Innocence of Ignorance. [Private]

Siku came back to his house in Rukongai, noticing that someone had leasurely let themselves in his domain. Siku, having been the only one here in months, was certain that it was either a thief or criminal of some sort. Venturing further into his house, and walking up the stairs to Nana's room which also was left halfway open, Siku saw a black figure standing by the bed, holding something. Grabbing towards his left hip, Siku unsheathed his Zanpakutō with his right hand, pushing it into the door as he entered while simultaneously drew his sword towards the stranger who entered without permission.

Within the second of entering Nana's room, a sound of the second sword's blade rubbing against it's wooden sheath made itself into Siku's ears as an opposing blade flew vertically into Siku's own, clashing with a loud screeching noise. The black figure before him which seemed to be in a blur of darkness now appeared clearly in Siku's eyes. His wrists and hands dropped, his Zanpakutō stabbing into the ground and standing to Siku's front.

" O-Okito.....!? "

Shock spread across Siku's face, not having seen Shutsugen some time after getting into the Shinigami academy and eventually the Gotei 13. Okito had seemed to vanish like a ghost, Siku pondering if he should continue to believe he was alive, or give in to the idea that Okito had passed. However, here he stood, in brood light. No matter what Siku could always say he knew how to make a grand, unexpected entrance. He gave Siku a small smirk before he began explaining himself.

Okito looked at Siku, who seemed to be as excited as ever to see his mentor, as always. It didn't take him long to grow bored of his normal life, Okito adding a nice social twist. However, this visit was one that plagued Okito, and the torment in his mind only grew the happier Siku got. He must be a monster, setting up this young male for utter sadness to surround him. It was selfish for Okito to even think of taking his own life, even though Siku was very impressionable at this time and was in need of a good role model. However, the world around Okito was too much, and he couldn't bare much more of it, letting lies slip through his teeth once more.

" Hey Siku. I guess my long absence left you believe I was dead. Rest assured I survive to this day, strong as ever. The same can't be said for you however, I don't recall you learning the name of your Zanpakutō. Tell me Siku, have you unlocked your Shikai? How have your skills as a Shinigami improved? "

It was all a lie, except however one thing. Okito was very much interested in Siku's advancements, for two main reasons. First, as a sort of parent to Siku, Okito had always hoped for him to do well. However, being Siku's Sensei before the Shinigami academy, Siku is the product of Okito's training. There were many ways in which to train someone, shape them to be a better person, but Siku was always pushed in the right direction by Okito, and before that Nana. Without either of them, Okito could only help but wonder. What would Siku do without Okito? The idea of him becoming a merciless Shinigami just as Okito had for the ignorant thought of "justic" made him cringe inside, making the best of efforts to hide his internal anguish.

Stunned by the fact Okito stood before him, his existence clarified by the sound of his voice, much the same as it was even when Siku trained with him before entering the Shinigami academy. Okito was the reason Siku was as powerful as he was now, barring the fact he had only one wy of using his Zanpakutō, which was as a melee weapon in it's sealed form. Siku wanted to figure out the name of his Zanpakutō, but even more than that he wanted Okito to return. With one of his wishes granted, Siku began thinking about the other becoming a reality. The idea of having his very own Shikai intrigued Siku, however with every benefit there was normally a consequence. More likely than not, Siku would endure an endless barrage of training before unlocking his Shikai. After that, Siku would leave it up to himself to unlock his Bankai, a thought that seemed most unreal. Regardless, he had to man up and admit to not having his own Shikai, and ignorant of the name of his Zanpakutō.

" N-no Okito...I haven't done any of that. I have trained myself in some weak Kidō, but other than that nothing. I have been trying to be more productive as of lately, my instinct must be telling me to get stronger. Whatever the reason, I guess I gotta keep training myself. I want to see my limits here, if I have any. I need to discover everything I can be, and settle into something. It would be great to be a Taichou here in the Gotei 13, but I suppose I should be thankful for at least being a Shinigami. It just becomes boring once you feel like one of their disposable henchman. "

" However, I have a few questions for you as well Okito. Where have you been all this time? I thought you were dead on some worthless mission. Normally you return more soon, did something go wrong? "

Okito let a small corner of his lip curve up into a smirk, wondering why Siku seemed so worried. He was on a mission after all, and the risk was obvious to every Shinigami. The idea of a comrade falling in battle was normal, and that was something he instilled into Siku through his many years of teaching and mentoring the youthful Shinigami. If anything, he wanted Siku to be proud of him for the sacrifice, however he stood before him alive as ever on the outside. Okito's mind lingered on the past when Siku and him were much younger, reliving the times he cherished.

" ....Siku, remember when we used to talk here in Nana's room, before you were a Shinigami? Can you recall what I said 5 years after Nana's death? About human life? That is my reason for the extended absence. I had forgotten what it was like...to be innocent. But my strongest wish is still the same, if you recall. I continue to wish that you could've grown to be a man in Japan. Had a family, experienced the moments of love, life, and friendship. But I took that from you with my bleeding hands and brought you here to this....place. Nana always used to tell me to stop scolding myself over it, but still to this day I feel I was wrong. Nobody should have to experience what the Shinigami do, especially if they never got the chance to experience life as a human...

So, as for what I was doing: After I disposed of some arrancar which were terrorizing humans in Japan, I had entered a Gigai and told my squad to report I was using the rest of my acquired leave until there was none left. For a few months of my life I felt normal again, that was until I slept. No matter what I do, they always get me, on way or another. Their red eyes, barred teeth, and those dreadful white faces which have replaced their hearts. I don't want this Siku, not at all. And you embraced this lifestyle with ambition above even my own. You Siku, puzzle me, as do I myself. Tell me, what is it you wish most for? "

It wasn't expected from Okito himself to be so drowned in his inner thoughts, but as he chatted with teeth and tongue, it became ever more clear that something was wrong with him. He could feel it himself, he didn't want to be alive. He wanted this to be over.

His face portrayed the look of disbelief in his eyes. Okito never seemed to be scared of Hollow, at least not like this. He spoke of them as if cowardice had replaced his spine. Siku didn't know what to say, but one thing came to mind, as selfish as it was.

" What I wish for most is for the old Okito, the one I used to know. You've changed, anyone could tell if they knew you even the slightest. I don't even know if I can trust you with the way you are speaking. Are you sure nothing went wrong during your mission? I am almost ashamed, you, my master, the one who trained me to slay Hollow, reveal your nightmares to me in hopes of what? That I will also grow scared of them as you have? No, my nightmares over the last few months were of you Okito. I saw you bleeding, lesions covered your innards, your bodyily fluids soaking my hands, your limbs exploding in bursts of scarlet. Every night, a new way for you to die. I have been silent since the day you left, filled with horror and dread. Last night I dreamed of nothing, no blood, no Okito. Just the darkness of my slumber and myself. What does this mean?! "

At the end of his question, Siku slammed his fist into Nana's coffee table which was to his right. The noise of wood cracking, glass shattering, and objects falling followed soon after. The only thing that wasn't heard, was drops of water hitting the soft carpet. With his small burst of anger out of the way, only his depressed nature replaced it as he grew quiet once again.