Character application

Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:56 pm

Blockquote> Character application Image3688

» Name: Black Flash
» Titles: (alias) John
» Age: 18
» Gender: Male
» Affiliation/Rank: Rogue

» Appearance Description: Black flash is a white muscular male. He heights to about 6 foot. Is always his buster sword on his back. wears a black cloak to hide hi ID. Has brown hair and brown eyes with a scar on his right eye.
» Appearance Picture: https://2img.net/h/i114.photobucket.com/albums/n260/Shelfkid91/cosplay%20pics/266px-Cloak.jpg
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Character application Image3691-1

» Personality: Black Flash is a very laid back character. he doesnt pick fights unless he must. He is very smart. He is also cunning. Acts like an ouysider every where he goes. He seems to have and act for finding trouble. Does not like to be told that what he is doing is wrong. Seems to troubled all the time. He is sensitive. Will not stand for bulling and will fight for the weak.
» Likes: The world, likes those who defend others. Likes the light side. Likes Girls. Likes to be the under dog in everything.
» Dislikes: Bullies cant stand them. Dislikes those who abuse power. Dislikes the darkness.
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Character application Image3693-1

» Background: Black Flash or John came from america. John was born it the country side where he grew up in caring loving family. He lived there till he was about 16 years old. His family was murdered in front of his eyes by a man with red eyes. the man had spared john. however john did not let it down.
So john travled to russia to train to find the man who killed his family. he trains there and learns knowlegde. he then travels to china to learn to how to fight with a sword. while there he learns that the man that murdered his family is there. he leaves his training to fight the man. the fight he loses and suffers major damage.
John thought it was the end but the main spared him. john ask to this very day why was he spared. he has been traveling for two years training waiting to find the man.
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Character application Image4358-1

» Natural Attributes: Seems not to back down no matter how much damage he has taken.
» Racial Powers: Has spirit detection and is learning spirit dash

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Character application Image3692-1

» Soul State Evolution Stage 1 Appearance: (Optional. Leave blank if you do not want powers.)

» Soul State Evolution Stage 1 Abilities: (Optional. Leave blank if you do not want powers )

» Soul State Evolution Stage 2 Appearance: (Optional. Leave blank if you do not want powers.)

» Soul State Evolution Stage 2 Abilities: (Optional. Leave blank if you do not want powers.)

» Soul State Evolution Stage 3 Appearance: (Optional. This will be at least 1 to 0 tier level characters, however. You may fill this out, but the app will ultimately be up to the staff member who reviews it)

» Soul State Evolution Stage 3 Abilities: (Optional. Leave blank if you do not want powers.)
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Character application Image4359-1

See Skill Sheet for More Information

General Skills
[list][*]Durability: Adept
[*]General Speed: /Beginner
[*]Strength: Adept
[*]Weapon Skill: Advanced

Will Skills

Willpower/Determination: Beginner
Mental Deduction:Beginner
Pain Endurance: /Advanced
Focus: Master
/Adept/

Human Skill Sheet

Anima Stone Strength:Beginner
Soul Sorcery: Beginner
Soul Dash: Beginner
Soul Detection:/Adept/

Chi Skills

Geppo: Beginner
Vindeca: Beginner
Tekkai: /Beginner
Yang Surge: Beginner

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Character application Image3694-1

» Roleplay Sample: He walks down the streets heading towards the river. He received a letter the fallowing day from Sara, the girl who had nursed him back to health after his last fight, to come back to city. The letter seemed troubled so he decided to go. As he walks he sees the children play wishing he could go back to that time. All he can do now is find the man and eliminate him. He gets to the dock and waits for the boat, the boat to take him home, the boat to start his journey again.

Sat Sep 15, 2012 10:13 am

Application Checklist

Name [x]
Appropriate Age [x]
Gender [x]
Appearance Present [x]
Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [-]
Appearance is Not Claimed [-]
10 sentences for personality [-]
History is of appropriate length [-]
Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [x]
Powers are described reasonably enough [x]
Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [x]
Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[-]
RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [x]
RP Sample is 10 sentences [-]

Will Skills

Willpower/Determination: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Mental Deduction: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Pain Endurance: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Focus: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Comments/Notes:
Tier:

Okay...where to start. I guess with personality.

» Personality: Black Flash is a very laid back character. he doesnt pick fights unless he must. He is very smart. He is also cunning. Acts like an ouysider every where he goes. He seems to have and act for finding trouble. Does not like to be told that what he is doing is wrong. Seems to troubled all the time. He is sensitive. Will not stand for bulling and will fight for the weak.

Personality at a bare minimum needs to be 2 paragraphs. It also would help to use more complex sentences. For example: "Black Flash is a very intelligent individual who also has some cunning. No matter where he goes, he always seems like an outsider." Maybe not exactly that, but using more complex sentences will help it flow better. We tend to prefer sentences longer than 4 words. So fix up the personality a bit so it is neat and easier to read. That and make it a bit longer. A paragraph is 5 sentences each, 10 if only simple sentences. Also a little grammar helps. Instead of "Will not stand for bullying and will fight for the weak" try "He will not stand for bullying and will fight for the weak." Sentences need a subject.

Now then, onto history

Black Flash or John came from america. John was born it the country side where he grew up in caring loving family. He lived there till he was about 16 years old. His family was murdered in front of his eyes by a man with red eyes. the man had spared john. however john did not let it down.
So john travled to russia to train to find the man who killed his family. he trains there and learns knowlegde. he then travels to china to learn to how to fight with a sword. while there he learns that the man that murdered his family is there. he leaves his training to fight the man. the fight he loses and suffers major damage.
John thought it was the end but the main spared him. john ask to this very day why was he spared. he has been traveling for two years training waiting to find the man.

History needs to be at least three paragraphs, paragraphs following the rules I mentioned before. Again, grammar is an issue. Remember to capitalize and punctuate properly. Overall, practice to improve your sentence structure.

The next issue is your skill sheet. You do not fill in your skill sheet until you are given a tier. Then, once approved, you assigns skills based on tier. "5 tiers would have all beginners, 4 tiers would have 1 adept in each section, etc. etc." So yea, don't have it filled out. As for will skills, whomever approves your app will assign those based on personality, history, etc.

Finally, though it didn't say this on the template, your RP sample needs to at least be 10 sentences. All grammar issues still apply. Also, try to make it flow better. We also use past tense when we RP as a general rule of thumb. Also, make sure you use his name every so often so people are sure who "he" is. I won't critique this as much, as this is a sample of how you RP.

So for all above issues I say this. Look at other peoples apps. Read through them, how they write them, how they are laid out. That should help with the History and Background. I also suggest finding a few threads and seeing how people RP, so you see what it is like and how people word their posts. Naturally we don't expect you to have the insane quality some of these apps and RP's have to start, but it will definitely be good to see so you can improve.

Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:07 pm

> been 3 days, so moved this to WIP <3

Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:35 am

It's been two weeks, this is moved to Denied

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