulling her friend into a hug, Ajora sighed a bit. "Hiroe. You don't...HAVe to be brave you know. During my excursion into the outter districts, I certainly didn't fight to the last. I ran as soon as I felt out of my league. Impressive as many of our ....more easily entertained classmates may think. I don't feel as if ...well.. a fair number of the gotei squads would really suit me. I don't think that I'm quite brave enough for Seventh. I don't think I'm social enough to really fit into First. Even those who have brought up Third division leaves a sense of ... unease about it." She murmured quietly. Looking off to the side.
"But neither of us has to worry about that. Curriculum is about six years. We have all the time in the world to become more...brave... or social. OR less....dark monster-y." She smiled, wiggling the claws on her hand before kido crackled back into place, disguising it as a normal arm again. With what she hoped was a reassuring bookend to their little chat. Or well, this specific subject anyway.
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