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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Fri Dec 22, 2023 6:42 am
She could tell that this was a sensitive time. Candice was such an animate woman, honestly throughout the entirety of this stonewalling it was what had her most worried. Candice wasn't the kind of woman to just shut up. She was always one to make her opinions very transparently known, at least the surface ones. It was a sign of....well, potentially a lot of things. Restraint? Growth? More troubled thoughts? And so she promptly stepped forward as she watched Candice endure her own words and assertions. And of course, when Candice finally did speak up, a soft, fond smile formed on Giselle's face.
" I know C." She noted softly, in a tone that reached a bit past just what Candice was actually saying. A soft, gentle assertion of understanding. A risk, admittedly. She'd alreadi paid the price ocne thinking she knew what was going on. But well, maybe the finer details didn't matter. And in that very same breath, she stepped into the woman's personal space, where previously a blockade had been, and ....well maybe still was there now. Some small part of her almost expected to be shoved back, which was fair.
But if she wasn't, she'd gently reach out and slip her arms around her partner. Gently enveloping her arms around Candice's shoulders, to gently cradle them to her chest, so that she could rest her chin in their scalp. As if to protect them from the thoughts buzzing around their head. An offer of physical distraction, not in the usual carnal frenzy, but a simple gesture of comfort and care. Well... a sweaty one. But a little sweat wasn't gonna kill her.
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Tue Dec 26, 2023 6:01 pm
Candice Catnipp | Heiress Extraordinaire
It was a serene moment, as Candi found herself suddenly bundled up against Giselle’s body and smothered with a caring embrace. It wasn’t like she was exactly sweaty or anything, a little disheveled perhaps but even her on a bad day still eclipsed most people’s good days, but there was still a certain air of displeasure that the Heiress almost naturally exuded. That was what made her so intimidating to the masses, gave an unnerving chill to those that engaged her in conversation that she did not enjoy, or attempted to hug her when the road to recovery was still being so tenderly tiptoed along.
Candi burst upwards in a flurry, the drink she had been given tumbling out from her legs and unceremoniously crashing to the floor, and rebuffed the other woman’s advances with a sobering frown. Standing there, meeting eye-to-eye, Candice was more like a startled kitten than a wounded beast but by her gaze it was clear that she intended to be the latter.
“She’s not why I’m mad. She’s not the reason I’ve been sulking all this time.” Well, she was, but not quite in the obvious way. “It’s that I’m meant to be super duper important to you but the second I’m not around you’re off playing house with someone else. And I’m only hearing of this because I happened to get you both in the same room. I get it, we’re both terrible people that don’t really go in for this whole commitment shtick too much, but that doesn’t mean I like you keeping secrets from me. I’m plenty fucked up, but I wore my everything on my fucking sleeve for you since the first day we met.”
“You could have been fucking her too and it’d have been way less of a big deal if you had just told me about it. Because you know what makes all of this real to me? The thought that we could be truly honest with each other. That even if we were fucking shit people, we had each other through thick and thin.”
There was real vitriol behind her ironic words, the delusions of a woman who both knew very well what she was and also expertly gaslighted the world around her to better suit her every whim. Broken didn’t quite begin to encapsulate it, and yet that was Candice’s truth. She was a mess of emotions and apathy, of loyalty and depravity, and her goalposts would never remain in one place.
“So if you were looking for some love expert to coach you through it then you couldn’t be further adrift, hun.”
Livewire Baby | END POST
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Tue Dec 26, 2023 6:31 pm
That sudden shove caused her to blink a few times as she staggered back. A pause as she noticed those hackles kicking up. She raised her hands up, a gesture of surrender, capitulation as Candice promptly bared her teeth and began to promptly pivot into ...what was really bothering her? Giselle blinked in surprise as she took a moment to parse what she was saying. Playing house?
She put up a look of confusion for a few seconds before tilting her head. "H....ouse?..... What are you talking about? We were coworkers and talked a bit in the hospital, played a few jokes on the nurses. We didn't 'Play house'." A pause fora moment, a slight twinge as she gave something of a sigh. "And ya know, it's a little irritating that you're getting upset at ME for THINKING I was doing the thing YOU WERE doing. Bye the way." She didn't back down this time, but stepped in, not going for another embrace, but she DID stare down Candice.
"And what's that supposed to mean? Let's say I HAD been playing house with her. Lets say we'd been fucking. Do you think that suddenly means you wouldn't have me? Do you suddenly think that I'd just....FORGET everything you've done to me? How important you are to me?" She leaned in until their noses were almost touching, those blood-red eyes staring the taller woman down. "Because that's not the case Candy. No matter WHAT I would have done with her, that has nothing to do with how important you are to me Candice." She folded her arms and let out a tisk.
"Also don't be fucking obtuse Candice. Nobody's a love expert. It just means I'll have to put the work into learning how to make you happy when you're ...." She gestured up and down. "All....this."
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Thu Dec 28, 2023 3:32 am
Candice Catnipp | Heiress Extraordinaire
Capitulation was usually preferable when it came to resolving any matter with Candice. She would get her way and you would like it. Those were the options, no quarter was given and no compromise worth settling for. Often times this was because she was, quite simply, right but sometimes it was her pride blinding her to the obvious in favour of just proving a point. Her point. And if you tried to explain that to her then she would chomp off your head for daring to assume such a thing. Yet, quite strangely, she found herself irritated that Giselle’s first reaction was to throw up her hands in faux surrender. Had that been the end of it then it would have been the end of everything, of that she was certain, but the other woman had found her spark so perhaps there was still a spark. That or Candice wanted to throw some more dirt before it was over.
“A little irritating? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that my words were such an inconvenience to you.” She held her ground unflinchingly, staring down those blood red eyes without a hint of doubt. “But it’s not like either of you talked about this before. You’d think it would be a funny little anecdote to try to lighten the mood of the woman worried sick that her partner might be dying. Something to take the edge off, maybe? Hell, maybe you were worried for some inane reason that I might overreact so kept it a secret till you got out? But no, little miss Candice has to find out on her own time like an afterthought.”
There was another huff as she continued to pick at that single loose thread, but perhaps that was because she didn’t want to confront the bulk of what was being said. That it was easier to imagine a world where this had all been some grand conspiracy to betray her than one where Giselle truly and deeply cared for her. That was something, wasn’t it? The weight of a heart as it rested in her hands, beating away with an impressive tenacity. No small part of her wanted to squash it and see what it did next, to watch her squirm and writhe, yet her words caught in the back of her throat. Her brow furrowed, the agitation setting in as she battled internally over how to proceed.
“I just want to know where I am in your priorities.” She blurted it out like another accusation, though her cheeks flushed pink with colour. “Because I won’t settle for half measures and neither should you.”
Livewire Baby | END POST
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Thu Dec 28, 2023 8:54 am
Giselle just.... stared for a moment at Candice. Watching as she nitpicked and chose the slivers that suited her anger best. Ignoring everything else that was said. Watching her twist and wriggle like a damn worm trying to escape into the dirt. Was that what Candice wanted? To get away from her? To come up with some...excuse to be mad? For them to break up? And as Candice just... moved on, and promptly pivoted into that inane question. Asking about her ...priorities? When she'd JUST laid them out? Was Candice even listening?
And she felt anger bubbling up inside of her. What the hell was she supposed to do? She'd said it over and over. Again and again, asserted that she loved her. That she was her priority. With her telling her that Ehefra was crazy for not wanting her. That had their roles with ehefra been reversed she'd have fought herself for Candice. And even worse, Candice was STILL in that defensive mode. She couldn't TELL her how she felt. She was angry so she couldn't SHOW her how she felt. What the hell did she want?
"I......don't know what you want from me Candice. I love you. And I know you love me. .....at least you used to." She murmured softly, her head dipping down. "And now ...what. You're ignoring me when I'm trying to tell you that you're what matters to me? I tell you that nothing happened between me and Ehefra. And that even if I were in her shoes, I'd only care about you. I tell you I wanna work through this, because I love you. I tell you that I want to work through this because I want to make you happy, and all you have to say is that you think I was hiding shit from you? What... that we talked? And you ask me where my priorities are? After an entire conversation of saying you're what matters the most to me?" She shook her head.
"You don't let me explain. You don't want me to hold you. And you keep finding these reasons why I'm the worst..... Candice......Candice. Whats YOUR priorities? What are you trying to do here?" She didn't get in the woman's face this time. In fact, she backed up a few steps, a hand gently resting on her upper arm as she looked....hurt. Realizing that ....maybe this was all just for nothing. That maybe, Candice had just....secretly broken up with her and wasn't telling her?
Did she wish Giselle had actually died back in that hospital?
"Don't.....don't you love me?"
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Thu Dec 28, 2023 9:00 pm
Candice Catnipp | Heiress Extraordinaire
Love. That was what it boiled down to didn’t it? Giselle loved her, and that should be enough to make her happy and wash away these problems that had bubbled their way up to the surface. But people had told Candi that they loved her before, and it hadn’t stuck. Ehefra was just the most recent culprit of that crime, at least Candice had decided that she was - for if it was not love then she certainly wouldn’t have done it out of fear. So did she love Giselle back? And did that matter?
“Then why can’t I feel it?” She paused again, her words hanging there as awkwardly as she did, before those shoulders finally gave way to slouching. “Why does it feel like I got left out to dry for weeks on end and now you’re trying to flip me over with a smoothie and some nice words? Would you rather I just bend over and bow my head at that or ball my eyes out like a baby?”
It was her turn to advance now, not throwing herself at Giselle but certainly walking her down. If the other woman didn’t hastily retreat then she would soon find Candi all up in their personal space. The tone shifted like a pendulum, her fragile moods clearly in no better state than they had been before all this.
“I’m a fucking mess, Z. Though I suppose that is hardly a surprise. But You want me despite all the faults and the headaches, and I can’t figure out why. What did I really do besides constantly try to screw everything up and tell you it was going to be ok? I guess I just can’t do the mathematics.”
There it was, her limit. It hadn’t really taken that long to get her there, perhaps the timing had been well orchestrated but it didn’t really matter about timings anymore.
“So yes, I love you. But right now I don’t know why anyone would love me back.”
Livewire Baby | END POST
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Tue Jan 02, 2024 10:26 am
Giselle winced at that. Left out to dry? She'd just been trying to give Candice some space because of what happened. She rubbed at her eyelids as she did her best to parse all of this. And for a moment she didn't know if she believed the woman. Even as Candice laid it all out, and closed in. Giselle just met her gaze openly, not budging an inch as the Blonde moved in on her. And of course, she heard that familiar question.
Something that Candice had imparted in the past, even if perhaps not so explicitly. But she had certainly been familiar with that incredulity. But what was more jarring was that it was still around. Giselle had reinforced it plenty of times, but it seemed like Candice just could not see herself as loveable. EVEN in the face of someone as ........fucked up as Giselle. Candice still thought SHE was the weak link of this relationship. It might have been funny if it wasn't constantly poisoning Candice's head.
She slipped her arms around the woman. Firmly. And a sigh escaped her as she rested her cheek against Candice's shoulder. Because as frustrating as it all was.
Candice still said she loved her.
And that was enough to put Giselle at ease.
"Yea, you are a mess Candice. But you're my mess. You.....have no idea...." She chuckled softly, a sigh escaping her. "I've seen a lot of messes Candice. I've BEEN some of the worst. Are you frustrating sometimes? Absolutely. Just like I'm sure you've been none too happy with me going quiet on you. But you still love me despite that. And I sill love you. There's no math. It's just how I feel. And yaknow.... thats not abnormal. Ya know? I certainly don't understand why you love me. But here we are." She noted softly.
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Tue Jan 16, 2024 6:21 pm
Candice Catnipp | Heiress Extraordinaire
Tears welled in those big, green eyes. Candi was angry, sad, shaken up and altogether vulnerable. Perhaps that was what she deserved, something cruel and bitter, but she only hated herself more for wallowing in this pity parade. She was better than this, she had always been better than this, so why did it make her ache so much now? Why did this wolf suddenly want to care about the opinions of sheep? Her hands balled into fists at her sides, perfectly done nails pressing into her palms as she clenched so tight that it might well have drawn blood, but she couldn't hold on to it for long. Those same hands soon reached out, wrapping around Giselle's frame as the other woman leaned on her shoulder and pulled her closer.
"Maybe we fucked up by trying to make this too complex." She joined in on that laugh, her voice growing softer as tears stained those cheeks and began to drip onto Giselle's body beneath her. She squeezed just a little, as if she was venting it out of her system bit by bit rather than unloading it all at once again, and raised her chin so that her head could rest neatly on top of Giselle's. "All this extra shit got under my skin, I thought it was making us better but maybe it just made everything worse."
Her gaze lingered somewhere in the middle distance, not that Giselle could see it from down below, as Candi really tried to just squash everything down to a level she could tolerate again. She did want to make this work. This whole disaster that was a relationship buried under all this debris.
Livewire Baby | END POST
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Tue Jan 16, 2024 8:45 pm
A soft little smile formed on Giselle's features as she felt Candice finally start to relax just a little. The gentle embrace of her partner suddenly made her feel so...damn tired. Like all of the energy and tension being released finally allowed her to be as exhausted as she aught have been ages ago. Her arms slipped around Candice's waist and she let out a slow, soft sigh as she let her head slowly clear.
"I don't really know, I can't say any of the shit that's been happening really is anything I've got experience with. Long as I've lived, NEar-Death was never exactly anything I had to worry about. Among other things." She shook her head and closed her eyes, hugging Candice just a little bit tighter. Not caring that she was all clammy from working out.
So long as she got to hold her, and just.... take a moment to relax. To let all the gunk floating in her head settle. Was this ideal? Was this healthy? Was this just hurting them? All probably reliable and reasonable questions. The possibility that they were just....slowlpy poisoning eachother was a possibility. Somehow they just ...brought out the worst in eachother. But even despite that.... all she could think about was getting something to eat with Candice and falling asleep on her shoulder. God she'd missed her so much.
"We'll figure it out. I promise."
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Re: All my Life to Live [Giselle, Candice]
Thu Jan 18, 2024 12:13 pm
Candice Catnipp | Heiress Extraordinaire
Candi felt tired too, the weariness of this prolonged argument finally boiling over, as she felt Giselle relax in her grip. It took a lot out of her to just let something peeter out rather than fighting till an explosive finally. Swallowing her pride was something far too gargantuan to just pass by without causing any ill effects. But this was not weariness, no, for, although she had let tears blemish her perfect features, she was glad to be here with Giselle. For all the anguish that she had caused her, and likely had inflicted in turn, there was quite simply no one else.
"Screw the past. We're here in the now, and this is the Giselle I want."
She squeezed back again, as a hand raised to cup around Gigi's cheek. Her fingers savoured the familiar sensation of wrapping around that face, exploring as if it was uncharted territory, and guided her gaze upwards. Towards her own.
"We're not fucking done. Not by a long shot."
Livewire Baby | END POST
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