Nostalgia Is The Most Comforting Lie

The laugh of a child was something that was quite endearing. However, in this instance, it was anything but. There was no room to make light of the circumstances that this young boy may find himself if he were to associate with this woman. He had no idea of the world she lived in and the circumstances of her life. Yet, here he was inducing an act of self-harm to himself to seemly prove his worth and strength to Saiko. It honestly made her mortified and it showed with her face looking in angst and concern over the males choices.

Now, this wasn't to say that she was horrified by the fact that he injured himself. The half-breed had encountered many types of different creatures over her one hundred and seventy six years of living. Therefore, from this immense battle experience, she could begin to get a feel for what race each of her targets were after enough intensive training and battle. So it wasn't too difficult for her to pick up on the spiritual frequency emitting from the male and it was apparent that he was an Arrancar based on that fact. Hence, naturally, he would recover and regenerate.

Yet, with her enemies, that trick wouldn't be enough. There were foes who could bend the laws of reality, unleash magic passed down from legends and yield daring equipment to stunt or slow regeneration tactics. There were so many unforetold things that could go wrong that Saiko genuinely felt petrified at bringing an innocent person in between the cataclysm of her life. As there were many unfavorable outcomes that could come as a result. Since the fear from within fear echoed within Saiko's mind and whispered unfavorable events such as the boy being killed due to their connection to her. Or, in another scenario, perhaps he could see the monster she was and leave her of his own accord. If nothing else, his corruption was assured if Shadow Fall learned of his existence.

So many bad things spiraled in her mind that the anxiety started to brew and a sinking feeling of dread crushed her chest as she could only sheepishly nod her head in response to what the boy was saying. However, even as her throat felt as if it were closing in on itself, she mustered the mental strength to overcome that terror and formulated these words to come out on their own.

"You don't know that. How can you know that you'll just "be alright"?

There was a strong shaking of the head given by Saiko as she seemed to protest those notions the boy was uttering out. So, her heavy words rang out once more in a docile, yet urgent voice.

"What if...my enemies kidnap you? What if they experiment on you until you can no longer heal? What then? You don't know my enemies."

There was a higher pitch voice uttering out of the pale skinned woman's mouth, but she was feeling the intensity of this apprehension weighing down on her soul and it was an immense sentiment. It was if she were being smothered by the weight of the sun and her sense of reality felt all but detached in this movement. Her senses gave the impression that her mind was ejecting itself from it's vessel, while her body was filled with cold sweats and a primal fear oozing down every inch of it's essence Yet, still, she didn't move and would allow the boy to come closer.

As, when she glanced down at him, The Mistress of Glum could watch him holding her hand and that brought forth a strange warm feeling. The sense of touch was one that generated a stimulus that infused pulsations of balmy summer days to flow through her body. It's why her face only grew more flush as she didn't mind the feeling, but her mind knew better and understood from it's realistic standpoint -- feelings of positivity and kindness have a finite date and time stamp to them.

Nothing as tender as this can last and it is only a matter of time before the decay of life, existence and reality corrupt them as the male's mind becomes older, her heart grows colder and the world around them deteriorates to nothing. That was the law of entropy in the universe and it applied to so many aspects that it felt futile to want to have his embrace. So it's why she tried to pull away from the tugging the boy started to do, but something still kept her firmly rooted. Was it her shyness? Cowardice? Delusions of being content? Or something else she couldn't understand? No matter what it was, she still felt connected in some abstract way to the boy and she didn't want to leave him by himself in this violent realm -- if nothing else.

"There....is no need for that."

This was uttered out quickly after the brief pause Saiko took to compose herself. In fact, it may have came out a bit too fast and may be a blur to the male because of her nervousness beginning to heighten and then lower the pitch of her voice. She was rather nervousness overall, but still wanted to continue the conversation as she slowly clasped her hand in the males as her face grew further flush with the rich shade of plum across it's ghost skin.

"I live nearby."

And with that, Saiko nudged her head timidly towards the north and her legs began to quiver a bit as she bit her lip out of a sense of jittery fright.

"But...I'm still not convinced...."

Though, who was that question to: the boy -- or herself? As while she uttered those words, the girl still seemed to hold on to the child's hand and didn't mind the embrace. It was a battle of the mind, a fear of the unknown and a spark of desire against a consciousness that wanted to seclude itself from the warmth of another. It was quite the conflict to have and it's why her eyes soon seemed to appear as if they were gazing out into space as Saiko didn't quite know where to take this; as it was apparent he was not gonna go away that easily, and she wasns't quite the aggressive type unless her life was in peril.

So, she eventually let out a distressed sigh and looked at the boy with a puzzled expression:

"What would you even do if I allowed you to come with me?"

When the freightened senses of this woman started to ease up in their fluctuating patterns of calm and anxiety, there was a sentiment of confusion at why the boy seemed to be grinning without a single care in the world. Was he not of the realm of Hueco Mundo? Surely that dimension was just as grim, if not, more grimmer than Demon World itself. With the vicious nature of most hollows in that barren world, it was a wonder that he was ever able to keep that naive smile to begin with.

So, it is why she started to relax her breathing and increase the grip on the boy's hand as her face soften to an extent. He really was just a boy that didn't know any better about the world. And to Saiko? That was fine on some levels. He had not yet been corrupted or altered by the woe which exists within this universe. Or, perhaps he was avoiding some form of grief. Those who smile the most often yield the strongest hardships and suffering. If that was the case: how could he find a way to grin so brightly when she herself could not? Another perplexing mystery.

"I am strong. Very strong. I just..."

Words weren't coming out right. What was wrong? She was freezing up and everything felt horrifying in this instance of trying to speak out what her heart and mind feels. She KNEW the answer to his questions, but it still -- wouldn't come out.

"I....do not know?"

The face of Saiko seemed as if she had seen a ghost and lost the spirit of her body.

The half-breed felt herself beginning to go on some sort of speech, but it quickly became lost to her as this situation felt all kinds of confusing, uncomfortable and conflicting at the same time. There were portions of the woman which wanted to run away from this, but a greater part of her was steadily warming up to the boy; despite her outward exteriors protest to the ordeal. So, she would only bite her lip out of stress and strain at contemplating the choice of whether or not to take this child back with her to her domain.

"I'm not scared...."

A lie. A big one at that. While Saiko was not a stranger to fighting, conflict was not something she relished or sought to pursue if it could be helped. However, when it came time to go toe to toe with the beast of aggressive battle, it was one which brought about immense emotions for her. So, her breathing started to increase, her heart rate accelerated and it looked as if she was going to crawl out of her skin as her body started to tremor slightly.

"....I just don't want to fight needlessly if I don't have to."

Then, she'd focus on her breathing and relax. While those words came out quickly and with much haste behind them, the battle was raging on within herself and the woman was trying to get a better grip on herself to prevent these petrifying thoughts, feelings, and sentiments from making her lose control.

"It's..."

A pause was taken as she tried to focus on her thoughts and figure out a way to express her feelings to the boy about fighting.

"...just dangerous. Battling another person is always a gamble with the unknown and you'll never know if you'll make it out alive."

Which was true to her personal experience. So many people had been slain, crippled and taken advantage of whenever they believed themselves to be the stronger power. A poison, a seal, a barrier or an undetected shot was all it took to change the tide of a fight and Saiko didn't like those odds; even if her body could make entire nations quiver if she so chose to train herself to that extent. It wasn't worth all the trouble it came with.

Granted, Saiko would be able to take her thoughts off of these worrying whispers of her mind as she witnessed the cheeks of Rudi puffing up something fierce. For some reason -- it was funny? Yes. This all was very funny. And through those silly actions, it was enough to get her to calm down for a moment and suppress a laugh. She wanted to seem serious, she wanted to cling to these feelings; but the absurdity of the boy's frustration seemed to grow on her despite these glum sensations.

"You don't have to wait. I can just say my name is Saiko Mori if that would keep you from doing that thing with your cheeks again."

Her voice was a mixture of many things. It was shaky, lighthearted and woe-filled all at the same time. Quite the bizarre combo, but it fit the bill for the woman's psyche fairly well.

"You seem insistent upon this. I don't know what kind of fun you'll have if you hang around someone like me, but I suppose I cannot leave a child out like this."

There was then a heavy sigh given from the female as her face turned and kept its plum gaze fixated on the chipper, yet dirty boy. As, in this moment of respite, she seemed to notice the little details and realized this stinky trouble maker needed a bath. So, the woman would utilize her own form of remote magic to initiate the mental processes needed to unlock the protocols to her manors demonic stones. Sealed within those gems were direct links to the conscious of Saiko and she could operate, activate and manage a system of ranged wormholes while she was within the vicinity of Mount Azael. This meant that she could then produce a grape colored vortex to open up in front of them so that the boy could be directly transported to her home.

Thus, with travel arrangements out of the boy, Saiko would merely want one thing confirmed:

"Whatever happens after this is on you, ok....?"

She'd expect an answer and hope the boy was ready to regret this fated encounter of meeting with this mistress of despair and what changes it could have on his life. There was a part of her that was telling Saiko not to do this, but there was no sense in fighting it either. If he was ready for the consequences, maybe she could go through a series of mental gymnastics to excuse him to her house. Perhaps she was lonely, quite possibly Saiko may have wanted to see if things could be different; but no matter the reasoning, something within her allowed this spirit to follow her and it wasn't entirely a bad thing.

It was just -- scary to accept another.